So, tell me what's been bothering you, anon.

*unbuckles belt*
*unsticks zip*

>>35822401
This stupid ass recurring nightmare.

I am somewhere, usually my house, doing my thing. By the time I realize that it's a nightmare it's too late, the antagonist of the dream gives me something like a seizure. Then I "wake up", but in sleep paralysis. And there is this fucking evil entity that will charge at me and cause me another seizure if I open my eyes and see it. Then I actually wake up, scared shitless and not knowing if I am really awake and safe.

Had similar dreams since I was a little kid, but way more rarely. Not on a nearly daily basis, for the past year atleast.

Ever since I hooked up with my girl I spend all my free days with her. I only get two days off work and one I reserve for free time. The other is usually for finishing homework. It really sucks because she's taking my k e day from me every week
Not to mention my balls hurt every day after because she swallows like at least 3 times every time she comes over. Its getting old pretty fucking quick and I just wanna play videogames

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My parents impede me trying to improve my life.

I'm trying to get /fit/ and cook my own food but they just shoo me off the kitchen and tell me to go study (which, admittedly, I should do but still). Now Im eating a TV dinner in my room instead of the veggies and fish I bought.

My lifts also aren't advancing anymore despite me eating more calories and not skipping workouts. They're shit numbers to boot.

>>35822401
The fact that the only girl who shows remotely any interest in me is actually a broken girl who's had multiple partners before and she doesn't even have a good relationship with her dad. A large as fuck red flag if I ever saw one.

Plus the part where she's similar to one girl I actually have been with. I know this shit won't end well. Even worse part is that both girls actually know each other and are friends.

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>>35822920
>both girls actually know each other and are friends

ABORT ABORT ABORT
GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN

I'm here, but I'm not. My flesh bothers me. Stuck in between apathy and small doses of loneliness, anger, and melancholy. Burned out by nonstop media consumption. Self loathing and hatred leading to agoraphobia.

>>35822989
I know. I want to see how long can I actually hang out with her and do literally nothing sexual until she makes a move.

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I can't recall if at any point in my life I would have been attracted to feminine bois naturally.

If not, I grew a pretty big fucking tumor because of the loneliness and I need to get rid of it.

I cant accept the fact that I'm actually sexually attracted to feminine bois. I say boi because if it's too masculine I wont like it. But it still is a male biologically.

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>>35822401
I can't find a grandmaster tank or dps to carry me to grandmaster with them. Forever useless 3850(+/-) Mercy main. :(

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>>35823142
And also I forgot how to maintain friendships since it's been so long. I fear I will confuse friendship with some sort of romantic attraction even if that might not be the case.

Homosexuality is a human brokenness. Even among all the places I frequented and the gay people around me I'll never talk about it.

Dad died recently and i'm still not over it. I find myself crying randomly. I hated him deeply but I also miss him. I'm broken inside and I don't know what to do.

I don't have a fembot gf to give cummies.

i hate everyone, i hate my life, i hate my job, i hate school, i don't want friends, i don't want sex, i don't want love, i don't want social status, i don't want money. i do things i don't care about everyday because they might might make things better in the future. however, i have no reason to believe i will be happier in the future. i tolerating living an unhappy life based on the notion that in the future it will get better, but i have no reason to believe that will be the case, so there's no point to anything i do. the majority of my life is spent actively being unhappy. there is no relief. i don't even want to kill myself, but that will be the inevitable outcome. i can see no other way of resolving this

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>>35823142
>>35823204
Tell me, does this picture seem sexually interesting to you? Is it pleasant to look at?

If not, then you might just be prison gay and just need human interaction. What you perceive as homosexuality might just be a starvation for human contact rationalized as an "easier alternative" that interacting with girls rather than an attraction to males. Start slow. Join a hobby club or something.

>>35822401
as of this moment, I'm craving some of my oneitis pubes so I can sniff of them.
yo guys think it would be creepy of me to ask her to send me some?

>>35823685
Yes.
Be assertive, Tell her you want them but don't ask for them. When it comes to women, it's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

>>35822401
I want to die.
I want to die right fucking now.
I'm sick of my pathetic excuse for a life.
College has been absolute shit, even though I did decently in community college.
Just fucking kill me off already.
Also i'm probably going to attempt killing myself at the end of the semester, if things stay the way they are, anyone got any good ways out?

