Asking a girl out

This worked out bad for me. She wanted to make it an outing with several people, it was clear my feelings weren't reciprocated, and almost a decade later I masturbate exclusively to anime girls and post on r9k. I hope things go better for you though

Make comments that can lead to pleasant conversation, expand upon it and ask to go out for coffee or something, that's pretty much it. It can be about almost anything, something cute she is wearing or the nice weather this Spring or whatever, but it has to be genuine. Do this for a few minutes and then go for it. If you actually make it to the next step you can start asking personal questions without being a fucking creep. If you don't, just chalk it up as a learning experience and practice your small talk so you can be more successful in the future.

>>35887213
Thanks for the optimistic glimpse of my future anon!

>>35887386
The conversation shouldn't be a problem; we talk quite often. I guess I'm just bad at moving to the point where we would start flirting. Honestly, I don't know if I've ever properly flirted with her, which could be a problem since we've known each other for a couple months now.

>>35887819
Then you've already done all the work and you don't even know it, sheesh. Just do what you normally do and then ask her out. Flirting and shit can come after that.

>>35887172
Do it.
Doesn't matter how you do it. If she is going to say yes, it doesnt matter what you send her.
Protip. Ask her out via text so when she rejects you, you wont have to continue to be around her.
Ive been rejected plenty of times and its really nothing to fear. If you're friends she will let you down easy so you can continue to orbit her for the rest of your life.

>>35887906
I guess that's a good way of looking at it. The thing I'm worried about is being in the proverbial "friend zone" since we've known each other for a couple months and I'm only now making a move. Maybe that's just r9k getting to me, saying that I need to be a total Chad to get the girl. Hopefully she'll appreciate that I took things slow.

>>35888096
I think that it'd be better if I asked her in person; it'll show I have some sort of confidence and I'm not worried about being around her. We are somewhat of friends now, so hopefully she will still be able to bare my presence afterwards lel

>>35887172
On the same boat bud.
The girl really connects to me in an intelectual level. We have conversations about such nerdy shit, and somehow it makes me want to know even more so I can keep discussing and mildly enlightening her. Since she is so welcoming to it.

I feel so great talking to her, and she feels the same way too. But she's way too reserved to actually take time to show appreciation by sitting closely or hugging my bitch ass. So I have to do it. And sometimes I come off as too much of a tryhard. Luckily she never scoffed at me for doing it. Just some comments like ''I'm not really into all of this contact''.

Sadly I'm pretty sure I'm sealed as ''that one friend who I can have thoughtful conversations'', because I've caught her many times talking about ''imagine when I'm in a relationship''.

I mean, just today the bitch wondered with me what the fuck her husband's name will be. It took wayyyy to much brain power for my retard ass not to say my own name.

TL;DR: Even tough it almost never really works out. If you're shy to walk up and ask, try to get in touch with her so eventually you can talk about relationships. Or ask someone you can trust to find it out for you. I'd reccomend the latter since I'm basically the lab rat of the first one and I can safely say it nets you more girl friends than girlfriends.

Just do it, and don't be vague. Be very straightforward and obvious about what you mean

>>35888569
>>35888897
To add to this comment I made.

If she ever, EVER comments about other guys in your presence, be careful. Since she either wants to show you she isn't into you on a boyfriend level or she wants to know how big of a sweet talker you are.
I say sweet talker because, if you successfully debunk her comment by just being straight up better you'll get many point.
So far I've only managed to do it once. Which is when she commented about that one pretty dude who is good at physics and the stars had aligned so that I were capable of helping her for the test. Which ended up making her get confident enough to actually ask me for some help and show appreciation. So there's that.

>>35887172
Yesterday I asked a girl out for the first time ever as a 21 year old male

She said no of course but I have some advice

Don't think about anything that comes afterwards: if you're going to do it, just do it and get it over with. the rest comes later
1 step at a time

ask her if she has a boyfriend first. say like i don't have any planes. last time i tried i got cockblocked by another girl asking about me about my friend.

>>35888905
This kid is already way too fucked. If he's not a 8/10 and over he might just get straight up denied.

He basically NEEDS to be vague in order not to get scarred for life relationship-wise.

I personally reccomend just going full Sherlock and learning about her interests so you don't end up in a silent standoff. Then >>35887386 advice and good luck.

