Psychological Issues #27

>>36158561
im 18 y/o no gf. My best friend got one and i barely can hang out with him. every weekend this bitch comes to him. What to do? I blocked her because she was writing to me things like "im hungry" "hug me i feel bad". It pissed me off. Was it right to block her?

>>36158879

Wait, your best friend's girlfriend is texting things like "I'm hungry"?

Why? Why would she tell you that she's hungry?

As to hugging her, that is strange. Did you ask her what was up with her questions?

>>36158921
yes and she was like "i write like that to everyone"
I told her its not normal to me. Then she was like "im not gonna change" and then i blocked her.
shes a gf of my best friend. Its not comfortable if she text me like that

>>36158953

Indeed, it's not. I would inform your best friend. It's dodgy, to say the least.

I still don't get what she was trying to do with her "hungry" text. Did she expect you to feed her somehow?

Hey Nick, its me again. The one guy who had really bad BPD and manipulates people to keep around for his own reasons. I spoke to you about two days ago.
But anyway, last night I had a really bad breakdown because I realized I've only ever truly loved the person I'm currently with. And I realize that love is the reason that they have such control over my life and future. They really love me as well but I'm kind of like a tree sap. I cling onto people and drain them of their self identity little by little so that I can have some of my own. Although it never lasts really, what do I do, I feel extremely Afraid of love but at the same time I really do love her and she really does love me. Despite a lot of manipulation and general emotional abuse on my end that usually finds its wat back to me to remind me of what a monster i am.

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>>36159062

For personal reasons, I'm very interested in your case. Would you mind calling yourself Bill? That way I'd be sure not to forget you.

I'm extremely interested in your case.

Tell me how you drain others of their identity if you can.

>>36159142
I dont exactly drain them actually my bad I just leech from them. I just take their self identity and make it my own really.

>>36159191

So how does that translate? Do you speak like they do? Do you get interested in their interests? Is this all conscious on your part?

I will never have someone fall in love with me, due to being fucking ugly

>>36159299

>Anna

Right in the feels. (If my loved one and I had had a daughter, her name would have probably been Anna.)

What makes you think you are ugly?

General question: what's the best site for archiving this board?

I found that there are various ones, some don't save images, some don't save /r9k/ threads.

Thanks for any info you may have on this topic.

>>36159350
General physical apperance. I am below average.
But also poor, so can't afford any kind of enhancment.
Also people have told me how ugly I am.

>>36159418

Most enhancements aren't very good.

People telling you you're ugly doesn't mean much.

I assume there's nothing specific about your appearance that you find ugly, which is a good start.

I assume you wouldn't show me a picture of yourself, and if you did, you'd not believe me if I said anything other than what you believe, but it's worth asking. I have an address you can send the image to, if you don't feel like sharing it publicly.

>>36159450
I would rather not.
Instead I would like to aks for a tip,
how can such a person have quality life (given I have average IQ and have no special skill set)?

>>36159526

The first thing you need to work on is self-esteem, and understanding why you don't feel secure.

For now, you probably believe your "ugliness" is the reason, but chances are high that it's the opposite: how you feel about yourself influence how you see yourself.

Even if you were uggo, there are plenty of uggo people out there who don't seem to mind all that much; I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, I'm saying it to make you realise that being ugly, if you even are, doesn't automatically mean you must feel bad about it.

Quality life is also not reduced to being in a relationship.

>>36159191

Billy Boy, don't give up on me.

Afternoon, Nick.

Why do you do this OP?

I've learned that nobody does anything out of the goodness of their heart.
Everybody always gets something out of it. Everybody.
Nobody genuinely cares about anybody. There's no such thing as love.
Not only that, people try to scam you out of whatever they're getting to maximize their profits, whatever shape or form those profits are.
The entirety of life is constant manipulation by people trying to get what they want.

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>>36159665

Hello, Dr. Lecter.

>>36159729
Did you enjoy my performance, then?

>>36159724
>I've learned that nobody does anything out of the goodness of their heart.

You've learned wrong, then. The goodness of my heart is all I have left.

>Everybody always gets something out of it. Everybody.

Yes, and I do. I love helping people. Right now, in my life, that's the best thing I can do. Nothing else gives me any peace of mind.

>Nobody genuinely cares about anybody. There's no such thing as love.

I do care, genuinely. That may be because my boundaries were always "confused" and I was not made to understand what healthy boundaries were, so I became a human sponge. Taking care of you is like taking care of me, except that caring for you feels useful, while caring for me does not. It's sad for me, but really cool for people around me.

>The entirety of life is constant manipulation by people trying to get what they want.

What I want is to help, and manipulation is not the best way to help.

Maybe you'll have a hard time believing me, but stick around and you'll see.

I hereby name you "Cynic". And you may not be pleased with it, but I do believe it meant "dog head" back in ancient Greece.

>>36159738

I was going to mention that. I thought you did very well. I wondered to what degree you were speaking from your own instinct and what was from stuff I repeat over and over in these threads, but you wrote loads and well and got less argumentative than I would have been, especially when Wolf countered you and was completely wrong. I tend to counter more frontally, I think.

Nice picture, too. I had mixed feelings because I was wondering if you were helping or manipulating, or whether that was the same thing to you. It did make me think of Lecter, who's a psychiatrist, and so a doctor, and how he must have helped some people for real too.

I wonder how related to your own job this is.

>>36159213
No its not conscious. Sorry I'm at work. But yes I do change myself to fit their needs and then in exchange I get whatever I need.
Whether company or affection.
But with my current gf I can't do that. I actually love her. Its been a while since I've formed an actual connection

>>36159917

[email protected]

I will want to stay in touch with you if we can't on this thread.

Do you feel like you have no identity of your own?

>>36159824
It was a little of both; my instinct was BPD, but I mentioned C-PTSD because you often bring it up. Perhaps I was too gentle with Wolf. It was rather gratifying that he seemed to have confused us; testament that I was doing a reasonable job. I was more pleased to be correct than to have helped, admittedly, but the net result is the same. As to helping vs manipulating, in this case I believe it must have been more the former. Though that could just indicate a lack of the ability to differentiate on my part. I was bringing to bear pre-existing knowledge and skills.

I was also quite annoyed that some poster or another deleted their posts so that the thread fell short of 500. It felt like a personal insult.

>>36160165

I think Wolf knew it wasn't me, but indeed acted just as if we were the same.

I personally think CPTSD covers a shitload of other things, including BPD. I see CPTSD as a big umbrella.

I couldn't read the deleted posts by "nobody", whose name is not practical at all.

You were fine with Wolf. My reactions aren't necessarily the best, but at least they're authentic (not sure if that makes up for them, though).

I solved my Paint problem. Paint crops the bottom of large images when you reframe the working area. I managed to counter that using tricks. The image is ready, but too big for 4chan.

>>36160247
You think my responses lacked authenticity?

Good job getting the Paint image finished. Typically for longer images people break them into chunks in order to repost.

Severe crippling depression most of my life, and for the past few years I've noticed it getting worse. More and more difficult to feel anything good. Self-loathing grows deeper by the day. Cognitive functions seem to be slowing down.

And now, after a bad mushroom trip a few months ago, I've had my first-ever anxiety attack. Even better is it accompanied some mild hallucinations (mostly visual, sometimes audible) when I laid down to try to sleep, making it so I couldn't get to sleep for many hours after I wanted to, and it's been happening often since...

I took the shrooms after reading a few articles about how beneficial they're supposed to be for people with depression-related mental illness, and I'd taken them a few times before in much smaller doses to pleasant effect. I got fucking fed up with my depression and took way more than my usual dose (I am a lightweight) and had a bad fucking time, and now I think I'm permanently worse than I was before.

I don't need this shit.

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I keep having dreams in which I have sex with my mother.

I'm not even attracted to my mother in real life and these dreams are fucking disgusting. Why do they happen? They've been happening repeatedly, once every week or two, and it's weird. I want it to stop.

>>36160326
>You think my responses lacked authenticity?

I was fraid my words could be interpreted this way. I added a bit after it to deaden the effect, I thought. No, not at all. It seemed damn fine, actually. I would have approved of all your posts had I been there.

>>36158561
Intense derealization episodes to the point of almost passing out. When I'm not busy losing my shit everything is covered with a layer of...unreal.

>>36160327

I'd stay away from drugs if I were you.

When did your depression start?

Describe your parents and your childhood.

>>36160361

You could call them nightmares. Perhaps your mother is acting in ways you find unpleasant, but it need not be sexual in essence.

Tell me about your mother.

>>36160420

I've experienced that, and probably have a degree of it since November, so I hear you out loud on this one.

It comes from intense anxiety, after which your brain disconnects, mechanically, and the result is you feel miles away from everything. It's absolutely hateful and the worst symptom I know of.

Does anything trigger these events for you?

>I'm 20
>Clinically depressed for 5 years
>Social phobia since I remember myself
I'm creating the courage to ask a neighbor out. Do you think it'll hurt more than help?

>>36160441
Loud, fat, divorced my dad, screechy voice, has a boyfriend I feel uncomfortable living in the same house as, not very feminine at all, not that terrible or nasty of a person either though.

>>36160408
I'm not offended. I've heard it said that some surgeons see their patients as problems to be fixed rather than humans. They assess the needs of a patient and heal them without much care but great accuracy. That seems like a reasonable model to me. I can do my best to apply knowledge, if not empathy - and to imitate compassion from the examples provided.

>>36160485
>Do you think it'll hurt more than help?

No, because no matter what happens, you'll be able to be proud of having tried, and that's an accomplishment in itself.

