Schizobots

My psych asked me to get some brain scans for it because I wad hearing shit but I backed out

>>35825426
I also have a family history of schizo, not just mental illness

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>>35825395
>I feel being able to communicate with your subconscious which is essentially our operating system opens the door to unlocking the master controls as it were

this is not at all what having schizophrenia is like, you may be confusing it with taking LSD, which can be exactly like that

If I have a waifu that i believe is real but i don't hear her or see her is that schizophrenic symptoms?

>>35825455
Well at its core schizophrenia is defined by hallucinating shit, I think all of the paranoia, insanity etc aren't a guaranteed part of the package and even with them must be influenced by state of mind like dreams, which is another thing I've found myself wondering about. It can't all just be voices in your head telling you to burn down the school or delusions that you're a target/victim of something sinister. Where are the positive delusions of being a God or of being supported from the shadows by a secret society that's pulling strings to make sure things work out for you because in the future they'll approach and recruit you?

>>35825460
If you're not joking then I think I heard that if you can even remotely doubt or question what you believe then it isn't a schizophrenic delusion.

>>35825539
>Where are the positive delusions of being [God]
Right here!
>>35824348
>>35824370
Still hoping to get any confirmation or answer or whatever, really (on the schizophrenia specifically - people have responded about other things).

>>35825539
>I heard that if you can even remotely doubt or question what you believe then it isn't a schizophrenic delusion.
This is inaccurate.
For me, it's that the delusions creep on me and eventually I can't remember what I initially thought was real. Or that nothing seems significantly more real than anything else so the edges start to blur.
When real things don't seem that real, what isn't, you know?
I'm not articulating it all that well, but it's something like that.
t. schizophrenic (paranoid)

>>35825395
I have shizo, it's pretty well managed these days though.

At its worse hallucinations were never usualy visual, they were more auditory. Would just hear people talking around me or an unidentifiable source for random words being spoken too me.

As for visual hallucinations the only major one I've had was when the lights in the room I was in seemed to turn off although you could still see everything perfectly, there was just an absence of color and light? Not sure how to explain it.

If you want to go feel what it's like yourself I'd recommend taking a large dose of benadryl as it is a deliriant and being on an extremely high dose completely destroys the distinction between what's real and what's not to the point of being unable to recognize what's real.

>>35825714
Why do you think you're God?

At first I didn't, but I heard a bunch of songs that all but outright said "We're going to overthrow you filthy kikes and retake our rightful place and bring the west back from the brink and onward into a better future" and I followed Brexit and Trump fully believing that both would win. Now that and simple miscellaneous things where exactly what I would expect seemed to happen even when at times it didn't make sense has lead me to consider the idea that I may be a God or at least comparable to Neo. Mainly though what sold that idea to me was some religious-y songs from some of the bands from above that said shit like "You brought us back to life" "Your will creates tomorrow" etc.

>wake up in the middle of the night to hear women screaming
>screaming stops as soon as I wake up
>close my eyes to sleep again
>hear murmuring of distant voices whispering into my ear
>open eyes
>stare into darkness
>see shadows moving
>a flash of some light reflecting like a person or cat crawling around
>it's probably just some demon observing me and laughing at me
>or a camera that's recording my behavior to send to everybody that knows me
>wait, that sounds dumb
>"no it's not"
>the whispering never stops

Just a regular night for me. That's how my schizo gets me though. Individual user experience may vary

>>35825840
please be real
I remember the early days of my mental degradation fondly

>>35825840
Yeah, it was a hard pill to swallow, at first. I've literally heard messages that I feel like were /directly/ aimed at me in music, TV shows, media of all kinds. As well as the same kind of lucky happenstance and everything.

I then, after thinking about it for a while, figured, how could I NOT be God? I feel like it's much more 'obvious' to start from there and have people present arguments as to why I COULDN'T be God (not that any would convince me lmao).

>>35825926
Is it all downhill from here?

Also, I genuinely love that you remember them fondly.