Not OP but how long can you know a girl for without making a move before you're past the point of no return? In my case its because she had and still has a boyfriend so I'm probably fucked anyway.

OP here, work just got really busy so I'll respond to these when I get the chance. Feel free to keep posting with advice though.

>>35889031
>>35888897
That kind of sucks anon. Fortunately the girl I'm interested in hasn't mentioned other guys romantically, though we're also really not close enough to be discussing that yet.

>>35888905
Is simply saying "Wanna get some food with me" too vague? Should I call it a date when talking to her or should I just make that apparent while we're on the date?

>>35887172
What you say matters less than how you say it. It's okay to be nervous. Remember she's just a girl and you're just a guy.

Ask her for her number to hang out later. And then plan the rest later. I blieve in you

File: eaZrosc.png (363KB, 5000x5000px) Image search: [Google]

363KB, 5000x5000px

>>35887172
lol I just asked a qt out today. she said that she had a boyfriend

back to the drawing board I guess

best of luck to you though

>>35889543
"wanna get some food with me" could be fuckin anything, you could be grabbing a trash sandwich at a MickeyD's drivethru. Just go do coffee or something where you can sit together and talk and be comfortable

and don't invite other people for the love of god

>>35888096
She will let you orbit her, but you don't have to be her orbiter. You CAN just be her friend. Just because you think she's attractive doesn't mean you have to have romantic feelings for her. Just make sure the relationship is reciprocal.

>>35888897
I can kinda relate to you. Feels bad man. I've been talking to a girl and we have been getting pretty close. Maybe its my fault that I didn't make my intentions clear but I might be in the friendzone already. Sometimes she talk about wanting a "hot Japanese boyfriend" (because we're both weebs), not sure if shes joking but it kinda annoys me. I feel like if I don't confess some time soon I'll really end up being the gay best friend.

>>35889543
Good luck with that getting close deal. You'll need it. I hope you're as decent of a talker as I am for you not to end up asking her ''Would you rather have sex with or without condoms?'' or some other weird ass shit like some of my friends tell me they said.

Getting treated as a friend who can hear about her ranting on how she loves guys who are *insert total opposite of you here* is where it all crashes and burns. Take it from the experienced.

>>35888905
This, girls like confidence. What are they gonna do, make fun of him for asking her out?

>>35890251
I'm pretty sure I've been so unsexualized (for lack of a better word) she doesn't think of me as nothing other than a present person to talk to and occasonal helper. Pray that you don't end up getting fucked like me.

Luckily she's dense enough not to realize that when I aggresively joke about my own jealousy I'm actually secretly serious.

So many times I've caught myself death-staring guys across rooms because I saw them making her laugh with shit tier jokes.

My only hope is sooner or later her non oblivious self will awaken and realize that the lone wolf agenda she follows is retarded. Then actual appreciation (not just remembering when I'm gone) will be seen and eventually, with hope, all out love will take place.

>>35890449
>What are they gonna do, make fun of him for asking her out?

Girls usually do that though

>>35890548
Why not just confess? I know I'm being hypocritical because I am afraid of doing so as well

But when I think of how things will continue, it will either end up with me getting rejected and we stop being friends, or she gets herself a bf and we stop being friends.Or she accepts and we start going out. There is really nothing to lose.

>>35890449
You don't understand, do you?

People like OP didn't have confidence in the first place. Thats why they're in that position. They overanalyze shit. Which in turn makes them reluctant on doing basically anything. No joke.

Its not because he thinks they're gonna make fun of him (some actually do that), its that he is going to feel bad himself for fucking up this transition from friend to boyfriend. At least that was my case a few years ago.
After getting the good old ''no''. I've wasted weeks on end thinking about what I did wrong and why I fucked up so hard. That and moving between orbiter/acquaintance status with the girl who denied me.

>>35890632
How close are you to this weeb you talk about? In 1 to 10, how great of a person you think she is, socially?

If you were in my position, talking to a 8/10 girl who had a 9.5/10 sometimes 10/10 social synergy with you and never failed to make you melt daily, you'd be afraid of losing her friendship too.

I know this whole ''I love you so much I'm ok with you getting a bf'' deal is as lame as it gets, because it is. But when it all comes down, and it will, the victory will be the greatest moment of my life and considering how scarred I already am friendzone-wise because of all the previous bitches. The loss will be but a scratch.