>>35823658
No I'm repulsed by the picture. And yeah I figured it was just prison gayness. But there's nothing in my area. and people are dumb as fuck. im stuck here for a while.

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>>35823741
tx anon, I'm getting my fucking pubes.

>>35823040
get out. get out now, one way or another.

I'm completely socially inept.
Every where I go, people get mad at me and I couldn't get laid to save my life.

I just want some love and some fun. I wonder what makes such a dislikable character.

>>35822401
I want to do something

I feel like I have all this potential, and I have realized it to an extent but only for the purposes of becoming a wageslave. I feel like an artist at heart and feel like I'm wasting my life away and need to utilize my talents for the good of society and for my own self expression of the art I have within my mind

That being said, I'm aware of the fact that this is all very cliched, self indulgent, and laughable. But awareness of these things doesn't shake my conviction regarding it

I need to get to work on this. But I'm still not even completely sure what "this" is...

>>35823864
>Every where I go, people get mad at me and I couldn't get laid to save my life.
Shit, I'm the same, mate. People, especially women always hate me initially but it's been so many times that they actually began to like me after some time.

Like at work. Initially I was hated a lot but then everyone grew to like me. When I was leaving it, they even told me that. I guess I take some getting used to.

>>35822401

I think it's my pussy

the issues people are presenting in this thread are honestly way fucking less concerning than the ''solutions''

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>>35823892
Hi, same. You watch something, listen to something, play something, how could these things be improved? What are they lacking?

Have you seen something so beautiful in your dreams? I've seen the most beautiful things in my dreams. I want to translate this beauty that I see in the physical world. I haven't seen quite like what I saw in my dream IRL. Nor anything that I see or perceive on the daily.

If you really are what you say, start to translate them to the real world. Surround yourself with beauty. It will come.

The world today is an ugly mess, and only broken people actually manage to find a way in it comfortably. People who see what actually is, will not find comfort in this world. So you must make your own, one that is actually more attuned with what should be.

>>35822401
I just feel so inadequate. I don't know what the Hell is wrong with me. On paper, I should be a normie. But I'm not. I just cannot for the life of me find a group of good, reliable friends who invite me places. All of my friendships are one-sided; nobody ever reaches out to me. I'm such a burden.

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>>35822401
My realization that my desire to sacrifice myself for the good of humanity is just me being lazy and not wanting to put the work in to actually be kind to people and better myself after knowing how horrible they really are and how hard actually doing stuff is. Or something like that I am still working out the details and I have class tomorrow and I am not ready to go back after spring break.

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>>35822401
If I don't get a girlfriend by summer I'll be a KHV at 20 years old

>>35822401
>thought I pulled a muscle
>went to doc
>doc thinks it's renal hematoma
>had some tests
>get call from doc saying see urologist stat
>go to urologist
>"you have kidney cancer"
>go in for more tests tomorrow
>meet with cancer doc on Wednesday

>>35822401
I'm lonely as fuck but hate people to the point I cant let them in and its a slow death. I'll get invited to shit and not go and then get pissed when ppl had a fun time, I hate being alone for too long, I'd rather go out in a group than do anything by myself anymore, I hate being single yet I fuck up every chance I get, yet I hate people to the point I'm naturally mean to them for little to no reason. My fuse is very short and I have no way to stop it getting shorter.

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just found out that my two friends have been talking to each other about how I'm "distant", "closed down", a "bad friend" and an asshole for not talking to them very often or doing much with them.

i used ask them to hang out and do stuff all the time and they were always either busy with work or school or talking to other people. they never have time for me, barely reply to anything i say, never want to do anything together, and one of them has even told me he doesn't care about other peoples' personal lives (including mine) because he doesn't want to get involved or help them. so what the fuck do they expect out of me?

i am normally a pretty chill person but that shit drove me up the fucking wall when i saw that shit, the way they left me out to dry by myself for so many years but expect me to drop everything and be there for them on a whim whenever they demand it and i'm an asshole if i don't? even though they've been doing it to me and much worse for so long?

i learned not to be a needy obsessive cunt that needs to be entertained by my friends all the time, they can fuck right off with that shit and do the same.

you don't want to be closely involved in my life? that's fine, i don't give a fuck, but it pisses me the fuck off when you show no interest and no care to me and never spare a thought for me and then turn around and get upset and tell me i am an asshole for doing the same thing to you. fucking dumb motherfuckers.

