Who else /lowfunctioningADHD/ here?

Yes. l'm a piece of shit.

I am, either catatonic or manic and utterly incapable of the simplest tasks.
I kind of think ADHD is just a meme illness and I'm not sure if the ritalin helps or hurts this whole mess. I've seen 4 psychiatrists in 5 years and they all diagnose me with a multitude of newagey bullshit and tell me how much better it's going to get, to just take pills and the bottom is lower every time. Don't even have the volition to fill my prescriptions anymore, unless a withdrawal is imminent.
Whenever hyperproductive normies talk at me about their terrible ADHD, I think that one of our shrinks must be wrong. Both, probably.

>>36029506
Do you know what catatonic even means. Ive seen people on here say schizophrenia is like an acid trip.. you fuckers have no idea what mental illness is. Thats why you call it a meme. Youre not sick. Just completely retarded.

I wouldn't say I'm low or high functioning. I'm like mid functioning. I can have an intense focus on a single task but the minute something takes that focus away I'm a fucking mess. Happens all the time at work. When I try to multitask I end up staring into space and forgetting about my first task when I finish the second one. I didn't ask for this shit.

>>36029552
I have weeks where I don't get out of bed and literally dehydrate so I don't have to get up to urinate, some jew doctor at some point described those as catatonic episodes iirc, he was much more precise about language than I am though and I have a shit memory from all of the rx drugs.
I also have weeks when I start contacting everyone I've ever know, applying for jobs with a fake resume, making plans with people I'm never going to fulfill, gambling, drinking, compulsively shopping, compulsively masturbating. It often culminates in some ridiculous hazy howdayado where I end up getting arrested and medicated and the cycle reboots.
I've been diagnosed with so many discrete disorders, it's ridiculous how these meme pushers are at their own grift.
Two psychiatrists ago I had GAD and ADHD. The last psychiatrist dxed me as an undifferentiated (catchall) schizophrenic and my current fat meatbag jewish E.L.I.Z.A. thinks that I have all kinds of meme behavioral problems, OCD, ADHD and MDD and I'll be better in a jiffy.
I'm definitely retarded, I'm definitely a cunt. I'm also definitely sick. It's not an excuse, it's a fact.

>>36029747
>I have a shit memory from all of the rx drugs.

Yeah, you gotta get used to it

Same boat though

>>36029747
You sound bipolar. Sounds exactly like me. Those are all definitely symptoms of bipolar, not anything else.

>>36029768
I write things down endlessly but I never reference them and the patterns are just as non linear as my thoughts. I come up with all kinds of memetics and when I'm not trying to access things they work really well. I just can't function unless the function is entirely trivial.
How do you remember things? Have you just accepted you're not going to?

>>36029747
>tfw the seroquel doesnt even subdue the beast

Game over guys

>>36029817
Bipolar is what I would always self-diagnose myself with when I was feverishly reading unhelpful shit on the internet but its never been my primary diagnosis.
Again, I'm not sure any of this is real and psychiatrists are terrible at their jobs as far as I can tell.
My richfag parent's insurance paid for all of them except my current one who is still overpriced but not as much and not helpful.

ADHD can be cured with daily meditation.

>>36029840
You too, or just inferring? The seroquel made me actively desire an end to the breathing.
Madness is better than the antipsychotics.

>tfw ADHD
>tfw 108 IQ

Was I born to suffer? I can barely even do middle school math.

>>36029846
Your psychiatrists are shit. That is literally textbook bipolar. I should know since I'm bipolar. I've been through the exact same shit, dehydrating and starving in bed for a week at a time without moving at times and at others doing impulsive shit with a sex drive through the roof, buying shit I don't need. Your psychiatrists are morons if they don't see this. I'm 100% sure you're bipolar.

>>36029876
Not at my point, it went untreated for so long I broke from reality. Still have only a slight idea of what it is. It sucks a lot. Im going up to 900, hopefully it will shut me up and calm me down

>>36028599
Have any people with """ADHD""" ever just tried getting a hobby like reading that develops their ability to focus? That's all it's about really, the ability to focus. I personally used to be able to focus very easily in school when I read a lot, but now that I haven't read books at all in the past year or so, I've had much more trouble paying attention in class and reading assignments without loosing focus or getting too bored.
I think it's a huge meme due to shitty parents not getting their kids to do focus developing activities, like reading, doing puzzles, etc.

>>36029897
Regardless of what people on 4chan might tell you; the average person isn't doing equations in their head on a daily basis.

I know some really smart people who struggle with long division at times.