>>35825875
that's pretty much how I wake up
should I get tested? I dont want to get locked op desu

>>35825875
>wake up in the middle of the night to hear women screaming
Things like that made me wonder if I was developing schizophrenia, the zones just before both falling asleep and waking up where you'll be thinking nonsensical things either personally or as if you were somebody else, or hearing random shit like radio sounding voices or just whatever.

>>35825926
Are you implying offhand beliefs are how schizophrenia starts?

>>35825967
Do you have a game that was special to you that's had multiple songs clearly about it? Do you have certain numbers that usually indicate significance with one being especially prevalent?

Share a song and describe the meaning, I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

>>35825395
What's it like being unable to keep a steady relationship as a schizophrenic?

>>35826000
sleep paralysis is the nigger of schizo-type disorders

>>35825967
It was for me, that's not to say it doesn't have good moments. There's a reason most of us choose the sickness over numbness when the choice presents itself.
>>35826026
No, I'm implying that you know something is going fucky as it's happening but eventually you can't remember what changed.
Everything is blurry as shit

>>35826042
schizophrenics with negative symptoms don't want a relationship. not everything is about your trash tier no gf bullshit romantizations

You really want to hear a bunch of the most annoying condescending people you can possibly imagine screaming insults at you every moment of every day for years? I wish they had stayed in my subconscious. The voices bully me for sport.

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Mine is mostly just delusions, mostly of paranoid nature. For example: fearing the government is watching me and camping in the woods alone for days. I've been involuntarily committed twice now, last time they kept me there for 3 months. The DA is considering a long term/permanent facility next time I wind up there.

>>35826082
>not everything is about your trash tier no gf bullshit romantizations
sounds like bitter
ok

>>35826068
>No, I'm implying that you know something is going fucky as it's happening but eventually you can't remember what changed.
>Everything is blurry as shit
Oh. It's not really been like that for me, I think I've only become more firm in my beliefs/changed them as I've heard new songs or revisited older ones that I prematurely judged as "not relevant".

>>35826089
pretty sure if i was schizo my voices would be cool, one would definitely be kamina

>>35826113
>I think I've only become more firm in my beliefs/changed them
I agree, I agree. That's the problem. It didn't used to be like this though and the world was way more okay with me before I had these convictions.
I didn't say this earlier but I get the song thing too, though maybe not in the same way. I still believe there's a divine force working through the shuffle mechanism sometimes but fuck if I can figure out why and it's, again, one of those things that there is a part of me that knows it's absolutely batshit.

I guess that's what I was trying to say, part of me knows I know what I know; part of me knows its batshit but the part that has surety in my delusions seems to call the shots vis-a-vis my actions.

>>35826026
Well, not quite. Sometimes I'll get 'prophecies' - not about things to happen in the future, but just about the nature of existence. I feel like they're put specifically and especially into my mind. Though I have legitimately predicted the future with a dream before. That was weird. And numbers... Just 0 and 1 - I've got a thing for the universe being binary, as well as dualism, but in a form where the sum of the two are greater than their parts. I see circles in circles, that are dragged out into lines, strings, ones and zeroes all dancing together in the mesh of the fabric of reality.

I heard this song https://youtu.be/diU70KshcjA come on SPOTIFY in the car of an Uber driver after candyflipping at an orchestral concert for the most incredible experience of my life (at one point I smelled the music - pretty cool). But anyway, yeah. It came over his Spotify, which shouldn't be possible. And immediately after I'd just begun to get a bit paranoid. I almost feel like my headspace willed it to play lol. You'll know to which part I'm referring. The driver switched it off halfway through (probably closer to the end) and said, "I'm sorry! This will be an intestine [or something similar - my memory is getting so bad these days] free ride! Then, when I got home that night, I began talking to my friend, and I spontaneously said this: "You know what's really funny? I just realized I'm talking to myself."

>>35826068
I can definitely see what you mean.

>>35826106
hes right though, schizophrenics dont give a shit about relatioships in general and they isolate themselves

t. female schizo

>>35826133
--eye roll--

I've handled mine pretty well. Basically as long as I'm working towards something I believe in I'm perfectly fine except for some occasional screaming and the always-there tapping on my windows.

