Any former criminals on here? Give me your stories Pic unrelated

Don't want to say something because I haven't been caught.

>needed money for h
>get my friends dads 44 magnum and bear mace
>slash screen open door and do home invasion with gun and my fat sidekick
>roomate sleeps thru it
>get dudes lockbox with like 1000 cash and a quad
>since roomate slept thru it and since they didnt realize i reached thru the screen to unlock door this tiny girl gets blamed
>still friends with dude to this day
>im a scumbag

>>35888952
Statue of limitations?

I'm about to be sentenced tp 9 years in prison for something i didnt do. It especialy sucks because im 19. I'll be od when im out but i cant prove those files were planted.

>>35889008
What kind of files anon?

>>35889006
Yeah it's going to take some time.

i made fiberglass silencers (shitty ones that you can only use like ten shots) for a guy in high school. Very illegal but paid very well. Now I'm a upstanding citizen

>>35889040
Fair enough. Never know if some fag will report you and have cops follow through on it or not.

>>35889033
The kind you'd think of.

>>35889165
Was it CP anon?

>>35888893
Sorry Officer, but you need to try harder

>>35889008
you the guy who went to a LAN party and got bamboozled by your friends?

>>35889165
>9 years for cp
there are people who get let out in 3 years for killing someone
American legal system is the biggest meme

>>35889165
Either you're lying or somebody reeeeeeeally had it out for you. Cyber forensics can show whether or not you interacted with the files, or if an external rootkit or other form of malware uploaded them. This is why they take your computers when you get v&. It would be readily apparent if you didn't know. If they're moving in for a staggering 9 year sentence instead of a month to 5 years (the normal first offender range for these kinds of charges) it means you're bullshitting all of us and you were probably soliciting online.

>>35888893
Fuck off donuts eating pigs

>>35889323
>he doesn't like donuts

Go back to the Middle East, Abdullah.

>>35889211
>>35889323
Most people posting here are either ex-cons or their crime has passed its statute of limitations
And it'd take an admin tracing the ip to a general area and reporting the ip address to the local cops
Now even then I doubt they would bother to try and make a case out of it as there probably would be a lack of evidence
So unless some retard confesses to murder on here it's probably fine

I broke into an elementary school when I was 16 and got arrested for it.

Yea, I know. Im a badass.

>>35889454
y tho
Doesn't seem like a good place to burglarize

>>35889492
my friend, the thrill of burglarizing those cubbyholes was the sweetest prize ever I've plucked

>played road hockey in a government building parking lot and rifled a orange ball through a garage window and bolted
>threw snowballs at passing cars from the graveyard next to my house
>played catch near my elementary school and put a ball through a window and bolted
>stole a car drunk with a friend from a bar and drove it to a random house then caught a cab out of there

yeah im a pussy

>>35889492

It was a snow day and me and my cousin was hanging around a local elementary school. I found a window was open and convinced her to climb in.

Luck would have it that police pulled up sometime after we started fooling around near the school so we didn't see their car. Apparently they were investigating some kids spraying graffiti in the area and they thought we were them.

>>35889558
kek
>>35889613
You get in much trouble for it?
Hopefully the pigs were understanding
>>35889608
>stole a car drunk with a friend from a bar and drove it to a random house then caught a cab out of there
kek, imagine being the people in the house

I was arrested for being suicidal once.

>>35889693
Iktf

Spent a month in the psych ward and got on meds. 8/10 would do again, the food was good and I feel a bit less anxious now.

>>35888893
I was and still am a major marijuana grower/distributor.

>>35888893
I bought and sold crack a few times to afford smoking crack...

>>35889720
It sucks for me because it made my situation worse. Hate the cops now.

>>35889688

>You get in much trouble for it?

They took our mugshots, fingerprints, and threw us in holding cells. Called my mom and she was pissed as fuck.

They made us write an essay about what we did was wrong and let us off the hook. It didn't lead to any sort of record because I ended up joining the military and was able to get a TS/SCI clearance. They just wanted to scare us, I guess.

Yes but my record got sealed due to a plea bargain so I'm not admitting what I did.

>>35888893

Yes.

What kind of story would you like to hear>?

>>35889852
T. B Cosby

>>35889224
>Killing someone is the same as molesting a child and ruining their life
>Killing someone is the same as supporting the people who do such things
>Implying you only get 3 years for killing someone anyway

>>35889417
id be surprised if anyone here even has a weed connection. these are all people that dont know what to do with life.

>>35889919
Regardless of all these FAKE allegations, Bill Cosby is still a legend whose good deeds will be remembered long after he dies and these unverified claims which were thrown out in court will be a footnote, if mentioned at all.

>>35888893
Sell drugs/ex burglar

Done crimes in cars done everything but rape murder etc

AMA

>>35889999
I appreciate those digits, friend.

