PSA: the Virgin Walk

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>>35783198
>virgin
>walk nothing like a virgin

>>35783198
>always stare at phone, with earphones in, with one hand in pocket.
>Generally pass slow people.
>never look at people only in ways that tell people how I'm going to maneuver around them.
>neutral clothing, though not necessarily neutral colors
>flip flops instead of tennis shoes
>somewhat long strides because somewhat long legs.

Yeah I'm a virgin and I walk like this. I won't stop either. what about it?

>>35783198
>subconsciously copy the walk cycle from last game I played
kill me

>>35783198
Is this the new "autism shoes?"

Glad my walking game is on point.

I practiced standing and walking in a good posture.
I keep my eyes straight up most of the time or at things of interest.
I walk at my own pace, sometimes I have to walk fast when I'm late for work.
I also learned to imagine someone is walking with me, it makes walking so much easier.

I still hate it though. Driving is a lot better, there is pretty much no akward driving possible once you know what you're doing.

>>35783198
Not a virgin but I walk like that. What's the big deal?

>>35783656
Honestly it's not the "virgin walk", it's the "beta walk"

Every virgin virgin-walks, but not every virgin-walker is a virgin.

>>35783990
exactly, this is just common knowledge

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>>35783198
The proportions of this image bother me.

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>clothing is all neutral coloured

Ok you got me on that one

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NOOOOO

STOP IT RIGHT NOW

>>35784354
I'm so sorry. How long have you gone not knowing they can tell?

>>35784399
My whole life it seems

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>he doesn't walk like an absolute madman

>>35783198
This is me except I always put my hands into my jacket/hoodie pockets

>>35783198
Right. I'm a virgin but on quiet streets like late at night, I look up in general direction of the other person on the street. Not necessarily to make eye-contact but to ready myself in case they start shit. I'm probably paranoid.

During the day like with big crowds andgroups of girls I do this walk.

Finally walking with headphones is retarded since it destroys your audible reception and situational awareness.

Hi Henry

>>35783198

I'm a virgin, but I've practiced walking upright looking forward so much that now I do it by default.

Working out also helped my posture a lot. Made strong eye contact with a qt girl today and she didn't look back in disgust, so chalk one up for me.

Holy shit literally everything is on point even the hair thing FUCK OFF

Guys can someone give me a quick rundown on the Forer effect?????

>>35785219
I don't think it applied here. I've seen people who fit this description and people who don't; there really is a distinction

I've tried faking being normal just for people to say "you think you're cool but you're not"... there's no hope for me

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>>35783198
ffffffUCK
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
DIE NORMAL FAG
FFUFUCXKCUFKFUCK

>>35783198
I look at the ground because I am so awkward I trip over shit or walk in dog shit otherwise.

The
>hair overreacting to the wind
thing hits way too close to home.

it was windy yesterday and I was walking around and i caught glimpses of myself in glass windows and i just couldnt believe how bad my hair was.

i looked around at all the normies, even ones with hair length similar to mine, and theirs all looked fine.

how do we stop this /r9k/?

>>35783198
>Manually breathing
Seriously guys, how tf do i stop this?

>>35785507
don't manually breathe and you will automatically start breathing again

>>35783198
How is this doing the public a service?

>>35783198
is this new meme?

>>35785554
Yes unfortunately. At first it was one or two people trying to force it, and now it's posted several times a day on this board.

>>35785491
They probably use hairspray I guess?

>>35785554
Its too accurate to be a meme.

>>35785653
this, it has legs of its own now - it's only a matter of time before it hits normiebook in a major way

>>35785902
I saw it on facebook before I saw it here

Well I don't walk like that at all, I stare at people and look up a lot

>>35785917
screen cap if you could? I'd like to see what the normies are making of this

I've actually been told I have a weird walk. I just try to copy paulie from the sopranos walk

>be virgin
>don't care about le virgin walk because i'm on a wheelchair

checkmate atheists

>>35783198
I'm not a virgin I do all these things. I can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man... no time to talk.

I made this meme. I also made the robot chart a couple years back.

You want to know its secret? I won't even make you buy my e-book on memeing, I'll tell you now:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnum_effect

>>35786069
You didn't make this meme, it's a real thing

>>35783198
>tfw duck feet and APT so my hips swing side to side like a woman's

Yeah actually, I made this meme. Please do not use it without permission or I will sue you.

I FUCKING COUNTED AND THERE ARE 7 DIFFERENT THREADS ABOUT THIS STUPID FUCKING PICTURE ON /R9K/ RIGHT NOW.
STOP, FAGGOTS.

>>35786207
Valker detected.

