Psychological Issues 14#

Previous threads from 8 (I didn't keep the link before that):

>>35716442

9
>>35740738

10
http://boards.4chan.org/r9k/thread/35763440#top

11
>>35777773

12
>>35803625

13
>>35835561

>>35855848
Nice to see you again. Missed the previous thread because I was asleep.
Alex from 12# if you are reading this, just wanna say I've read your 13 post long story and I found it quite relatable. If you want someone to talk about life and anime, let me know

>>35856259

Any news with your girlfriend?

>>35856362
Shes not my girlfriend. Nothing much happened these few days. I did try to call her cute but of course she didn't readily accept the compliment and proceeded to call herself ugly oh well.

i have been addicted to the internet for a long time, what should I do OP

>>35856552

When that happens, let her understand that this is your opinion, and that you're allowed your opinion without having her invalidate it. This should surprise her because she won't think of your opinion as yours nor that it has a right to be protected from her general self-loathing. Realising that it's YOUR opinion and she can't attack it will also force her to accept that someone really thinks she's cute.

There needs be a separation between reality and her thoughts.

>>35856594

How much time per day on average and what do you do?

>>35856626
Then I am glad that's exactly how I replied. She went quiet for a while.

>>35856678

Pretty smart move, weeb. Her reaction is what I would have expected. Very good move.

>>35856637
my entire waking hours which are 14 hours almost
and i browse imageboards and play online games and chat with friends
i can't let go

>have sexual desires to fuck my best friend and suck his dick
>am really good friends with his family to the point they would literally do anything for me
>best friend is dropping hints like fuck
>want to go through with it but I know it will fuck everything up
Sexual frustration is the worst.

>>35856766

Do you have a job or studies and such?

Would you like a more varied day?

>>35856769

How about getting into a relationship together and let love happen?

Or are you a man too and you're concerned about your friend's family's reaction?

>>35856796
I'm a dude. That's why I won't go through with it. I think about him every day and I hate this because if I did go through with it everything would go tits up and I'll end up losing him, his family, possibly mine, friends would turn on us etc.

>>35856779
the problem is that i don't socialize with real people much and its making me slow, like i'm socially retarded and people tell me i'm monotone. it's making me socially anxious
i have no problems in job and studies

>>35856863

Why are you so sure?

original tits up

>>35856866

Any previous diagnoses?

>>35856917
no

very original origami biiiiiiiiirds

>>35856984

For now, let's avoid the idea that you may have autism. Let's focus on social anxiety.

What are you scared of (not a rhetorical question, it's a real question)?

>>35856906
We live in a small rural town; rumors would spread and I love him to the point where I don't want to put him through that drama for my own selfish desires.

He drops hints; he's even kissed me on the neck when he was drunk. He talks shitloads about getting chicks on Snapchat but I can tell it's a cover-up.

I'm just gonna repress it as much as I can but that's bad because I get anxiety when I see him and he'll know something is wrong.

>>35855848
How do I get rid of my obsessive violent urges?

>>35857058

Is it worth it, though? Is it just physical attraction or do you really love this person? Because if it's love, maybe you should go through with it. It's absolutely possible to be a pair of ninja homos and work through the night, in the shadows, where nobody can see your dicks throb passionately.

What do you say?

>>35857100
>How do I get rid of my obsessive violent urges?

You start by describing your past, especially if there was abuse of any sort, and if not, describe your parents.

>>35857118
Brother molested me, mother was mean and dad didnt Care What i did at all

>>35857177

OK.

Who diagnosed you as schizotypal, if anyone?

Also, have you ever talked about your past with anyone?

>>35857113
It's love. That's what makes it so hard to deal with.

We could closet fuck, but like I said before; small town. Everyone knows everyone's business in this shithole.

I do feel a bit better letting this out though.

>>35857216
Several psychiatrists. Never mentioned my past.

>>35857018
because i don't want to be percieved as a failure i guess

>previous obese fat bot 90 kgs at my most fat stage which was like at 17
>now overweight (22 years old 165 cm 63 kg)

>people keep telling me I look better now but I just think it's bullshit just to make me feel better
I think I have some kind of body dismorphia thing, like I still see myself as that 90 kgs guy I was before. And this shit is just becoming anorexia now but I just cant help it, I barely have a meal per day and have to force feed myself, and sleep like 4 hours only. I probably should seek professional help tbqh

File: db96bce1c33b8b5c0d5bc24ae5fb3d72.jpg (45KB, 535x353px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 535x353px

>>35857220

My opinion is that, if it is love, you should go for it. You will probably hate not having acted on it more than anything that may come your way otherwise.

You could even go to some other place together, depending on your circumstances.

Having a secret like this can be a bonding experience, and you're not hurting anyone.

Go on camping trips together, fish, etc.

Recently I've started to suspect that I have mild autism and my parents just never had it looked into, like all of my other issues.

I'm gonna try to investigate this further as much as I can on my own before deciding whether or not to visit a trained psychologist for a potential evaluation. I'm positive this wouldn't be my only applicable diagnosis though. I'm sure I at the bare minimum also deserve the AvPD tag, but at the moment I just don't see any practical benefit to getting myself evaluated and receiving diagnoses. After all, none of my conditions are medical and I'm in too poor mental shape to perform therapy anyway.

Right now I'm in university but there are few things I want more than to be locked up in a tiny white room forever. I feel like I can't handle a normal life and it was always an unrealistic goal. We'll see when I finally crumble. Already had my final psychotic episode.


I enjoy threads like these. They tend to be pretty interesting. Thanks for making them. I hope mental health threads become more common considering how many people on this board have issues.

File: watching u.jpg (2KB, 96x24px) Image search: [Google]

2KB, 96x24px

>>35857220
If you're planning to stay then you're kinda fucked and not in the good way

If you have the means to leave however...

>>35857251

I saw a psychiatrist who once sorta diagnosed me as that, or something related, and it was waaaaay off.

You never mentioned your past to your psychiatrists? No wonder they might have gotten the wrong diagnosis.

How do you feel about your diagnosis? Does it match what you experience?

I've become emotionally dependent on an internet stranger. I need to cut loose but it's too hard.

>>35857262
>because i don't want to be percieved as a failure i guess

So other people's judgement of you matters enough that you'd rather not be judged at all than judged badly.

Were your parents, or one of them, critical to the point where you felt bad?

>>35857308

Yes, you should seek professional help if you can.

This is very unhealthy and dangerous. Why so little sleep?

>>35839830
>It's another "Anon approaches massive multiplayer group therapy from a tripfag" episode.
Will continue to provide data for your collection/experiment for your thoughts.

>>35857315
>Already had my final psychotic episode.

Please describe that. My feeling right now is that you don't have any autism at all. It's something else, perhaps.

>
I enjoy threads like these. They tend to be pretty interesting. Thanks for making them. I hope mental health threads become more common considering how many people on this board have issues.

Very welcome. For these to exist, you basically need one guy who's willing to help and has some qualifications in doing so.

There are literal clinical psychologists on this board, I've met a few in the thread, but they don't typically open their own threads to help for free. (And they may be trolls for all I know.)

>>35857337

Find out what your real problematic is. Was one of your parents a bit mean or made you feel like shit?

>>35857387

Hello there. I'll reread your past posts. I had loads to say.

>>35855848
think i might have anti social personality disorder but dont really know.

>>35857308
Sounds like you're quite aware of your problems at least. But yeah, I recommend the same thing. It's not really something you're likely to fix by yourself if you look at the anorexia statistics, and your story sounds a lot like the others I've heard from how severe anorexia starts to develop. Not a lot to lose from seeking help either.

>>35857361
I don't know man besides the obesity problem I also have a lot more problems like all robots here, depression, anxious thougjts at night, I even started taking Xanax to force myself to sleep but I stopped like a week ago and since then I have this pattern of sleeping like from 4 am to 9 am, today I said fuck it and just pull an all day awake, will probably feel like shit at the gym tho.

>>35857419
Cheers, I have lots of time; I always do.

>>35857426

What makes you say so?

Original dicks standing up.

>>35857406
Was always distant from all family and am not close to my single mother.

>>35857434

You know what happens now:

>you take a name
>you describe your parents and your past

>>35857536
a pattern of bad behavior.

i mean its either borderline or psychopath but from what i heard they're like practically the same thing.

>>35857401
I know. Not a lot of qualified people here, but there are a few. I appreciate each and every one of you though. I was actually planning to become part of the group once I finish my psychology masters degree, but right now I'm thinking a lot more about giving up on it instead.

As for the 'psychotic episode'; I sat down, had a beer and started crying uncontrollably for almost an hour and a half straight with elements of hysteric laughter and terrible freight. I was also hallucinating. I thought I met the grim reaper that evening as well as other equally friendly characters. I was crawling around on my apartment floor for a short while; first trying to escape the reaper and then trying to reach him to set me free from my misery. The episode ended with me falling asleep as the hallucinations had stopped and the crying had faded. When I woke up everything was like normal again. Walking around in my apartment felt pretty disturbing after that though because everything felt so strongly associated to my recent and disturbing hallucinations.

>>35857312
If he makes the first move, I'll go for it but I won't be making the first move.

>>35857320
Currently at this point in time he needs to stay and I need to stay. He's very emotionally unstable because all the shit he's been through has caught up with him and his issues are very bad. I cant say anything because it involves legal issues, but he did something and he gets nightmares every night over it. Until that's fixed and he finds how to cope, I'm not running off into the sunset with him. He has family here, he's got good support here, it's not wise to take him out of that environment and into a new one at this stage.

Still, I just want to cuddle him and tell him everything will be alright.

File: 15a089398b9c839566337bb12bdb5d1a.jpg (11KB, 500x438px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 500x438px

>>35857540

Instant diagnosis: you suffered abuse through neglect, you've never experienced unconditional love, thus, you're mindblown when you find it from a stranger and you can't let go because it's what you've always longed for.

>instant diagnosis to be used with caution, it may be wrong through and through, you be the judge

I give you a mental hug.

>>35857575
>i mean its either borderline or psychopath but from what i heard they're like practically the same thing.

They're completely different. They may sometimes do similar things, but it comes from a very different place. "Psychopath" is a controversial term, whereas Borderline is pretty established, although the term itself is a misnomer.

You need to be more precise: what bad behaviour?

