Psychological Issues #11

I don't usually post at this time, so you may not be used to seeing this thread.

Nevertheless, come around and share.

any tricks on how to overcome OCD? I sometimes spend so much thought on a certain task to the point of exhaustion. and everytime its always a different kind of task.

>>35778258

It's not very busy today, so let's get serious.

Pick a name for yourself.

We must find the root of your OCD. When did it begin?

Give me some examples of what you do.

>>35778258

Are you around?

>>35777773
I'm unhappy. It varies, and I don't feel like shit 24/7, but I tend to be sad or something like that. Or sometimes I don't feel much at all.
I'd say my happiest moments are times where I've been in love, and the girl made me happy happy, and I don't like that.
My name is Jeff btw.

>>35778888

Quads.

Would you say you only feel alive if you're "in love" with a girl?

>>35779032

That was me. Trip fell off.

I have severe Munchausen's Syndrome and even more severe Borderline Personality Disorder (AKA what have the stigma within the psychiatric and psychological community as being the two most difficult conditions in existence to treat). I have spent the past four years since the episode first broke out flying around from program to program, doctor to doctor. Usually they're all fascinated until over the course of a week they begin to hate me considerably and eventually tell me to fuck off. Usually when I get kicked out and asknwhy they say it's for "not cooperating with the program". I have no fucking idea what is meant by this.

How do I cooperate with a program if I don't even know what that fucking means?

>>35779051

Do you not remember the behaviour that they saw as uncooperative?

Tell me about your Munchausen's syndrome; what do you do exactly?

>>35779032
Kinda. I'd say that's a stretch, but kinda. I've felt good, but the moments where I've felt truly happy have been because of a girl.

>also, holy fuk quads

>>35779195

Was your mother distant and a bit cold?

>>35778284
>When did it begin?
No idea what the root is, what I do know is having shit self esteem and choosing to isolate myself since... as long as I can remember

>Give me some examples of what you do
For example, locking myself in my room, and refusing to move because I'm afraid I'll go crazy and stab somebody.
Another example is doing something over and over again until I can't think of anything else, until it becomes what I want. "perfect", this applies to almost every kind of task. I wonder why I do this and I want to stop.

Why do I feel like the pressure in my chest can only be healed by pissing people off irl? I seek out people and I make them uncomfortable, and only then I feel at peace, whether via post ironic humor, mental gymnastics in pointless arguments, or plain feats of autism. What's up with that? I'm the only one of my siblings who have this problem, too, it seems.

>>35779302
Why is that nickname still there holy shit

Go away

>>35779299
>No idea what the root is, what I do know is having shit self esteem and choosing to isolate myself since... as long as I can remember

I strongly suspect something.

Tell me about your parents and childhood.

>>35779302

Sounds like what narcissists do, although I'm surprised you'd just admit it if you were one.

Do you enjoy other people's pain?

Do you experience empathy, if yes, how?

>>35779347
I do like it when others are suffering, it puts me at ease I guess. I do think I've felt empathy before, mainly to fictional characters like in anime. I can't really remember last time I felt it towards another person though, but I doubt anyone really ever feels it towards me.

>>35779389
>I doubt anyone really ever feels it towards me.

That's only a projection. Your ability for empathy is obviously extremely diminished compared to the average person. This is also why you can actually enjoy others' hurt, otherwise you couldn't. I can't, for instance.

People must find you quite toxic.

Were your parents the same?

>>35779454
Well, my father tried his best and was always a fairly nice guy whenever I was around him, and he did his best to do good for his kids. I'm not sure how he acted towards other people, though, but he did always tell me "what do you care what some idiot thinks?" And "It's not what's in your head that matters, it's what others see". mother died when I was 7, and from the few memories I could recall about her, she was intensely strict and used to tell at me for not having friends. I would say the first time I noticed I was enjoying someones pain was when she died and my siblings were crying, and I was just relieved I wasn't the one crying, because I was a "rotten kid when I wasn't a sweet one" according to my dad

>>35779542
>"It's not what's in your head that matters, it's what others see".

Strange thing to say. Very superficial.

