ITT: Things you want to do with the opposite sex

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>>36179877
I would like to become friends with Lauren Mayberry and have her fall in love with me.

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Cut her head off and fuck her aorta while in bleeds out

smoke weed, listen to metal, have sex and cuddle
of course, this will likely not happen for me

>>36179877
>Cute Christian pure gf
>We're waiting until marriage for sex
>She puts her head on my shoulder
>The top of her head is against my cheek, I can smell her hair
>I put my arm around her
>I feel the warmth of her body against mine, we sit like that for a while
>She falls asleep
>So do I

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I want to cook them on a spit and serve them to my robot brothers.

The only good roastie is a toastie roastie.

>>36179900
>>36179916
There are two types of people on r9k

>be me
>REEEEEEE
>the end

>Hang out with girl I have secretly loved for a long, long time named Jenny
>She seems to like me
>We watch TV in my room on my bed
>She edges closer to me ever so slightly when she's repositioning her body
>She finally rubs elbows with me
>Turns her head
>Looks at me right in the eye
>Continues to stare
>Closes her eyes
>Opens her mouth
>Nudges her head closer for a kiss
>I throw her out the nearest window
>Onto a lit grill
>She crisps tenderly on the outside
>Jennychops for dinner

Always wanted to do this.

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>>36179900
Then I would taxidermy her head and use it as my very own fleshlight

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>>36179894
>you will NEVER be lavren's tampon

>comment was not original
kek

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>get naked
>she squats and starts sucking me off
>Punch her a couple times and tell her she's always fucking things up
>Have her pee on my feet
>Lift her up
>Slam her on my bed
>Start eating her out
>call her a dirty bitch
>bite her a little bit down there, not too much but just enough for her to know that i'm the boss
>get up and start violently fucking her
>punch her some more
>tell her I hate her
>cum inside her
>start beating the shit out of her tummy
>let her know that if she winds up pregnant i'll fucking kill her
>wipe up some cum up with fingers
>jam fingers down her throat
>it's time for dinner you filthy bitch
>hold them there and plug her nose
>just when she's about to pass out remove fingers and punch her in the face
>WAKEY WAKEY


and that's about it. might have been dramatized a bit for added effect but that's the basic jist of it

>>36179961
That was good. that was very good

>>36180020
Pls seek medical help anon
>inb4 robotmute

>cuddle under warm blanket, embrace
>Maybe make out

>Sexy Times
>Laying down
>Chick starts to ride me
>She takes control over situation
>Instant jizz

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>stand behind woman and pull down her pants, going to the floor as pull them down
>stick face in ass and pussy
>hairyness is good, but not too much in the asshole
>eat that whole thing out til she's moaning and good and wet
>jam ding dong into cunt

>get two women with big tits
>induce lactating in them over a few months
>watch them suck milk out of each other's tits

>>36179961
Made me smile.

>punch hard in face
>the end

>>36179877
Sex with people I care about?

>>36180235
Yeah. Anything goes.

things I would like to do when I get a boyfriend
>go for a walk in the woods on a warm spring day
>pack a picnic lunch on the beach
>cuddle on the couch while watching anime
>go to the mall and people watch while drinking smoothies and eating a pretzel
>massage each other's heads
>have him play with my hair
>sit outside on a rocking bench in the afternoon, close our eyes as I rest my head on his shoulder
>take a long shower together
>go on vacation together
>eat a big bowl of noodles together on a comfy couch
>hold hands on a midnight walk through the neighborhood on an autumn night
>cuddle underneath the blanket on a bed
>swim in a body of water, crawl up on his back, cling to him like a koala with my legs wrapped around his stomach and my boobs against his head
>eat ice cream at the park together
>make silly art projects together that will end up being ridiculous but pleasant memories
>buy face paint and paint silly things on each other
>compare our shoe sizes
>compare our hand sizes
>have him nibble on my neck
>wear a short skirt and sit on his lap
>long hugs in private
>playing stupid games like laser tag and minigolf together
>finally go to a restaurant on a date
>go for late night fast food runs, eat the food in the car as we stare up at the stars and the air flows through the windows
>go to an anime con together
>give him a back massage
>awkwardly go to holiday dinners with his family
>have someone to warm my hands in the winter when it's cold

>>36180349
wow, very comprehensive.
If not troll, then you give an impression of a very pleasant and well mannered person.

>>36179877
>I meet with an old cute friend in a small snowy town
>We both had feelings for each other once but never acted on them
>After drinking a little and seeing a shitty movie at the small two-screen theater, we go back to my hotel room
>we have a heart-to-heart about what we thought were unrequited feelings
>Fuck several years of sexual tension out of each other
>a good deal of semen is spilled and we get at least one noise complaint
>Fall asleep in each other's arms, satisfied and fucking exhausted
>wake up, both of us realize that this was kind of a hollow pursuit and now that it's over neither of us know what to do with ourselves or each other

Shit I got depressed near the end there

>>36180349
>people watch

I hope you'll have a shitty life.

>>36180519
>being this bad in bed

Yeah, "both" of you realized it was a hollow pursuit. I know, man.

>>36180636
>implying this was a real story
Maybe it's just me projecting how fucking terrible I'm gonna be with my first time.

>>36179877

I'd like to go on an adventure with a female knight and smite evil throughout the countryside and sing ballads to each other at night.

I just want to fondle bellies and tits and shove my face up a vulva and huff of it, nothing out of the ordinary.

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>>36180672

anon you're too pure for this world

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>>36179877
Teach them how to properly save images instead of thumbnails.

>rappy rappy

one time almost succeed

I was just reminded of a greentext I wrote a little while back. Nothing earth-shattering but it hits a specific feel for me.