I mean, my whole reason for me going to college is because she'll be there and fulfill my addiction to the chase. I can't just confront her now and bring my answer home.

>>35890814
>How close are you to this weeb you talk about?
Not sure how to explain the level of closeness but she shares her personal problems with me, including her family problems and how she broke up with her ex. Heck, we're both going to Japan (separately) this summer and she even suggested we meet up there. But I have low confidence so I tend not to assume too much unless things are clear as day.

>In 1 to 10, how great of a person you think she is, socially?
Well if I were to judge objectively, I would say shes 7/10. But of course since shes exactly my type, she 10/10 for me.

>you'd be afraid of losing her friendship too.
Certainly. I feel like everything I've done to building up this closeness is gonna go down the drain if I confessed and she rejected me

>''I love you so much I'm ok with you getting a bf''
You know deep down you would feel like shit once she gets a bf and stop talking to you as often as now

OP again, I'll be home within an hour and will be able to talk more then. Anyways, a couple more replies for now

>>35889139
I'm probably not an 8/10, though objectively I'm about as attractive as she is (we're both probably a 6 or a 7). I've already learned quite a bit about her and still have a decent amount to learn as well, so I'm in a pretty good spot when it comes to conversation.

>>35889057
>>35889062
>>35889612
Duly noted, thanks for the advice guys

>>35891361
Sharing my own experience, I'm a really shy guy so I didn't dare to ask the girl I liked out in case she thought I was creepy. So instead made use of our common interest in anime movies to kinda hint at things. Sent her a link to a movie we both liked and she asked if I would like to watch it together. You might wanna try that after finding out more about her interests

>>35891005
>You know deep down you would feel like shit once she gets a bf and stop talking to you as often as now
Which is why I said this whole deal is lame. And why I feel bad for slowly accepting it.

The worst part is my case is a lot weirder since this whole closeness isn't even clear, since as previously mentioned she doesn't really make a priority out of maintaining me knownful that she likes my presence. Other than by missing me and shit.

I dream of the day she'll talk to me late at night on Facebook some real personal shit so I can spiral that into a thoughful conversation to make a move on the next day. But for now when she says goodbye after I've commented with her about the future of mankind and our search for knowledge, it all fades away until the next dialogue on the next day.

That being said, do you have more info on this whole breaking up with ex deal? You could really use that for improving yourself so you don't do shit she despises.

Sad shit man. The one time I want to be present the girl is like that. So uninvinting and at the same time not. It's just so cute when I actually see her being proactive and appreciative I can't quit trying to get her to be more like that, at least with me.

>>35891708
Oh shit the last and second to last paragraph got switched up lul

>>35891708
>I dream of the day she'll talk to me late at night on Facebook some real personal shit so I can spiral that into a thoughful conversation to make a move on the next day.
At least you have the courage to do that. We are practically doing that already, yet I have no balls to actually tell her how I feel. I know I am just beta and a loser.

>So uninvinting and at the same time not.
I might sound mean here but could it be that she is leading you on and making use of you? A friend of mine is in the same situation. He has done so much for her, helping her with school work and getting her connections. They even go out one-on-one together. Yet, when he confessed, she just said shes not currently looking for a relationship. Careful not to be too absorbed into this. Just something to think about.

>You could really use that for improving yourself so you don't do shit she despises.
Not much details, but judging from what she said, she hate selfish and self-centered guys. Her break up was kind of a loyalty issue, not exactly cheating, so she probably wants a loyal guy.

90% chance you will fail. Do you even know her well? Do you know how many choices a young attractive girl has these days, what makes you special?

>>35892138
>At least you have the courage to do that. We are practically doing that already, yet I have no balls to actually tell her how I feel. I know I am just beta and a loser.

You'll eventually build it. When you reach a certain point after many failings. You start getting more and more mad at the opportunities you lost, which is turn makes you more inclined not to lose any more.
I've been to the point of late conversations many times, but I didn't take the whole emotional streak seriously and lost great chances. Heck, once I even slow danced together with one of my million crushes and didn't ask her out to be my girlfriend because I was totally oblivious at the time.

I've caught that happening like yesterday too. The present crush was looking at me like she was mentalizing our marriage or some shit. The cutest look I've ever seen. Sheer happiness for me being besides her. And I took it for granted and didn't say anything other than ''What's up?''.