>she was intensely strict and used to tell at me for not having friends.

Bingo. Your mother was probably a narcissist; you need to be seriously fucked up to yell at your child for not having friends (especially since not having friends, at that age, is generally because of the parents).

Do you feel like everyone is a projection of your mother, and that hurting them is like getting back at the bitch?

>>35779237
Nope, she wasn't like that.

>>35779597

Any other memories from the past or symptoms of today?

I suck with girls. That's literally my only problem but it's bad enough that I wanna die.
How do I not suck with girls?
I'm average looking as fuck.

>>35779576
I wouldn't say anyone is a projection of my mother, but I do see in the world a general distaste for the unsavory facts of life. It seems a bit vapid to me to ignore all the bad stuff and just focus on the good stuff. Why do people always love to shy away from the ugliness of life?

>>35779635

Feeling this way about relationships is already a sign that there is a lot more wrong with you. Incidentally, the whatever is wrong with you is also why girls run away, possibly even other people. Your looks have nothing to do with this.

If you're scared of something or haven't dealth with something, others will sense it, and run.

We need to fix you.

Get a name for more. Why do you suck with girls?

>>35777773
What qualifications do you have to be psychoanazlyzing these mentally ill folk?

>>35779648
>Why do people always love to shy away from the ugliness of life?

Generally because they don't have anything to gain from it, especially if they're happy and enjoying life.

Do you enjoy giving gifts?

>>35779653
>What qualifications do you have to be psychoanazlyzing these mentally ill folk?

I'm not psycho anal zyzling anybody. I ask questions and give pointers. I only help anon find out for himself what he or people around him may have.

I have a lifetime of experience with narcissists and borderlines, plus personal academic knowledge.

Not that you'd believe anything I'd have to say.

I know some psychologists with degrees who just suck at their jobs.

Regardless of my credentials, I'm worth the time and money, since I'm completely free.

>>35779697
I'm gonna use a name now because this is getting longer.

Also, not sure if the question's rhetorical, but...

I thought the whole concept of giving was you arent supposed to enjoy it, and its a sacrifice and a test of will. The last time I remember giving a gift was giving homeless men weed, but not because I didn't want to have to burden myself with the risk of carrying pot, and at the time, I was trying to quit. I thought they were already rock bottom, and they couldn't get worse from the greenstuff than they already were, so why not?

>>35779631
ehh, I'm in a band, and our last gig wat pretty nice, and I felt good. Not as happy as when I've been in love, but I felt good.
I'm kinda lonely romantic-wise, like, I want to feel love and feel loved but I'm picky and tend to have severe oneitis lol also, i really don't want the bad shit that comes with a relationship.
Also, sometimes I want to feel affection but I don't like any kind of casual encounters.
I don't know if this information is useful, but whatever.

>>35779824
>I thought the whole concept of giving was you arent supposed to enjoy it, and its a sacrifice and a test of will.

Oh boy... I love giving gifts to people I like. It's no sacrifice. It shouldn't be. I wouldn't want gifts from someone who feels it's a sacrifice to give me something, that'd be embarrassing.

The question was not rhetorical at all.

Are you surprised people like giving things to people they like?

>>35779869

All very useful. Can we say you are somewhat scared of serious relationships and commitment?

If so, how come?

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I hate sex. Any sort of sexual interaction with a girl makes me uncomfortable and benis in bagina gives me so much anxiety I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach afterwards. I'm a boy btw.

>>35779947
You bet I'm surprised. I thought everyone hates giving gifts. Like you said with unpleasant facts, it gives no benefit to the giver, but at least you learn when you hear unpleasant facts. Add to your repetoir of knowledge and crap. One step closer to omniscience. Giving gifts allows me no benefit. Sure, I'll bum a smoke every once in a while to someone, but usually I expect a sort of gratefulness from them, in a sort of "I owe you one" sort of way.

>>35779981

I've got bad news. Maybe you already know, maybe you forgot. Chances are highly likely that you've been abused or molested in your past.

Do you recall anything?

Is there anything else that's off about you?