>>35823752
please make sure the building is high enough. I am talking 15 stories and hard ground just to be safe

I've really been wanting to work lately. My life has no routine. I have absolutely nothing to do. I have nothing to distract me from my depression. I want things to change, but I'm too afraid to go apply somewhere.

>>35823251
Sorry for your loss anon. It's okay to have conflicting feelings.

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I've been dating a fat girl for the past month. She's sweet to me, sweeter than anyone's been in years. I feel guilty because I have become that guy who dates a fat girl and, while I find her attractive, I don't want to bring her home to my parents since, it makes me feel shame. I feel shallow for this.

I also have a fear of abandonment and want to start cheating on her. Just so Im not the one who'll end up heartbroken when the eventually inevitable breakup happens. They always do. But I recognize this would be an asshole move.

She's apparently becoming infatuated with me, and I'm afraid I'll end up hurting a good person, someone who still believes in others.

>>35824239
make new ones

>>35824283
Sometimes you need to say fuck it and just commit man. You know you gotta change something so you gotta just get started. It's okay to be scared. You just gotta exercise some willpower. In my experience, willpower is like a muscle you gotta work out. I can tell you you're on the right track. When I get time off from work and I am just sitting at home not doing anything, that's when I am at my most depressed and stuff starts going bad. Work will help a lot man, and not just as a distraction. If you're scared, if you're nervous, that's fine man. A lot of people are, even the people you think are normies. Everyone is scared and nervous when it comes to uncharted territory. Shit, I still get like that whenever I start a new job no matter how long I've been working. But it becomes routine eventually, and it'll be a really good step man. Just keep at it and I have faith you'll get it figured out, even if it takes a while, that's fine. Just gotta work out that muscle.

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>>35822401
>be me
>socially awkward retard
>220lbs, I was 260 but I lost a lot
>summer before uni
>no internet
>decide to go full beast mode and diet and work out to get laid in uni
>get down to 210
>goodenough.jpeg
>get to uni
>move in
>try to be confident.meme
>end up doing really stupid shit (those stories are for another post)
>try to think positively about everything and put myself out there
>all that really did was make me look stupider
>"friends" putting me as their snapchat story for laughs
>become semi infamous through snapchat stories
>think any hope of redemption is lost
>meet kid who smokes weed
>always go out to the forest to smoke with this kid
>lets call him A
>A is cool and likes the same music I do
>we share weed and records
>he introduces me to his friends
>we all get along and form a squad
>go to a party with them
>almost black out drunk off of kraken
>go full /pol/ and talk about Trump
>all of them are berniefags except for one
>after the party
>barely remember shit
>slightly remember getting into an argument with a half black dude about the word "nigger" and the confederate flag
>ohfuck.jpeg
>barely anyone talks in the group chat anymore
>barely anyone talks to me anymore
>start to use weed as a coping mechanism
>stop going to classes altogether
>already failing in the first place due to all of the stress from previous part
>probably gonna fail out
>we are here
>out of weed

I'm sort of indifferent now. I get upset realizing that I'll never get a girlfriend nor get laid, but it's almost numb. I'm so used to the agonizing pain that it's over now. As long as I have weed, I'll be ok, but I'm out and my dealer doesn't get more until sometime this week.

>>35824528
why dont you tell her to lose some weight

>>35824664
I forgot to mention that I basically gained all of the weight back through having munchies 24/7

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>>35824668
I do not wish to make her feel inadequate and more insecure with herself. I'm also scared she'll see she can do much better than me and leave me.

We're horrible people, aren't we?

>>35824739
you want to hurt her anyway, choose

>>35824528
How fat we talking here?

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>>35824750
On the contrary,I wish to avoid hurting her while also not getting hurt myself. Maybe I'll just try to interest her in exercising with me. It will be good for her health.