I mean, I could've talked about her feelings about me then and there.

>I might sound mean here but could it be that she is leading you on and making use of you? A friend of mine is in the same situation. He has done so much for her, helping her with school work and getting her connections. They even go out one-on-one together.

The girl is like 20 times more responsible and bigger picture focused than me. She wouldn't do this shallow shit. At least that's what I interpreted from her sayings. And I'm way too ballsy to go out with her and not romanticize the whole shit so I don't look like a beta version of a pimp or some shit. The thing is I'm afraid her non appreciative self will just find an excuse and say she has to study or something, so I end up not even bringing the subject with her.

Sadly it does seem she is not looking for a relationship. But as I said earlier, I'm hopeful I'll snap her out of it.

>>35891361

Women don't really find guys in their league attractive. A 7/10 girl will have no problem getting dates with a 8 or a 9 guy. Good luck tho!

>>35887172
Okay OP, answer this honestly because this could change this whole entire situation:
>are you anywhere on the autism spectrum

>>35892138
>>35892475

Continuation of my previous comment and a cheeky bump

>Not much details, but judging from what she said, she hate selfish and self-centered guys. Her break up was kind of a loyalty issue, not exactly cheating, so she probably wants a loyal guy.

Be loyal then. But take this advice. Don't make it too big of a routine, since she can either get annoyed by your frequent presence, or take you for granted. Make it more of a pleasant surprise than anything.

Yet another example using my sad life. This one time she was really down because she got a bad grade on a test and her cat died. And I, knowing that she probably missed my lame ass because I was sick and didn't come for like two days, waited for her on the back of the class. When she realized I was there, she gave me the prettiest smile and walked up to me asking ''You're waiting for me?'', I said some pseudo-phylosofical shit and we got out and started to talk. I've never saw her more grateful for something as much as she looked at me from my shoulder when I started to comfort her.


Of course there was also this one time she said to me this whole bodyguard deal was getting annoying, but when I silently started to walk away she ran for me and told me ''but you're already here so whatever, lets talk!'' in a kawaii desperate way.

God I love this bitch.

TL;DR: Be there, just don't go too far. Remember to keep your presence as a great treat once in a while that makes her happy, not a daily guaranteed happening that bothers her.

OP is back home y'all!

>>35889723
I'm actually OK with being her friend because she is a pretty cool person; hopefully I'll be able to put my feelings for her aside and have a real friendship if it comes to that.

>>35890380
I'm not the best talker, but if she ends up reciprocating my feelings I'm sure I'll get by. She's kind of awkward too so I don't think she'd mind me being weird every once in a while.

>>35890645
You really hit the nail on the head. I'm a pretty analytical person so I tend to study at the details of our relationship pretty closely, but this unfortunately doesn't help with emotional things.

>>35891495
I already have a good idea of what her interests are. I know she likes video games, so maybe asking her to go to a pinball parlor by my house would be a good idea? I'm not huge into anime but I think she watches it; maybe I could watch a Miyazaki movie with her or something?

>>35892618
I don't think so. I'm mildly depressed and probably have ADHD though.

>>35892981
>I already have a good idea of what her interests are. I know she likes video games, so maybe asking her to go to a pinball parlor by my house would be a good idea? I'm not huge into anime but I think she watches it; maybe I could watch a Miyazaki movie with her or something?

Fuck no. You'll end up being her nerdy friend. What do you want? Next up she'll ask you to play fucking Magic or some other non-romantic shit.

Stay chill. Talk wisely, make it seem like you want her booty every once in a while so she doesn't get absurdly confident and makes up in her head that you don't have feelings for her. Trust me you wouldn't want that.

>>35887172
you just swallow your pride and do it tb.h

it sucks for a bit then it's fine

Last ditch bump

>>35893771
I too will bump, my man

>>35894639
Same here. Was nice sharing with you guys. I can tell we are all the kind of guy that likes to take things slow

OP no offence but if you get a gf please don't come back here. In fact if you're anywhere near the position you outline in >>35891361 you really should fuck off already. Ask on /adv/, this is the one place for us kissless virgins to be with people like ourselves. I have no idea why you'd even think asking /r9k/ for advice on healthy relationships is at all relevant to our experiences outside of a subtlejab at our confidence.


>>35888096
>If you're friends she will let you down easy
literally every girl does this