>>35780040
Forgot name crap

>>35779333
>Tell me about your parents and childhood.
father used to beat me up for his own problems, always finds something to pick on when he's angry. My mother is extremely supportive. they're still married. since then I have never once had a proper conversation with my father, I just avoided talking to him.

childhood: I had a small circle of friends and I was the shy and quite one, got bullied a little for that. I discovered the internet, porn much earlier than others and I suppose it made my isolation worse. later I was groomed by a pedo online, it was a strange experience.

>>35780040

Make sure to understand that the majority of people are able to enjoy others' happiness, and giving gifts makes everyone happy usually.

Most people don't give in order to receive, that'd kill the value of the gift.

You must feel lonely.

>>35779651
>Why do you suck with girls?
I used to come up with lots of theories but I'm out of ideas right now. I don't have many friends or use social media. I think that's the biggest reason. But I have a friend who doesn't either but still gets tinder sluts whereas I always fail at it.
Maybe I have an unattractive personality. I think I'm pretty normal at talking, tho.

>>35780071
>father used to beat me up for his own problems, always finds something to pick on when he's angry.

Bingo. That's enough to explain most of what is now wrong with you, anon. You can't grow up wrong and expect to be a fully functional, happy adult.

Let's find out what your father had.

Read about narcissistic parents and report back. Read about Borderline too, to be sure.

I suspect marc more because of who and what you attracted later on. Your father "raised" you in such a way that you became an obvious target for predators, whether they be classmates or pedos online.

>>35779737
I'm not coming at you. I'm just curious. I work in the mental health field myself and am not a mental health professional. There's a lot of ethics and etiquette that goes into helping people without being their professional guidance.

Your approach is very psychoanalytical, and I personally think there are many better approaches to take if your genuine interest is guiding people through their problems and helping them come to resolution on their own.

Also, the fact that you aren't charging doesn't mean that you're helpful or can escape negative outcomes of your seemingly innocent advise. Guess that just takes the experience of saying the wrong thing or seeing your approach go very badly. But you're probably not going to witness any of those consequences.

>>35780080
>lonely
Where do you think we are? Kek


I do feel connected to people sometimes though, like when someone I respect returns the respect, my happiness skyrockets.

>>35779966
Kinda. It wasn't always like that though. I used to be in a relationship and even tho it was nice, it had some really bad parts. She had a lot of friends that flirted with her and she never quite stopped them and cheated.
Anyway, I don't want the bad feelings that come with a relationship and I think they use a lot of time, and I'm studying.

>>35780116
It's fun though

>>35780116
>Your approach is very psychoanalytical,

It's not, though. I hate psychoanalysis, personally.

>Also, the fact that you aren't charging doesn't mean that you're helpful or can escape negative outcomes of your seemingly innocent advise.

Not sure why some of you seem to think a random stranger online can cause grave trouble with his words. Most of what I do is ask question and recognise patterns. Whenever anything becomes serious, I guide people towards articles and name what their parents or themselves might be. The research they do afterwards is done without me.

What kind of evil consequences do you expect?

>>35780148

Feels like you have a wounded ego, and much like narcs, you get some respite from others feeling shit, or being admired by someone you can respect yourself.

Go read about NPD and report back.

>>35780158

There are better partners out there.

>>35780066

I don't remember anything like that. I think I might have mild autism or something since I find just talking to people exhausting, like it's too much information to process for too long, but maybe that's just being introverted.

>>35780271

It's not autism and while it is introvertion, you need to understand why it exhausts you.

Probably because of hyper-vigilance: you know what people think, how they move, you pay extreme attention and try not to hurt them or make them feel bad.

Because of this level of attention, social interaction exhausts you. This is something you've learned to do in childhood.

Guys, I'm exhausted. I don't know why. I need to lie down for a while.

I'll come back later.

>>35780195
The folks on this board are mentally ill. When I first started off, inexperienced, I witnessed many ways that I hurt my clients despite my best efforts to help.

People taking your advise is more of a responsibility than you know. Which is why in the mental health field you're not supposed to provide advise, rather implement techniques to elicit change and understanding.