>>36160491

>uncomfortable boyfriend

He has sex with your mother, in the same house, maybe that disturbs you to the point where you dream about it as another form of "unnatural sex", so to speak. Just throwing ideas up in the air, see what sticks.

>>36160473
>Does anything trigger these events for you?
Anxiety and thinking about it. It's only gotten real bad once, but that was for days on end. I've also been completely numb from head to toe since early last year for the same reason

>>36160521

If you stay technical, you'll do just fine. Your information is good and helpful.

Sometimes, I'm not entirely sure that empathy is this hard for you.

>>36160532
>
He has sex with your mother, in the same house, maybe that disturbs you to the point where you dream about it as another form of "unnatural sex", so to speak. Just throwing ideas up in the air, see what sticks.

That's probably it. I cringe internally when they touch eachother, and when I hear them have sex in the room over it bothers me to no end.

How can I fix this?

>>36160552
Perhaps it fluctuates, I suppose. I can see and understand pain.

>>36160546

I also experience numbness in my extremities, usually hands, to the point where I clench my fists to feel them more. It's worrisome stuff.

What causes your anxiety?

>>36158561
So I think I got the People Pleaser syndrome and CPTSD you talked about before, but I don't remember my parents ever abusing me.

>>36160577

Give me all you guys' ages please.

>>36160640
>but I don't remember my parents ever abusing me.

Make sure you know what abuse is:

http://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Types-of-child-abuse

Do you enjoy spending time with your parents nowadays?

>>36160427
Depression started when I was around 7. Parents got divorced a couple years before and I was relentlessly bullied in school, every year I was in it. Real dad was a special-forces tough-guy type who would often humiliate and emasculate me, and was completely ashamed of how weak I was compared to him. Step-dad 1 was a piece of shit who mentally abused me, and came extremely close a few times to full-on beating me before my sister told my mom about it and she kicked him out.

Step-dad 2 was in prison for 10 years and wooed my mom into marrying him and helping him get out of prison. He was with us for 2 days, in which time he did scream at me and emasculate me of course, and then he left, stole all my video games for crack money, along with my mom's truck, and ended up going back to prison soon after.

Only ever had 1 friend at a time, and they were both complete pieces of shit. First one enjoyed lording over me and reminding me he had other friends to hang out with and I didn't. Second one was just an all-around asshole. One time he made fun of my recently-dead real dad to my face, and my coward ass just walked away and hung out with him again soon after.

Again, I was bullied relentlessly in school, then would come home and put up with asshole father-figures if any at all, and a mom I always fought with and blamed for the shit time I was always having.

I never felt I had anyone I could open up to, so I focused my mind inward, and spent as much time as I could immersed in video games, which I'm still constantly playing.

>>36160620
Mostly health but I used to worry about a lot more stuff. These days I'm too apathetic to be anxious other than a handful of things

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>>36160552
Good morning. So you have problems starting artistic endeavors too? I always get my self esteem ties up and resent my amatuer work. I got better fast and logically know how skill works, I need to practice before I am good. Yet trying and making something not so good makes Me feel like I took a hit.

>>36160647
I'm 19, she's 42, he's 46

>>36160647
I'm 22. Originales

>>36160671
>Parents got divorced
>>36160671
>relentlessly bullied in school>>36160671
>dad was a special-forces tough-guy type who would often humiliate and emasculate me
>>36160671
>Step-dad 1 was a piece of shit who mentally abused me, and came extremely close a few times to full-on beating me

I'll stop listing here.

HOoooooly shit, anon, there's work to do here.

I feel for you, firstly, and then, there are solutions. Why you're depressed is obvious: it's a healthy reaction to a really shitty past and absolutely horseshit personal boundaries, because you were never taught to have good ones, due to being surrounded by fuckbags who continuously abused you.

Next thing is this: these people aren't just attracted by your loose boundaries, you also let them in, as you know.

That's good news because it means you can also stop them.

I urge you to look up Richard Grannon on YouTube and pick a video whose title you like, try people-please if nothing comes to mind.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

This for your many abusive caregivers.

http://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Types-of-child-abuse

This for understanding how vast abuse is.

And lastly this:

http://www.synergiacounselling.com/the-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd-test/

As it seems to fit your general condition nowadays, while making more sense than just "depression".

>>36160677

What kind of health issues and why?

>>36160690

The ego is on the line for people who aren't used to being valued for who they are.

>baka

Like that hero anon's bracelet thing. BAKA! I don't even know what it means in animu.

>>36160700

She had you early. Planned?

I'd advise earphones for whenever they start fucking, but also, tell her to tone it the fuck down, she's your mom, she doesn't live alone.

You can also retaliate by playing porn out loud when they fuck.

Any way you can live elsewhere? I suspect your mother's behaviour doesn't limit itself to loud fucking.

>>36160844
It means idiot.

>>36160904

Damn...

It may also be a biker brand or something.

>>36160865
No, not planned, accidental. I asked when I was 13 and she was very honest about that.

I'm studying at a local university that I bus to from their house, I should be moving out in a year or so when I get my degree.

>>36160824
Alright I'll check these out. Thanks.

>>36159403
The rare times I've needed the archive I use desu archive

Anyways, I just wanted to dig more into the crying, why I lost all control of my emotions at those points, what was different about those than other moments

>>36160667
Could it be that I received/interpreted abuse from other sources? Sibling, classmates, teachers, etc?

>>36160977

What of telling her about the problem?

Also, what do you dislike about her partner?

>>36160982

Welcome

>>36161015

Let's dig!

Do you feel like an emotional person in general?

>>36161026

Yes, any source of abuse will do. Bullying is clearly abuse.

>>36161026
>>36160667
>do you enjoy spending time with your parents
I don't really enjoy spending time with anyone. I've got that people pleasing syndrome (like 12 of the 15 symptoms, if I recall correctly) and it's exhausting being around people.

>>36161035
I have somewhat, they've stopped touching eachother when I'm with them in public since then, which I appreciate.

I don't dislike him as a person, but he is not somebody I want to live with either. He is confrontational, likes to make a big deal out of small things and the fact that he is taller than both me and my biological dad makes me feel insecure.

>>36161042
Would catastrophizing what other kids say or do have similar effects to bullying?

I'm not trying to argue, it's just that I can relate to the PPS really well, but I've always had anxiety and over-analyzed and assumed the worst for as long as I can remember

>>36161054

Chances are you got that from your parents.

Being valued for what you did and how you made others feel, that's how you become a people-pleaser.

>>36161086
>e is confrontational, likes to make a big deal out of small things

Does he act like a narc?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

It's not physical, its psychological. Physically i'm more than fine. I exercise regularly, run, lift, i've made sure my diet is proper, i get all the nutrition, enough sleep. But it's still there.
I don't know how to describe it. You know when you're sad and you have a knot in your throat? It's something like that but lower, in my upper chest. Constant adrenaline, chest tightness.
There's two things i've found that relieve it. A shot of liquor on an empty stomach or physical pain, such as burns/cuts. Breathing exercises, meditation, nothing else works.
It's a cycle. I'll be fine for a couple of days, loads of motivation, feeling like i'm on top of the world, and than the tightness returns for a couple of days.
I don't know anything about psychology, don't know what's relevant, what's causing it, so here are the basics about me.
I'm 24, beta dad, abusive mom. I get scared/adrenaline rush every time i think about or engage in any social situation, which is why i stay at home all the time.
The only drug i use is melatonin, can't fall asleep without it. I lay on the bed, and sleep never comes.
Last time i tried sleeping without it, i was awake for 3 days, massive headache, delirium.
It's probably the tightness that is keeping me from falling asleep.

>>36161093
And now that I think about it, I've remembered a few instances where classmates' actions/words were abusive, I just didn't realize it at the time and assumed their actions were Normal

>>36161093
>PPS

Couldn't find what that stood for.

I'd imagine this overanalysing is hypervigilance. It comes from the abuse, but does not create it or act like it, I'd say.

>>36161112
Somewhat, yes. He likes being a "big man"

>>36161115

I'd say you're in a constant and intense state of anxiety, possible CPTSD, at that, with hints of Borderline (you have very clear symptoms of that).

Your mother definitely has to do with how you function today.

It's time to read now, in this order:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

http://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Types-of-child-abuse

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm


http://www.synergiacounselling.com/the-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd-test/

>>36161035
No, I don't. I can usually keep my emotions under control, and I'm never really emotional about anything

>>36161127
>I've remembered a few instances where classmates' actions/words were abusive, I just didn't realize it at the time and assumed their actions were Normal

You might have learned to accept that sort of treatment. When others see that, they realise you're a prime target for abuse, because you don't even understand that it is.

>>36161142
People pleaser syndrome

>>36161203

This suggests to me, bar autismo, that you're disconnected from your emotions, a thing you might have tried to do with regard to your own father. Perhaps you have succeeded well beyond your aim.

Thoughts?

>>36161230

Oh, OK. Richard Grannon will have a lot of useful videos for you, and he will probably sound familiar, too.

>>36161238
>bar autismo
Great
Sorry, but you completely lost me, is there a way to reword that?

Do you think I should reach out to my friend? Perhaps that should be 'friend', I suppose. In any case, I haven't spoken to him since the incident two weeks ago.

Throughout my life, I've been the victim of the phrase "slow and steady wins the race". Teachers would mutter the phrase with an expression denoting a mixture of disappointment in my predictable failures.

I got midway through this shitpost and then lost modification like 2 hours ago when you started this thread. I have ADHD, tell me how to finish things I begin

>>36161221
So when I was little, I sucked my thumb a lot. To get me to stop, my parents used a thing that I think was called "stop the bite" and basically it was like nail polish or germ ex on my thumb so that when I tried to suck my thumb it would taste awful. Is that physical abuse? I'm reading through the link you gave me, I'm just having a little trouble figuring if any of my memories line up with it.

