How fucked am I

>>36123364
my little brother did that shit when he was like 13, except he didnt get fall on it

>>36123364
Kek you fucking idiot

>>36123364
Fall for the meme guys it's great, op is just actually retarded and fucked up

Got what you deserve you literal faggot, no male should want to put anything up his ass

>decides to fuck himself in the ass with a plunger
>the degenerate faggots on /r9k/ are surely to blame for this
sorry queer, I would uber my way to a hospital real quick if you have the option

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>>36123364
To all your morons out there, *spoiler* the male g-spot looks like this.

It is not up your ass, fucking retards. It is outside your body and easily serviceable.

You are not a fucking woman, your asshole is not a fucking vagina and the gods did not hide a clit up your shit pipe. God damn what is WRONG with you bloody idiots.

>>36123364
>Plunger
>Shampoo as lube
>"Don't do it guys"
Holy fuck, just buy a butttoi

inb4 internal bleeding

>>36123678
>*spoiler* the male g-spot looks like this

Anon are you retarded? That penis has had the frenulum ablated during its circumcision. That man has no g-spot.

>>36123364
you dont sit down on the fucking thing, you try to stick it in bent over.

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>>36123797
This. When will you faggots realize that the kikes push circumcision in order to remove our natural g-spot so that we turn into feminine sissy faggots who get pleasure from sticking things up our assholes?

>>36123797
This is a shitty meme, anon.

>>36123988
It is objective truth. Try to look past your denial for once

i put a broom up my ass when I was like 14, came so hard my legs started shaking uncontrollably, but it was messy and I used shampoo for lube like a retard so I never really did it again

I should start doing it again honestly, though I should probably exercise my body so it doesn't disgust me first

//blog thanks for having me

>>36124026
I am circumcised like all Lutherans but my frenulum was left wholly intact. It's a lot more sensitive in that spot but not in the stimulating sort of way. Rhythmic stroking and thrusting of the shaft is what gets men off. Not by rubbing their tiny fleshy bit like your mother watching jay z videos.

>>36123988
t. cutfag in denial

>>36124108
>I am circumcised like all Lutherans
are you fucking retarded

>>36123364
You're probably badly injured op, next time start with a finger or something else small and some actual lubricant. I'm surprised that shampoo isn't burning your boihole right about now.

>>36124108
>like all Lutherans
I hope you're joking my man

>>36123364
Go to the emergency room. Tell the doctors what you did. They will be unphased and will give you treatment. Tell your dad you started shitting blood for no reason.

>squatting on a plunger
How short was your school bus anon?

>>36123364

> Not attaching the object to a wall
instead
> relying on your legs not to give in under your whole body weight and gravity

Surprised when he falls and impales his fucking ass.


Wew lad, i've heard of stupidity, but there's levels to this shit and you are top tier

>caked in shit
Top kek

>>36123364

How fucked are you?

Well, i'd say you are ANALLY FUCKED, anon

Does anyone know how to prostate masturbation without a sextoy?

>shampoo as lube

I fucking cringed don't ever do that, you think its a good idea to put fucking shampoo inside your body? The stuff that burns your eyes?

I'm sure you're fine, just aggravated and stretched the rectum and colon. You'll be fine since nothing go stuck up there, maybe tore some a bit, but those heal.

>>36124938
I did it several times, luckily it just made me feel uncomfortable and now ten years later I've never had any medical problems with my ass. Did I dodge a bullet?

>>36123364
That's why fingers are great. How fucking far in do you think your prostate is??

>>36124846
There are videos of people getting it done with just fingers, the prostate isn't very deep in there. I assume it's much harder that way though

>>36123364
>OP actually thought a toilet plunger was the best thing to try butt stuff with
What is wrong with you. You couldn't spend the 20$ on a cheap amazon toy and 10$ on a bottle of water based lube?
I seriously cannot believe that I'm falling for this bait, but to any anon who actually wants to try anything with your asshole, please do your research.

>>36124938
Thats the fucking part you cringe to? Kek

>>36123364
I always feared that would happen with my handle.
Thats why you need to be cautious

>>36125131
Piss you shithead

>>36125131
Haven't you heard the countless stories of guys trying to jerk off with shampoo? They get a little bit in the pee-hole and it burns like the dickens. It'll also chafe some dick skin off. Doesn't sound fun

Shampoo is serious business only

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Agreed, OP. Did it with a spare toothbrush. Covered in shit, and my ass hurt for about 24 hours. It's horrible.

>>36125260
is a toothbrush even large enough to achieve the desired effect?

>>36125353
An electronic one is.
Bonus points for turning it on.

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>>36123364
>absolutely caked in shit
>>36125260
>Covered in shit
Did you fuckers really not even check if you had poop in your rectum before sticking something in your asshole? If you have something there either flush it out or try another day for fuck's sake.

>>36123364
>why did I listen to you fucking morons?

Apparently you didn't listen well enough, anon. Anal is not a willy nilly thing you can McGuyver it with whatever is on hand and hope for the best. Of course you had a bad time.