>>35786239
>Valker

KEK

>>35783554
>he doesn't think virgin driving is a thing

Hoo boy

>>35786322
if anything, the virgin drive is even more obvious

>>35785219
>>35786069
show me 1 nonvirgin normy who walks like this

>>35786970
You're asking me to go in public and film normies walking?

Why are there four threads about this image?

>>35787705
because it is just so true I think

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It isn't hard to walk normally if you have an ounce of confidence and machismo

C: I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET ONE NIGHT
WHEN MY EYES BEHELD A PATHETIC SIGHT
A VIRGIN WITH AN AVERTED GLANCE
AND SPAGHETTI SPILLING FROM HIS UNDERPANTS

R: HE DID THE WALK
C: HE DID THE VIRGIN WALK
R: THE VIRGIN WALK
C: IT WAS AN AWKWARD STALK
R: HE DID THE WALK
C: HE ALSO STRUGGLES TO TALK
R: HE DID THE WALK
C: HE DID THE VIRGIN WALK

FROM MY DORM IN COLLEGE IN THE CITY EAST
TO THE LIBRARY BASEMENT WHERE THE NECKBEARDS FEAST
THE SPERGLORDS CAME FROM THEIR PUTRID NESTS
TO SNEAK A PEAK AT MY MASTER STEPS

R: HE DID THE WALK
C: HE DID THE VIRGIN WALK
R: THE VIRGIN WALK
C: IT WAS AN AWKWARD STALK
R: HE DID THE WALK
C: HE ALSO STRUGGLES TO TALK
R: HE DID THE WALK
C: HE DID THE VIRGIN WALK

THE AUTIST AVOIDED THE SUN
WITH SOMETHING BETWEEN A WALK AND A RUN
HIS DAD LOOKED ON IN SHAME
AND SAID "I HAVE NO SON"

THE CHADS WERE LAUGHING BEHIND HIS BACK
THE GIRL HE LIKED WAS GETTING BLACKED
HIS VIRGIN FRIENDS WERE ABOUT TO ARRIVE
WITH THEIR DANCE TROUPE "THE AUTIST FIVE"

R: HE DID THE WALK
C: HE DID THE VIRGIN WALK
R: THE VIRGIN WALK
C: IT WAS AN AWKWARD STALK
R: HE DID THE WALK
C: HE ALSO STRUGGLES TO TALK
R: HE DID THE WALK
C: HE DID THE VIRGIN WALK

Did anyone ever do a vocaroo of that (from original thread)? It would be pretty good, but I can't sing for shit.

>>35787965
those are some great steps, you can tell he's not a virgin

>>35788161
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0mgwyFNIGaY

Not the right tune though

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>>35784809
>I've practiced walking upright looking forward so much that now I do it by default.
>Just cro-magnon things.

>>35788199
also more verses:

I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET ONE NIGHT
WHEN MY EYES BEHELD A PATHETIC SIGHT
A VIRGIN WITH AN AVERTED GLANCE
AND SPAGHETTI SPILLING FROM HIS UNDERPANTS

chorus:
HE DID THE WALK
HE DID THE VIRGIN WALK
THE VIRGIN WALK
IT WAS AN AWKWARD STALK
HE DID THE WALK
HE ALSO STRUGGLES TO TALK
HE DID THE WALK
HE DID THE VIRGIN WALK

FROM MY DORM IN COLLEGE IN THE CITY EAST
TO THE LIBRARY BASEMENT WHERE THE NECKBEARDS FEAST
THE SPERGLORDS CAME FROM THEIR PUTRID NESTS
TO SNEAK A PEAK AT MY MASTER STEPS

chorus

THE AUTIST AVOIDED THE SUN
WITH SOMETHING BETWEEN A WALK AND A RUN
HIS DAD LOOKED ON IN SHAME
AND SAID "I HAVE NO SON"

THE CHADS WERE LAUGHING BEHIND HIS BACK
THE GIRL HE LIKED WAS GETTING BLACKED
HIS VIRGIN FRIENDS WERE ABOUT TO ARRIVE
WITH THEIR DANCE TROUPE "THE AUTIST FIVE"

chorus

OUT FROM THE ETHER, A BETA VOICE DID RING
HE WAS RATHER PUZZLED BY JUST ONE THING
HE LET OUT A HOWL, HIS VOICE FILLED WITH DREAD
"HOW DO I FIX THE TILT OF MY HEAD?"

chorus

HE'S NOT AT ALL COOL, HE'S NOT AT ALL TALL
HIS VIRGIN WALK IS THE BETA'S DOWNFALL
FOR YOU, THE NORMIES, THE WALK IS NOT MEANT
SO STACY AND CHAD, WITH YOUR WALK BE CONTENT

chorus

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>>35783198
>Back is slouched, and posture is awkward
>Head is craned forward
>Constantly have headphones in my ears
>Avoid eye contact
>Very polite to a fault
>Don't pay attention to my hnds
>Sometimes I auto-walk, but I generally don't
>Walk too fast
>Compulsively need to pass anyone walking slower than me
>Strides are long despite the fact I'm 5'7
>Wear neutral clothing because it matches my skin color
>Only wear running shoes because any other type of shoe feels weird to me
>Insecure about how I walk

I'm a 20 year old virgin man on top of this.