>>36161280

Kek, I am now thinking of opening a bar called Bar Autismo, specifically to meet up with social outcasts. Giggling like a moron here.

I meant, "barring potential Asperger's", meaning, unless you're autistic, you probably disconnect from your feels.

>>36161282

The fag one? Meaning, cigarette one. But I guess he is also a fag.

>>36161334
I know what barring something means, I'm not stupid, it just feels bad you have bar autismo with me
I meant the latter half of the post

>>36161321
>"slow and steady wins the race"

Whenever someone says this to you, respond immediately with "Fast and furious fucks your face."

It may not make a whole lot of sense but you'll feel like a winner.

I don't believe in ADHD as a condition, but I believe you have a condition.

Now, tell me why teachers told you this? Did they think you rushed things?

>>36161324

At what age was this?

My parents would use this substance on their own nails.

I don't think it's abuse, but that depends on your age, and it's certainly unusual a method.

>>36161344
He is not a fag fag, but he is an incel. Now there's something I find hard to understand. He's had a few opportunities, but he's been too afraid to act in case he damages them in some way. I know a couple of people like that.

>>36161324
>>36161249
Also me and my female neighbor who was a few years older than me (I was 7ish) did sexual things. Not much that I can remember. Also did a bit of kissing with her. I'm guessing that constitutes sexual abuse?

>>36161368

I know you're not stupid. Since you quoted the bar autismo bit, I thought your question was about that and that I had poorly phrased my words. I'm just keeping the assburger as a potential thing, that's all.

The rest of it means this:

>anona has a crush on her dad
>it's a taboo
>anona feels bad, but good, but bad
>anona even tries to get dad
>it fails
>more bad feels
>anona decides to limit the feels
>it works
>less feels
>less and less feels in general
>suddenly, anona explodes in tears and doesn't know why
>anona has successfully disconnected from her feels, but still has them, and sometimes, they explode

Does that sound like something you might be doing?

>>36161403
>He's had a few opportunities, but he's been too afraid to act in case he damages them in some way.

Or is that an excuse not to try? Why would he damage them?

>I know a couple of people like that.

I wonder if that includes the man in the mirror or not.

I'm 19 y.o. male. I'm average looking, would like to think I'm a bit above average intelligence (based on my current education etc), only ever had two gfs (one is current).
I think I have some sort of jealousy problem with relationships and everything in life.
Now, heres some back story
>be me
>ex and I were each others first bf/gf.
>break up on very good terms, still good friends etc
>fast foward a year till now, she dates a douchebag for couple of months
>I get jealous strangely
>think about everything they wouldve done
>i start to date someone (for a few months now), gf is in the same friend group as me (10 ppl in the group)
>be happy when ex breaks up with douchebag
>feel like i think of ex more than current gf
>I feel as if i don't love my gf that much
>Ex says she might still like me and i just brush it off because wtf do i do
>sometimes contemplate getting with ex but my gf is in the same group as me
>ex starts to see someone agaij
>i fucking get jealous AGAIN
>hope they stop seeing each other

>Remember that i was HEAD over HEELS for ex when i was dating her. I fucking LOVED her so much, and my current "love " for my current gf stales in comparison
...
Is there some psychological disorder regarding jealousy?
Throughout my schooling, the only motivation for me to excel was to beat people in tests and results.
I think I might have some sort of conplex.
Can you please tell me what's wrong with me?
Also would like if you can give advice on my ex and gf situation. Do you think it's my oneitis feels?

>>36161390
That's the worst I can remember. I never even got spanked, because I learned from watching my brother get spanked.
The emotional/neglect one is hard to find any memories for because it's more general and I wouldn't have seen it as significant enough to remember at a young enough age. Which is funny because I have a memory from when I was 2 years old of this hot chick with a belly button piercing when I got my picture taken dressed as an angel.

>>36161414
>Also me and my female neighbor who was a few years older than me (I was 7ish) did sexual things.

How much older? 7 is very early for sexual things, and it may have made you feel bad, which is enough to leave some scars. As to abuse, perhaps.

If you don't have obvious memories of abuse, chances are high that the abuse was covert and mental. You were told things that "made sense" but made you feel like shit and that it was your fault. This is the hardest to remember, because nothing may stand out. Focus on how you feel with regards to your parents, try finding details and such.

>>36161447
Not in the least. How could I be an incel? I've slept around a lot.

As to why he'd damage them, I don't know. Just his own hang-ups and things. Part of growing up without a mother, I suppose.

>>36161475
And I was 4 or 5 when my parents used stop the bite. Which is in the same vein as the Amazon reviews for the product.

>>36161458
>Is there some psychological disorder regarding jealousy?

There are, but that's not your problem here.

My immediate intuition, which could be wrong, is this: you loved your ex but weren't used to going beyond the "honeymoon phase" and interpreted what comes after as "no longer in love, time to leave" and now you regret it.

It seems you have feelings for your ex still.

Perhaps you should try again with her.

As to who's in whose circle of friends, don't mind that; you can't base such important decisions on circles of friends. Your friends will adapt and go with you sometimes, and her sometimes, simple.

>>36161475
>because I learned from watching my brother get spanked.

Depending on how that went, this may have been worse for you than actual spanking.

Memory not remembering much is also a sign that bad stuff happened. Keep digging.

>>36161482
2 or 3 years older. And could a sibling be just as likely to have caused the abuse as a parent? I have an older brother who has always been a control freak and bullied me a lot. Which I'm sure was unintentional. He's 3 years older than me. He used to throw things at me before I was old enough to talk. There's this (kind of) funny story about how I used charades to tell my parents my brother was throwing things at me and hitting me with them.

>>36161485
>Not in the least. How could I be an incel? I've slept around a lot.

I meant people who are concerned about hurting others, not the incel.

>>36161506

Might want to wonder why you were still sucking your thumb this late, instead.

Did they let you before?

>>36161566
>And could a sibling be just as likely to have caused the abuse as a parent?

Yes.

> I have an older brother who has always been a control freak and bullied me a lot

Yep.

> There's this (kind of) funny story about how I used charades to tell my parents my brother was throwing things at me and hitting me with them.

That's only funny to you because you normalised it, but it's fucking terrifying. It means you were abused intentionally, by your older brother, who should have protected you instead, and you were so scared you couldn't just tell your parents, you had to say it in charades, which they may have failed to understand, leaving you at the mercy of your brother, whom, I understand, got punishments you didn't get, maybe more, and maybe the source of his own abuse, I don't know yet.

We're getting somewhere.

>>36159786
>Yes, and I do. I love helping people
he's not wrong you do this because you get the benefit of feeling good rather then "i just do this because i can" however just because everyone is in it for themselves does not mean they cant do "good" things ex: charity and what not

>>36161431
I never really felt bad about the "taboo" or anything, but the rest seems plausible, these are probably the strongest emotions I've had and it's pretty new
What do I do about that? I don't want to start another shitstorm while everyone's happy and together

>>36161575
If I take someone in, I like to imagine that they could be better for having known me. I always anticipate relationships failing. When they're worse off I feel genuinely remorseful about it. There was a girl whom I may have loved, who fell to feminism and depression and I honestly blame myself for it in part at least. I wish I could have saved her. However, these considerations would never prohibit me from beginning a relationship. They have frequently been concurrent, but I've been trying more with that. I see no problem with it, but I know it upsets others.

>>36161631
So what do I do with this newfound knowledge? I am seeing a therapist, and I definitely plan on bringing it up next time I see her

>>36161663
>he's not wrong you do this because you get the benefit of feeling good

I didn't say he was wrong, I explained the same thing. Just understand that if I feel good, it's precisely because people are helped. It's two sides of the same coin. I wouldn't do it if I hated it, and if I hated doing it, people would soon sense it and it'd never work.

I don't disagree with you on the rest of your post, and it is the same thing I was responding with before.

>>36161543
Thanks Nick.
>"honeymoon phase"
I dated my ex for 13 months and was still so in love, but I've only dated my current for 5 months and it feels so stale. But maybe you are right, but its weird that there would be such varied lengths of honeymoon phases.

I think I do have feelings for my ex, some sort of attachment, but I can't now that ses seeing someone. I seriously feel like dying bc of that.
I think I do have some sort of inferiority complex, making me jealous easily and wanting to beat people in anything (life or academics).
I also feel little empathy whenever my friends and even gf are sad or in a bad mood. But I have a feeling this wouldn't be the case if it was with my ex. I just think overall, my will to feel empathy for someone is very low, but I know what I should be feeling and so I can pretend to if I need to give advice relating to whatever problem it is

>>36161670

Not feeling bad about the taboo is odd and needs to be investigated.

How do you feel about incest in general? What if your sibling had sex with one of your parents? Or cousins, etc, any kind of other incest.

>I don't want to start another shitstorm

Did you start shit storms before? How would you cause one now?

>>36161543
Sorry, I forgot to add. What do you mean by "time to leave"?
It sounds like you're implying I broke up with my ex because of going past the honeymoon phase, but its not the case because she broke it off with me.

>>36161631
Also, interesting coincidence, today is national siblings day... and my relationship with my brother has improved dramatically since he graduated high school and went to college. I think he matured a lot and I managed to "bloom." I still work on saying "no" to him, which is hard because he continually badgers me about whatever he wants me to do at them time.

>>36161694
>So what do I do with this newfound knowledge? I am seeing a therapist, and I definitely plan on bringing it up next time I see her

You answered your own question. She should have found that before me.

I'm sure there's a lot more to dig around this knowledge, such as why your brother attacked you.