>>36029916
>tfw I can't articulate myself properly to my psychiatrists
I think part of the problem is I tell them actual facts but if they ask me to talk about my interpretation of them I only ever say everything is fine; so, I think they're left guessing at shit which they invariably do.
I feel better on the fun pills anyway, I was on mood stabilizers and some other bipolar meme drugs once (with a primary diagnosis of MDD) and I hated the feeling; not as bad a seroquel but undesirable.
>>36029925
Godspeed anon, I hope you feel better. I couldn't do it yet even if I knew it would work. Most of my choices seem to be masochistic.

>>36029916
Sounds similar to me, a psychiatrist suggested it to me once but discounted it because I said I felt better and was more stable.

I feel like for the past 5 years I've only ever been completely fine,everythings great, I understand everything, want to absorb all knowledge etc. or in an agitated depression.

Never really lay in bed for days at a time even though I wanted to. Mostly just paced, unable to keep a straight thought.

Can't work out if I'm being a faggot or if this is all legit but I keep asking; if this was fake, why wouldn't I have sorted myself out by now?

>>36029916
I'm not that guy, but I'm starting to think that everyone was some degree of bipolarism. So in other words, I think most people have a cycle of good weeks and bad weeks similar to people with bipolar disorder, but to a much lesser degree.

>>36030084
My personal armchair psychologist meme theory is that all mental illnesses are within the realms of normal human experience, however once they go over the line, it triggers a chronic recurrence.

>>36030017
I just gotta stop drinking, and doing retarded shit.

Its hard, 6 months down. It still is tapping me on the shoulder, I was driving today getting goosebumps and shivering. Its insane. But its how my brain works. Fuck man wtf did I do to myself. Ill be fine but its not easy

>>36028599
Adhd + dyslexia. How fucked am I? Can I even compare to a normal human bean?

>>36030149
My theory is similar, in that all mental illnesses are just more extreme versions of what normal people go through, but that genetics do make you much more likely to experience those extremes. For example, I think kids with ADHD are simply genetically prone to losing focus easily, and getting bored easily, but if they're given lots of activities to remedy that at a young age, the "mental illness" can be completely remedied.

>>36030017
I've taken dozens of meme pills also and the only one that does anything besides give you horrible side effects is lithium. It takes the edge off the depression and keeps me from going manic. I enjoy the mania but I've done lots of stupid, shameful, illegal shit and nearly ended up killing myself so I take it. If the mania ever becomes a problem for you, you should consider lithium.

>>36030247
This definitely plays a part, but I was obsessive. I skateboarded religiously, it helped me feel more present. If that makes any sense, didnt matter though. My friends, my old friends could still sense something off about me. I was so stubborn, I thought they were full of shit.

>>36030253
I appreciate the advice, definitely taking it under consideration; as I said, though I have no idea how to have constructive dialogue with my psych. It's awkward silence and small talk and then a few irrelevant pieces of trivia and then they lead me and I agree with whatever they say and I get my scrips and do it again in a month or a little longer, again depending on if I'm taking pills that will cause painful/dangerous withdrawals.
I guess I would just say to him what I've said in this thread but that's incredibly hard for me. I just don't trust any of these pill jockies.
Apologies for the interrogation, this is very interesting to me for obvious reasons.

>>36030078
mania is not everything being fine, it's you being impulsive as shit. Basically like if you were on cocaine. You have tons of energy and ideas and feel like a God. You become super intelligent (or at least you think you do) and can fire off words rapid fire like it's nothing. You feel so great that you feel like like consequences don't apply to you. You might think of them but just brush them aside like they're nothing, going on impulse in the moment. You barely sleep and are horny as fuck and aggressive and assertive. It's not something you could confuse for being normal.

>>36030346
I didn't even ask the fucking question that I was apologizing for asking but what do you think I should say that would be easier than unloading at some mustachioed douche?
I feel like it would be odd for me to just ask him to put me on lithium and I don't know how it would interact with my other meme pills and I don't particularly want the dopamine beans to go away.

>>36030374
Hit the nail on the head.

Original Its original

>>36028599
I used to start hitting myself in the head when my hand twitched and went under the line when writing. Now I just tap my foot alot

>>36030247
I agree and think this is why the 'mental illness is all in your head' and 'mental illness is inflicted on you and is never your fault' crowd clash so often. It's a middle ground; I had a predisposition to mood disorders and neuroticism but had I had a normal, healthy upbringing this would have abated with age.

My personal responsibility comes into it though; I've done things that have dangerously affected my mood in the long term. It's stupid to take personal responsiblity out of account all together.