>>35857629
I'm also incapable of love myself

File: 15.png (2MB, 1123x1600px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1123x1600px

I just can't live in the normal western society, the mechanism of the alpha/beta males and the competition for the roasties, I'm thinking about finishing school and moving innawood or just pick a backpack and travel around the world like a gypsy or an hindi monk.

Obviously this is not the issue (>implying this is an issue at all), teh problem is that i can't find any will to complete school, minding about grades, trying to struggle in the young people society to have a gf and to be "popular".
Every day when i'm home after school all i can do is sleep/smoke weed/lurking on some website, i cry often thinking about my life and the time i am wasting at school. I should be travelling around the world and enojying my life right now, not cry myself to sleep twice a week

>>35857581
>I appreciate each and every one of you though.

Wait, someone else does what I do?

>once I finish my psychology masters degree, but right now I'm thinking a lot more about giving up on it instead.

Don't give up. I'm considering studying for a psy degree myself. I already have a few degrees in other things, but I'm tempted to make this a job.

The rest of your post is heavy stuff.

Please pick a name, I've already forgotten what previous information was yours.

>>35857658

Do you feel any for people? Do you feel the need for any from people?

>>35857679

The problem may be deeper. What about your parents?

>>35857650
well i mean its a lot of stuff i did that i mean i don't feel bad about per say and i mean i don't know why i did it?

starved a ferret to death (just got tired of it)
threw a hot pot pie on my sister out of anger shes permanently scarred
would kinda abuse my mom
i emotinoally manipulate my family

i also deal with severe paranoia like think people are out ot fuck with me and stuff like yesterday i got paranoid and felt pissed so i punched a hole in the wall.

i'll also try to pick fights with random strangers just because i dont really know why. i have a quite a few criminal charges from this behavior.

>>35857346
>Were your parents, or one of them, critical to the point where you felt bad?
indeed

>>35857440

OK, reread your previous posts.

I feel like you have something in you that needs to get discovered, and that you already know it's not nice. Because of this, reading these threads makes you feel confused to the point where you think you might be making stuff up and not just remembering, or that you'd rather believe you're making stuff up rather than just remembering.

False memories usually come from the association of hypnosis and leading questions. I use neither. I highly doubt that you're making memories up.

Let's focus on your parents. You remember them as good parents, that may be true for all I know, but let's make sure.

If asked to describe them, can you do so easily?

>>35857727

What emotions do you feel in general and how would you describe their intensity?

>>35857751

I guess that also means you don't like talking about it much, right?

GET NAMES, HOLY SHIT, GET NAMES!!!

>>35857787
boredom
anger
excited

in that order. their intensity is the extreme end. like i'm either extremely bored, in rage, or just full blown thrilled.

i dont know if paranoia is an emotion but really thats felt extremely too.

>>35857689
I've seen a few people try to do what you're doing now. It's a rare sight though. Maybe I'm on at all the wrong times, but as far as I can tell people like you only come by at least every 3 months. Also I've never seen the same guy do this twice.

I'll go by "Wiz" from here on.
My previous posts were these: >>35857315 & >>35857581

My main concern is my anxiety though. It's mostly socialy rooted, but a growing portion seems to be generalized as well. I feel so shit all the time, and I have almost no functional relationships to help as coping buffers. I haven't physically interacted another person willingly in over a year. The loneliness used to gnaw at me, but recently I've become more schizoid as a seemingly unconscious coping mechanism. Now my thoughts of eternal solitude barely even bothers me anymore.

I should probably try to make a list of all my issues. Maybe it would help me map my issues better to help me further understand them. Right now it just feels like a confusing and tangled net that's too disorganized to follow. It would also probably help me explain my issues to others.

>>35857723
they separated 10 year ago (i was 8 or 9), I live with my mom now, dad moved to another house with his gf whom i don't know, i see him twice a week and the separation was not a traumatic thing at all.

Mom has been coming very late for work so i was alone everyday during my childhood, she is nice tho, she cares about me a lot and never bothered me.

Dad is and has always been a massive sperg Robot, only cares about firearms and mechanic, has a shitty job and is not a father figure at all tho he is a very nice guy and he did his best to be present for me during these years

about me: I live in Italy, i am a student in hs (19 yo right now), I am very short but fit, i'm a virgin but i'm not a complete stranger to the opposite sex (i mean i kissed some girls) never failed school even if i never cared about that at all

>>35857821
Maybe people don't think they will be posting more than once. Then you reply and they still have the same mindset. At that point you reply again and just ask them for a name when they didn't even intend to post twice originally.

>>35857829

Check the BPD symptoms and report back. It's in the OP.

>>35857713
I feel need until I don't anymore. It's very limited and temporary and I'm not able to show affection

>>35857792
sorry, i have nothing else to add except that parent did critisize me, at many times even mock at my hobbies

>>35857877
>I've seen a few people try to do what you're doing now. It's a rare sight though. Maybe I'm on at all the wrong times, but as far as I can tell people like you only come by at least every 3 months. Also I've never seen the same guy do this twice.

OK. I'm doing this daily if I can. This may not last forever, but it'll probably last quite some time, as I am mentally tortured by doing anything other than helping people.

You should indeed do that list of issues, it'd help.

Are you seeing a therapist?

>>35857884

I'm half Italian, though I've never met my Italian father.

There is a lot in your past that could explain your current situation: neglect from your father and your mother (apparently against her will, but it still does something).

Any traumatic events you remember?

>>35857915
ya like 100% of all of them.

i mean i'm callous though i don't care that i hurt my loved ones ive had many say 'you're tearing this family apart' or my sister said her fiance and her got in fights because of me (still dont know how i caused them to fight i never really ask them for money like i do my grandma nad mom) but.

also i cant hold jobs, i have a compulsive gambling problem, and bully people if i'm feeling like it. ive said some downright mean things to people in public just to do it or if im pissed at hte world. calling kids ugly, just really trying to pin poin the thing i can say that would really hurt the person.

also oddly enough the only girl to show romantic interest in me was a diagnosed borderline whos father committed suicide. i guess maybe likes attract?

>>35857898

That's how it goes, yes.

>>35857917
>I'm not able to show affection

Why not? Do you feel bad about affection?

>>35857769
I guess I could describe them, as much as I can describe anything else that pertains to me. My memories feel like a story that I tell myself.

I think I probably have aphantasia, or something similar enough. I've never really been able to see images in my head. My mental images are more like arrays of text from which I can of approximate a picture. In any case, my capacity to recall events beyond telling people factoids about them has never really existed. There is no I in my memories, it's like I'm watching myself from a different perspective. I can't even really attest that 1st person recall is a thing people can do, except that from how other people describe feelings and memories, I imagine it is.

I'm overly descriptive about anything and everything that isn't very personal. Sometimes I do have these manic urges to talk about myself to anyone, but I certainly say anything to anyone who I'd have to look at in the eyes again at any point; which explains why I'm asking you to speculate about why it is that I'm so fucked in the head, really.

I don't know if this jumble is coherent but if I reread the post I'm going to delete it and close the thread, probably.

Sorry, deleted the name to post in another thread >>35858002 is me to be clear.

Last night was rather a mess. I went to see friends, but when one left in the early hours without announcing it I switched out, into my female persona. I was in floods of tears. It was a little embarassing but mostly, I just don't understand her desu. Extreme emotions, abandonment issues. That sort of thing. Totally uncontained.

>>35857945

For further research: see "people-pleaser". The way you interact with others was shaped in how your parents interacted with you; now you're scared of hurting other people's feelings and scared of their judgement of you.

>>35855848
How do i get rid of my obsession over certain things? My worst obsession is a girl, and i dont even love her.

>>35857983
I was bullied by other kids during the 1st an 2nd grades, then I moved school, but during 6th 7th 8th and 9th grades i was bullied again by the same kind of guys that bullied me when i was a child, i wasn't beaten tho, they just made fun of me and isolated me, in my current school i have friend just because i'm in a class full of spergs weeaboos

>>35857987
>ya like 100% of all of them.

Heavy!

>maybe likes attract?

Yes, and also opposites. It's mostly sane and functional people who will stay away from you.

Questions (and please pick a name related to you and your issues): do you feel any guilt? If so, when?

>>35858002

It feels like there's something really odd going on with your memory: on the one hand, you can't get a clear picture, on the other, you have a massive need to talk (but can only do so at length if it's not related to the potentially hidden problem).

Do you remember anything traumatic?

Describe your parents. (Don't be scared.)

>>35857949
>You should indeed do that list of issues, it'd help.
I'll work on it. That's probably several hours worth of work though, trying to map everything out coherently to the point where it gets understandable.

>Are you seeing a therapist?
I tried seeing a therapist strictly for the sake of being passed on to a doctor to try and medicate my issues. I've been working on my selective mutism for over a year now, so at least I'm at a point where I can kinda talk to people about my issues. However, I still don't feel like I'm anywhere near the point where I'm able to do therapy, so I figured medication was at least worth a shot. Maybe if things went well I could try the therapy after all. It's unfortunately either medication or nothing in my case due to how heavy my anxiety gets. Therapy just isn't a realistic alternative at the moment.

Anyway, like I said before, I know my issues are not those to be treated medically, but I was desperate enough to try. The doctor I eventually met up with gave me a small daily dosage of sertraline and I was sadly strongly negatively impacted by it. I experienced a handful of strong side effects and on top of that the main effect made me suicidal rather than happier. After that my doc didn't dare put me on more medication and I stopped seeing her despite a heart-bleeding request to try something else. Haven't tried contacting anyone else since.

>>35857997
It's cringy. Doesn't feel right

>>35857997
>>35858136
Also I don't want anyone to think I need them

File: af8ae4968b1aa54b34981eac3f3fbb58_d1e750feada922ed4004a39a66162f-im-excited-memes_470-341.jpg (33KB, 470x341px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 470x341px

>>35858025

>Facet

>>35858154
Yep, I'm here to save the thread with my insane bullshit.

>>35858102
well darn last girl i thought was this starbucks worker that i kinda abused when i went in there i got mad and said some means thing to her like about year or so ago. the other week i went in there she still working there when she looks ta me its almost like she's afraid of me so i'll just try to talk to her lol. it made me really lust for her but i'm sure she hates me like i said she kinda just acts very defeated when talking with me or maybe disgusted but that just makes me want to talk to her more i purposefully start conversations with her while shes making my coffee (so a lot of customers in today? last time mcds gave me decaf) just stuff.

only time i feel guilty is if it hurts me lost money at casino feel guilty about going that night or how i played a hand in poker or about my luck. feel guilty after quitting a job and having no money.

