Depression, college, future and death

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>>36059747
No, but can you post more of that anime girl?

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>>36059780
Sorry it's just a random russian background with a unknow anime girl, i don't think there's more of her.

>>36059747
It's surprising how close these feels are to mine: my father is working 60h a week in an insurance company, killing himself at work, and my mother barely sees him with her job as a doctor, and I feel like I'm just a parasite living off both of them, especially since they have to pay rent for the place I live in at the moment for my studies, studies which will last at least 4 more years...
I don't feel entitled to any of this, and feel great shame for it. I've actually talked about this feeling with my mother, and she says it's fine, but I still can't get myself to accept it: I know they both love me very much and that they will always be here for me, but it feels so selfish of me to just be like this, useless and unproductive. At the very least, I'm looking for a job to do for the summer which could pay back at least a portion of it, even though I'm pretty sure they will refuse to take this money.
It makes me so sad inside, but lately I feel like I've been able to somewhat use this: it gives me enough pressure to force me into action, studying and trying to do my best. But I still have no idea how it will end up. So I can only hope it's going to be okay, that i'm going to succeed and that I will be able to lift this weight off their shoulders.

>>36059747
I pretty much feel the same way anon.

Currently in community college, about to get AS degree and supposed to be going to a 4 year school. (AS is in CS).

I haven't even applied to the school yet and my grades are just getting worse and worse.

I don't really know what to do, I just wanna be homeless or die or something. I don't have any goals or dreams or anything, just uncertainty and maybe killing myself.

>>36059747
look kiddo dont do anything because you feel pressure if you have any doubt that you wont survive a comp sci degree you wont make it. Take your time and relax. Focus on what's important (your future) give yourself the time to really dig down deep and uncover what it is that makes you happy, what motivates you? You might feel like there isnt anythinf that motivates you, that just means you need to keep on looking. it took me 6 years $30,000 of wasted money on a shit uni degree I didnt even want and a whole lot of drugs before I realized what I wanted from life. You need to explore all your options and remind yourself that passion makes the hard work easy. When you find that thing that fulfills you on all levels the hard work of studying and learning or working to gain useable skills becomes easy. You're 18 you have plenty of time to fuck up and make mistakes it's something we all do and it's.important that you do to so when you finally know what it is that you truly want you can appreciate the hard work it took to get you to this realization and use that shitty experience of failure as fuel.

>this is the best advice you may ever get so fucking read this and never forget it

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I feel the same way as you.

My plan after finishing high school was to take a break. My parents were not for it though. However, taking a break from studying gave me a chance to reflect what I have done so far and to think about what I want for my future. The break that I took was 1 year and by the end of it, I concluded with 'just go with the flow'.

Even though I was and still am unsure of what I truly want in life, the break has given a chance to revitalized. And yes, I have wasted 1 year of my life being a NEET, but it was worth it. Being anti-social for a whole year has made the next year probably the best year I've had so far.

Point is, it's alright to be selfish from time to time; you're an adult and you should take control of your own life.

Also language is my england.

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>>36059780
That's Nakagawa Natsuki from Hibike! Euphonium.

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>>36059747
Can't relate, OP, as I'm not a talentless good-for-nothing, but at least have this neat picture

>>36059949
also talk to your parents. they want whats best for you. if you're honest and tell them what you wrote in your OP they will understand because they struggled the same way at 18. Ask their opinion on what they feel you should do. Ask them about hobbies you had as a kid. Ask them about their experiences and how they found the jobs they have now. You'll be suprised how helpful talking about this shit can be. Don't be afraid to get a shitty wage cuck job and just suffer until the weekend for a year or two and build bank before you make any major decisions
>>36059747

>>36059747
Not in the exact same situation, I actually didn't get to graduate highschool yet (long story) but unlike 95% of my year I knew what I wanted to go to post secondary for (if I did, which I didn't) and that's the most important part. If you don't know what you really want to do you're just wasting time and money. You don't want to spend 2 years doing the wrong program, then have to start over again, or be 30k+ in debt for a degree you won't use. Ignore the above post, we're in a completely different era of schooling and post-secondary education compared to our parents. Everything costs way more and a degree is necessary if you don't want to be a wagecuck. Take some time to find out what it is you really want to do. I would love to discuss with you and maybe help you find some options (:

>>36059747
27yo virgin here
I graduated, after 8 year undergrad, with a degree in software engineering
all I want to do is kill myself; waiting for my old man to die is the only thing that keeps me alive

it doesn't get better with time, you just come to realize how much you've wasted your life and how you no longer have the chances to change it

>>36060678
This is me if I don't have my oneitis or my dream job by 25 ha 4 more years to go -blows annoying blower thing people use at kids parties-

you're not alone, hardly anyone knows what to do at that age

i was so unsure what i wanted to do at uni i decided to avoid it altogether and get an apprenticeship. if it weren't for that i'd be a neet

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>>36059747
You can do anything you want in life, that's the truth, and don't listen to anybody who says otherwise.
>"But I don't want to do anything"
Wrong, you don't lack motivation, the prospect of possibility is crippling you, you are afraid of not accomplishing your dreams and this very fear is what keeps you from doing so.
Don't force yourself to do shit if you don't want it. Yes, you can't remain how you are; yes, you have to go through even more dramatic changes than you've been through until now, but never make yourself into something you're not. If school isn't what you want then consider starting a business, or going straight into work.
At the same time, school may be an important vehicle for change which you could not manifest on your own, so consider that.
You are not willing to change because you are betting everything on who you are now.
I started playing the violin 2 years ago, out of fear. Now it's as if I had been playing it since childhood. When my orchestra organizer heard I wasn't a child prodigy he shat his pants. Never underestimate human capacity for change, and never think that change is limit by physical factors. Miracles do happen, if you bet everything on them.

>>36059747
At least you're not made out to be some crazy mofo