But when I start to stop working it gets really bad. Usually the first signs are Ill lose direction because I'm arguing with myself and I'll just fall down because I lost control. Worst it's ever gotten was when I had to work a mcjob and couldn't get any actual work done for almost a month. I started seeing warped images of myself everywhere I looked and all mirrors were replaced with just fading blackness instead of my reflection.

Coupled with my
>OCD
And some hard ADhd tendencies and things can get bad. I count absolute everything I do and sometimes the screaming messes up my counting and suddenly the whole world is screaming at me and I lose control and just cry on the floor until I fall asleep. High school was pretty terrible because it happened often.

But yeah now that I can work all the time I'm doing pretty okay.

>>35826206
>hes right though, schizophrenics dont give a shit about relatioships in general and they isolate themselves

enough voices to keep you company, I get it

>>35826174
Entrails! That was it! This will be an ENTRAIL* free ride!

But holy fuck, I swear that song gets worse every time I listen to it lmao

>>35826208
Your post is cringier than your perception of mine. No, it's not some 'L is my spirit animal xD im so quirky xD' bullshit, just that I'm pretty sure conscious thought and personality has to define hallucinations regardless of cause, I bet you're self conscious about some shit then your voice starts mocking you about that exact thing, right?

>>35825395
i highly doubt most of you are schizos desu

>>35826289
Read the thread, maybe?

>>35826276
>I bet you're self conscious about some shit then your voice starts mocking you about that exact thing, right?
That's called being a human not schizophrenia.
Is the implication that normals don't have internal arguments/monologue?

>>35826309
I'm pretty sure "voice in your head" is more than intrusive thoughts and internal monologue, at least in actual cases since the word "hear" is used and you don't hear your thoughts. Now some cunts will act like it's normal to actually hear your internal monologue, oh and yeah I argue with myself all the time but obviously I consciously am responsible for what each side says.

>>35826254
apparently you dont, because thats not the reason. >>3582608
already explained it

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>>35825539
regardless, the self-awareness about the distinction between the delusions and reality that would be necessary precipitate such an insight doesn't exist for schizos, not sure why you think it would

>>35826352
I may have misread the tone of your original post but frankly, I'm not sure you know what you're talking about.
It's hard to explain to anyone not in the same state as me, as everything is. None of this shit is possible for me to verbalize, maybe it would be if I had a modicum of relational ability but I don't.

>>35826368
Oop, your schizophrenia is showing.
That post isn't real

>>35825395
How long does schizophrenia take to onset? Like from the very beginning of symptoms to when it starts to get bad enough to get hospitalized?

>>35826395
'93 to infinity
you're here forever, it's fine for most people most of the time; if it's not worrying isn't going to help.

>>35826417
how permanent is it?

>>35826446
c'mon now
you know the answer to this
psychosis comes and goes, if that's what it is you'll probably be fine
again if you have something to worry about it won't matter whether or not you worried
just enjoy your bee

>>35826486
>c'mon now
>you know the answer to this

whats the cure?

>>35826511
either take your numbing pills and eventually die from the stress or do what you want until you finally snap and eat lead
cures tend to be personal, find your own happy

>>35826382
>I'm not sure you know what you're talking about
All I really know is my own mind and perception, but what do you mean by that exactly? Am I wrong about there being a clear distinction between internal monologue and schizo voices, or is it about conscious thought and the relation to hallucinations, or what exactly?

Also loosely related open question, does everybody instantly think things but then proceed to run it through your head at talking speed? I've always wondered about the different layers/modes of thought and if it's like that for everyone.

>>35826395
Kinda wondering about this too, is there a timeline where symptoms gradually come or is it like one day a dam just bursts?

>>35826534
They need better cures than that. why do these fags with cancer get all the love

>>35826545
because cancer patients are normies. schizos are the truest of robots

>>35826539
For me it came over time I believe. My pare ts remember me slowly telling them about more and more as time went on. I have some memory loss so I don't really remember but it started around 12ish(?) for me so take from this what you will.

>>35826539
>All I really know is my own mind and perception
That's all anyone knows, really.