>>36161762

Perhaps you were taught to value yourself by comparison to others, maybe siblings.

Your jealousy could be seen as "failing" in competition with the new boyfriend.

Would you be jealous if you broke up with your current partner and she got with someone else?

>>36161791
>It sounds like you're implying I broke up with my ex because of going past the honeymoon phase, but its not the case because she broke it off with me.

Ah, OK. Perhaps you see this relationship as a failure of yours, if she broke it off.

Did you ever want to leave her?

>>36161811

Your brother sounds like an abusive type who will impose his will on you out of habit.

Growing up makes people act less like kids (profound..), but he stills acts in ways that aren't completely OK, it seems.

>>36161831
He just throws things at me just to throw things at me. He jokes now about how it improved my hand eye coordination and how I can pretty easily catch things when I'm unaware of the thing being thrown at me. But he does all of it with a cheery attitude. There were times when he bullied me out of malice, but that was verbal abuse.
And I started seeing my therapist for my suicidal ideation/planning that I got from depression that I got from chronic pain that I got from generalized anxiety that I've had since I was little.

>>36161861
>>36161882
It might be. I don't think I would be jealous. Although I am kind of jealous when she talks to some guy (maybe I feel like she finds him more interesting) but if she went with another guy I doubt I'd feel the jealousy I feel for my ex.

I never wanted to. A few months after the break up she brought up the breakup out of the blue and said something like "regretting" it but I never thought of getting with her again at the time (that was before by current gf).
I used to think her reasons for breaking up was a lie, and that she fell out of love, but shes reassured that the love was real; and the reasons she gave weren't lies, so you are right; i did think of it as me failing; but not anymore due to her reassurance.

>>36161786
>Not feeling bad about the taboo is odd and needs to be investigated.
I'm not saying it's normal, I know it's not, but you don't pick who you love, I have no reason to beat myself up about it
And 150 years ago if you had your dick out within a 20 mile radius of another guy you two were getting burned, taboos change
>How do you feel about incest in general?
I think inbreeding is wrong, I get that all the stuff I wanted with my dad was unrealistic, that things probably wouldn't have panned out too well, but what was I gonna do? Never try and regret it for the rest of my life?
>What if your sibling had sex with one of your parents?
I wish I had siblings
>Or cousins, etc, any kind of other incest.
It would be hard for my gut reaction not to be "how" or "what did you do that I didn't", I don't think I'd be disgusted because I can relate
>Did you start shit storms before?
Well I don't imagine it was easy for them to deal with their child having those kind of feelings for her father (in their case you/your husband), plus my mom told me (a week and a half ago? I don't I know time's a blur) that after the divorce they'd been in sort of an "it's complicated" phase, rather than not talking or seeing each other so I probably unknowingly put a strain on that
>How would you cause one now?
I'm pretty sure they're glad it's over and we made it out in one piece and if anything stronger, oddly enough

>>36161992

He makes light of it and so you did too, for years, but this was abuse. The psychological side of any abuse is always the worst part; your brother broke your trust. He was supposed to protect you, instead he became a threat. This is always a trauma for a child. This may have made it hard for you to trust other humans. You may expect betrayal from people as a result.

Verbal abuse is likely much worse than getting thrings thrown at. Getting things thrown at is damaging psychologically more than physically.

>>36162045

Stop thinking of relationships in terms of you doing a test. It takes two, and if your partner isn't a match, you could be God and you'd still "fail", because it doesn't all depend on you.

Think of it that way from now on: relationships are potato bag races. If your partner isn't in synch with you, your relationship will fail, not you.

Moreover, it really isn't a race, it's as much about you seeing if the person fits you as it is the opposite.

I'd be frank with your ex. "I still love you and I want you back. If there's any chance of that happening, you know where to find me." Then walk into the fucking sunset smoking a cigarette.

>>36162078
>This may have made it hard for you to trust other humans. You may expect betrayal from people as a result.
Bingo. Right on the nose. I am constantly assuming people around me are thinking the worst. I have to repeatedly chant in my head "the cashier doesn't care" when I go grocery shopping. And I know the cashier doesn't care because I used to be one.
Earlier this morning I had to ask my mom to make sure she and my dad weren't disappointed in me for taking a semester off of college and not getting a job while I'm off. I think my mom understands what I'm going through, but my dad has no idea whatsoever.

>>36162072
>I'm not saying it's normal, I know it's not, but you don't pick who you love, I have no reason to beat myself up about it
>And 150 years ago if you had your dick out within a 20 mile radius of another guy you two were getting burned, taboos change

You have very defensive reactions, very often. All I meant to do was to point out that it wasn't normal, not that you were saying it was.

You don't pick who you love, but your brain does, and it generally does for specific reasons.

Some taboos don't change, however, and you can find them in most human societies, including tribes that have never met the rest of the world. Incest is one of them, though it did and does vary. That's neither here nor there, though, because for your case, the only context that matters is your own.

>I think inbreeding is wrong, I get that all the stuff I wanted with my dad was unrealistic, that things probably wouldn't have panned out too well, but what was I gonna do? Never try and regret it for the rest of my life?

Again, this isn't really what my question was about. You take things very personally, as though attacks. This isn't what I'm doing. I'm guiding your reflection, if you will, I'm not asking you to defend yourself. I'm not judging you.

>It would be hard for my gut reaction not to be "how" or "what did you do that I didn't", I don't think I'd be disgusted because I can relate

OK, that is what I wanted to know.

>>36162122
I think it's weird, no? To be frank with her when she's seeing someone right now. I definitely had a chance a month ago before she was seeing someone, but i feel like its fucked to leave my gf for my ex (someone that my gf was so self conscious over about my interaction with her).

>>36162161

Exactly! I have to do the same when I go outside, in fact. I think I continuously speak to myself about how the world really works, to reassure myself.

Betrayal from close people who are supposed to protect you is terrifying for a child. Keep in mind that, to a child, those things make the difference between life and death. If you can't trust a parent or older sibling, this meant death in a time not so distant from us, and a time our bodies and brains have evolved to adapt to. Babies scream for their parent when left alone because, in that time, predators only needed a few seconds to snatch a juicy baby left unattended.

Seems your dad doesn't understand you.

>>36162256

You need to talk with your ex. This needs to be straightened out. Tell her how you feel. Then, if she's game, act.

>that feel when robots have more social life than you

>>36162274
>seems your dad doesn't understand you
I agree completely
It's actually kind of funny in an ironic since because he an I are pretty similar. If opposites attract, likes must repel.

>>36162340
>he an I are pretty similar.

Sounds like you understand him, so no.

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IS BILLY BOY STILL AROUND?

>>36162295
I will.
Have you ever shared your issues on /r9k/?

>>36162234
Sorry if I'm coming off as defensive, I just don't know how to explain a lot of things
I love him, I don't get what makes him and I different than other families that makes me feel different about him, but that's what it is
And it's not like anything's happenings, it's never going to so I'm trying to get on with my life

>>36162456

Whenever someone asks, which is rarely. Last time, it was a troll, so I regretted sharing.

That said, I put a bit of myself in 70% of my responses to people, I think, and frequently object to myself that my shadow is getting in the way.

Apart from a bullet, I don't see a solution to my issues. I am doing therapy and may consider joining group therapy as well, to over all the bases.

>>36162483

My main point is that there's a reason why you love your father that way and you need to know what that reason is to get over it.

I think we need to focus on your mother.

>>36162513
Back to the start? Fire away I guess

>>36162602

Does she like you?

ergeuigeuigbreugrufhjfkldshgzueiwjfkd

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>>36162359
Well I just happen to be exceptionally intelligent *smug face*
But really though, I'm usually very empathetic and understanding of other people. and I'm pretty smart desu

>>36162724

Unlike your father, who doesn't understand you.

>>36162630
I think so. When you mean like, do you mean if she didn't have to love me unconditionally, would she still love me? If so, I think so. We can bond and get along on our own

>>36160165
i was paranoid about my posts so i deleted them -___-

>>36162775

You don't seem sure that your mother appreciates you as a person.

>>36162782

Why is that? What are you scared of?

>>36162838

You adapted to people to get what you wanted?

How did you adapt?

What did you want from them?

(Answer all if you can.)

>>36162815
Not sure what you mean by that, I said that if she wasn't inclined to love me because she's my mother, I think she still would because we can get along well

>>36162884

You think, but you aren't sure. I'd imagine that if I got along with someone who appreciated me as a person, I would be more certain of whether or not they like me for myself.

I'm off to shower and shave and etc.

I should be back in a bit.

>>36162935
I'm just not clear on your definition of her "liking me" so that's your definition than, yea she likes me
I'm about to hop in the shower too, I usually do earlier but didn't get around to it for whatever reason

>>36162847
i was never a person so transforming myself into other people individual basis or wholly to gain their social group and standing, choose someone become them gain what they had then choose better- individually i would mold myself to a person i had no interests of myself. i stopped this though and became a real person -- felt like i was born for first time knowledge of past self disapeared around when the crippling depression started - i have my own interests now though i still take other peoples personality but i try and control that i could be a super power if i mastered it - i have to be careful what i watch as i take on things easily maybe i never did change

>>36163026
as in tv characters etc

>psychologists are more than willing to give out diagnosis and tell you what's wrong with you
>when it comes to actual clear cut solutions though, they're clueless

psychology is a meme, if you want to help do it in the form of "try doing X" not "you have X"

>>36163156
It's not unheard of. Common in BPD. Why bother deleting it?

>>36163198
But who cares? You're nobody. You have nothing to lose.

>>36163250
it sounds silly when i think about it - my message on an anon site makes me nervous

>>36163070
in fact thinking about it i dont have an identity i just keep changing to new ones i guess i just stick at them longer than i used too.

