Who here has a shit resume? I dont even know how to get a better job

>>35792259
lie like everyone else
lying is the most valuable skill you could possibly learn
t. American

>>35792287
I do lie, but to certain point. Im not gonna make a farfetched lie thats obviously a lie when they start talking to me

Bro let me help you out with some basic pointers.

1. What you got paid before is no ones fucking business. You find the average for your area, and add 20-50% when the question comes up depending on your skills. You will get negotiated down, at worst, to the average.

2. Anyone can say they have qualifications and skills. Put one-liner examples down that you've accomplished. These are almost always what recruiters will end up asking/chatting about, since otherwise, they will have to do the same boring shit-talk they give to everyone else. The added bonus here is that you essentially have the power to set the direction of the interview. Action words help. "Brand Management and Expansion" --> "Managed company branding, expanding reach by X% and retention by Y%". I don't know shit about this kind of marketing stuff, so edit as necessary. But thats the style you want. Short, to the point, confident, and above all, HARD FIGURES when you can provide them.

3. Move your work experience to the TOP. Whatever is most relevant to the position you're trying to get should be number 1. Keep point 2 in mind.

4. You want some better formatting. Go on ShareLatex and choose some professional looking template. None of this MS-Word shit.

5. Get rid of the whole Summary of Qualifications thing. Replace it with education or hobbies or whatever you can relate to the skills the employer needs. Sounds like you do a lot of communication shit, ever run a club, web-forum, video game clan, whatever? Talk about that stuff, corporate it up a la Point 2, and it will impress people much more than "I swear im gud at time management k".


Good luck

>>35792259
>staarted at $13 and ended at $18.12
>only 6 months full time

How did that happen?

Fuck, I have a bachelor's degree and haven't made more than $13/hour.

>literally nothing to put on my resume other than that I have a college degree
oh lawd

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Here's mine. I haven't updated it in 2 years because I've been fired from every job I've worked since then. Was thinking about making it nicer but telling employers I had cancer during my unemployment period hasn't worked yet and that's probably the issue.

>>35792734

reread it again, its 2.5 years
>>35792962

How the fuck do you go from distrubution to maintennace to wendys? you went backwars nigga. Most kids start out at wendys

>>35793049
You read it in reverse order. It goes from oldest to most recent. Since I left that job I worked for a month at Costco before getting fired for "odd behavior" (roastie coworker was afraid of me) and another distribution center for 3 months before quitting cuz I thought I was manifesting schizophrenia (hearing indistinct whispers and seeing shadow people) but it was only overactive untreated anxiety lol.
I'm on autismbux now but I will either be homeless or have to ask my grandparents to let me stay with them again in a month or two because they recently cut my bux and foodstamps again.
Unless I can find a job and keep it. Not going well so far.

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>Never worked.
>College drop out
>Shitty High school result 70/100
>Going to write my curriculum.
>Only positive point is that I know english from browsing 4chan better than the average person here.

>mfw

>>35793152

wait so the oldest job is in the top? you should put the most recent as the top job, kinda weird and offpiutting seeing wendys at the top then reading down, being a financial analyst

>>35793584
Why would I put things in reverse chronological order?
>Being a financial analyst
Why mention this? If you're mentioning it in a "well if I was looking at your resume and saw this I wouldn't hire you!" way it's irrelevant. You wouldn't hire me over the lack of a degree, failing GPA, 2 years of unemployment, etc. The order of the jobs wouldn't even register before discarding the resume.
It is also made quite clear by the year I worked there on the right side that I censored. You can't tell though.

>>35792259
fucking awful for so many reasons, the least of which is the countless typos

>>35793297
>curriculum
Nope

>>35794828

It's funny you say this cause I've actually gotten tons of interviews because of my resume

>>35792259
>no work experience
>parents want me to get a job at walmart or something
How screwed am i?

>>35792734
You only make 13 dollars an hour with a bachelors degree? What degree? I make 15.45 an hour and I have never been to college.

>>35794896
Political science.

Please, no bully.

I could teach English overseas, and take home $10+k/year, but I don't want to.

>>35794885
you serious? standards must be pretty low for resumes in your line of work. please learn how to use spaces at the very least. hint: you put one in between each word

>>35794926
Yeah, Los Angeles and San Francisco has some low standards

>>35794847
I can call it Curriculum Vitae if you want.

since everyone knows that all resumes are filled with lies
would it be an advanced and successful strategy to go all in with the deceit
and list massive exaggerations such as:

- King of Morocco (two times)
- First man to set foot on Mercury
- International Esperanto Poetry Competition Runner-Up
- Architect, completed designs: Antarctic Penguin Tenements, Kowloon Walled City, International Esperanto Competitions Dome, Hyperdimension Fortress Moot plus Concubine Omnipalace
- Author: The Holy Bible, New World Dictionary, Idiot's Guide to Pimping
- Programmer: Windows ME
- Insectoid Brain Surgeon

and then when the inevitable interview occurs, play it completely straight - all questions to be answered with extensive and boring professional stories related to these phony entries

i bet this would land any job in existence