I'm not really sure, whenever I think too hard about cognition everything gets much worse; sharper, louder. I wish I could offer better insight but this particular subject matter causes a significant amount of agonizing body load to even consider.

It's fucked up I'm aware. I hear auditory hallucinations and racing thoughts all the time, everything is blurry most of the time so I don't really know where things begin and end. I often get these DP/DR (I guess) moments where it's like everything around me changed and I travelled but functionally it's all still the same and I can't remember what was inside and what was real.

To wit, and to speak to the original point, I just don't think there's a brightline. I am the voices, I am the delusions, I am me. It often goes down a solipsistic, can't-trust-my-lying-senses rabbit hole.

>Also loosely related open question, does everybody instantly think things but then proceed to run it through your head at talking speed? I've always wondered about the different layers/modes of thought and if it's like that for everyone.

Yes. Even when I'm alone. If I don't do it when I have to talk to people it all becomes soup. I tend to think of thoughts as crisscrossing decision trees but that's a fairly uninstructive visual outside of my head. I'm seeing it like light up arrays right now.

>>35826570
you seem nice anon i'm going to give you free good vibes

>>35826534
You're fantastic. Absolutely perfect :3

>>35826174
>You'll know to which part I'm referring
The thing about being satan and them wanting to take away your demon or something? (I got distracted multiple times and paused for minutes at a time throughout listening so I barely remember it)

But at any rate, I can't relate to anything you said in this post, so maybe I'm not schizophrenic, maybe I'm perfectly sane and just right.

The most important number is 7, it's everywhere, hell you can combine it with some other numbers and stick a semicolon in there to get one of those bible revelation things that essentially says everything is planned and perfectly real.

This song is self explanatory, every lyric holds significance in the context of a group ready to overthrow the globalist jews (that have been brainwashing people using the educational system)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrmkXCtlZ7A

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>>35826640
I agree by default.
Thanks.

>>35826711
wut

sdfghj

>>35826639
im a god of luck and wishes already, i dont need the vibes

>>35826757
>im a god of luck and wishes already, i dont need the vibes

the mad god that governs you as a god can strip you of what you have at any moment

you don't think your inability to control the voices was purely chance, did you?

>>35826755
I didn't have a good answer for that, or this but didn't want to stop replying, I like the (you)s. I think that I'm probably perfect in that I can't imagine how else I could be. I am this. Being otherwise is not conceivable.

>>35826677
Sorry, I forgot it was so bad lol. I was originally referring to the CIA hunting thing, but then both the madness and Satan and even entrails bit fit in there quite nicely aha

Hah. I think it's much more likely that we're just different flavors of crazy. And yeah, I didn't get much out of your song, either, except that I liked the music itself c:


Sometimes I get the feeling that all of existence is just an orchestra concert, but that's probably because of my incredibly powerful, almost religious, experience at one.

>>35826784
>I think that I'm probably perfect in that I can't imagine how else I could be.

well I imagine you as perfect which is why I sent you good vibes!

I like to think people are characters of their own novel, and Schizophrenics are like avante garde works of literature that go through abstract storytelling plots

>>35826711
It's okay :3 I understood it~

>>35826784
Of course! Each existence is equally important and valid. Thank you for doing your part :3

>>35826828
I feel like everything is a story as well. Fully and completely. I bet if we went in-universe in a book, the universes within the books there would lead us to stranger and stranger worlds, until we wrapped all the way back again.

Have any schizos here thought that people have inserted things into you such as microchips?

You don't talk with your subconscious. Most of the time your subconscious just makes fun of you or tells you to kill yourself and you think it's other people telling you that.

>>35826828
>>35826846
Good vibes are good. Memories for when they turn.
I used to really like dimestore comics when I was a kid; Richie Rich(Jackie Jokers, Little Lotta), Archie, Felix; I think of life a lot like that. Things often make sense at discrete resolutions but on the whole it's just absurdity and static. That doesn't mean it can't be amusing but if you try and force sense and meaning that fits a larger paradigm you're gonna have a bad time.
That's all I ever want to do though, the pattern is just a meme.