>>36163294
Try reasoning it through, and working out why it makes you nervous. Yes, it might seem illogical but there's likely an internal logic that could account for it. Don't be afraid, however foolish you worry that it might sound. Remember that you're protected by your anonymity, and others have experienced similar things to what you're going through.

>>36163369
+ i invent them for myself as apposed for other people

>>36163385
i guess there is no harm in leaving the messages , saying my problems and the thought of people reading them just makes me uneasy even if it is anonymous - guess not used to revelling myself to anyone

>>36163513
There's no shame in it. We're happy to help. And after all, you can use your own experiences to help others as well. You are no less deserving.

>>36163026

Look up "boundaries" and self, you may have been raised without clear boundaries of who you started and where your parents started, as beings.

>>36163140

If I tell you that your problem is that you have forgotten to remove your handbrake and that's why you can't move your car, will you need me to tell you what to do?

Very often, knowing what the problem is covers a lot of ground in terms of what to do next. The next move is often obvious.

I don't tell people what to do to solve their problems too often because that's further along the line, and giving people diagnoses that are possible is a good start.

To say psychology is a meme shows your ignorance in the area, so don't assume your advice means all that much. Besides, you know my help works for a lot of people, just ask them.

>>36163641
not sure i understand what you mean

>>36163198

Nobody cares. (Punny pun pun.)

>>36163703

Possibly, you were raised without clear limits between you and your parents; you may have been treated as if you were an extension of your mother, for instance, instead of your own person. It's one possibility.

I'd suggest practicing leaving your messages intact as practice. The more you tell about yourself, the easier it will be. Eventually, you won't care anymore and will feel more free for it.

bleughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

>>36163870

Yes?

iugewuirggughwefiwjfwoefjwegfwefw

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I have bipolar depression. I'm either optimistic and happy or angry and paranoid. Just yesterday, I having a nice day, then later, I became very depressive, feeling that everyone I know is trying to turn on me when in reality nothing was even happening. This has been super bad for the past 4 months and I feel like I'm going to snap and do something extremely stupid if it isn't dealt with correctly.I was considering going to a therapist, but at the same time, I feel like I cannot trust anyone with my personal issues.I'm already on 2 different pills to help treat this and it's not doing shit. I write this in a serious manner, and I'm on the verge of killing myself because of this.

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>>36163870
im going to try and go out, ill leave my messages. catch you later

>>36163934

Do your moods change because of specific events? Or is it random?

>>36163937

Good! See you around.

>>36163934
i was paranoid to see a therapist , was gunna kill self but in a fleeting moment thought it would be worthwhile to try - who knows they might help

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I'm going out now. (Won't happen often, don't worry.)

I'll be back in a bunch of hours. Facet can be trusted for advice, I generally approve of what he does, so you can talk to him if he's here.

Just... pic related.

>>36164114
already did :o :o

>>36164114
But he'll tell everyone to do LSD

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>>36164164
Well, that depends. Do you have any LSD?

Looks like I'm going down with the ship. May the world remember me as a gentle and noble soul.

Good evening, just got home from double shift at work.

Fucking kill me, tommorow awaits another shift and then lots of errands and a meeting with my psychiatrist. Never a chance to relax and collect my thoughts. These are the times where I truly feel like shit.

>>36158561
doctors think i have schizophrenia because i was paranoid once

im taking risperidone and lexapro

what should i do

>>36164811
lsd helped me in some ways i think

>>36166601
By all means, share your experiences. It's quite a fascinating drug.

>>36166557
How long has it been since your first episode? A single episode is sometimes considered enough to make a diagnosis, but of course that's nonsense.

>>36166516
I understand. Could you consider dialing back your hours, for the sake of your health?

>>36166697
it's been about 2 months

yeah it was just one single episode and they diagnosed me with somewhere on the schizophrenia spectrum

>>36166710
Where in the world are you from? This makes a significant difference to practices. However, I would say that more than likely you would need to have gone a year or more without a further episode to be reasonably able to propose having the diagnosis annulled. Were I you, I would keep a log each day noting any symptoms, no matter how small, you experience. You need not show this journal to anyone, but having a wider view over a period of time is likely to be insightful.

>>36166697
Not an option until after summer. Might get fired before then though since my coworkers and boss thinks I'm weird as fuck.

>>36166697
dont remember well just felt odd , i spent a while trya find an apple but tasted bad when i found it- 2nd time i watched some stuff and did some paintings / ended up painting my room

>>36166811
You need to cover your bases. Unless you're from a country where it would be inadvisable, be upfront with your boss about your difficulties - after having obtained a doctor's note. Stress that you aren't asking for leave, just being transparent. At that point they have an obligation to keep it on file. If they attempt to fire you without a solid reason, you have grounds to file a case against them. It would give you a lot of leeway, whether they like it or not.

>>36166833
So you're an artist. We have a couple who visit. Would you feel comfortable sharing some of your work? I ended up watching music videos and typing mostly. Recording my thoughts and feelings as they happened.

>>36159526
You sound like someone I know with the same exact name; what state do you live in?

>>36166896
ill try and find the acid ones , i finger painted my whole ceiling and bitta walls - looks pretty cool

>>36166896
He's aware, and tried to be sympathetic initially, but I think he got more than he bargained for. Because of my communication problems and tendency to disappear into my own head and completley lose track of the situation I've gotten into trouble a few times. Not enough to fire me, yet, but I don't think I am capable of changing so it's going to keep happening.

>>36167018
found em - will upload in a bit when i muster the effort

>>36167193
Looking forward to it.

>>36167192
It's good that he's sympathetic, because he's in for a penny, in for a pound at this point. He's going to have a really tough time getting rid of you if you want to stay, and you have the backup you need from your health professional.

I only want to do drugs and I can't because I live at home. i absolutely hate it here and feel like killing myself everyday. I just got a job at Lowes but it's seasonal and won't be enough to get me out of here. It feels like this is never going to end.

>>36168191
found anon

>>36168214
what do you mean????

orgy n all

Back. Gonna catch up.

>>36168863
welcome backk

I used to make lots of music and then i had a major psychotic episode and now I'm medicated and I havent been able to make anything worthwhile since I left the hospital and I feel like killing myself.

>>36168191
>>36168998

Are you the same person?

Do you have an official diagnosis?

>>36169066
I am the same person, how did you know?

The official diagnosis is schizo-affective but it's basically the same as schizophrenia. All the doctors say I'm gonna go crazy if I dont take my meds but I dont want to but right now I dont have a choice cause there's a court order mandating it. I just got an injection today for it. Tomorrow is my orientation at Lowes.

>>36168863
It was touch and go for a while there, but we kept it going.

>>36169246
>I am the same person, how did you know?

Capitals in both names, a few "I" are lowercase in both posts, figured you were one and the same.

>>36169246
>Tomorrow is my orientation at Lowes.

Forgive me, I don't know what that means. Orientation and Lowes.

>>36169307
>we

Are you Smeagol?

>>36169335
Close enough, precious

>>36169318
Lowes is a hardware store I got a job at that start tomorrow when the will show me what to do there (orientation)

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>>36169369
>Close enough, precious

I laughed, but pic related.

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I've posted this before, but whatever.

27 years old and I feel like shit. I'm probably going to get kicked out this year. I'm not doing well in any of my classes and I just don't like my major. I've been applying for a lot of desk positions and office jobs. Idk maybe I can work my way up or something.

I've also been studying for IT certs. It will make me look a lot more well rounded......I hope.

>>36169382

Ah OK, very good! I hope all goes well for you.

>>36169448
>Idk maybe I can work my way up or something.

Yes, you can.

Describe "feeling like shit" in more details. And take a name.

>>36169459
>I hope all goes well for you.
I thought you were gonna help me...

>>36169509

I am, but I also hope everything will work out tomorrow.

So, do you have side effects from your medication?

What would you say is the issue you want help with?

>>36169538
the only side effect is not feeling like myself and no longer being inspired or excited about anything

I guess my problem is I want to kill myself and I'd like to be making music i like again

There is this one girl ive met online about 5 years ago. She lives about 1000km away from me, I had the greatest time of my life with her, we were having skype chats, playing games together, doing all sorts of silly stuff and just having great time in general, it eventually developed into love and we started having a LDR, it was great for about 2 years where it felt as if we were never gonna go apart, i even flew over to the UK to meet her, it was an awkward first date but enjoyable, i even had the option to go to college there and stay with her until she one day told me she would rather have us be friends again instead, conversations began dying down, she stopped giving effort into talking to me and basically it turned into if i didnt talk to her, she would never. I broke down, she was the only woman to ever give me any sort of attention and i couldnt get her out of my head. I kept myself deluded that maybe we can go back to the way we used to be until she straight out told me she found someone else. Im never gonna find anyone like her ever again, the moments we had were irreplacable and would never possibly happen again. I dont know what to do with myself, i know that i should just move on and forget about her but its so hard when my heart has filled my depressing life with the moments with her just to be brutally cut out again and leave me with nothing but emptiness again. Im confused about what to do.

>>36169615
>I want to kill myself

Elaborate, the more the better.

I've been in love with someone for 5+ years, and she found out how obsessed I was about a year ago, and we haven't talked to one another since and I always feel really lonely

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>>36169631
>Im never gonna find anyone like her ever again

And that's actually a good thing: you're talking about someone who let you down, don't forget that. You can find someone who won't.

There is better out there, but you haven't experienced it yet, don't let yourself down, and find that new person.

Look for someone closer to you, to make things simple. You aren't alone, and while everyone is unique, you can find your match again.