>>35889788
Sounds like a case of a power tripping kid
>Don't have harmless fun
>>35889993
Manslaughter charges and getting off on good behavior
The sick thing is that people who view cp get more time than actual child molesters
In my own town there was a older illegal who molested a kid in a van in a fucking supermarket parking lot and got off with probation
He isn't even being deported
Honestly, the judge responsible for that should be shot along with the spic

>>35890112
>kid
*cop
>>35890010
how'd you go about burglarizing places?

>>35889999
This is true. I wouldn't know where to get anything illegal in person. I'd use the internet probably. But I'm not a lawbreaker outside of online piracy shit.

>>35890136
I'd get it from my mom. But yeah I know how to use bitcoins etc so that's not a problem.

>>35890112
>The townspeople didn't lynch the spic
Shit town tbhdesusempaifamalam. Makes me think your story might be made up

I didn't stop to a yellow light and got a ticket

>>35890167
It's a liberal college town, I won't say much more though
He skipped out on registering as a sex offender so last I've heard he is wanted at least

I've stolen at least 50 thousand dollars worth of stuff from Wal-Mart. From TVs to air conditioners to top of line gaming computer stuff (online order)

I'm sure they have some file on me but still haven't been caught. I don't feel bad about it at all

>>35890295
Do you just say it doesn't arrive but it does?

>>35889999
Sup officer.

>>35889762
but youre officer frosty

youre a lawman

you uphold the law

I did some hardcore white collar crime a few years ago, but niggas still investigating me so I'm not going to give any details.

I did earn over half a million, though.

>>35889999
I knew a guy who claimed to sell a lot of weed when I was in high school. No idea whether or not they actually did because they were a fairly nice person and ironically they told me to stay away from drugs of all people.

File: moneydollars.jpg (707KB, 1919x2263px) Image search: [Google]

707KB, 1919x2263px

>>35890592
The name is highly facetious.

File: image1.jpg (1MB, 2048x1536px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2048x1536px

>>35889999
I am the weed connection.

File: FB_IMG_1486243103467.jpg (27KB, 612x612px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 612x612px

I am a pretty decent human but I was born and raised in a shitty neighborhood... ergo you can take shithead out of the hood but the hood stays in the shithead

>Walmart is my bitch, I don't even have a tally of the dollar amount I've scored
>drug deals; pills, weed, coke, meth
>drug use; pills, weed, coke, shrooms
>skateboarding, soliciting and destruction of private property, assault sometimes because of bitch ass rent a cops holding onto our boards
I smuggled friends out of highschool when I drove my dad's escalade there but that's not that bad

minor infractions but still all illegal

Ive since stopped all of my fuckery

>>35890656
>>35890672
send me weed in the mail pls I'm too autistic to find a dealer

>>35890672
officer frosty how much money have you made?

>>35890699
where do you live anon?
there's literally stores for it

>>35890723
UK m8, we don't have legal weed

>>35888893
These threads are redundant. If you're a robot you wodnt even have the mindset to do more than mild teenage hijinks crime like shoplifting or selling dimebags . Career criminals tend to have early and promiscuous sexuality.

>>35890699
Make sure it's sent to the right address. My now former Department assistant manager (of whom was also a firefighter) told us about how he was called to a friend's house where he was delivered by mistake at least a few kilos of weed. It was a pretty funny story.

>>35890731
shit m8
I'm in California and I used to have a rec
I feel for you bro

>>35890656
Is that a push dagger?

>>35889773
This is me
>>35889766
Next time dont kill your self and the cops wont take you to the loony bin.
Its not their fault your defective.

>>35890735
Maybe if you are a drug dealer
You see robots committing different crimes, extremes being stuff like murder and rape. I assume a decent amount of burglars are robots too.

>>35889999
Nice numbers dude, also wanna buy weed off me?

>>35890812
Ted bundy and ed gein was 4chan

>>35890812
I don't think it fits the profile, though. The people who frequent this board are too beta for anyhting confrontational like that.

I think this board perfers the sorts of crime you can commit without going outside, which drastically limits the scope of what's probable.

>>35889224
In my state you can get as much as 10 years for it, no joke.

You can actually get LESS time in prison for actually raping a kid than you would for illegal porn.

The law is fucking stupid.

>>35890870
Don't forget terrorists who weren't mudslimes
Kaczynski was a virgin and Breivik/McVeigh supposedly were too
>McVeigh /k/
>Kaczynski /out/
>Breivik /pol/
Also pretty much every mass shooter

>>35890948
It depends I suppose
There are the types who post in >tfw no gf threads and are general orbiters and the nonfunctional depressed types, but some people seem like low functioning sociopaths
Probably the type to do sex crimes as opposed to stuff which requires connections or social skills

File: 1464761059614.jpg (1MB, 2560x1920px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2560x1920px

>>35890757
Yes.