>>36030346
Well just don't blame them for not being mind readers. If you want them to help you, you need to tell them what's actually going on. If you don't want them to help you, then stop wasting your parents money. What you're doing makes no sense at all. If you're just going to keep your parents happy, you're still doing them a disservice by not actually trying to solve your problems and just keeping up appearances.

>>36030424
As far as I know most severely mentally ill people don't contest that they're responsible for their actions.
It's more people who want doctors notes for their college course or their white collar meme jobs where they need one to justify why they need more personal days (or perhaps they'll get litigative.) Those are the people I imagine push the "no personal responsibility" shit.

>>36030374
I've only experienced this once (exactly as you described) and it was triggered by sertraline. When I was dragged to the hospital by my family I felt like I was hot shit and was keeping myself under control but the doc said to them that I obviously was brimming with things to say but was holding them back. Could have talked for hours desu, just rapid speech about absolutely nothing. Got arrested once and committed an assault another time but didn't think I'd ever get caught.

It's probably just chemically induced though, although I was diagnosed as having a hypomanic episode. Everything else I experienced seemed to be a muted version of this, like I was experiencing the symptoms but I had control over my actions to some extent.

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>>36030184
>no alcohol for 22 months
>think about it every day but never really want it
>until the other day
>poured myself a drink and stood holding it and considering it for 5 minutes and even took a tiny sip before pouring it in the sink
>no cravings since

What the fuck

>>36028599
Been on meds for 10 years. The past couple years I've noticed that I have 0 energy when the meds wear off. Psychiatrist said this was normal. I can barely function anymore aside from the few hours a day my pills are working.

>>36030477
I don't blame them at all. I've just been realizing this shit might be for people more functional, with more of a constitution to live than I possess.
I'm wasting my money now. I can't take it with me, and that day when it might be worthless is going to be sooner than later if I don't "snap out of it" or whatever nonsense.
My psychiatrist suggests shit to me and it's easier for me to continue talking if I agree with what he said, so I do and ultimately he ends up pushing the narrative for me which is fucked but that's what I seem to make happen every time, panic under pressure. It's a problem for which I have no solution.
Low functioning sometimes means really low.

>>36028599
I don't think Im that hyper. But I went to a psychologist last year for OCD (I thought) and at the end of it she told me I probably have ADD. Recently I've been noticing more and more behavior which fits with it.

The weird thing is, I have accomplishments. I have a master's degree in a stem field. That takes focus right?

>>36030374
and actually this isn't even mania, this is just hypomania. Mania is even worse, like you actually start to believe that you are God literally or you start to believe other crazy shit like people are conspiring against you or you're a robot. You might end up running through the woods naked for a week thinking aliens are after you.

>>36030669
>implying there aren't conspiracies against me and I'm not spoken to
I can't tell when I'm kidding.

Op here:

I own my own house, but my mom was the one who pressured me into getting it. She set everything up, and I just went along with it. And since I had enough money from work (which I was pressured into doing), I could afford to pay a down payment of 20%.

I have a cognitive goal in life, to become a game designer, but I make no effort to accomplish it, because I wait on "future me" to do it. I stay up late, sometimes 2 in the morning, knowing that I have work at 4 in the morning. Sometimes, I skip making coffee, because I put that off for too long. So at the end of the day, I'm pretty much close to passing out, and this happens a lot.

Everything at work is muscle memory now. I don't even have to think about working to accomplish it, which gives me free time to think about random things while I work.

I can't learn at all unless I hyperfocus. I get yelled at often because I don't listen or I forget something. I'll forget so many things, like feeding my cat, or paying my bills. And even when someone is talking to me, I'll pay attention to a few words, but I'll hear the words, and they won't make sense in my head, because I'll be thinking about something else; and when someone says something, I have to say "What" a lot, because I didn't understand the context.

One thing that scares me is that I'm so out of touch with time.

>>36030669
Yeah I was diagnosed with a hypomanic episode and put on a load of benzos to calm me down. I would have likely gone manic though had I been left to my own devices though, I had started to become obsessed with god and my place in the universe, felt I was part of a grand plan etc.

It was all in embryo though and never got fully fleshed out.

>>36030568
You should try writing a letter explaining everything if you can't bring yourself to talk about it in person. Even if you don't give it to them, you should still write it. Sometimes we feel like we know everything about our problems so we don't have to voice any of it, but just voicing it really does help, something about how the brain processes things.

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>>36030877
Checked.
I'll try it. I never stop writing, but I never know what to write about, so it's often as disorganized as my speech.
It's good to have goals.