>mfw I tell you all the things I should believe myself but can't

I was accused of the thought crime I didn't commit by fucking MR. SELF-APPOINTED INTELLECTUAL

>>36169756
;_____;

i had an original egg sammich for lunch

>>36169798
I have assumed that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, because she realized that I have psychological problems

>>36170087

Elaborate, please.

>>36170104

Eggs are good and full of protein.

>>36170138

Maybe you assumed wrong. I had a British teacher who used to say that to "assume" made an "ass" of "u" and "me".

>Girl says she would miss me
>Gril says i'm cute
>Girl says i'm funny
>Girl says i'm important
>Girl says i'm her best friend
>Girl messaged me and asked me if i want to go out with her
>Girl sometimes flirts with me
>Girl was at one point really jealous because i talked with a another girl, not anymore because i told her i don't like her that much

What does this all mean?

>>36170291
>What does this all mean?

SHE NEEDS YOUR D, MAN

>>36170318
But when i confronted her with all this she only said let us see what time brings and she said that there was a major happening that influences this.

>>36170354

Oh yeah, take it slow, but take it. Keep seeing her, talking with her, etc. Let her come to you.

What's the major habbedig?

>>36169369
will upload pics tomorrow if your about, the effort eludes me tonight

>>36170171
I guess. I mean, I know she didn't like me before. We weren't even really friends to begin with. I would just find excuses to be around her in some way or another, like the beta I am

>>36170424

If someone shows sign that they don't want you in any way, best save face and leave. They might change their mind afterwards, but probably not if you insist.

Don't worry about her. Find someone else.

>>36170389
She said over and over that it really hurts to talk about it and that it really left a scar on her.
And that this is the reason why she is really careful and has problems in loing someone, she also says over and over that it is all her fault.

Her former Ex never loved her but pretended to love her for like 1 year and after that he just trashed her.
He also beat her up and went out with other girls at the time.
After he broke up he said that she is trash and that she was not worth the 1 year.

She told me that back in these years she had absoluty no self esteem.
She stil thinks that she is ugly and not worth it to be loved.

>>36170560
>She said over and over that it really hurts to talk about it and that it really left a scar on her.
>And that this is the reason why she is really careful and has problems in loing someone, she also says over and over that it is all her fault.

Good stuff, actually, it means she trusts you. Heed her words.

Her ex sounds like a straight narc piece of crap.

She sounds like a codependent, who takes her self worth from being able to please a demanding cunt.

Poor girl. I hope she'll be able to take your love

>>36170459
>Don't worry about her. Find someone else.
I know that's the reasonable thing to do but I'm not normal and I'm really obsessive so I really can't.

>>36170459
>Don't worry about her. Find someone else.
I know that's the reasonable thing to do but I'm not normal and I'm really obsessive so I really can't. By the way sorry I forgot to put my name in the last couple of times, force of habit

>>36170171
Mr. self-appointed intellectual is a very knowledgeable guy but he used to pay attention to me in a creepy way and peep my web browsing history. I hope he has stopped doing that by now. Also he often excitedly tweets when a terror attack or major incident happens. I think he must be very happy that the world constantly provides him with the stories that he can use as a mean to share and express. I wanted to get along with him. But he clearly hates me. Everybody hates me so I cannot blame him for that. All in all, I wish him well and hope that he keeps being insightful on twitter.

>>36170678

I know. I could have written your post.

Try this: tell yourself that your state, in itself, means something about you, that something is missing in you, and you need to work on it, so you don't feel like the "one" leaving destroys your world, your life.

There may be a hole in you that she was the only one to fill, and now that she's gone, that hole is even bigger.

I am with you.

>>36170729

I am confused. What are you actually saying?

Also, why does everyone hate you?

>>36170419
Alright, thank you. I will definitely be around, but I can't be sure when.

>>36170766
I just really can't figure out how I can overcome it. I'm not interested in anyone else at all. It's counterproductive to my own well being, but I can't imagine being with anyone else, even though I know she hates me.

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>>36170640
Thanks Nick.
Feelsgoodman.

I will message her and ask her if she wants to do something with me on saturday.

>>36170828

I recommend sitting in the rain. Nothing else works. Although this doesn't work either, but you'll get a cold and it'll give you something else to focus on.

>>36170848

Good plan. You'll be fine, so will she.

>>36170890
Well I run in the rain when it rains because I run every night regardless of weather so I guess that's similar

How would you feel about a cytube room gathering tomorrow evening? It's essentially like an IRC chatroom, but with a video playlist from YouTube that people in the room paste into.

>>36170905

You must be fit.

>>36170941

Not sure who you're asking, but I'd be game.

>>36170794
I'm in the truman show situation. People have repeatedly bet money on me quitting being an autistic NEET but I can't work because I'm mentally retarded. I think it's partly because the loss I've caused among them. but more importantly I'm not a likable man. And they somehow closely watch this unpleasant creature nearly 24/7 so it's only natural for them to come to hate me.

>>36170999
That's a good start, with some nice digits to honour it. Anyone else here who's interested? I'll ask again tomorrow, when it seems a good time to start. Still, it would be good to have an idea ahead of time if possible.

>>36171000

Are you talking about hallucinations/delusions?

Who are these people?

>>36170999
>>36171000

Noice.

>>36171036
>Still, it would be good to have an idea ahead of time if possible.

I got therapy at ten in the morning. I'll be home before noon. I have no life anymore, so I'll be around, most likely. For 12 fucking hours in a row, I imagine.

>>36171103
What time is it there now?

>>36171062
Roughly 3~8 % of my country's population including laymen and celebrities. There are sizable networks in overseas countries too.

>>36171110

00:22

akdaufweiufwifwiufhwqjwdhqoihqohquoqfew

>>36171211

Just make my life simpler and explain what you're talking about.

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>>36171218
Ah, so you're an hour ahead. Well, good luck with therapy. I'd be interested to know how it goes. I'll speak with you tomorrow afternoon. I'm heading to bed.

>>36171300

Good night, Facetman.

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>>36171237
I have schizophrenia.
Pay as soon as you can when It's your turn. or you can play a game if you will feel mentally and physically strong but you will have to figure out the objectives yourself through keen observation and heeding.

>>36171409

MMmmm... OK. I'm playing.

>>36158983
she expected him to feed her his cock

>>36171446

I thought of the joke, but figured it would be inappropriate of me, and some smartass would come along make it.

; )

>>36170989
I wish. I run because I'm fat. I overeat when I'm sad so I run to try to balance the equation.

I experience mania on a daily basis, in the morning im usually pretty depressive but in the night i almost always go full on manic, is this indicative of bipolar disorder? i know its mania because ive had a psychiatrist explain it to me, i could contact the psychiatrist about the issue but i would like some certainty on the subject first.

the op probably already left but if someone has the time to help it would be greatly appreciated

>>36171732

While cardio is useful in burning cals, especially running, it will be utterly useless if you eat more calories than you burn. Consider this: to perform, your body will burn around 2000kcal a day even if you do nothing else. That's a lot of time burning calories while exercising. I'm not saying don't run, but I am saying your diet will still remain the number factor in whether you lose weight or not. Count your calories precisely and write them down every time you eat; that's the best advice I can give you. The one way to feel and be in control: write that stuff down, calculate what you need and eat under that. Adjust as days go. Weight yourself in the morning after you emptied yourself, daily, and write it down too.

>>36171767

I'm here. Question: do events trigger the episodes or are they random?

Unlikely to be bipolar, since bipolar normally lasts weeks and month, but I'm not expert on it.

>>36171785
I know what to do, I just don't think I have the willpower to do it. I'm pretty weak minded.

>>36171813
well its usually when i lay down that it happens but its not always when i lay down
so its pretty random

also it kinda depends on if my day was busy or not

>>36171853

Wilpower is not necessary. You don't need motivation either. All you need to do is the damn job. Don't ask yourself if you feel like it, just do it.

>morning
>be you
>peepee poopoo
>weigh self
>use pencil and write weight on paper, or calendar, for the day
>whenever you eat, check cals, write them down, add them up
>don't go over your daily cap
>do this every day
>if weight doesn't go down
>lower cap
>go another week
>if it goes down, go on like this
>don't lower caps by more than 200kcals at a time (roughly)

You need no strong mind or discipline to do this. You just need to do it. Results will follow.

>>36171859

It's too rapid to be bipolar. Other symptoms?

>>36171936
i have visual hallucinations, paranoia, generalised anxiety, possible OCD, autism, ADD and some really fucked up dopamine

>>36171971

>autism

I doubt it. You have enough stuff going on to account for all suspected autism traits, I'd wager.

Any abusive past?

>>36172027
nope, well if you count a narcissistic brother who would always bully you and steal your stuff when you were 3-6 and after that mentally assault you every time you even did something close to wrong, then yes

>>36172068

Then yes. A sibling you should be able to trust betrays you and teaches you to doubt people, including those you should be able to trust for your security the most.

Undoubtedly the root of some, perhaps many, of your current problems.

He also probably did not become narcissistic on his own.

t. parents

(Never knew what that dan "t" stood for.)

>>36172129
nah he became like that on his own
my parents always tought humility, i think he was just born that way
(the t. is like a from so i would for example put: t. maniaincarnate)

>>36172198

Still don't get what T stands for.

Your brother may be antisocial, then. Narcs aren't born, they're made.

>>36172251
neither do i desu
may be, doesnt really matter i fucking hate the fucker any way

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Good night, people.