>>35824750
Pic unrelated has a similar body type

>>35824689
why didn't you apologize to that half black dude

>>35825107
I did, but the issue is I didn't remember much until like half way through the next day. He said it was fine but no one's talked to me in a week.

I rarely read books any more but I used to be an avid reader when I was younger. What keeps on coming to mind and making depressed is that stories are always going to be better than real life. Whether it is a book, movie, shoe, or game it will always be better than real life. It sucks man.

>>35825136
shit's sad
how long has it been like this

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>>35822401
Ever have that feeling of that you know exactly what you are? No questioning it. You know exactly.

Since 4 years old my dream have always been becoming a soldier. There's never been anything else. No dreams of being a cowboy, space man or what not. I don't even know what started it. Its always been mature too, never any had the thought of me living some action adventure, guns blazing, bombs everywhere. No...the dream was always real no fantasy. I realized the hardships and truths of the profession. But it was me.

I have a severe disability since childbirth. Never let it stop me though because mom told me that I'll be cured around the time I'm twenty. So I prepared.
I disciplined myself during my many surgeries to withstand pain. I knew I had to stomach the pain if I got wounded or had to walk for long.
I never even made a face resembling discomfort during my many rehabilitations.
All this and more to prepare.

Nothing prepared me for the day I realized that my disability was never going to get better. That in fact my mom had lied to me to make me feel better. I was around 12. That was the most crushing day of my life. It was all crashing down around me.

I realized that I'm never going to be me.

I'm not me.

I don't want to live. I don't know why I keep going. Maybe it's the soldier in me.

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>>35822401
Once upon a time I was walking down to the marina and there was this prefab housing neighborhood that was based around the marina.

Anyways, so I'm walking down the road, probably 16 years ago, and lo and behold there's a dying young rabbit on the side of the road. So I curbstomped it and went along my day like nothing happened. Never have abused an animal or human in my life besides that.

>mfw I still try to figure out why the hell I did that

>>35823752
Sleeping pills easy and painless

>>35825547
dude what the fuck

og

My severe erectile dysfunction, really makes me want to kill myself, i'm not even memeing.

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>>35822401
I met a black girl on tinder recently and she is actually hotter in person than her pictures. I have a chance to fuck her but, I'm scared to do it. Idk what to do! Help me fellow robots!

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None of the paths which extend out in front of me look particularly appealing. I'm sort of stuck between being depressed at home, depressed at work, depressed at school, or depressed in a tent underneath an overpass.

>>35825575
Sometimes I still think that. Did it for no goddamned reason.

My oneitis has a boyfriend and I fear I'll never have an opportunity to at least date her. Even if she'd reject me anyway I don't want to move on constantly thinking of her and wondering if I could've had a chance with her.

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>>35822401
regret over ways my life could have gone, and anxiety over my inability to become who I want to be, and the finiteness of life

>>35825547
to put it out of its misery maybe?

>>35825517
damn that sucks man. what's your disability?

>>35824528
That is the same with me man the girl im with is 20 years old and a virgin and she is currently trying to get birth control to have sex with me but i'm completely uninterested in having sex with her at all and everytime we hang out I can literally count to 10 and she is trying to undo my belt. I don't want the relationship to continue but i don't want to hurt her feelings either since i'm the first person she opened up to and i just happened to be bored when she texted me at the time. I'm such a bitch

>>35825646
>>35825517

Spondylometaphyseal dysplasia
I have a mild version of it though.

There's only around 175 of us on earth with this rare birth defect.

>>35825646
Maybe, but that was a super fucked up way of putting the thing out of its misery. I grew up around animals and I knew the right way to break its neck properly and humanely as possible.

I like animals and people and at the worst I want to smack one now and then but I don't. Maybe I wanted to see what being horrible was like in a way that didn't matter. The poor sucker would've been dead soon anyways.

>>35822401
12 year old me had more confidence than 25 year old me

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>>35825700
Tell me about it. Before I turned 22 or so I wasn't afraid of women and got laid. Now I haven't had sex in three years.