Schizophrenics and people experiencing delusions can easily misinterpret your words and you can contribute to their thought loops. People who are lonely, hurting, and in need can become dependent on guidance from others which is the exact opposite of what someone with low confidence in themselves needs.

You're making diagnostic claims. Telling someone you know nothing about that they were likely sexually abused is a pretty awful thing to do and highly misguided. Your intentions seem well placed but I suspect you're young and haven't had much experience working with people one on one.

>>35780421
shit nick you alright?

Alright Anon, I'll give you a shot and tell you anything you want to know about me. Call me Ramone, that seems dull enough, sorry for not choosing a brownie point name.

My issues are that I feel bored a large amount of my time, I feel irritable, I feel like I am in a constant state of flux between being extremely confident and good at everything I do or being the opposite. When I was younger I attempted suicide several times but I haven't tried for like 7 years.


I just saw thag you'll come back later, so get back to me whenever unless there are bigger fish to fry. Good luck friend, hope you will/did have a good rest.

>>35780340

I don't really manage other peoples feelings like that, I just try to be honest and then it's their responsibility. E.G. I tell girls up front I would only have sex for their sake and they never ever believe me and when they inevitably get hurt after this proves to be true it's their fault for not listening.

>>35777773
Hey Nick, nice almost get. My question is pretty simple, how do I go about going to the doctor for a mental health check up and possible Asperger diagnosis if I have an intense fear of admitting weakness as well as social anxiety?

>>35780106
>narcisstic parents
My father, indeed. very likely that he is narcisstic. He made fun of me often.
Borderline, don't think so.
He had fits of anger from work/his illness and he used me as a punch bag for his stress. overall, I know he loves me. For some reason he was quick to anger.

>I suspect marc more because of who and what you attracted later on.
Marc?

>>35780421
tyt

orgiaamii birds

I'm back. I'll catch up.

>>35780474
>The folks on this board are mentally ill.

Wew, lad, are you the one claiming I make diagnostic claims? You've just analysed a whole bunch of people at once. Most people have something or other, but saying so doesn't do much.

> I witnessed many ways that I hurt my clients despite my best efforts to help.

Whereas people get something much more beneficial to them from talking with me.

>People taking your advise is more of a responsibility than you know.

Most of my advice, after identifying the potential issues, is basically "seek a theraphist". At which point they run into professionals who may not even be all that good. I provide information and name disorders that may exist in themselves, their parents, or their partners. I always encourage them to consider what seems likely.

>Schizophrenics and people experiencing delusions can easily misinterpret your words

Possibly, but then anything could, me, a film, a book, etc.

>People who are lonely, hurting, and in need can become dependent on guidance from others which is the exact opposite of what someone with low confidence in themselves needs.

The same happens with professional therapists. So far, no one is dependent on me. The disincarnate nature of our exchanges helps to prevent that.

>You're making diagnostic claims.

Anon virtually always agrees with what I suspect, and I rely on their opinion first and foremost. It only makes sense insofar as they see it.

> I suspect you're young

Wrong.

>haven't had much experience working with people one on one.

Wrong again.

Much of your post makes it sound like you aren't very aware of what happens in my threads.

>>35780493

I'm a little rested. I don't know what's going on. I feel empty of energy and pretty down.

Anon from thread 1! What was your issue again?

>>35780534

OK, Ramone, read this and report back:

Borderline Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

(2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

(3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self

(4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

(5) recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

(6) affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

(7) chronic feelings of emptiness

(8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

(9) transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

>>35780673

Whether it's their fault or not remains to be discussed. If you tell them without explaining why, you may not be convincing enough, because that goes against everything women are made to believe about men, so they can't just believe it right away, not unless you do a good job of convincing them, which is possible, but it sounds like you don't convince them when you tell them that piece of news.

>>35780711
>how do I go about going to the doctor for a mental health check up and possible Asperger diagnosis if I have an intense fear of admitting weakness as well as social anxiety?

You stop thinking about it and just do it. I'm not sure the two things you mentioned really have to do with Asperger's.

What elses makes you think it may be autism?

>>35780869

>marc

I meant "narc". Heh.