>>36172425
night, thanks for the help

I'm in an abusive relationship. I want to leave. When we have arguments, he threatens to leave me, threatens suicide. I get really worried about him so I always end up staying because he doesn't deserve to die, especially not because of me.
He gets upset really easily, especially when I don't act very submissive about everything. The only way our fights end is if I start profusely apologizing. He also often assumes I'm irrationally mad at him, and he is really struggling in life. He's been unemployed for months and has come close to being homeless a few times.
Should I leave him? It feels like I don't have a good reason, so maybe I should just wait until it blows up during a fight and I lose my final patience. Or is it worth it to very gently suggest to him that we work on our problems in our relationship?
Final note: he's about 10 years older than me.

>>36172847

kill yourself roastie
you dont belong here
leave
normalfaggerina

Hey, I'm back. I think I'm just going to get over this situation, and give up on it. I just want to find something interesting and fun in life. I'm constantly bored. I try to get reaction out of people for fun no matter how damaging I am. I want to move on to something better so I don't have to be around other people in order to be entertained. I appreciate you talking to me and being respectful. I might stop by every once in a while to say hey. Thanks for everything sincerely eh.

>>36172847
Abusive relationships are very dangerous. If you stay with him you could end up dead. He gets you to apologize profusely which means he's blaming you for his abuse, and you're accepting it.

It's never okay for a man to hit his girlfriend, and it is never your fault. I'm sure he started out doing small things like getting mad at you for speaking up for yourself, or even disagreeing with you. But gradually over time he's been stepping it up. He's just going to keep doing worse and worse things. He might say he wants to or is going to change, but they're just words, and his actions speak much louder.

You don't want to leave him because he's getting into your head. Try to look at your situation from the perspective of an outsider. What would your friend tell you if this was happening to her? Every time he blames you and apologize or he says he won't do it again he's gradually wearing down your resolve.

It's like a frog which is put in water that is ever so slowly heated up. Eventually the frog will boil to death without jumping away. You don't want that to happen to you, so plan out what you want to say and make a clean break. Stay strong and stick to your decision no matter what he says. If you can keep the conversation you to as small as you can. If you start arguing with him that will give him an opening to try to get into your head again. You're not responsible for he not being homeless, so if that's what ending up happening to him it's his own fault for abusing you.

If you need to see if you can look up a free abuse hotline or counselors online.

>>36158561
Hi OP, I'm a very classical case. In fact I'm just a mess.
First of all, I hate myself but I also hate almost everybody else. The only person I truly love I think is my mother. I also don't dislike the rest of my family. But (almost) everyone else just piss me off consistently. I'm have kind of a weird personality. In fact, what I dislike from people is that they are judgmental. They will always judge you and think themselves to be superior to you most of the cases. To me, it doesn't make sense to judge ANYONE, as we are just product of determinism anyway. As for myself, I try not to judge people as much as I can, even if I'm filled with hatred. Don't worry, I don't plan on killing anybody (that would be too much trouble) but at the same time I'm likely not to care at all if someone else than my close family were to die. After all our conscience are just the product of very well arranged binary sequences, we don't have great value in the face of the universe.
Now in the grand scheme of things, I know I'm worthless. But I'm not suicidal either. As life is worth nothing, killing yourself or staying alive have the same value, so I might as well stay alive if I'm here. But my own life, even compared to the rest of humans, is so unsignificant. I live on wage, work every day, eat food, play some games or watch some anime or do some exercises to pass the time, and the time is never stopping, always going fast and reminding me of how little I've achieved in this life. I feel old as fuck but I'm only 25 years old. I feel like I'm on the edge of dying even if I'm around 30% of my life expectancy. In the 60 remaining years of so I see nothing of great value.
That if humanity don't achieve a way of immortality during my lifetime. Actually, it mind sound stupid as fuck, but one of the thing that keep me alive is the small chance that I might end up immortal.

Hey OP, you're a good guy for making this thread. Kudos to you(:

>>36173157
Yeah, someone that hate life wants to be immortal. Because then I'd have infinite amount of time, and I'd be able to catch up on all the things I missed.
One of which is girls. More specifically romance. I've had one girlfriend in my life and she was really low tier. Ironic that I judge her, but I don't really. She just wasn't a good person for me. She was the stereotypical girl. You know. The one that would judge you. The one that is greedy and hard to please but have little to nothing to offer. Anyways. She wasn't a girl for me. Thing is the only romance I've had felt wasted. I've had this romance at around 19 to 22 years old. It already feels like ages ago, because I have no other romance in sight. In fact I consider myself a virgin even thought I technically am not, but I may as well be because I don't see how I'll fuck ever again. I mean I could play the game and follow the algorithm to seduce a random girl but that wouldn't make me happy, far from it. Where do I find a girl weird like me ? I don't know. If she exists, she probably is cynical just like me, and if we were to meet, I don't think we would trust each other because of that.
So anyways. I came to a theater last night, watching the movie Your Name. I know its stupid, but I thought of maybe meeting a girl alone here. How could would it have been to meet the girl of your life watching a movie about destined love ? I knew it was silly, but I still clung to that hope. But people don't meet for the first time in a theater. That's beyond awkward. So of course nothing happened. But the sad thing, is I saw some girls that went to see the movie alone. But of course they weren't very attractive. I've yet to see a girl that share my geeky interests that is not ugly, taken or crazy. But of course I don't really mind ugly, as long as it's 5/10, it's the personality that counts. Anyway, that probably just excuses I have myself not to try.

>>36173157
Eh, you can't just say that the universe is undeniably deterministic. Heisenberg's uncertainty principle states that you cannot know the momentum and position of a particle precisely and simultaneously, which introduces the a sense of randomness. Thus, two systems with the exact same starting positions might end up being different with time, which pokes a big hole in the determinism theory.

As for feeling insignificant and whatnot, truth is that you just have to make peace with that. Sure, we are all on a rock floating through space or whatever, but I believe that life means whatever you think it means. For me, the point of life is to enjoy yourself and have the best experience I possibly can. I don't care if I'm forgotten after my children die, all that matters to me is that I have fun with my time.

>>36173277
So yeah, I'm messy, I don't even know where I am anymore. In fact I don't think you could even help me. Who are you anyway ? Do you have some kind of background in psychology, or you just enjoy seeing other person problems ?
Anyway, I think that if you read that alone would be a boost. I don't even expect anything from anyone anymore. I've had my friend that want to present me a girl, the cousin of his girl friend. which he meet on a meeting website. Thing is she is kind of really weird, but weird in the annoying sense. I feel like my friend just went with her cause it was the first girl that showed interest in him. He didn't chose. My parents told me that I'd be able the chose the girl I want, and to this day it's still the biggest lie anyone told me ever. I don't chose. I throw my bait in the water, and I hope that it bites, and because I'm stupid and want a good match for me, I throw the very few fishes that bite back in the water, because I know that it wouldn't work anyways.
So yeah from that girl I expect nothing. But at the same time I'm feeling excitement and anticipation. What if it clicks ? But I know by statistical number that the chances that in end up in disappointment rather than real change is then graham to one. I feel like I've lived my whole life like that, daydreaming about romance that never actually come even close to happens.
I could go on and on and on but I'll just stop here I think. If you find anything of value that I didn't already know myself about myself here I'd be more than pleased about your work. But if you don't it'd be to be expected.

>>36173369
To me, quantum physics just state that there is no ways to know both the position and the speed of the particle at the same time. It doesn't invalidate the fact that each states of the universe (i.e the position of each and every atoms, more specifically, the binary state of each and every plank units) is the direct product of the states that precede him. Our conscience isn't special in that that it's just a very interesting configuration of small binary plank unit that makes intelligence a thing (which is still nothing in the face of the universe). Also the fact that the more we learn about computer, the more we're close to conclude that it'd be theoretically possible to stimulate an entire universe, just like our, make me think even more strongly about determinism of the universe.
But yeah, I'd be interested in reading more about all of that. I strongly believe determinism is the way the universe work, but I'm humble enough to think that I might be mistaken. After all my knowledge of quantum physics are limited at best.

>>36173277
>>36173381
Would you consider yourself ugly? More importantly what would you say that you yourself bring to a relationship. Like, you have to think about this from the other person's point of view - if you're funny and chill to hang around with, or you're a good musician, or you're just passionate about something, then there's a higher chance that some girl will take a liking to you. The first step you need to take in romance is looking at yourself and figuring out if you are dateable.

As for actually finding people, there are two main methods. One's through friends, though you need to have a solid friend group for that. The other is internet dating. My go-to has been Tinder, but try out what you want and see what works for you.

>>36173484
That's the thing, from what I understand, it's not that you can't measure both the momentum and position accurately - it's that actually uncertain, i.e. measuring a particle's momentum will make its position random. As such, you may well start having issues with cause and causality, so, so it might NOT be the direct product of the states that precede it. I'm not saying that you're wrong or that determinism is wrong, I'm saying that the introduction of randomness in this world means that determinism isn't logically proven. Might still be correct through, who knows.

