>mom opened the annual candydoII delivery gift box

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she must be sad to have you as a son

>>35861548
What is this exactly? Did she eat your candy or something?

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>dad found the dragon diIdo

This is it lads.

>>35862113

Sounded like some sextoy delivery. Why you would get sex toys delivered to a house you share with your mom is not a feeling I want. That's why true robots prefer the PO box and just ask the kindly postman to grab the shit in the back that's too big to stuff inside it(also what you do with candydoll, I imagine.)

>>35862113
Lurk more before posting, also have some respect for OPs candy doll delivery gift box


>>35861548
I'm sorry for your loss, if there any way of getting another ?

>>35862132
Hey wtf that's my line! Why are you using my line?

>>35862184
>I'm sorry for your loss
Thanks :/
>if there any way of getting another ?
Well, I'll try to get a step one.

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>sister found the semen cauldron

>>35862132

>ahahahahahaha it's for this girl i know. as a joke. ahahahahahahaha

The joke is that you both know it's not, but he can sleep easier telling himself that lie.

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>>35862184
>Lurk more before posting
I've been lurking since 2007. Is that not long enough?

>>35862322
I'm gonna have to remember that one

I thought up something similar but Urs is a bit better.

Parents are very religious tho

>uncle found the penile potassium porridge

ONE NOTHING WRONG WITH ME

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>nana found the cum centrifuge

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>dad elongated sister's asshole again

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>second cousin found the dookie dehydrator


Guess who's moving to a third world country in the near future.

>>35862577

You can throw in 'for her birthday' or 'for her graduation' or 'for her bachelorette present, delivered by strip-o-gram' and adjust it to fit your age bracket accordingly as well. Don't make it too complex though, bachelorette present is usually as far as you need to go. My dad was never afraid to call me on that type of bullshit though, because as far as he knew girls didn't exist in my life(never brought them home, never talked about girls that I knew) and he was a degenerate himself who wouldn't have cared if I told the truth anyway.

>an example
>i'm in the hospital for about two weeks
>mom and dad decide it'd be a LEGIT GOOD IDEA to go down into my room and clean
>they smash the bar out of my room(the literal, functioning alcoholic drink type mini bar) out of my room and pull my mattress aside
>there are dozens of fap socks between the matressand my room
>most of them are old enough to have spiders living on them by that point
>i'm about to break in another fap sock when i get home because by that point i am pent as fuck
>dad barges into the room without knocking, he's never done this before
>WHY ARE ALL THOSE SOCKS BEHIND YOUR BED
>have no good answer, just be like, i dunno, they're old, guess they got lost while I was sleeping
>THAT'S A BAD WAY TO TREAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS HAWWWHAWWWHAWWWHAWWW

>>35862813
Okay I just realized the flaw with this and ur previous thing

My parents know I don't have any female friends, because, in fact, I actually BELONG IN THIS BOARD I DONT GO TO WEDDINGS AND SHIT

>>35862813
9/10 greentext

Rekkt by father feelsbadman

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>dog found the cum tower

>>35863051

Good, I'm glad you were paying attention.

Like I said, it's a lie of comfort mostly(though I really didn't talk about women with him because I knew firsthand what a degenerate he was,) If he asks her name, throw out some basic bitch name, like courtney, heather. Of course my approach isn't going to work on everyone, but if they feel like calling you out on it(which might be a distinct possibility, just saying, so you don't make my previous mistakes,) you have something to immediately fire back with. Hell, you could also be perfectly honest and say 'I wanted to know what prostate stimulation felt like and this came highly recommended on the internet' or something. Chances are they won't say anything and just stare at you with even deeper disapproval than usual for a few weeks until they get over it. Because honestly, it's probably nothing they weren't expecting at some point. When you have a boy, you just sort of expect weird shit from them, no matter how old they are.

>>35863082

He'd been priming that fucking joke the whole two weeks I was gone.Nigga used to get a gleam in his eye that I should have long before recognized when he thought up something clever. Also explained why he didn't bother knocking, he was just fucking dying to use that master blaster on me. He couldn't wait an hour before I got home before to dish that shit out, and he was a really patient guy.

>>35863388
I'm the (you) in both

The problem for me is that my religiousosososos parents would literally curb me to the streets if they found the dildo and I didn't have a convincing a lie (well my dad would). So, yknow...
inb4 don't have a dildo then you retard
Yeah I know.... it's one of the few things that brings happiness tho

Your dad sounds pretty dope tho, mine just gives lectures on the evils of mastrbation when I was young.

>tfw no understanding dad with sick joke burns to raise you with a sense of worth and humor

>>35861548
>candydoII delivery gift box
is that a real thing?

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>Mr Foster went to Gloucester in a shower of rain

>>35863484

I actually wasn't going to say that in all honesty, stealth fapping with your parents in the house is a thing learned over time. Mine didn't care and were on seperate floors from me, and I still had to do it because I can hear everything they did up here, and I thought the reverse was true downstairs too. Did yours have a huge family? Mine was raised in a house with almost all girls, so he got the 'fapping is EVIL AND MAKES SATAN HAPPIER WITH EVERY STROKE' shit too, so i can sorta see why he wouldn't care with me, since i was an only child, but if he's pulling that shit on you then he's got his own set of shit he needs to deal with and probably won't. Sucks man. Sorry I can't be more helpful to you, but you have to sort of tailor your approach to your environment and i'm not familiar with super religious upbringings. I never once heard 'don't fap' for example, but always heard 'wear a rubber', which is advice I still have yet to use because of my giant, beautiful, all-white girl harem.

>>35863747
hey I live in Gloucester

>>35862597
oritwo

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>>35861548
>search candydoll
>japanese shit
>mfw
>go to images
>fuckton of little girls

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT AM I GONNA BE V&

>>35865276
>non-nude images
>pornographic/illegal
hi rebbit

>>35861548
i thought that site was shut down by japanese authorities? Is it legal to view? Im not a pedo i just like cute girls wearing cute things dont arrest me fbi please.

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>brother unearths the pucker sucker

Goodbye, friends.

>>35865404
it's probably not illegal but you might be put on some list

>>35865427
W-What is it, anon?

ori

>>35865276
>>mfw
>>go to images
So you didn't wanna click that shit but you still clicked on images, nigga?