>>35858025

OK, you'll have to guide me through this.

A friend of yours left without warning, and this triggered abandonment issues for you, right? You turned to the female persona, whose name I'd love to know.

Apart from the abuse you told me of before, were there moments in your past where you were abandonned? (As in, physically, left alone for hours and such; we're clear on the fact that the rest of the abuse is certainly abandonment too.)

>>35858035

Try working out to feel better. Always worth a shot.

>>35858084
>My worst obsession is a girl, and i dont even love her.

Explain that. What do you want from her if you don't love her?

>>35858088

Bullying will do a lot of damage, especially with regards to self-esteem and trust.

>>35858134
>selective mutism

I'm fascinated by this. Will read all you have to say on it.

Meds won't do much for you, as your issues aren't primarily "chemical" in nature.

What blocks you from a new therapist?

>>35858220
you're certainly right but what i'm asking is: what now? what should i do with my life?
(not asking for a real answer but some tips would be appreciated)

>>35858136

Maybe it's associated with negative things

>>35858153

You're afraid to seem vulnerable. Focus on this: all functional people and most dysfunctional ones know that we all need affection.

>>35858178
>my insane bullshit.

While it may very well be insane, it is not bullshit.

>>35858208
Thanks for replying man. I have no idea. What she does, where she goes, and all that. Generally i am very obssessive about certain stuff, i can have the same thought for weeks. There was a time that the same thought invaded me for about two months. I could only think about that. It had a sexual and violent nature. I was 12.

I think what i want is to possess the girl. I want to be her lord and i want her to obey every single command I give. And it's not only her, but mostly her. I dont even really care about sex to be honest

Should I try to fight it or let it invade me? Both feel like shit

>>35858185
>only time i feel guilty is if it hurts me

So, basically, you don't feel guilty. Usually, guilt is what you feel for things you've done to others, otherwise it's just regrets.

What happens if you try imagining being one of the people you hurt?

All things considered, I count myself very fortunate to have just a handful of friends who are aware and accepting of my incredibly erratic behaviour. It was all going well but then like clockwork something went wrong and I totally flew off the handle. The guy who was my ride disappeared without a word, effectively leaving me stranded. I have a blank spell of about five hours, my only memory of which is severe distress, crying and saying
>How could he abandon me?!
I know, it doesn't sound good but that's what happened.
I wasn't myself this morning either, though I remember all of that (I think). I was less distressed at that point, just still scrambled. Then I called a friend and at some point during the conversation I came back to myself, like flipping a switch.

>>35858133
I have a hard time with it. I'm a compulsive liar. One of the things that I can definitely say about my parents is that I have an incredible amount that I should be grateful for, and I had a relatively amazingly advantaged upbringing, but I have an ridiculous amount of simmering resentment for how much they valued the appearance of status and normalcy over any really substantive fucking happiness. I also can't dismiss the possibility that we really were just a remarkably happy family and I've just always been so fucked that I was the only profoundly unhappy one, I really don't know anymore.
I have a very casual relationship with the truth in part because I have a shitty memory, and I don't know what true is and I lie to everybody all the time.
This is the terminal post in another exchange that we've had in the past >>35505016 my ability to grasp reality is fucked, everything narrative in my head is just some bandaid because if I think too carefully about everything that happened I'll eat a bullet before I even grasp the thought; these shitty halting posts are as close as I've ever come to answering the question "What's wrong?" I've never really said anything but "Nothing at all," or "Great, how about you," or whatever formulation was called for.

>>35858247

Time to find out what you missed as a child, and rebuild the parts that weren't built before. You now have to do your parents' job on your own.

Read as much as you can about neglect as a form of abuse, and how to repair the damage done.

You may want to give Richard Grannon a try; he makes videos on YouTube. Pick any video you want. This may or may not help. It's another shot in the dark for me, but one never knows.

>>35858293
>It had a sexual and violent nature. I was 12.

DING DING DING

You now have to tell me if someone in your past dominated you.

>>35858306
yes tons of regrets matter of fact they always pop up in my head and make me feel angry or just like a ticking time bomb. regrets replaying in my head really hinder my success and somes make it hard for me to function.

well ya i dont feel bad about hte people ive hurt but if i try to imagine being them i imagine id fight me or hurt me. like if someone started running their mouth at me in public or insulted me or anyting like that id probably phsically attack at them or something.

>>35858316

Your life sounds like a bitch to keep a hold on to. How often do you run into trouble with regards to your job?

File: 1490723353827110384218.jpg (2MB, 4032x3024px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 4032x3024px

Dad beat the shit out of my mom after she cheated. Her family wanted us to move closer to them to protect her. Lost all my friends. Didn't know my dad was an alcoholic prick until he came a few months later. Watched as he slowly tore my family apart and I still blindly placed my trust in him. 10 years down the line, my self esteem is still smashed to shit, I quite often think of killing myself to get back at my parents. Little brother is all that keeps me from falling into a never ending drug binge. Mom keeps asking why I'm NEET and I can't respond, because I'm so fucking socially crippled in the first place.

>>35858293
>I think what i want is to possess the girl. I want to be her lord and i want her to obey every single command I give. And it's not only her, but mostly her. I dont even really care about sex to be honest
Sounds perfectly healthy to me. Trust me, I post in these threads a lot.

>>35858351
thank you i appreciate your care love you nick <3

File: dscsdcsdcscs.png (18KB, 407x198px) Image search: [Google]

18KB, 407x198px

>>35858328

I'm stopping right here for now, I must take a shower. I will come right back here!

Patience!

>>35858376
oh also if i was my family who deals with my behavior like i imagine if i had a son that was like me i'd kick the mout of the house and get a restraining order then anytime they showed up call the cops for criminal trspass. i would not tolerate someonee to abuse me.

my family enables me by doing like they do so for how i treat m yfamily if i was my family i'd literally put barriers in place that make it impossible for htme.

i cant say i wont have kids i mean i am a robot i indentify with this board int hefact that i feel unliked by women and dont really like women. but id imagine if i had kids id be mean as fuck to them mentally. like id have a hard time showing them compassion, would probably be really critical of them and their successses/failures, then justrandomly put them down. so because of that it makes me feel like i just shouldnt have kids.

File: garjack7.jpg (195KB, 1200x357px) Image search: [Google]

195KB, 1200x357px

>>35858422
I understand that this is "likely" to be a coincidence but if you're as perceptive as I think you are, you must understand how irritating and suspicious that looks to me.

>>35858391
Actually, never. I have a pretty good handle on that aspect of my life at least. I shift into a work persona (though I actually think everyone does that to some extent). The only thing is, I hope to get hit my a car on my way in every morning - but I'm sure that's very common too.

As I mentioned though, I can be virtually unrecognisable from one context to the next so I'm very innocuous within that one. I probably come off overly gentle and pretty faggy, though admittedly I'm sure anxiety comes through some of the time.

>>35858372
Not really, no. I had a great upbringing. I even had a female childhood friend and before puberty hit, we would hang out and kiss and pretend to be adults. All my brothers are chads, my father is chad and my mother is stacy. I've just always been weird. My best friend was a tree, i spent all day drawing stuff too creepy for a child and molding mud figures by myself in pre school and first years of school
I have nothing against me, desu. Except i think i have literal autism.

>>35858407
Well, that takes a weight off my chest. It does sound like animal instincts, doesnt it a bit?
Thanks :)

>>35858244
>I'm fascinated by this. Will read all you have to say on it.
I don't have a lot to say though. I agree that it's an interesting condition, but experience-wise it's simply like being completely unable to speak despite putting every single shred of cognitive energy into trying to form words. No words at all can emerge, sometimes not even gibberish. You feel like you were biologically born a mute when it kicks in - like you were born without vocal cords or something. It's absolutely astounding, yet the moment the situation chances, you're able to speak like normal again.

In my case I didn't even know there was a word for my condition until I'd successfully trained away large parts of it on my own. I practiced hundreds of hours on trying to talk to an imaginary therapist in my shower, progressively working up to the point where I could look him in the eyes while I talked to him in my head, and then making it progressively harder by talking vocally to him instead and eventually successfully doing so while maintaining eye contact for the most part.

>What blocks you from a new therapist?
I'm having trouble pinpointing this myself, but I think I feel incredibly vulnerable when exposing myself, my feelings and my issues. That, coupled with my feeling of being constantly severely criticized in the minds of others, make me hesitant and anxious to share my feelings on a deep level.

A constant spotlight shines upon me and I'd rather remain where I am safe, behind my walls.

>>35858244
>>35858546
Oh, by the way, to clarify just how horrendously I feel about exposing myself to my therapist and doctor, I also hallucinated that I met them alongside the grim reaper on the night where I had my psychotic episode.

File: me as fuck.jpg (32KB, 480x373px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 480x373px

Every time I find someone cute that I could date, I start overthinking every aspect of my speech and how they reply. I get a bout of sadness and lack of motivation; start getting more annoyed at few real friends I have. I then go back and message any exes or former crushes I have and rotate myself around them like some dubious dessert. I become only happy if I'm around that person...and then eventually I get bored of them and move on, even if they've started or had from the start already liked me back. I'm a guy, obviously.
What can I do?

>>35858328
>incredible amount that I should be grateful for, and I had a relatively amazingly advantaged upbringing, but I have an ridiculous amount of simmering resentment for how much they valued the appearance of status and normalcy over any really substantive fucking happiness.

Massive quote. Massive. This reeks of narcissism from every side. It's likely that they manipulated you into feeling like you owed them, yet, deep down, you knew what was up. Valuing appearances, rituals, rules, over substantial feelings, that too reeks of my parents, in truth.

I'm back.

>>35858328
>I really don't know anymore.

If there's a doubt, there's no doubt.

>I lie to everybody all the time.

Explain. Why?

We shall continue.

>>35859624
I can kind of accept this as true but I'm such a raging narcissist that I stopped talking to people entirely.

Isn't it somewhat likely I'm attributing my own maladaptive psyche to my parents because I can't deal with my defects?

>>35859656
This is me.
>>35859650
I don't know. I always have; it pains me to be the archetypical worthless cunt that I am but I'm going to make a Holden Caulfield reference because it always rang true for me:
>I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible.

I started at a very young age and never stopped. If anyone was even slightly angry at me I had to make it stop, the only way I knew how was with words.