>>35890699
No thanks officer robot.

>>35890714
I average 25,000 to 50,000 profit per month of operation.

>>35890974
/k/ taught me combat
/out/ taught me to be strong.

>>35890136
Come to think of it, laws are pretty wierd. I've downloaded thousands of dollars worth of software over the years and have become so accustomed to it I don't even blink.

But the thought of getting caught with a tiny bit of weed in my state? That's fuck-your-life-up territory and terrifies me.

>>35890955
that's fucking crazy. Do they disnguish between prodcution/possession/distribution? I'd hope thye'd get an airtight prosecution before putting someone away for having pictures they might not even be aware of possessing. Shit, people scrll past images all the time on this site that they don't even look at.

>>35891044
Pol told me it was the jews and it was the jews.

I did sum sheittttttt

>>35891072
It's usually a planted image that they can track. They monitor the time viewed/download/distribution ect.

If you view it for half a second you'll be looked at but probably ignored

>>35891072
You can't get in trouble for said vewing porn but saving as in downloading it is what gets you in trouble

It's just like pot for example

If you see it on the sidewalk and the officer is right there

You won't get arrested for looking at weed but right at the moment you oick up the weed that is when you will get in trouble with the officer

Stupid but true

So don't get spooked when you see it online but don't download it because that is how they get you.

>>35890812
>Maybe if you are a drug dealer
>You see robots committing different crimes, extremes being stuff like murder and rape. I assume a decent amount of burglars are robots too.
Even they have social skills. It's pretty hard to be a criminal without someone backing you

>>35891333
You don't see many criminals getting together to rape and murder
>unless you are a nigger
Arson (without monetary incentive) seems like another robot crime

>>35888893

>second grade
>classmates ask if I got my cootie shot
>told them I did
>I really didn't

I was patient 0 too.

File: 1474862177155.jpg (14KB, 258x196px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 258x196px

>>35888893
I went 5mph over a few feet before reaching a new sign with a 15mph speed limit increase and a cop pulled me over for speeding.

Who else /outlaw/ here?

>>35891412
Robots are low test. Arson in youth is strongly associated with future rapists and career criminals.

>>35888893
>2007

she's an old hag now

>>35891590
Plenty of rapists who were robots tho

I used to sell coke and molly. Quit about 6 months ago. It was easy, the money was good and I may go back to it if wageslavery doesn't suit me.

>>35891590
>Arson in youth is strongly associated with future rapists and career criminals.
You're thinking of bedwetters. Easy mistake.

My one real friend is a drug dealer from a shitty part of SoCal, he offered to let me in on his business and I'm considering taking him up on it because he's not just some thug, he knows how to run a business and is actually a really smart guy. He only deals weed and a little bit of coke as far as I know. He doesn't let me stick around for the coke deals though
>tfw your friends don't let you get too deep into gangsta shit bc you're an awkward white boy

>>35891041
who do you sell to?

how do you spend your money? you cant put it in the bank

arnt you scared of jail/prison?

I found out my sister was a prostitute so I blackmailed her into having sex with me so I didn't tell our parents.

I trimmed weed for a couple hours once
Johnny Law pls no bully

>>35891665
There are rapists who were virgins before they raped? Any examples?

File: image.jpg (67KB, 576x504px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 576x504px

>>35888893
No but I'm a security guard in retail so I deal with all you twats and fags on a daily basis. It's the same thing over and over:

>black people steal in huge amounts, I've seen between $800-$1300 worth of merch and are hard to catch
>white people who steal are always tweaked out in heroin
>teenagers steal cheap items with their friends for shits and giggles
>Spanish/illegals always steal with their kids
>I never noticed an Asian steal

File: c6z51frosty.jpg (202KB, 1000x750px) Image search: [Google]

202KB, 1000x750px

>>35891857
I sell to all sorts of people. White professionals and working class people, shotgun crips, bloods, gangster disciples, black stone gang members, native stylez, Torres cartel cats (they can't get good weed, only bulk brick through their cartel), some local biker gangs. Mostly I sell to college kids though.

>>35891857
I spend a lot in cash, but I also own small businesses so I have clean money and credit.

I've been arrested and to jail and prison, its a joke, nothing to it.

>my favorite car, it got seized in 2014 but I beat the case and got it back.

>>35892487
>never noticed an Asian steal
That's because they're ninjas, anon. You're not supposed to notice

>>35888893
I stole gummy bears from supermarket when i was 7, truly a master thief.

>be me
>riding bike
>get horny
>unzip my pants a bit
>flash my dick to every girl I pass
>just keep biking
>see fat homeless lady
>stop biking, offer her $1 to let me flash her
>she says yes
>show the lady my cock
>offer her $20 for a blow job
>she says yes
>sucks my dick in the woods without a condom for $20
>also felt her fat boobs and licked her nipples
>she's 40ish, I'm 21 at the time

>>35889056
What the fuck is a fiberglass silencer?