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>>35788235
Great job with the lyrics anon

>>35788235
I Lol'd at such a wonderful post.

This is the first time I've laughed at this website in years.

>>35788389
>>35788436
cheers lads, much appreciated - still needs some polish if anyone has any ideas to make it flow better

>>35783371
i did this with rdr, i thought john walked like a badass

>>35788478
Isn't it supposed to be to the tune of monster mash? This version is great though, gj anon

>>35788514
>tune of the monster mash

yeah, the song has some room for extra syllables to be shoehorned in since it is more spoken rather than sung but even then there are some kinks to iron out here

>clothing is all neutral colored
>uses headphones
>wears black coats
>back slouched
these are the only ones i do

What the fuck is an "autowalk?" You shouldn't have to think that much about walking of you're older than like two years old.

>>35783198
The only one of these I do is walking too fast. Sorry, but I have places to go. Why waste time?

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>qwop

is he, dare I say it, /our guy/?

>>35788618
probably talking about routing

You guys get so self conscious over made up shit like this

>>35788618
People with non-meme social anxiety get overwhelmed just by being in public and have to focus on every single body movement just to walk. Autowalking is what privileged normalfags like yourself can do

>>35783198
>Hair seems to overreact to wind
wut

>>35785491
Don't have super long gay ass hair. Get a clean cut from a decent barber and your appeal increases 200%

>>35788757
I thought I had extreme social anxiety, and I'm not cognizant of the way my body looks. I always recoil when I see myself in a mirror. I can't converse with any human beings at all.

I've probably just got Aspergers though. I took an ancestry test and I ran it through a service called Prometheus, and I discovered I've got a 2x risk for autism encoded into my DNA. My father had me when he was 39. I don't think social anxiety is really applicable to me.

My clothing is neutral colored, but I wear metal t-shirts. Does that count?

>>35783198
What if I walk with small steps but fast. Like my stride is 75% of what most people with my high do but x1.5 as fast. Also stiff. Some little kid told his mother I was robot when I passed by. Wtf.

>non-virgin with GF I live with
>do every single one of those things

>>35788960
That just broadcasts the virgin walk even more.

>>35789018
the virgin walk isn't exclusive to virgins, but all virgins do it

>>35789034
I know, but I'd rather stay this way. I love music way too much to change my style because of a meme

>>35783198
How do I fix the hair overreacting thing?

>>35789426
Look at anon with his shiny 4chan pass. Isn't he cool, isn't he wonderful???

Woooow. 20$ well spent.

Nice little ribbon, retard.

>>35789456
You mad freeposter? I knew someone would comment if I did it, fucking faggot taking the bait

>>35789487
>Fucking faggot taking the bait

Only a faggot hands out 20$ to a cartoon anime image board.

>>35789525
$20 is nothing, but i guess freeposter such as yourself needs to hold onto all the pennies he can

>>35789525
Raaaagie waaaagie Mr Goldstein didn't give you enough Sheckles?

>tfw you keep your head down when walking but that's because you have light eyes and the sun burns your eyes

>>35785491

I actually had a problem with this for a long time.

All you have to do is stop using shampoo to wash your hair, only wash it with shampoo from time to time.

The reason for that is that shampoo washes your hair too much and every last bit of "oil" from your hair is washed away. And no oil in your hair drastically decreases its weight and that is the reason why they are so easily fucked up by wind.

If you just wash with water, your hair will be perfect, not greasy at all, but there will still be enough "oil" to keep your hair from reacting to the wind so much.

If you're going to use this technique I definitely recommend washing your hair every day though.

You can also experiment with the water temperature, the hotter the water, the more oil is going to be washed away.

>>35789703
if you live somewhere sunny, just wear sunglasses

>>35785554
Apparently. Since most people walk this way (excluding tourists) it will apply to most people. Since r9k is full of shut-in virgins who are self-conscious, they are more susceptible to believing this bullshit.

>>35789833
seriously though, have you never seen someone do the virgin walk? It's really obvious

>>35789703
>what are sunglasses

>>35786069

Do your schoolwork, Robert.

>>35785984
Paulie has a walk?

>>35783198
Fuck i'm exactrly like this.

>>35783990
>every virgin virgin-walks
Wrong, I do nothing described in this pic and I'm a virgin.

>>35783198
stop drawing pictures of me anon or i will call the police