>Sunset
>You're on the roof of a pretty decent hotel in a small, quaint city that you're stopped at on a road trip
>there's a girl with you, an old friend that you've always liked and who recently revealed she likes you
>She holds you close, as you look out over the tiny shops and trees
>You don't know if this'll happen again, if she'll stick with you or leave like the rest of them
>you never do
>But for once, you don't care
>she's leaning her head on your shoulder
>she gets nervous around you, the cute kind of nervous.
>you turn away from the sunset and look at her eyes, illuminated by dusk's glow
>you kiss her
>feel her soft lips pressed against yours
>she kisses back with equal passion
>you don't know when this'll happen again
>but for once, for a brief shining moment
>it's happening to you now.

https://youtu.be/6r4CvGorTek [Open]

>>36180672
I have this gigantic elaborate headcannon involving rips in time, ancient deities, war dinosaurs and wars between humans and neanderthals all of it revolving around some QT who is the chosen one and I'm chosen to protect her.

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>>36180842

Dude write that shit down. Tell that story.

It may not happen, but hey, at least its worth telling

>Find a woman who is into science, building robots and gadgets, martial arts, and vigilante justice.

>We'll spend our time together learning how to hack into high-level corporate emails to find white-collar crimes, and then hunt them down for sport with some cool ass high tech gear that we made ourselves.

>After murdering corporate scum in their own home and riding the high of bloodlust, we will fuck through every kind of stage of fucking imaginable. Rough, slow, soft, deliberate, rhythmic, laughing, screaming, clawing, kissing, in every room of the bastard's penthouse/mansion/yacht.

>go to noise/punx/quietus-core shows
>take psychs
>do gardening stuff
>build up a collection of obscure tapes/vinyl
>build up a collection of weird occult books
>get buzzed in the evenings from time to time and blast dirgecore
>have him call me his weird little programmer girl
>go sailing/camping
>give him baths while he tells me about his day
>lose our virginities to each other
>decorate our home with "unusual" things like a suit of armour
>watch him have a silly face contest with our qt child

>>36180875
Its kind of self insert. I'm a paleo student so alot of it revolves around me spending time in all the comfy ecosystems and landscapes of the past.

>>36180842
Lmao the ultimate white knight fantasy

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>>36179877
Anything, really. I just want to have a good relationship with someone that i love and for us to be happy. But im a complete social fuck up so i dont see that happening soon.

>>36180982

It doesn't matter, dude. Fucking Hermione was a self insert for J.K Rowling.

Tell that story.

>>36180993
It ends with her getting killed and her older sister blaming me for it.

>>36181007
How? Its waaay too long for a greentext

Okay well what comes to mid...
>suck on his nipples
>lick his armpits after he runs
>have him shove his feet in my face
>play with his foreskin 24/7
>play with & eat his cum 24/7
>make him let me do stuff with his butt
>makeout a lot
>anal both ways
>lick the salty sweat off his neck
>etc

>get married

Alas, virgin for a while longer it seems

Literally all I want to do with a girl is nothing. I just want to hang around the house all day, each of us doing our own thing, and occassionally checking out what the other is doing and giving it a try
>she tries my games with me
>she watches me make music
>I teach her how
>i watch her paint for hours
>she teaches me drawing (or something artsy)
>she has an autistic interest in some silly thing
>shares fun facts about it with enthusiasm throughout the day
>often we just do our own thing
>but we both know the other is there

IS THIS SO MUCH TO ASK?! I JUST WANT THIS SO BAD I DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT THE SEX I JUST WANT QUIET BORING SWEET LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE

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>>36181017

Hmmm.

Indeed, the tale of star crossed lovers is an old one.

But make her death meaningful.

eye contact would be nice every once in a while, but I'm nowhere near confident enough to make that happen yet

>>36181043
Disgusting. Not even caring about the emotional aspect

You truly are a degenerate

>>36181033

Not here, man.

Write it down. Type it out. Use a voice recorder. Do some drawings.

Trust me, its fun.

>>36181054
Shes actually a little girl, its her sister that I'm in love with. She ends up getting corrupted by the (insert generic evil name here) and I have to cut her throat to prevent her from killing a shitload of people. Her sister blames me for it and she gets killed as a sacrifice to the blood gods by the Neanderthals.

>>36181050
I like to think this is what having a girlfriend is like, without living together.

But I know there is a whole social component to dating that I really would prefer to avoid

>>36181073
I've been creating headcannons like this since I was little and I've actually tried that shit before. This one is actually semi decent so I might give it a shot.

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>>36181102

Sounds fucking metal dude.

>>36181071
I care about the emotional aspect greatly but it's hard to generalize. And I don't know what it's like to be in a relationship.

i want a qt princess with a fat ass that i can put on a leash, fuck up the ass and periodically feed my cum to,

>>36181172
also she needs to have pretty feet and be able to give me a footjob and suck my dick at the same time.

>>36181135
Whole story is pretty grim dark and the ending isn't a happy one

>>36180020
holy fuckign shit dude

oregorego

>>36181211

A meaningful and beautiful ending doesn't have to be happy, anon.

Shakespeare knew all about that.

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>>36181246
The only character who gets a meaningful death is my Allosaur that I raised from hatchling (autistic, I know) named Drake. He dies ripping the throat out of the great Tyrannosaurus imperator or the Black Tyrannosaur. I keep a calm composure while I stroke his twitching neck until the light finally goes out of his eyes and I roll over onto my back wailing in anger and sadness.

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I tell myself these kinds of stories every night because it helps me fall asleep

Have her change my diaper and baby me

>>36179977
Jesus fuck, I can't believe I just read that

>>36179877
Be loved.
>Not original
>>36179961
>mfw I know a Jenny
Is she short?