>tfw

I just hate the fact that i'm a khv, i've changed my appearance, started working out, joined the marines, but I still can't bring myself to try and socialize with anyone. I hate how petty it is, I know that I probably wouldn't be any happier with a girlfriend but I feel like a failure every time someone talks about girls.

>>35825742
I went from being a little bad ass to being an anxiety riddled man. I have this specific memory, when i was younger, i played football with broken hips and duct taped cleats. I was a fucking bad ass for going through that pain. Now? I have panic attacks in the grocery store because i'm afraid everyone is looking at me. What happened?

>>35825492
happened last weekend
I just came back from Boston the weekend before and am broke, so now I have no weed to cope.

I want her to reach remission, or at least for her to just relax for a bit

>>35825608
Just go for it. What could go wrong, friendo?

>>35825680
that's pretty interesting medically, although it sucks ass I'm sure. what if you became an engineer and worked for Boston Dynamics or some other military technology? That's the real future of war anyways.

>>35825687
I see what you mean, anon. I've never done anything like that, but I remember as a kid suddenly wondering what it would be like to beat the fuck out of a family friend, who was the sweetest old lady imaginable, for absolutely no reason. I think our minds automatically produce these thoughts out of instinct, but our intellect evolved to discriminate against thoughts to form an adaptable basis for actions. Just keep following the intellect, anon.

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>>35826517
>>35825517

I won't lie the thought have crossed my mind.

>>35825517
Well, to get to the basics, what do you like about the army? Fighting? You like fighting? For a cause?

I dont know whats your illness but surely all is not lost.

It warms my heart though when people know exactly what is their place. The world would be a better place if people were more humble with themselves.

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>>35827093
I don't know what to tell you man. In spirit I've always been a soldier and remain so. There's nothing I connect with more than that profession.

The disciplin, the attitude, the brotherhood and respect. Yes even fighting for a cause (In my case it's just protecting my country).

>>35822401
I am in my twenties and have no libido, neither have I ever felt attracted to anyone in a romantical sense. I didn't care my whole life but I am startibg to feel like it is a deeper rooted problem. I feel broken and lonely and being with friends dosn't help

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>>35822401
>worked hard to improve myself
>lifting
>hygiene
>haircut
>started talking with qt that sat next to me at the coffee shop on campus
>talk with her a lot over the next few weeks
>invited out to bowling
>her, 3 other girls, and me
>they laughed at my jokes, went to the mall after, tried a ton of jackets on me, photo booth
>1000x more female attention in one day than my entire life so far
It did nothing. I'm leaner and more attractive now but I still just feel so empty. I don't know what to do. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes and I don't fucking know why.

>>35827254
ever thought of paramilitary groups?

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It took me till 23 to sort my life and it's too little too late

>>35827377
My disability stops me from being able to soldier

Well, I've had sensitivity to sunlight for like two months now, pain in the eyes, the left temple of my head hurts constantly, sometimes the right temple, and sometimes I have vertigo.

Doctors first thought it was my heart, the medicine they gave just made me terribly paranoid, then they thought it was my neck, now that medicine is making me terribly paranoid.

In short, I feel like shit constantly and not myself and doctors are apparently fucking retards.

I really don't understand what womens mean when they complain guys only want sex. There are some of them that yeah all I want is sex. What else do they expect besides sex, should I ask them for more than sex or do they just want other stuff? It gets really confusing. If I wanted something besides sex I'd just get a job and buy it.

>>35827418
i hope theres something for you out there still

good night bud

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>>35822401
>tfw the closest I've had to a meaningful relationship was over steam with a schizophrenic chick to fell for someone else

As if I couldn't lose anymore hope, what little hope I had left evaporated.

>>35824232
That's one way to win the jackpot, I guess

>>35825517
>I'm a soldier on the inside guys
No offense, but you guys are some of the most annoying fuckers on the planet to active duty/vets. You sound a bit better than normal, but seriously, sometime you mention the military to someone and a dude will just go on for an hour about how he's a warrior on the inside.

>>35827559

Yeah sorry. There's some fantasy and wishful thinking in there.
I use it as a source of mental strenght but mean no disrespect. I will tone it down

>>35827658
Want my advice dude? Read Letters From a Stoic by Lucius Seneca and Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. I think you'll respond to it.