>>35859702
To elaborate, at a certain point it just becomes a habit. Initially I imagine it was a form of praise-seeking but then it was just a thing I did.

>>35858397

Read the links in OP, report back later.

I posted last thread please respond

>>35858407

When Facet tells you it's perfectly healthy, here's how not to react:

>>35858542

Sorry, friend. Being dominant in bed is fine and healthy, provided your partner wants that too, but I'm not sure either of you are into willing submission.

>>35858408

If I have nothing else to offer, care will always be there.

>>35859771
In fairness though, willing submission doesn't really satisfy in the same way. Still, it's better than nothing.

>>35858438
>it makes me feel like i just shouldnt have kids.

Same. I'm not saying never, but at the very least not until some major therapy has happened for you. It's very positive that you can actually consider the well-being of these potential children.

>>35858458

I'm not sure what you're referring to? My words or the picture?

>>35858461
>but I'm sure that's very common too.

Wrong. I think about the end 2 days out of 5 lately, but I never dream of getting hit by a car. It's uncommon.

I have this vision of you IRL that I can't actually conceive. As though photos of you cannot exist.

>>35859837
I don't know, whenever I feel like people are selectively responding and not responding to me I feel like they're attempting to elicit some sort of reaction that I have trouble controlling. It feels like a hostile action.

I don't know exactly what drives me, but fear/paranoia/separation anxiety is definitely up there. I understand it's probably an unhealthy amount, but that doesn't make it feel less real.

>>35858519

Have you read the link about narc parents?

>>35858546
>In my case I didn't even know there was a word for my condition until I'd successfully trained away large parts of it on my own. I practiced hundreds of hours on trying to talk to an imaginary therapist in my shower, progressively working up to the point where I could look him in the eyes while I talked to him in my head, and then making it progressively harder by talking vocally to him instead and eventually successfully doing so while maintaining eye contact for the most part.

I applaud you for your efforts and tenacity. That's amazing, and I mean it.

>>35855848
I'm abusive towards my girlfriend. I don't care about anyone. I only act nice so people like me. I really just want to fit in. I'm good at speeches, and am a decent rhetorician. Although, I don't talk to people much. What does this shit mean?

>>35859880
I hate selective attention so much. I feel like everyone who has ever been attracted to whatever I am either showers me with attention or intentionally withholds it to prove some point.

Again, this could all be my perception, but it doesn't feel any less real. It's what makes me instinctually suspicious of you, because you're paying any attention to my emotional bitching.

File: anime retarded girl.jpg (42KB, 500x375px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 500x375px

>>35859858
Sorry, but there's no way I'm posting one. You'll have to rely on the power of imagination. Still, if you need an image to help you visualise, you can't really go wrong with an anime girl. When in Rome.

>>35858546
>I'm having trouble pinpointing this myself, but I think I feel incredibly vulnerable when exposing myself, my feelings and my issues. That, coupled with my feeling of being constantly severely criticized in the minds of others, make me hesitant and anxious to share my feelings on a deep level.

I can relate to that. One way I convinced myself to go anyway was to think, "I don't give a fuck." And insist. It's liberating. What could go wrong? Someone thinks badly of you? Who cares? Besides, they'll never think badly of you, if they do, they're a shit therapist. Think about it: you make the huge effort of actually going, and they don't receive you like a survivor who's fighting a hard battle on his own? If that happens, you find someone else. So don't worry.

Convince yourself not to give two fucks about certain things. Because it doesn't matter in the end.

>>35858590

These hallucinations are serious stuff. I'd go see a psychiatrist and let it all out. And don't be scared to be completely honest, it will free you.

>>35858683

Sounds a bit BPD, any other symptoms?

>>35859656
>I'm such a raging narcissist that I stopped talking to people entirely.

No narc does that. You don't sound like a narcissist to me, for now.

>Isn't it somewhat likely I'm attributing my own maladaptive psyche to my parents because I can't deal with my defects?

The thing is problems don't come from nowhere. It's not impossible, but the reverse may be true too.

Children usually adopt as their own the problems of their parents.

Trust your feelings: your parents made you feel like shit and you saw through the bullshit of appearances. You know what's up. Continue digging.

>>35859702
>If anyone was even slightly angry at me I had to make it stop,

Richard Grannon, people-pleaser video, go!

I love Salinger.

>>35859757

What kind of angry thoughts? Be precise.

>>35859809
>In fairness though, willing submission doesn't really satisfy in the same way. Still, it's better than nothing.

I can't imagine ever being satisfied by forcing someone. Unintelligible to me.

What's your personal experience of jealousy?

>>35859880
>I don't know, whenever I feel like people are selectively responding and not responding to me I feel like they're attempting to elicit some sort of reaction that I have trouble controlling. It feels like a hostile action.

Oh, I hadn't even thought of that. No: I literally had to take my shower at that time and I just happened to at your post when I knew I had to go.

In fact, it's out of considering for you that I pinpointed where I had stopped, assuming you'd appreciate that I'd start with you as soon as I was back.

It never crossed my mind that you would feel shunned or selected out. I hadn't thought of it at all (and had no reason to), but I understand your thought and I am very sorry. I had no intention of making you feel bad or make you suspect anything. It's purely a coincidence.

>>35859903

Potentially antisocial or psychopath. Why are you abusive towards your girlfriend?

>>35859886
Yes, I have. None of those apply to me. My parents are great parents. My mum is very unstable though, but a good person.
My father is literally a hero.

>>35859904
>Again, this could all be my perception, but it doesn't feel any less real. It's what makes me instinctually suspicious of you, because you're paying any attention to my emotional bitching.

I don't mind. You can remain suspicious of me for as long as you deem necessary. I'll never do anything against you in any way. I hope some day you can trust me.

Question: if you loved then hated someone, would you ignore them to hurt them? (This question is not related to you beyond the theme, I am now thinking of someone else in my own life.)

>>35859917

>I like corm

Yeah, that's absolutely the way I pictured you...

>>35860169
>My mum is very unstable

Describe in detail.

>>35860069
Nothing as blunt as rape; I'm only talking about manipulation.

In any case, I don't really get jealous particularly. I do resent the idea of other emotional attachments because after all, that would likely weaken my grip. Something like sex though, I'm not all that bothered about. That too could undermine the dynamic I enjoy; if I ended up in some kind of cuck situation, whether through apathy and indifference or otherwise, I can imagine that that would cause problems. But for its own sake, I'm not really bothered.

>>35859900
Thanks.

>>35859937
Convince yourself not to give two fucks about certain things. Because it doesn't matter in the end.
I know that, but I'm beyond the point where telling myself this is enough. The selective mutism proves this. Just telling myself that I don't care and trying to adapt the mindset is simply not enough. There is still a very clear blockade hindering me, both on a cognitive and emotional level. Again, seeking help is truly not an option. I have been trying for year and a half, but the furthest I've gotten is reaching the waiting room. Then I panic despite my best efforts to stay calm and literally run all the way home, despite living miles away. Therapy isn't an option.

I want to wait another year and just practice working on the therapeutic conversations in my mind the same way I was working on getting past my mutism, but I don't have time for that. At this pace I'll be gone in 3-6 months. That's why the idea of being locked away somewhere in a white little room appeals so much to me. It's a both simple and instant solution to a hard-to-fix problem that I don't see any other realistic out to.

>>35860036
>Richard Grannon, people-pleaser video
checklist from the description
(also that defensive preamble he gives at the beginning to attempt and cut off argument is something I regularly do)
1.Emotphobia (not emetophobia)
I always liked to imagine I had no feelings, never ever acknowledged them, now I spend all day wallowing in my shitty emotions and I despise it but I can't stop anymore.
"Wait until your dad gets home" was always perceived as a major threat but again, I never knew specifically what I was afraid of, never laid a hand on me.
2.Naivete
Yes, I believe almost everything anyone says to me. It's why you scare me, it's why everyone scares me.
(I'm just going through these got bored watching)
3.Desire to be loved
Yep, I've always wanted everyone to like me but I don't actually like most people.
4.Inability to say NO
Yep, see two and three.
5.External Locus of Control
Nothing is ever my fault, that's why I want you to tell me it's my parents fault, as I've alluded to.
6.Excessive Conscientiousness
I value people being polite to me more than decent and vice versa, it tortures me
7.Lacking proper boundaries
Yep, see everything.
8.Emotionally Dependent/Co-dependent
Same as 7
9.Low self worth
I'm looking here for someone to tell me I'm not scum, you tell me.
10.Over intellectualisation/rationalising away wrong doing
HAHAHHAHA see everything else I said
11.Addicted to approval
Yep
12.Immature
See everything
13.Excessive unfettered altruism/philanthropy
I can't help it, I want to buy friends with gifts and "selflessness", I always have. I don't know how to relationship.
14.Self Isolated
Stopped talking to anyone, can't see psychiatrist because too much pretalking.
15.Impressionable
Again, see the fact that I'm here and afraid of yo.u
>>35860178
Yes; so many people did it to me that I started using it as a strike first tactic.

>>35860208
One moment she thinks im the best boy and she is proud, the next i'm the devil to her eyes. She gets stressed and anxious and lets everyone know. I dont know, shes just not consistent emotionally.

(Thanks so much for this thread btw)

>>35860217
>Nothing as blunt as rape; I'm only talking about manipulation.

Only marginally better.

>In any case, I don't really get jealous particularly.

That's what I was scared of.

>>35860220
>Again, seeking help is truly not an option. I have been trying for year and a half, but the furthest I've gotten is reaching the waiting room. Then I panic despite my best efforts to stay calm and literally run all the way home, despite living miles away. Therapy isn't an option.

You should inform your therapist of that. Maybe have them come to you first, or something. I'm sure something can be arranged. You deserve help. This isn't your fault.

I wonder if talking to me would help.

>>35860278
>That's what I was scared of.
Why's that? I would have thought the obvious stereotype would be a jealous, possessive sort wearing a wife-beater and throwing empty bottles around.

>>35860137
I just think it's funny to see people's awkwardness and pain. I don't see why I should care anyways, because I can easily sway her emotions.

>>35860260
>(also that defensive preamble he gives at the beginning to attempt and cut off argument is something I regularly do)

The thing with Richard is that when I started listening to him, I felt a certain degree of familiarity, like he was a brother or something, like I knew where he was coming from. I'm glad you told me this, because you're not the first to experience that.

>>35860260
>Yes, I believe almost everything anyone says to me. It's why you scare me, it's why everyone scares me.