>>36173526
Ive used OkCupid, it really is shit so far. I'm very cynical about myself, so I can say that I'm easily a 7. If you put 5 as neutral, that would make me on the attractive spectrum. But just the awkward amount of attractive that isn't sufficient by itself. And anyways, meeting a girl that would like me for my looks (and I'm anyway not that attractive, like I said, just the "not ugly" kind of attractive) would be silly.
As for the rest, I've thought about that all of the time. I consider that to be a "gimmick". Someone with a gimmick may be more interesting. But that just is : a gimmick. Something that men have to do in order to get a chance in reproduction. So yeah, I could pretend to enjoy an activity that some girls my like, but in the end, I'd do something that I don't like to please a girl that I won't like either. I'm actually very good at geek stuffs like video games, puzzle games, (because I love them) but thats not the skills that will ever interest women, anyways. But going away form my interests would be lie to myself and my own genes. Although it would be the intelligent thing to do naturally speaking. Right now I'm an entitled idiot that don't want to do thing that interest girls but want to meet a girl that would be interested in what I actually like to do even if that diminish my odds drastically. As for the rest I'm kind of jack of all trade, there is nothing I really suck at. While the girls have basically just have to exist and not be completely ugly and most of the time they will find love and compassion from the other sex. I know that way of thinking is stereotypical specially around here but I truly believe that the differential in libido make it much easier for women than men to win on the love market,

>>36173157
Honestly, I share a lot of similar views to yours and I can tell that you are having trouble putting words to your perspective. To help you out, I believe in existential nihilism: the idea that the whole of humanity is inherently insignificant relative to the vastness of the Universe. Consequently, whatever you choose to do with your life is up to you and meaningless from an external perspective. You give meaning to your life! If nothing matters, then it doesn't matter that nothing matters because everything will "zero out" anyways. Literally your perspective is the most valuable perspective to you.

Additionally, it sounds like you are incredibly bored -- probably because of your shitty job. I would seriously investigate what it is you want to do with your life and, barring that, find some better alternatives. Also, even if you were immortal, you would have to die someday due to current ideas about the heat death of the universe and the like.

Good luck, my friend.

>>36173644
But you're suggesting that the universe would change it course only if it knew somehow that you would observe it. But observing something doesn't make any changes on that thing. The universe doesn't know that you observes it. And if it knew, and then would change it's course, then it'd still be determinate, as the reasons for you to observe it would have been determinate.
My personal theory (that I just realized up right now and that is not even in what we would call and embryo state) is that when we're talking quantum, we're talking about the smallest unit of time and space, which make it impossible in a single moment to know both the momentum and the position of the particle, because there is only one bit (0 of 1) room of observation here.

>>36173157
>First of all, I hate myself but I also hate almost everybody else
Take the time to stop and figure out what you personally value and work towards that. It can be a hobby or a skill, or maybe just a personal ethos that you stick to.

You may not be as accomplished as other people, but life doesn't have to be about grand accomplishments. Think about life in terms of the little things. Maybe just getting a few extra kills in a video game can be that icing on the cake to a boring day. Or maybe you could find a nice T. V. show that you can just sit back, relax and go along for the ride. A part of handling mental distress is rectifying any physical discomfort as well as getting your body to relax.

>we are just products of determinism anyway
That's a rationalization wherein you have an idea in your head, then after you found reasons to make it true. Pay attention to and analyze the preconceived notions in your head and the automatic thoughts that pop up. You'll probably find alot of them are very pessimistic and entirely lacking in a basis. Challenge them, and establish counter arguments for the ones that keep showing up over and over again. Many of us say things that we would never say to anyone else.

>I feel old as fuck but I'm only 25 years old
But you've only been out of school for a short time. Everything in life takes adjusting to. Be patient and stick it out, and over time you'll get more and more used to whatever your life is like. As you become accustomed to it, you'll be able to find ways to improve it. You can pick up new hobbies, find new places to go and new movies to watch. You never know what the future may hold.

>>36173277
>One of which is girls. More specifically romance
Everyday The Media bombards men and women with the notion of romance. But just having a gf won't make you happy. You do all the same things just with another person. So if you're having trouble finding things you enjoy, what will you do with your gf?

>>36173711
That's fair enough, you feel like you should just be yourself and not put on a front for other people, I can understand and even agree with that. You're wrong about the geeky stuff though - while it's not for everyone, most girls are either indifferent to it or actually like it. With the girl I'm currently seeing, we usually just smoke weed and play video games, so it's a rather unisex hobby. And while you shouldn't feel like you need to change yourself, you should at least refine yourself. You know, brush yourself up and whatnot.

>>36173779
Nah, that's not what I'm saying, I'm saying that if you were to observe the universe, you could get several different outcomes (uncertainty principle), which means that if you have two different universes where you simultaneously observe two identical particles, they might end up differently.

>>36173910
Sorry, two identical parallel universes, I meant.

>>36173759
Interesting. But I think we differ on some points.
I believe that the potential of humanity is infinite. I said potential, because if we wipe each other out it's over. There is two states that await humanity, either immortality or extinction. I don't think that we will last in mortality for too long.
That said, with infinite potential, we could probably solve all of what the universe have to offer. Thing like the heat death of the universe, that will happens in SO LONG means nothing when we will achieve a literal infinite amount of intelligence (read more about artificial intelligence for that matters). So I think that we might not be as insignificant as we think. Hypocritical for me to say that after my previous posts, isn't it ? Well, that's the thing. My conscience is stuck in some kind of sub program that brings me suffering. Even if the hope that humanity destiny would actually be great, I'm still stuck in the present in a very monotonous life, with greatness only existing in the theory that my conscience made up and that make sense for the way my own neurons are configurated, and I'm just a conscience after all, one among possibly an infinite amount, so I might just be wrong about everything.
Also, my job isn't shitty. As far at a job can go, it's actually pretty okay. It just that it is : a job. A job by definition isn't nice. It's an obligation to do something in order to live. It's enslavement. More on that, thats why I'm trying to achieve financial independence, and be able to live the NEET life financed by myself, but I still have some years of suffering ahead.

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gf killed herself last year and im getting worse every day think im becoming psychotic meds dont help wat do

Hi, Messy here, thank you for reading me the few anons that rode me. Talking like that exhausted me, so I'll take a little break. I'll stay back for a while, so I might not answer right away. But maybe I'll find myself back to this thread in a close future. See you another time

>>36173964
I feel like you need to move on. I know how horrible that sounds, but the truth is that thinking about her won't bring her back, but it will spiral you further out of control. As to how to actually do that, I have no fucking idea. I can barely deal with breakups, I don't know what I'd do in your position. I'm sorry, man):

I'm in hospital right now. I'm in a constant state of flight or fight a general sense of unease and uncomfortable feelings, anxiety. I'll soon be transferred to a psych ward. I can't even look after myself, I can barely walk outside to get something to eat.

I am a complete basket case. When I get out of the psych ward I probably will be homeless as there's nowhere I can go and I will soon die of suicide or murder.

>>36158561
just wnated to say that you were right yesterday. the chad im trying to friend from my work texted me back. But then had this brad at work go out of his way and somehow found me on social media and requested to follow me. not sure if this new character wants to be my friend or something else? what makes someone go out of their way to do something so obvious? am i reading into too much?

>>36174261
Mental Illness can be a very difficult problem to deal with. When you're having a hard time reinforce to yourself that feeling strong emotions, and because of that things seem much worse than they are. Most of the time difficult emotions only last a short time, and if you can get over the hump you'll feel much better.

Try not to fixate on pessimistic thoughts. When you do you're creating a Cognitive-Behavioral downward spiral wherein your thoughts influence you actions and your actions influence you thoughts. So interrupt the process by finding something else to think about, or by finding something to do that will lift your mood. Conscientiously force yourself to focus on whatever it is, and the more you do it the better you will get at it. Dealing with troubling emotions is a skill too. First you need to recognize that your depressed or anxious, then after find things you can do to feel better. You can go for a walk, watch T. V., take a shower, browse the internet, listen to relaxing music, work on a hobby, or if it's really bad, just slowly counting to 10 a few times can get you past the peak.

When you're depressed you always think the worst will happen, but it won't. You can get S. S. I. or a section 8 voucher. If you do end up homeless you'll get put on the top of the waiting list for section 8. Then with your NEET bux and a high speed internet connection you'll be able to browse 4chan whenever you want, you can download all sorts of torrents, all without working. I'm not saying you should do that, but it's within the realm of possibilities. But when you're depressed all you'll think about are the negatives. Keep your chin up and try to find the silver linings to any of the bad stuff that happens to you.

>>36174630
>You can go for a walk, watch T. V., take a shower, browse the internet, listen to relaxing music, work on a hobby
I have schizophrenia. The things you mentioned usually just freak me out, just typing this post is killing me.
>You can get S. S. I. or a section 8 voucher.
I'm already on disability. Only 2 days ago I had my own unit with internet, electricity and gas connection. It was all set up. But I couldn't bear living alone, so I moves in with my sister yesterday. I had a freak out and now I'm in hospital.

i had my first episode of psychosis two months ago

i suddenly became very paranoid about everything, like i was going to get arrested by the police

i was hospitalized for a month, and today is a month since i've been out of hospital

problem is, the psychiatrist thinks i have schizophrenia because of the paranoid psychosis i've experienced

today i booked another appointment to complain about a side effect, and he simply increased the dosage thinking it's catatonia or something. i couldn't close my eyes because my facial muscles were fucked up from the antipsychotics.

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98KB, 430x350px

I don't even know what to do anymore, it's like my life just started to crumble on itself more and more when i got to uni. First year went kinda well considering the circumstances, but stress just started to wall-up. My tourettes became worse, by depression became worse, my grandpa died, my good friend became a drugaddict, another one tried suicide and became epileptic. I don't even care anymore, i never go to lectures and just lie on the bed listening to music and drinking. It's fucking 5a.m. right know (i haven't slept at all) and i'm thinking about opening a rum bottle.

>>36175276
My mom has schizophrenia, her brother had schizophrenia (committed suicide),my granddad had schizophrenia (died last year), and i also've been starting to feel more paranoid than usual. I'm really scared.

>>36176470
take a break from uni, that way you won't waste your money and time

>>36176524
It wouldn't be wasting my money, it'd be wasting the money of our taxpayers (uni is completely free here and you get good allowance). My doctor said he'll write me papers to get rehabilitation money, so i guess i'll take a break next semester and live with that.

>>36176662
>It wouldn't be wasting my money
i meant wasting your grades, if you're struggling