Feeling lonely around other people

>>35937466
Yes it's very hard for me to form strong connections with real people. I can't say I've ever loved my parents even though they've always been nice to me I guess and I've had """"friends"""" I just talked to at school but haven't talked to them at all since I graduated.

I feel lots of love toward anime characters though which is weird.

yep its mainly because i know i have nothing in common with them really and that i tend to feel like a pathetic fag all the time because i dont know how to weld or drive straight shift pr thibns like that. in highschool id have a fun time but thats because i could hust go crazy and theres bo reprocussions unless you do somethibg infront of teachers or something now im just boring and easily obsess over certain women

where do you work, is it hard? i might apply to a job at costco soon just because being only around my uncle all the time can be annoying. but today at work i rewired the 2 wires that go to the tarp motor on a dump truck, took 45 feet of wire.

the only thing about getting a job somewhere else is i dont know what to expect. i like my job but sometimes my uncle just says stupid things like once when i was using a chisel to beat something out and he was like "hit it hard" and i told him i was just trying not to hit my hand and he was like "just hit it hard if you worry about hitting yourself youll never get good with a hammer, that stuff just happens" and i hit ot harder but that kinda stuff just makes me feel kinda mad. i already feel like a fucking pussy idiot all the time.

i do like drinking but i only smoke really, i dont think it hurts my health smoking like 4 a day but i do find myself clearing my throat a lot. at work every few months if i cough much (ive always had a cough) my uncle will say somethibg like "do you still use that vaping thing" or tell me something like "you need to stop smoking getting cancer would be bad" and hell he will run diesel teucks indoors with the doors shut and once it gets smokey just turns on a fan that is on the edge o the building at the top that sucks out air. diesel burns your eyes. an i just know that if i ever did get cancer he would say some shit like "well you brought it on yourself" and that just makes me mad

that shit kinda pisses me off, am i pathetic or acting like a retard?

>>35937466

Yes. 4chan would call it autism, other places have called it schizoid disorder.

What REALLY bothered me was how people were so taken aback by it.

>You don't look like anything is wrong with you, so why don't you just come have fun?

I don't want to have fun.

i do, i wish i had friends ever but i havent, and at this point (almost 30) ive given up because im pretty sure that im mentally retarded

like i can do all the parts of being social in an environment like work but it doesnt ever feel like a cohesive whole, like im just wearing a poorly tailored person-suit that everybody can see through

doesnt help that it feels like nobody actually likes me or wants to be associated with me unless its doing them a favor, but only as long as im doing whatever they need and then its back to being lonely

i end up reading alot because of it and i have a lot more uh warmth i guess toward the characters in the books i read, for whatever reason

if youve ever read the novel blindsight by peter watts, i empathized with the narrator in that so fucking hard that at points it felt like my thoughts were being laid out in front of me on the page

>>35937680
>I don't want to have fun.
What even is fun anyway?

Inb4 talking or consuming drugs food or drink in the presence of others

>>35937825

I don't know. Those people always told me having fun is "going out and having a good time", and I'm not sure what they ever meant by that.

>>35937848
>going out
He hates it.

My idea, keyword "Idea", of fun is not even feasible to reality. And if it was I would maybe get tired

>>35937466
Yeah
I have a huge problem with getting attached to people as well though, so that might play into it

>>35937782

I'm the OP, and the difference between between people with Schizoid personality disorder and what I have is that an inability to connect doesn't bother schizoids, but it bothers me to the point of being incredibly depressed

>>35937466
There's a term for this, look up "Social Anhedonia". I experience it coupled with all the other factors of Anhedonia (not enjoying hobbies, food, sex, etc.). Still, I know exactly how you feel, and it fucking sucks. I got along REALLY well with these two cute girls a week ago, and I've never had a gf so it should've been a big deal, but I felt nothing. Trying to make friends? Same deal. Something in the brain's not working right.

Of course, it could indicate some early sign of Schizophrenia, but it could also be depression.

>>35937466
its bc u feel that the convo is forced. i was having a painful time talking to one guy and feeling lonely, and then we went into groups and i was able to talk to my new group so freely and happily and we all laughed. i think theres just a lot of fake people that cant bear a weird convo or take a joke. it really says a lot about their stuckup ness.

>>35937466
Sort of, sometimes. I usually like being in Discord with my friends when they're on. But sometimes when they're not on, I'll spend an hour or three hoping someone'll get on, and then when they do I realize it was a mistake, and instead of enjoying conversing or playing games with them, they just irritate me or make me want to be alone again.