I'm the same, and I've been lied to. You have nothing to fear from me. Everything I tell you is in the open and archived and for all to see. I'll never ask money from you or anything that could be in any way a danger to you.

>>35860260
>Nothing is ever my fault, that's why I want you to tell me it's my parents fault, as I've alluded to.

It may be your parents' fault still, but the question of control lies in you regardless, since your parents can't act for you and shouldn't.

>>35860392
> your parents can't act for you and shouldn't.
I agree, I never really wanted them to, they always did though; I never felt like I had any genuine agency, I did what they wanted to. Now they literally can't act on my behalf and I find myself incapable of doing anything except numbing myself until I die.

>>35860340
Nope, you a fucking Looney boy. You're a psychopath.
I'm not serious.

>>35860260
>Yes; so many people did it to me that I started using it as a strike first tactic.

Damn, that's uncanny. I wasn't sure you'd say yes. But not only you did, you also added this, which is exactly what might have happened to me. I was abandoned before I had a chance to abandon, which I wasn't going to do.

Does that sound familiar to you? Do you give people second chances? Do you sometimes realise they weren't at fault?

>>35860434
>*wanted me to do

>>35860275
>One moment she thinks im the best boy and she is proud, the next i'm the devil to her eyes.

Splitting. She has Borderline traits at the very least. She splits you white and then black. Absolute Borderline thing to do.

Read the link about BPD while thinking about your mother. She won't have all of it, but you might benefit from reading that article and the symptoms.

Welcome, for the thread.

>>35860445
Not historically, not ever. That's generally how a person ends up entirely alone.

>>35860317
Talking to people about my issues doesn't really help me. I've tried it once and it just upped the anxiety both short term and long term. I know it helps most people, but I'm not like most people. I just want to be left alone now, both socially and to handle my issues alone. I'm so close to entirely giving up on social interaction all together. I just want that final push so I can truly embrace solitude once and for all.

The more I word my thoughts, the more I realize there is no form of help I want. The only kind I'd be interested in is medical, but that seems to have terrible results on me. Maybe this is all a sign that I should just submit to the loony bin after all.

>>35855848
I feel worthless and I can't change it because I hate myself so much I want to be nothing.

File: IMG_6871.png (375KB, 1133x814px) Image search: [Google]

375KB, 1133x814px

Im to tired to get into all of my problems but I think I have mdd I get these episodes daily where Im just incredibly sad. My life has always been shit but this is just so terrible. Also I have gender dysphoria and it wasnt because of porn either. Im truly fucked. Pic related I guess its actually kinda comforting I mean Im not into any of the shit that pic shows but something about it is comforting but that might just be me being retarded.

>>35860344
This is me. I'm naming myself Eh.

>>35860340
>Why's that? I would have thought the obvious stereotype would be a jealous, possessive sort wearing a wife-beater and throwing empty bottles around.

You'd think so. By now you've understood that beyond learning from you and trying to help you (and both are my primary goals here, possibly helping you more than learning from you), you also are my Hannibal Lecter. I'm Clarisse, and I want to understand Buffalo Bill, basically.

Bill, as I'll call that person, apparently did not understand jealousy and was confused that they broke my heart, and then even upset and angry at me that I "reproached" them with the fact by merely stating it.

The more I see in common between you two, the darker this gets.

Did you fantasise about murdering either of your parents?

>>35860344

You're pretty frightening. What's your worst fear?

>>35860434
>I agree, I never really wanted them to, they always did though;

DING DING DING

Narc alert, friend. You sure you went through that list carefully?

> I find myself incapable of doing anything except numbing myself until I die.

You'll get yourself back once you cut them off completely. Don't worry.

>>35860476

I asked three questions, which are you answering? I'd an answer per question, if you wouldn't mind.

Jesus H Christ, originally.

>>35860610
No, I don't go through anything carefully; I live in a perpetual fog of delusional paranoia that I can't even begin to figure out because I'm too drugged out.

>>35860632
No. I've become really uncomfortable answering earnestly.

>>35860484

You badly need help! Don't stay alone, there are solutions out there. You're very resilient, you managed to give yourself therapy; imagine what you could do with a professional! Come on, man, don't give up! You're close to the solution.

>>35860517

Read all three links in OP; report back.

>>35855848
So my father used to serve in the South African Defence Force, and fought in the bush war. He came back after the war ended and married my mother.
So when I came along, of course he always pushed this agenda of militarism and retaliation. This also meant that he regularly beat me when I wouldn't take part in the local boxing club.
Eventually my father had enough of trying to talk to what was figuratively a brick wall, got drunk and hung himself being wrought with strife from not benign able to sculpt me in his image,

I'm now a 32-year old skeleton who has a guilt complex and horrific depression.

tl;dr father beat me as a child, now depressed and horrible guilt to go alongside.

>>35860523

Describe childhood and parents.

>>35860656
>No. I've become really uncomfortable answering earnestly.

Colour me surprised. If it helps, I asked you these questions with regards to someone I know, not to get knowledge about you.

It's my own personal quest, if you want. You would help me a great deal if you would explain the inner intricacies of how you think, because I cannot think the way you and "Bill" do.

>>35860577
Nothing. Most people would say death, but I rationalized that death is true happiness.

>>35860727
Fuck off, you know well that the reason I'm no longer engaging in this conversation is that I believe you know who I am and I have no idea if you are who I think you are.
I'm unwilling to have this conversation on those grounds. Tell me you aren't to the degree that it's irrelevant and I'll continue.

>>35860676
>Eventually my father had enough of trying to talk to what was figuratively a brick wall, got drunk and hung himself being wrought with strife from not benign able to sculpt me in his image,

You seem to think you had anything to do with his suicide. I can assure you that was not the case. Moreover, that was a bitch move.

Your father was not a good man, you must accept this as it is. Second, you must relinquish any and all guilt you have about his death: it was not your fault.

Read the article on narcissistic parents.

>>35860753

You're not even scared of drowning, being burned alive, or having someone pull of your toe nails?

File: drake.jpg (110KB, 674x874px) Image search: [Google]

110KB, 674x874px

>>35859985
If I do have BPD, it's a very mild form of it. I don't want to be a hypochondriac. It's not just romantic life that I get like this; switching from wanting someone so bad to bored and can't stand talking to them within days, I do the same with other aspects of life like food and video games. I can love something so much and then absolutely hate it. It's happened many times before.

>>35860561
Well then, I hope I'm able to help. As for my parents, yes, I've fantasized about killing both of them - and having sex with both of them as well. Regarding jealousy, I can imagine reacting similarly. I would expect that you could become heartbroken but I'd find it terribly tiresome. I'd want you to just hurry up with it because it would be a boring waste of time.

>>35860781
>Fuck off,

This escalated quickly.

>you know well that the reason I'm no longer engaging in this conversation is that I believe you know who I am

I had no idea you even thought that. I have no idea who you are. I don't even know in which country you live. How would I know who you are? Think about it. There's no way for me to know anything about you.

>I'm unwilling to have this conversation on those grounds. Tell me you aren't to the degree that it's irrelevant and I'll continue.

In previous threads, you can see me write that I am from Switzerland and live there. It is true. I'm in Switzerland. Hopefully, that should narrow it down to the point where you don't know anyone from Switzerland.

Other anons can perhaps confirm it, but it is in previous threads. Metapsych may confirm it if he comes around; we were talking about LSD and the man who invented it was Swiss, which is when I mentioned I was too.

I'm very surprised at this turn of event and a little scared.

>>35860801
It'd hurt, but if someone did it then it already happened. Pulling toe nails wouldn't really hurt. Drowning is painful, but short. With burning, your nerve endings with eventually go out, and it will no longer be painful.

File: IMG_6639.jpg (15KB, 170x296px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 170x296px

>>35860685
Oh well not only can I do that I can probably answer or at least provide a theory to my gender dysphoria or maybe its some genetic garbage and the die wernt in my favor. My mom died when I was young from cancer and my dad fell into his own depression and neglected me (and my brothers but this is my pitty party) hes also hit me a few times for dumb shit and I have all the blah blah resentment and shit. I think my dyphoria comes from a combination of wanting to be the mom I never has and to minimize the chance of me being like my father. But who knows I dont really hate my penis and I dont really wanna be a woman but Id like to be aesthetically more feminine than I am. I look at myself in disgust everytime someone calls me handsome it burns to my core. Also I drank some pepsi and ate some ravioli so I feel a bit better now. I havent eaten since this morning because I think Im on the verge of an eating disorder. I just wanna be happy. I dont even look for these images I just spend to much time on this hell hole.

>>35860821

Read about "splitting" for BPD and see what happens. It's probably very mild Borderline, some people only have one symptom.

>>35860853
Fair enough, you're describing such a spookily personal situation that it was kind of difficult you weren't the exact person I cut off contact with.

I've completely lost my train of thought in the surge of adrenaline, apologies.

>>35860661
>You're close to the solution
I disagree. I haven't even mapped out my issues yet. I'm nowhere near a solution. Besides, you have the idea that I could perform well with a counselor. That's where our perspectives and understandings of my situation clash. I never feel as bad as when I'm in that kind of situation. There's no way I'd perform better with the dread surrounding me than when I'm by myself.

I think the main issue is that I don't have time to be mentally ill as a student, nor do I have the economy to take a break to slowly fix it by myself to the best of my ability. That's why my timer is starting to tick fast now. 3-6 months, then it will be over, for better or for worse. I'll either run out of money and go full sudoku, or I'll check in long-term to a mental ward. We'll see which frightens me most when the time comes.

I guess I have a realistic plan now at least.

>>35860888
>*difficult to believe

Have I mentioned I'm intensely paranoid, Nick?

File: horrified.jpg (8KB, 200x259px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 200x259px

>>35860824
>As for my parents, yes, I've fantasized about killing both of them - and having sex with both of them as well

>mfw

>Regarding jealousy, I can imagine reacting similarly. I would expect that you could become heartbroken but I'd find it terribly tiresome. I'd want you to just hurry up with it because it would be a boring waste of time.

It's like talking with surgeons who don't feel pain and have no understanding of what their patients suffer.

Absolutely terrifying.

>>35860916
It's a great survival technique. Also I'm coming for you.

>>35860956
Good luck, I mean not really but... you know.
>bares teeth

>>35860916
Check under your bed and in your closet, because when your asleep you'll forever rest.