>>35890187
what the FUCK anon that's the most fucked up thing in this thread

>dicking around with friend
>beer, bow and arrow, squirrels
>do this

I hate myself desu

http://archive.is/bHoGS

ITT: role players, liars, and edgy teenagers

Never Renewed/Returned a library book.
Changed my ways now.
>>35888972
His fault for being friends with a heroin addict desu.

>friend was pistol whipped and robbed for oz.
>Gather hood friends
>Meet pistol whipper because he doesn't know I'm friends with pistol whippee
>Ask for QP, bring whipper to our car
>Good friend#1 punches whipper in face and holds his head down with one hand while pressing air soft gun to his head with the other
>Get QP, HF #1 tells whipper to get out of the car and lie down.
>Not part of the plan but HF #1 takes dudes car and drives down a few blocks while hf#2 and I follow.
>Hf #1 steals dude's amp out of the trunk and throws car keys into the street
>Drive off
>Whipper can't find car so decides to call cops
>Cops interrogate and he tells them about me
>Get wrapped, many charges but most dismissed on technicalities.
>1 month in jail total, got a celly who was basically king of the woods so got access to pruno and some connections
>Celly is based, practice boxing using crushed toilet paper roll and socks as mitts. Calcify knuckles even more.
>Get out of jail and finish 3 years probation.
I don't glorify any of this dumb shit anymore and have grown out of it.

>>35888893
I used to steal cars and sell them to Africans who used to ring them and ship them out. We used to burgle houses specifically for car keys but sometimes we'd just get a bamboo stick with a hook/magnet attached to the end and put it through the letterbox (people just come in and dump their keys) we called it fishing

I got a shit load of stories about thieving and prison. It's the reason I'm an unemployable neet

animal abuse for money

>>35888893
Got arrested for possession once and used to sell weed when I was in high school.

>>35895574
I'd love to be padded up with you in prison, i'd stamp on your head.

>>35895644
you would never get a chance

>>35888893
Does shoplifting count? Pretty much all of my wardrobe is stolen, at least a couple thousand dollars worth. I also stole various clothing, bags, perfumes, makeup, and electronics to re-sell online.
Holy shit typing this out just made me realize how bad that is

>>35889008
Are you that guy who posted a story here a few months ago how some "friends" put a backdoor to your computer and planted cp on it? Your story didn't hold water even back then. Enjoy being assraped, pedo.

File: pepe.jpg (110KB, 800x800px) Image search: [Google]

110KB, 800x800px

>>35895194
I think you deserve it
Some guy robbed me 2 oz,1/2 sheet of Lucy, 40$cash, and a pack of smokes
took care of this guy and didnt get caught
>he didnt know i was friends with his coke dealer
>tell him about how he robbed me
>we put rat poison in his coke that he buys
>dumb wanna be nigger disappeared after he bought coke

My friends and I used to load up carts with beer, meat, and camping supplies and just walk out of the store. We did this 3-4 times during the Summer, for about 5 years.

I'm shocked that we never got stopped

File: profile_picture_by_shaggy_art-d6fpdlz.jpg (27KB, 256x300px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 256x300px

>>35895941
yesss good goy
Take your job seriouslly

>>35894708
It's a silencer made out of fiberglass.

>>35891590
>Arson in youth is strongly associated with future rapist
Crazy you say that, I used to be friends with a kid who burned down a house that was next to our old middle school. After he was released he kidnapped his older sister, tied her up in his friends basement, raped her and held her there for almost a month.
He's out of prison and I believe he was only sentenced 3 years.

>>35889056
Why the fuck did this guy need fiberglass suppressors.
Also what exactly were you charged with and what was your sentance? in USA right?

>>35888893
Illegal, but rather stupid than immoral (didn't get caught):
>around 2011 summer
>hight of edgy right-winger kid phase
>"joos are everywhere, just waiting to get you"
>cross street on my bike
>get bumped by car (it was my fault because didn't check sides and was daydreaming)
>in bit of a shock I made 50 meters on my bike before younger dude catches up to me
>tells me to go back to that crossroad because it was accident and need to make protocol (so is law in my country)
>somehow managed to fucked plastic bumper bretty hard (probably it hit my pedal)
>older guy comes out of car
>most "merchant" look I ever seen in my life
>they ask for my address, phone and name
>"fuck they going to sue me and my family into bankruptcy"
>somehow managed to build entire fake personality out of my imagination
>they fallen for it
>quickly finish protocol and leave before they figure it out
>avoid that region of city of few years
TL;DR: damaged some jew car, but manage to outjew him