ITT D E V I L I S H deeds >poop >don't wash my hands

>>35827183
>told "have a nice day"
>don't

>>35827221
originally worse than hitler

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>too lazy to grab a napkin
>cum all over the carpet

>shit in autistic brothers bed

>wear pants
>wear same pair again the next day

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>high school teacher told me he hoped I would go far
>instead I became a shutin NEET loser with no friends or future

>>35827183
>At work
>Pissing over the toilet seat for an entire year
>Boss comes walking in each break to tell everybody that whoever is pissing the toilet seat should stop
>Continue
>Boss hangs letters in the toilets about how whoever is pissing on the toilet seats should stop
>Still continue
>A person gets fired and I stop doing it
>Everybody at work blames this normie asshole who ruined my day once for pissing on the toilet seat
This actually happened to me. It sounds surreal when I put it on paper but it was an enjoyable year.

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>>35827183
Mixed pic related with frank's red hot sauce and didn't tell anyone I live with.

>>35827681
Got more? This makes my peepee hard

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>>35827270
>wear same pair of underwear for a week
>wear same pair of pants for months
pure evil

>>35827270
i'm a normie and i've worn the same pair of pants every day for about a year now

>>35827183
> mom tells me i should iron the wrinkles from my shirt
> dont

>>35827183
> sign says to wash hands after taking a shit
> don't and catch rotavirus

>manager says to clock in no earlier than 5 minutes
> clock in 10 min early

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>Hold open door for people
>They say "thank you"
>I don't say "you're welcome" back

>use up remainder of shit tickets
>don't replace any

>call in sick to work
>not sick

>Totino's pizza box states "microwave not recommended for preparation"
>stack 2 in microwave and cook

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>teacher wants 10000 word essay
>only hand in 9999 works

>Steal meme
>Present as own meme

>deposit lengthy captain's log in lavatory
>don't delete it

>>35827183
>wear underwear on Monday
>wear same pair till Saturday as I quit giving a fuck about anything

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>thank hooker after appointment
>say you want to schedule a follow up and she did a great job
>don't follow up with her and delete her from your history

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>take a shit before taking a shower
>dont wipe
>use the removable shower head to spray my asshole down
>turn it up to its strongest pressue
>spread my asscheeks as wide open as possible with my freehand
>get a little bit of a boner by the end of it

>blow loads onto carpet nightly
>use the same paper towel for weeks to blot them out

>>35827183
>post on /britfeel/
>don't even be British

On a more serious note, I never understood why people grossed out if you don't wash after taking a huge shit. You don't shit on your hands, unless you fuck up, you don't get shit on your hands even after wiping. Moreso, you don't even grab your dick, you only push it down with your fingers so it doesn't get out.

Technically, it's more justified to wash your hands after pissing than after shitting.

>>35828984
>teacher wants 10000 word essay
>hand in 10001 words

>>35829017
>post own meme
>present as stolen

>>35830324
Should've been more specific, obviously you push your dick down so the piss doesn't get out. Not your dick, baka.

>samefag in a thread
>reply to both of my own posts with "samefag"
>reply to that posts saying I'm not samefagging

>>35827183
I drove 56 when the speed limit was 55

>be sick
>mommy's faggot friend with AIDS is home
>spit on his drink when he's not looking

>call in sick for work
>show up anyway

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>fart directly onto my hand because it always smells way different
>don't wash hands

>>35827183
>sneeze
>get blessed
>don't say thanks

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>>35827681
I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time. Thanks for that one anon, more if you have it please.