>>35860857

Eh, you sound like a pure psychopath. It's like you don't give two fucks about any of this stuff, or anything else.

I'd recommend seeing a psychiatrist but I'm not sure what you'd get from it. It's more like everyone around you will need help.

I'm assuming the people who join ISIS are a bit like you in many regards.

I don't know what to tell you.

Do you think there's a problem in your life? Do you see anything as an issue for you?

And your past, what happened?

Is Schizoid personality disorder real?

I feel like I'm almost hoping I have some sort of disorder to justify my loneliness. I fit most of SPD symptoms but really don't think it amounts to a disorder. It's just the way I've been ever since my formative years

>>35860995
I always do.

Forever sleep isn't what scares me, it's what motivates me. Oblivion is the comfiest shit of all time for a paranoid.

>>35860669
I did read that

>>35860999
I don't remember my past. Nothing is bothering me, but boredom.

>>35860865

You think you wanted to be the mother you lost so your father would be happier? That'd make sense, especially in a child's mind.

Getting called handsome is like being told you failed.

See parentification, in which you had to be more than a child to your father because he was broken over the loss of his wife.

>>35861018
So, why don't you kill yourself? I don't mean to offend, but shouldn't you just off yourself? It brings comfort.

>>35860888

Trips of truth.

>I've completely lost my train of thought in the surge of adrenaline, apologies.

It's all right, don't worry about it.

I was asking you three questions which I would like "Bill" to respond, but Bill threatened to sue if I do so much as say hello to him.

Here are the questions again:

>Does that sound familiar to you? Do you give people second chances? Do you sometimes realise they weren't at fault?

>>35860910
>That's where our perspectives and understandings of my situation clash. I never feel as bad as when I'm in that kind of situation.

That's usually where it's at, though. When you're all comfortable, that's not where you solve anything.

>There's no way I'd perform better with the dread surrounding me than when I'm by myself.

You don't have to perform better, Wiz, you have to LET GO. Just let go.

Don't waste yourself, there are solutions. I'll help you somehow.

File: IMG_6554.jpg (226KB, 598x460px) Image search: [Google]

226KB, 598x460px

>>35861034
Woah woah yeah for the last two I really dont gove a shit about my father though. Like Ive even got past hating him at this point hes a nonfactor. And yeah but not failed more like failing. I still have the hope that I might be able to become what Ive always hoped but everyday Im not on hrt is another day my expiration date comes closer. Im not even to concerned about the dysphoria it feels like there is a logical and practical solution to that issue ita just all the depression I feel. I wanna better myself but everyday is such a hurdle. I said I have depressive epidsodes but its more like I have non depressive episodes. I get so lethargic and ita double worse because when Im not actively doing something my self loathing becomes exponentially worse. Im also afraid that Ill never find anyone who will love me but this is R9K. Pic sorta but mainly unrelated but its just fucking funny.

>>35860916

I hope you're more relaxed now that you know where I live.

>inb4 stereotypical Swiss psychologist

>>35860931
Honestly I assumed everyone did this at some point or another, but it's not typically discussed.

Anyway I'm aware it's hypocritical but I'm invested in my own emotions and want others to care, but I find it very difficult to be moved by such things in others. If there's a practical solution I'm happy to help, so that those feelings will dissipate. However, in grieving situations for example I find myself quite uncomfortable because there's nothing to be done and I am not moved by the deaths of others. Fear and pain I can understand, but death doesn't feel like something to get worked up about. It just seems selfish to begrudge them their death because you'd rather they remained in order to provide you with more of whatever they do for you.

>>35861076
That's a question I've put a lot of thought into; I don't get it more than most things.
>>35861183
>implying I have any way of knowing you're some Swiss "guy"

>>35861131
>When you're all comfortable, that's not where you solve anything.
I dunno. The whole mutism thing indicates otherwise, but I agree with you that what you said applies to most people at least.

Maybe you're right. Maybe I can simply numb myself emotionally until I can't feel the crippling anxiety anymore. Hm... I'll consider that, but I'm not even sure how I would go about achieving that. Just trying not to care isn't enough though, that much is clear. I've been trying to reach that mindset the past 7 years without success.

>>35861000
>Is Schizoid personality disorder real?

Yes. Basically means you don't need other humans and they mean nothing to you.

>some sort of disorder to justify my loneliness.

That won't be the one, then, because schizoid people don't need others. They're fine alone. If you feel lonely, you aren't schizoid, and that's better.

Describe your symptoms.

>>35861025

Any thing to say about it? Any connections made?

>>35861029

Damn, bro... You don't remember your childhood?

>>35861230
I've spent quite a larde proportion of my teenage years thinking about this. I can logically prove death is happiness, and suicide is the best option.

>>35861076

Try to imagine the world as this: you're a man made of iron, and everything in the world is made of glass. You will easily break and hurt everything you touch.

So move carefully. For their sake.

>>35861275
I get the logic of it. I'm illogical, if I were logical enough to act on those good arguments I wouldn't consider it as good of an option.

>>35861260
Nope. I guess some shit went down, because my parents tell me about how my brother was an asshole. There's some other things, but most of my childhood was me getting fucked up, or being a bully to everyone I wanted to.

>>35861171
>Woah woah yeah for the last two I really dont gove a shit about my father though. Like Ive even got past hating him at this point hes a nonfactor.

It still impacted how you developed. Don't imagine it's all gone just because you stopped caring.

You are loveable, and you will be loved. For now, worry about getting better, the rest will follow suit in due time.

For what it's worth, I "love" you. (In a caring brotherly way.)

>>35861280
I don't know man, in that situation, I'd be tempted to fuck everything up. I get what I want when I want. That shit would just be fun.

>>35855848
>talking to fembot
>topic comes to sex
>asks how i feel about the meme where most guys want a pure virgin gf
>say that most guys probably get envious if they're not the girl's first
>asks if i would feel the same way
>say i guess
>couple days later fembot says she's wary of me and doesn't feel as inclined to talk to me since i implied i wanted to take her virginity

how should i kill myself
its not like i talk to other fembots and can just recover and talk to someone else or something

>>35861376
Get past that meme. It is a highly unrealistic trait to find in a woman, especially the older you get.

>>35861373
>I don't know man, in that situation, I'd be tempted to fuck everything up. I get what I want when I want. That shit would just be fun
This is the despicable but logical reason for a pussy like myself to not do anything; that urge never goes away, the only really good in such cases is apathy.

>>35861186
>Honestly I assumed everyone did this at some point or another, but it's not typically discussed.

It's typical to assume others function as we do; problem: we're vastly different. I used to assume the same: that everyone was super emotional and empathic and cared for everyone and the greater good, and so I was confused by certain behaviours. How could anyone torture someone else if they felt what I felt? Simple answer was: they don't. They just don't.

You're making the same mistake but in reverse. That's why you live in fear, partly. You think everyone is more like you than they are, so you're scared (which speaks volume about how you see yourself).

>Anyway I'm aware it's hypocritical but I'm invested in my own emotions and want others to care, but I find it very difficult to be moved by such things in others.

Not sure if hypocritical is the best word here. If you're unable to care for others, then you're unable.

>death of others

When you love someone, and they're gone forever, it's the most pain you can ever know. But for that, you need to be able to understand the existence of others as separate from you, which is where, perhaps, you err.

>It just seems selfish to begrudge them their death because you'd rather they remained in order to provide you with more of whatever they do for you.

That's because you only think of others in terms of what they can do for you. I don't do that.

>>35861230
>>implying I have any way of knowing you're some Swiss "guy"

Another way is to ask robots. Before this thread, I used to make a fitness thread, and pictures of me were shown. I'm definitely a guy.

I'm susprised nobody found me out yet, except one anon, I think, early on. It's the same Nick.

File: IMG_6731.png (202KB, 480x445px) Image search: [Google]

202KB, 480x445px

>>35861346
>For now, worry about getting better?
Thats a funny joke. Nothing seems to work Ive gone to a therapist but it dosent really help. I feel really fucking sad every day I constantly berate myself and I try to be happy but...I just cant life feels joyless and the thin strands of hope that keeps me from going omega get thinner everyday. I havent told anyone outside of the internet of my dysphoria and Im afraid of seeking gov't help. My brain is startine to hurt and Im drawing a blank. So heres some shitty pic from my collection.

>>35861402
i don't really care about that, did you even read it?

File: Album Art.jpg (116KB, 1024x1024px) Image search: [Google]

116KB, 1024x1024px

What should I do about my mental health? At the first time I was diagonesed with schizophrenia and depression, but now my new psychiastry requested a MRI scan and told me stop taking my medications. Now I feel lost. I want to drop out of college and kill myself, Or hope that I have some type of terminal brain cancer. Life feels pointless

>>35861235

At some point, I couldn't speak to my girlfriend on the phone at my house, lest others heard me. It's not exactly mutism but it's possibly related.

Practice makes perfect. And we don't need perfect.

How about you seek a specialist for selective mutism?

>>35861249
Well its like everything on internet. Says lots of things but I also could match lots of other things like cancer.

>>35861280
What's the endgame of all of this?

>>35861325
>how my brother was an asshole.

How exactly?

>>35861373

Just to make sure I understand you: you feel bored to death, and your only solace is to hurt others because that distracts you?

>>35861423
>That's why you live in fear, partly. You think everyone is more like you than they are, so you're scared (which speaks volume about how you see yourself).
Certainly a reasonable assessment.


>Not sure if hypocritical is the best word here. If you're unable to care for others, then you're unable.
What I mean to say is, I think it is unfair of me to expect something that I am unwilling or unable to reciprocate.

>you need to be able to understand the existence of others as separate from you
I think you might be hitting on something fairly deep here, but it's just beyond my grasp. Those blindspots we've discussed before.

Still, if someone is grieving what can you do beyond hoping it ends soon because it's awkward?

>>35861455
I'm perfectly willing and able to believe you aren't the female that I was initially convinced that you were.
That being said; I also told you I've terminated more relationships in this manner than I'd prefer to think about in the mental state I generally operate in. I'm not prepared to engage in a conversation with unilateral recognition and I'm not quite sure how I would proceed in this conversation given my suspicions and what I'm willing to do to assuage them.
As I said to you from the beginning of the first time I talked to you, there was probably a logical end to our conversation when I believed you knew too much about me. Spooky, almost, how often things like that turn out to be true.

>>35855848
I think I have BPD, but I have no balls to go the doctor or someshit, is there any test online?