Friend, if your father was/is indeed a narcissist, he never loved you really. He loved having you around to much and vent, but that is not love. You didn't deserve to be used as a punching bag.

Consider the possibility that he got upset because he wanted to, and wanted to have an excuse to get upset. I suspect my own father of doing that sort of crap.

I too thought he "loved" me for an insane amount of time. But I now know this was an illusion, a lie. There was never any real love.

All caught up.

>>35781907
Yeah, that sounds pretty accurate. I usually try and bail relationships and avoid hanging out with friends because I feel like they'll get tired of me. I feel pretty empty when I am not doing something like hanging out with friends or playing Vidya. This all fits I guess.

>>35782159

Best known therapy for this is DBT, which you can teach yourself, get a book by some woman called Linehan.

DBT stands for Dialectic Behavioural Therapy, it's basically about talking to yourself, in your head, to rectify your impression of the world and people, so you get more grounded and can think more clearly.

It's what many people with BPD do intuitively to some degree.

>there's no reason why my friends should get bored of me any more than I of them

>I'm not a shit person, there's no reason I should be abandoned

Etc.

Are you able to seek therapy, financially and otherwise?

>>35782239
No, I don't think I would be able to financially. I tried some time back and wasn't able to. I kind of just accepted there was something wrong, although I wasn't sure what it was, it just seemed like something that could be ignored.

>>35782503

Best you can do, then, is inform yourself about BPD, and get that Linehan books to teach yourself DBT.

Keep in mind BPD is extremely complicated and varies a lot from people to people.

Of the 9 symptoms, you can have any combination of them to any degree of intensity. Someone may have all 9, but at low intensity, someone else may have only 1, but at high intensity.

American psychiatrists want 5 of them for a diagnosis, but it could be 5 symptoms at low intensity; whereas someone with 4 at high intensity wouldn't have the disorder officially, yet would fare much worse in life.

Keep in mind how subjective some of these things are. But do inform yourself as much as possible, it will help.

You'll figure things out as you go.

I hope you're getting some kind of answer with this.

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I've spent the last 6 months in my bed.
I have no energy (as far as I can remember I never had any sort of stamina, not even in my first childhood), I'm always gloomy, I never smile and I always phisically feel like shit. Not bad, just groggy.
I'm extremely smart. I've aced high school and the first 3 years of university effortessly, I'm extremely talented for music (I've studied piano and composition in the best conservatory in my country without having to pay for anything) and I'm an excellent orator and a fast thinker.

I'm usually calm and kind, but every once in a while I'll get angry for hours, screaming and throwing shit at people while saying the meanest things I can imagine.

Socializing is very hard. If I stick with a group long enough eventually someone will become a best friend of mine. Once I step out of my comfort zone I can be extremely funny and charming, trapping people into my personality for years. I find hard to get to that mindset immediatly.

I truly despise most of the people I know. Whenever I see something that I deem as embarassing, unexamined or stupid my first reaction is to think about killing myself.
8've never went to therapy.

Assumimg that I've been sincere in this account (I have), do you guys recognize any possible diagnosis?

>>35781993
Thats not true. If he didn't love me then he wouldn't work for my sake. I would be starving.
I cannot comprehend how/why a parent wouldn't have any love for their child. Maybe you need to rethink that.
Yet, some things tick me off. He sometimes says shit like "I know you don't like me" "I know you wish me ill" and since he recovered from his eye surgery "you're probably disappointed that I can see you clearly now" ..WHAT

>>35782791
>do you guys recognize any possible diagnosis?

It's too early to say. Look over the BPD symptoms and see if it sounds familiar to you:

>>35781907

Though I think there's more to find out, but we have to start somewhere.

>>35782597
This is pretty helpful or it feels like it is. I feel a have a few of these at a minor intensities so I figure I could get properly diagnosed if I had the chance.

I hate to bother you further but do you have any ideas on what could cause this?

>>35782791
The lethargy sounds like it could be something physiological, maybe hypothyroid or Lyme disease. Is there any history of thyroid problems in your family, or have you ever been bitten by a tick?