>>35826905
Existence is a meme

I figured that wasn't original, but I had to try

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>>35826860
Why would they do that?
They already have us all under constant surveillance and at least personally I can't imagine what physically could be done to me that hasn't be done through psychological conditioning and police state tactics.
I get the fear, but it's silly and overkill and there's no compelling reason to believe it.
They don't need to put bars on the door if you're never going to try the handle.

>>35825395
I wouldn't say the hallucinations are from my subconscious

they're really angry and at times scary, from voices to hooded figures at night

it's not fun

>>35827200
Do you have a favorite theory as to the origin of the hallucinations? Would you say the voices and the figures are roughly the same type of entities?

>>35827242
the voices can be different at times

sometimes they're angry and tell me I'm worthless, other times they're sympathetic and make me feel like I'm the only person I can trust and everyone is predestined to betray me at some point

The hooded figures always seem like they try to avoid everything and be on their own, and at times stay in my vicinity and watch me
they're not too bad, just kinda disturbing

>>35827360
Not him - do you ever talk to them? If so, and if it doesn't make you too uncomfortable, could you ask them if I'm going crazy, please?

I feel like I already know how this is going to turn out, but I may as well ask anyway.

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Anyone else always end up with word salad? like a jumbled mess of words come out and you have to repeat it to people.

Or say something completely fucked up that implies something completely ffucked up but you didn't mean it like that, like you couldn't articulate it better.

Also, you don't really get visual hallucinations, media over portrays that aspect, like you're on LSD 24/7.

You get more auditory hallucinations, paranoia and delusions of persecution mixed in with maybe a god complex.

It's not as fun as TV makes it seem, is all I'm saying.

On another note

>apply for disability
>You need a WORK HISTORY with HISTORY of your DISEASE preventing you from working

who made that shit up? I've been in the psych ward multiple times, you can just get an examination of my current life and realize I'm fucking bonkers.

>>35827440
If you're in Burgerland, look into SSI. It's specifically for these kinds of situations. I wish you the best.

>>35827440
Had word salad a few times, but not anymore.

Hallucinations, delusions and the general pisspoor attitude that goes with it isn't as fun as you'd think. Plus the medication can make you as fat as the average robot. I mean, I was anorexic before I started taking them, then kinda ballooned.

If you get the chance while you're on a stable kick, learn to recognize yourself slipping into bad habits and thought patterns. Obviously don't be retarded about it and worry, just learn to catch yourself. Been a long time since I've gone down the rabbit trail.

>tfw you have to click the words "I'm not a robot"

>>35827526
I've been scraping by for 10 years, working random jobs and temp jobs, living as frugally as possible.

I have no family, a few friends, most online and I barely make rent every month. I'm not looking for pity, just I don't know what you mean by 'slipping into bad habits'.

Every job I've had, is usually a night shift position. You'll meet a lot of the same types on third shift, which sort of helped me. Just show up, do my job, minimize small talk, go home until I get fired for being 'crazy'(bad symptoms appear, prevents me from doing work), or I stop going due to these symptoms.

All the money I make mostly just sits in my bank account for this reason in particular, I can go nearly half a year without working but still make rent/pay for shit until I find another piss poor job.

The only thing that really stops the paranoia/delusions of persecution are downers like benzos and booze, but I stopped visting my doctor years ago and been treating myself with alcohol.

I'm currently running through my tax return on a multi-month booze bender. Soon I'll get another stupid job, suffer from extreme symptoms and then get fired/quit and repeat.

The only future this disease has for you is death

>>35827601

I'm truly sorry to hear about your situation. Mine was pretty bad for a long time, but it's a lot better now.

By 'slipping into bad habits', I mean recognizing thoughts that may become delusional or paranoid. Recognizing them before you let them take over and stopping them.

For instance, I have a lot of difficulty being in a workplace or school environment, or hell even some MMOs with close communities without observing social trends that may or may not be there. My way of dealing with it is pro-actively not giving a shit about anything other than the well-being of myself and those close to me, and realizing that even if there is some weird schizo collusion of people in a workplace or class, it doesn't matter because of the first method of dealing with things.