And yes, I've read your link, nick

>>35861376

The problem lies with her. She asks you a question, you dignify her with an answer, she gets upset at the answer and punishes you for it.

It's also ridiculous, since ANYONE would ALWAYS want to be the first, provided they're normal people. Who the fuck goes, "No, let me be the Buzz Aldrin of your sugar walls, please,"? Nobody, that's who. Given the choice, everyone would want to be the first, the only, every time.

You aren't strange or anything, you didn't fuck up.

That girl has issues of her own and she wanted to give herself a reason not to take a risk, so she found one. Had it not been this, it would have been something else.

>>35861532
Pretty much. I want to work towards power and succes, but I think it might be boring. I guess it's kind of bad that I always wanted to be a murderer. I really doubt that I'm a psychopath though.

Sometimes I pretend theirs a military conflict of some sort in my mind. Like I'll imagine border disputes and wars and causalities, I also act out these parts when no ones around, pretending to kill and to get killed, pretending to be a general planning things. I have toy planes and tanks i use when doing this. I'm a grown ass man, WTF is wrong with me?

>>35861483

Please get therapy, it will help. It's a courageous act, and I believe in you. Go, go, go!

>>35861489

Please describe your symptoms.

>>35861498

Don't deny whatever you found. This isn't "everything on the Internet." Tell me what matches.

>>35861499

Caring for others. How do I make you consider other people?

>>35861495
>How about you seek a specialist for selective mutism?
Amusing idea. I walk into the room and they ask me what's wrong with me. I remain silent and they just go "Oh...".

In all seriousness, that actually might be a good suggestion though, but the main reason to do that is to enable myself to seek further help. However, I'm already able to communicate my troubles well enough at this point due to the work I've put in by myself previously, so I don't think it would help me much in practice after all. What I'm trying to say is that it likely wouldn't enable me to do anything new. The extraordinary discomfort would still be there.

Got any other ideas?

File: IMG_6393.jpg (69KB, 800x720px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 800x720px

>>35861633
I am but Im beginning to think yoh arent reading all these that well. Which makes sense you have a lot of whiney fucks e-screaming at you. Heres some fucking weird shit.

>>35861547
>I think it is unfair of me to expect something that I am unwilling or unable to reciprocate.

Another reasonable assessment. At least you're aware. Bill doesn't seem to understand a lot of basic things.

>I think you might be hitting on something fairly deep here, but it's just beyond my grasp. Those blindspots we've discussed before

Let's dig there. Bill seems to have the same problem, but doesn't recognise it.

>Still, if someone is grieving what can you do beyond hoping it ends soon because it's awkward?

It's not awkward. Remember how you felt when you were abandoned? That's how it feels when someone dies.

>>35861671
I don't know. I don't really care about other people. As long as they don't mess with me, I will avoid confrontation.

>>35861556

And it's your own self-fulfilling prophecy. It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to ruin it all for yourself.

How do I get you back?

>>35861573

https://www.psycom.net/borderline-personality-test/

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm

Go!

File: wccover.jpg (74KB, 280x443px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 280x443px

>>35861611
>I really doubt that I'm a psychopath though.

I laughed. This entire post is pure, absolutely pure gold. You say the most psychopathic stuff and right afterwards doubt that you're one.

No, you are, trust me. Nobody normal says this, not even most fucked up people do.

Here's a book about you. You'll feel naked reading it.

>>35855848
Hey, I just found out how to talk to girls, and I'm really good at it. I've done a ton of cold approaches and gotten numbers from talking to people in public, but the thing is I can't initiate the conversation due to anxiety.

That's not my problem but rather just some context. Basically what my problem is, is once I get a woman's number or get a woman to like me I can't go on. I mean I can't transfer that into the next day. I mean we talk for one day then for the rest we just kinda say hi and act like we never knew each other.

Basically what I wanna know is how do I turn a simple approach into a relationship? When you make the girl like but now want to extend it.

I hope I explained my situation and problem properly.

>>35861650
Hallucinations, delusions, headaches, and some others that I can't remember

>>35861628
>I'm a grown ass man, WTF is wrong with me?

Nothing, but you need to buy some Warhammer 40'000 models and get working.

Preparing my Blood Angels to kick your butt, get ready.

(More seriously, describe your battles.)

>>35861730
I think he has done surprisingly well. People rarely last this long.

These threads are toxic. You can't blame shitty parents for everything.

>>35861673
>Got any other ideas?

Use a device where you can type instead of talk. Request a keyboard and a computer, so they can talk to you and you can just type.

>>35861730
>I am but Im beginning to think yoh arent reading all these that well.

All these what? I read every single post. I sometimes miss a post, that is true.

>Which makes sense you have a lot of whiney fucks e-screaming at you.

I do? I'm not sure I'm following here.

>Heres some fucking weird shit.

T-thanks, senpai.

>>35861769
>I don't really care about other people.

How do you understand me? I spend hours every day running a thread that's all about caring for others?

>>35861890

Current ones, but evolved into larger conflict. Like Yemen, but a genocide. Or the US attacking the Syrian government covertly. It gets to the point where i right down casualties by date and actual equipment used by these armies.

File: IMG_2344.jpg (117KB, 290x290px) Image search: [Google]

117KB, 290x290px

>>35861945
When I said read I meant read and fully comprehend. You are having to shift focuses to different scenarios. My headache is ebbing down. Im on my computer now have something even weirder.

>>35861862

Your problem is you think getting in a relationship is like a puzzle. That there's a problem to be fixed, and ways to fix it.

That's not how it works. Girls aren't puzzles, they're people with whom you will try to see if you can match. It's as much about you testing them than them testing you. It's not about performance, either, it's about seeing compatibility. Keep in mind you both evolved to seek compatibility in the other sex.

Don't ooze fear and anxiety from every pore, relax, don't worry too much about succeeding or not. Approach a girl you're in contact with as if she was a friend. Really. A male friend, at that. If she likes you, she'll drop hints soon enough. Don't spill your spaghetti at this point, just be cool, and act normal.

Give up any ideas of a plan or solution to make things work. Use your brain in a given situation.

>>35861886

Run to a psychiatrist, friend. Describe hallucinations (but be aware that I ask you this out of sheer curiosity, I won't have solutions at the end of it, although who knows...).

>>35861909
>These threads are toxic. You can't blame shitty parents for everything.

Everything no, but mental issues, yes. I used to think like you, but that was because I didn't understand how these issues develop. Imagine building a house with a shitty first floor, bricks missing and all. Shitty masons can be blamed for a shitty construction. It's the same with parents: if they didn't raise you to be functional, you'll have issues to deal with yourself.

I'd love to think it doesn't happen, but I see it everywhere. If you read these threads, you'll see the vast majority of anons with issues are even aware of the source of them in their past.

Besides, it's not about blame, it's about understanding what happened. If you take responsibility for things you haven't done, you cannot grow from it. Same for when you don't take your own responsibilities.

>>35861982

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Darger

Read this. He wrote a massive amount of text about his own version of the Civil War, fought between Catholic children and evil Protestants, complete with casualties for every battle. You reminded me of it.

>>35861912
>Use a device where you can type instead of talk
I think you're getting too hung up on the mutism part. That's not the main issue at this point. I can now communicate somewhat decently nowadays.

I suppose another alternative to ease my anxiety is to have online therapy chats instead of having real life talks, but that's not how therapists in my country tend to agree to work. They want actual conversations, and usually it seems you can't even get their numbers or email addresses even if you deliberatively and repeatedly ask for it even if they know you're borderline suicidal. Besides, it would feel pretty goofy, spineless and pointless I think.

I'm tired and I think I've gotten what I was hoping out of this conversation. Thanks for the help.

Bye doctor Nick!

>>35861747
Hmm. That's certainly a pretty bad feeling. But in most cases the death isn't a deliberate denial.

I've discussed the issue with others before. I don't see why sollipsism isn't a reasonable position to occupy. After all, you can never truly know the mind of another. I can only understand them relative to myself.

>>35861781
I don't know.
>"If a lion could speak, we could not understand him."

>>35862037
>When I said read I meant read and fully comprehend. You are having to shift focuses to different scenarios.

Yes. It's not always easy. I often backtrack to reread what people told me before. It's like doing therapy with 6 different people all at once, without seeing their faces. I'm managing better now that I demand names.

What's the weirder thing?

>>35861662
I guess I feel empty

Not sure if my emotions shift quickly

Dunno if I care if someone leave me. I don't have anyone who could leave me right now.

My romantic unstable? Well she was cheating on her ex. So I abandoned the ship. Rest were long distance. I loved one girl for like 4 years(still love maybe) so dunno.

>>35862059
>Give up any ideas of a plan or solution to make things work. Use your brain in a given situation

That hit me deep! But are there any way I can keep the interaction going? Meaning this single encounter turns into a relationship? I can always get past the initial approach but turning it to some that that last is what I can't do. It's not that I can't it's just that I'm too beta to do so.

>>35862165
>I suppose another alternative to ease my anxiety is to have online therapy chats instead of having real life talks, but that's not how therapists in my country tend to agree to work.

There's a website with real therapists and it's all by chat. It's not free, of course, but might be worth your while. I don't recall the name of it.

I'm glad I could help you. Hope to see you again.

File: IMG_2406.jpg (46KB, 311x393px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 311x393px

>>35862185
the fucking picture. That fucking face man. Heres another older pic.

>>35862172
>But in most cases the death isn't a deliberate denial.

Bill isn't dead, but denies my own existence by constant ignoring. It's absolutely mind-boggling.

And painful.

> I can only understand them relative to myself.

That's the heart of it all. Since elements are missing from your understanding, you can't really understand most people, and because I don't miss those elements, I can't fully understand you and how you think.

>>35862182

This conversation is giving me flashbacks of doing my best to "save" someone and see all my efforts fail, time and time again.

The best I can do now, I believe, is to give you a break and hope for your return when you feel ready.

>>35861859
That's funny, I laughed too. I can almost guarantee that I'm not a psychopath. Sure I have no problem with people dying or being severely injured or even extremely emotionally distraught, but I still feel. I don't feel for others, but I feel. Like this one time:

>be me
>just getting home from school
>I was really excited for some reason
>I heard some screaming when turning the corner towards my house
>naturally, I didn't react, because this was common in my neighborhood
>I get home, and yell,"MOM I'M HOME FROM SCHOOL!"
>there's no response, but maybe she went out
>it's weird, because there's no note, and when she leaves early, she leaves a note
>I get a little worried, and go to her room
>when I get there I see red stuff coming from out of under the door
>I didn't know what this was
>I...
>OPEN THE DOOR
>GET ON THE FLOOR
>EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR

>>35862187

Anything about your parents?

>>35862216
>But are there any way I can keep the interaction going?

Listen: you ask questions. That is honestly the ONLY FUCKING THING you need to "do". You ask a question, better if you ask something you're curious about, and you listen to what you're told. Be interested. Give a fuck. What you're told will give you new opportunities for new questions, in case the other person doesn't have much to say,

But don't start pummelling people with questions. Listen, take your time, there's no hurry. People will feel your fear if you're scared, so relax. There's no reason to be scared. If the girl makes you feel bad, you shouldn't even try to be with her, simple.

So ask a question, listen, say something back if you want, listen more, or ask another question. People LOVE talking about themselves and don't often have the opportunity to do so. If you give them that, they will automatically like you, because you care for them, as it should be.

In time, they'll return the question, to show you they care as well. That's when you get to answer, long answers or short, up to you, doesn't matter.

Then you fucking relax and talk to the girl the way you'd talk to a normal person, because she is. Think of her as a friend. If she can't be a friend, don't think of getting into a relationship with her.

I hope this helps.

>>35862301
I met 'father' in courtroom after suing him for alimony when I was 19. Im not mad at him tho. He was young and stupid.

Mother left country when I was 11 so she can earn more money(Im from central-east europe)

>>35862300
>I don't feel for others, but I feel.

That's the definition of it, pretty much. Your emotions are proto-emotions, not what other people feel, make sure to understand that.

I know a kid whose nerves don't work too well, so he doesn't feel pain, so everyone thought he was fucking mad because he kept doing crazy shit and hurting people.

Thing is, since he doesn't feel pain, he cannot understand that slapping a bitch will hurt her. So he does it. He assumes everyone is like him, which we all do, by necessity. You are like this kid emotionally.

You should have used this for your story, the way you did it, the end was the first thing I saw.

File: 1472044207461.jpg (27KB, 499x499px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 499x499px

>>35862370
>So ask a question, listen, say something back if you want, listen more, or ask another question. People LOVE talking about themselves and don't often have the opportunity to do so. If you give them that, they will automatically like you, because you care for them, as it should be.

Thx senpai! That was all I needed.

>29 unique posters
>277 posts
>tripfags

This, the racebait, and /soc/ whores invading this board is too much for me.

>>35862388

So you grew up without parents?

>>35862451

None of these things matter. If you can't see the worth of a thread like this, I doubt you'd recognise the worth of any thread, board, or chan.

>too much for me

What are you going to do about it, bitch?

Meeting a girl this Thursday night, we both have busy lives and we used to hang out a lot more.
I am very confused with this girl
>she asks questions about sex
>she told me she is a virgin
>she somewhat seems distant but then gets really close over a day and the cycle repeats

I am a busy man but I try to find time to spend with her, I like her but as having no experience with girls before I am worried and confused. I sorta want this relationship to either flourish or come crashing down. I am literately going to say if we could have sex. Also this girl is 25 and I am 20.

>>35862454
With my grandparents. They were pushing me to study a lot. Now Im fed up with this(Im at uni) and I just want it to end. They can even kick me out.

>>35862548
>she somewhat seems distant but then gets really close

Expect BPD traits. Read about it. This may not be a normal kind of girl.

>>35862433
Eh, it's not supposed to be hidden. In any other greentext the ending isn't hidden. Also, this wouldn't work too well.

What's the bump limit here?

originallll

File: cold and dark frogs.png (44KB, 640x560px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 640x560px

>>35862489
>Tfw you will never be in a good cop/ bad cop ass-kicking partnership with Nick

>>35862616
>Eh, it's not supposed to be hidden.

Talking to yourself?

(And says who?)

>>35862620
Based on the /britfeel/ general it's 500.

File: IMG_3379.png (32KB, 800x450px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 800x450px

>>35862645
Dont idolize Nick he is but a man.

>>35862645

You never know. There's so much stuff I never thought would happen that happened. I'm barring nothing.

Perhaps the FBI is tracking both of us down already. For all you know, we're interviewing serial killers together within 5 months.

i'm the anon who was obsessed with free will at the end of thread 11, you told me my mom was a narc, i can certainly see some truth to that. but how do i stop obsessing over stupid unanswerable questions and sort myself out?

>>35862601
It is more in the sense that sometimes we dont talk for 2 - 3 weeks but then when she talks ot gets really personal and intimate. So I am very confused with what she wants from me. After that conversation she just seems a bit cold and distant from my perspective. I am not sure how to approach this girl, but I like her a lot and have immense respect for this girl. The age gap bothers me too but honestly it is just a number.

>>35862682

Facet is probably more into idealising than idolising.

>just realised Facet is a literal faget too
>clenches buttcheeks

I hadn't actually thought of that fact.

>facet
>faget
>fact
>dem synchronicities

I can only hope Facet doesn't fancy me in some way.

I keep seeing the spam of white bashing threads and it gets me really angry. I can't help but keep getting into stupid arguments with people and it's really stressing me out. I don't know what to do.

>>35862656
>Talking to yourself?
No.
>(And says who?)
Says me. I'm not saying that I'm right, but in most other "Walk the dinosaur" posts, they don't use spoilers. I just prefer to not hide it. It's really just preference.

>>35862692

By realising that the condition your brain is in now has to do with how you were raised. You may be in a perpetual state of anxiety and war, you need answers, to need to know what is going on, just so you can relax.

Not having experienced unconditional love with your caregivers may translate into existential dread as an adult. That's why those questions matter to you. If you were happy, you'd not need to know, you'd enjoy the questions but would be OK not knowing.

>>35862698

5 years is nothing, don't worry.

In doubt, just ask her. It'll give her an opportunity to explain if she wants to.

How do I get over my extreme aversion towards any sort of conscious effort? The excuses/rationalizing I do to procrastinate... How do I feel motivated again?

>>35862748
>I keep seeing the spam of white bashing threads and it gets me really angry. I can't help but keep getting into stupid arguments with people and it's really stressing me out. I don't know what to do.

You ignore them.

You question yourself as to why this upsets you, when you know the aim of such threads is to upset you.

It's like someone is putting down bear traps to hurt you, and you just go, "Well, fuck me, there's another fucking bear trap laid there to hurt me, let's walk right into it!"

Don't do this to yourself. Remind yourself why they do it, and remind yourself why it annoys you.

File: IMG_3367.jpg (27KB, 300x300px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 300x300px

>>35862719
Facet is a fag...Nigga das gay doe.

>>35862763
>No.

That was because you said, "Eh" at the beginning of that sentence.

> I just prefer to not hide it. It's really just preference.

I know. I wasn't being overly serious there. Psychopaths don't do well with irony and less than literal meaning. Sort of like aspies.

I also think that green text dino stories don't use caps at the end and span several posts, so you can't see the end right away, which the spoiler thing would serve as.

>>35862489

>my thread is incredibly awesome and valuable
>why don't you value it as well even though value is subjective
>you're dumb for not recognizing my threads worth and the worth of my person
>(NARCISSISTIC PROJECTION INTENSIFIES)
>stop hating my thread

It's pretty stupid to have a thread of 30 unique posters and have nearly 300 replies. It's excessive replying and shameful self-bumping. You and your friends also don trips which is really gay. If you want to talk about robot's psychological issues, make a Discord or IRC and shill it. Be modest and conservative with how much you reply to other posters. This is just ridiculous.

>>35862804

The problem is elsewhere. Find out why you don't like efforts. And it's not laziness.

>>35862765

ok, i realize that, but it doesn't make the questions go away. how do i translate that into actually being able to just turn that part of my brain off and "be happy"? i don't get it. i've tried every class of anti depressants, i've tried over a dozen therapists, i've tried meditation, idk what to do anymore.

File: IMG_3364.jpg (287KB, 660x1024px) Image search: [Google]

287KB, 660x1024px

>>35862862
To whom does it harm. Other than your sensibility. It in no way breaks any rules except your own rules. I dont really see the issue here but here let me fulfill your you addiction.

>>35862858
Okay.
Open the door/ Get on the floor/ Everybody walk the dinosaur. Better?

>>35862873
How would one go about that?

oregano potato

>>35862827
>>35862719
Don't make me come over there and fuck you homos

>>35862817
Thanks...I tried to ignore it at first, but I kept seeing it everywhere and it got to be too much. Even when I filter it, I see the number of filtered threads and just that is enough to piss me off. It annoys me for obvious reason, people openly coming out and saying that people like me are evil and need to die, and that we're already dying and they can't wait until we're gone. That much hurts on its own, but I think what upsets me more is that it appears to be a few posters teaming up to make it appear like that's the general opinion of people on this board. It feels like it's an active attempt to take over and brainwash us or something, I don't know. I don't know how to ignore it now, just knowing they're here at all gets me angry. I've been thinking about spending time away from /r9k/, but I don't think I can. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself, I just want to see them gone.

>>35862862
>my thread is incredibly awesome and valuable

I believe so, and mostly because of the quality posting by anons in here. It helps a lot more than just themselves.

>why don't you value it as well even though value is subjective

You don't have to value it yourself to see that others value it. Your opinion is one thing and that's fine, but to fail to see that others have another opinion is plain foolish.

>It's pretty stupid to have a thread of 30 unique posters and have nearly 300 replies

"Pretty stupid", or just extended conversations with the same people. I don't see anything stupid about that. It's the point of this thread. No rule against that.

>It's excessive replying and shameful self-bumping.

Why would the replying be excessive? Are we wasting Internets? It makes zero difference to anything anywhere.

>You and your friends also don trips which is really gay.

That's explained in the OP. It's so people know which one I am and so I know which ones they are. Very practical.

> If you want to talk about robot's psychological issues, make a Discord or IRC and shill it.

Doing it the way we're doing it is just fine.

> Be modest and conservative with how much you reply to other posters. This is just ridiculous.

That doesn't make any sense at all. I'll reply however much I see fit and I don't care two tits about your opinion on the matter. You have nothing to say and no reason to say it.

What's ridiculous is that you'll actually devote time to writing a post like this.

But the real question is: what irked you so much about this thread that you had to react? And I mean the real thing, not the pretend shit you displayed here.