>>35782887
None of the things you've described.
I ger medically checked every year, so I doubt it's about physiological.

>>35777773
How do I live with being ugly

>>35782837
>Thats not true. If he didn't love me then he wouldn't work for my sake. I would be starving.

I was made to believe the same and feel very grateful for that.

>I cannot comprehend how/why a parent wouldn't have any love for their child.

That's the problem; if you cannot imagine that, even though it exists, and a lot, you may never be able to realise what the situation really is. And it can take decades.

>Maybe you need to rethink that.

I don't. Cases where parents abuse their children are a dime a dozen, even when they claim to "love" the children.

Watch "Dear Zachary" if you want some documented evidence.

>Yet, some things tick me off. He sometimes says shit like "I know you don't like me" "I know you wish me ill" and since he recovered from his eye surgery "you're probably disappointed that I can see you clearly now" ..WHAT

This is extremely narcissistic: the aim of such words is to make you feel bad, guilty, and force you into give him more of what he wants from you: attention. You'll waste your time trying to convince him, while he enjoys manipulating you and your good heart.

Anon, honestly, your father is not the person you were made to think he was.

Believe me, a narcissist really needs to have people around to use as he does, and yes, just being able to say mean shit to them is the use in question. They feed off that. They love it.

You are being manipulated. It may take some time before you fully realise. Read about it, see other people's experience, then when you're with your father, keep those things in mind, and it will pop out to you like crazy.

>>35782870
>I hate to bother you further but do you have any ideas on what could cause this?

You don't bother me at all. There is nothing in my life right now, except this thread and you guys.

BPD doesn't really happen on its own. Usually, the sufferer has had a parent or caregive with either BPD or NPD, or some other disorder. It's essentially something that happened between 0 and 6, and usually more than once.

Were any of your parents a bit odd in any way?

>>35782955

Dubs. I don't think you're ugly. When's the last time you went to a hairdresser?

>>35777773
For ages now I've only ever felt things like anger. Only time where I don't feel that is whenever I'm by myself (and even then that can go south quickly) or whenever I'm with my cat, and my cat does give me some sense of happiness but aside from that it's almost nothing. I'll sometimes lift whenever I'm pissed, currently 155 lbs who can deadlift 230. Not a lot, I know, but it's something. I just want to know how to tone it down a little, as once when I was younger I clocked my brother and his head ricocheted off the wall and was bleeding from it, and I didn't even hit him that hard either. Just don't want to snap again and get sent to prison or something, I'd rather keep the integrity of my ass as it currently is.

As for parents, my dad wasn't too bad but my mother was something else. Pretty sure she completely fucked my perception of relationships and just in general had a negative impact on me, though I'm not a huge fan of talking about such things.

>>35783082

Read this and report back:

>>35781907

>>35783035
I wouldn't even fuck me, I always thought I'd be more attractive but now everytime I look in the mirror I get ptsd, and curse my parents

>>35783248

Chances are you don't see yourself the way anyone else would.

I know people who think they're ugly but actually are handsome.

You skipped my question about the hairdresser.

>>35783106
1) I may like things such as vodka and whatnot but I'm not some sort of drunk addict. I just don't really like expressing emotions and whatnot.


2) Sounds a little accurate I guess. Not gonna lie, I do have my jealousies, whether it be things such as height (I'm 5'8, would like at least 5'11/6 feet) and overall fitness, and I guess I can be a bad sort of friend.


3) Again, I guess that's a little accurate. Something just doesn't quite click well in regards to me, like I got cheated on something.


4) I can be an adrenaline junkie but I HATE spending money on things I don't consider useful. Though I would like to start a gun collection one day.


5) On and off I guess.


6) I did say I tended to be pissed a lot of the time, that or empty.


7) Read 6.


8) Read 7.


9) Now that I think of it I do blank out sometimes out of nowhere.

>>35783288

Sounds like a good start. Reminder that only 5 symptoms are required to be considered as having BPD, though you can have traits and significantly suffer from them.

Let's talk about your mother. The least you feel comfortable, the more important it is to speak of it.

>>35783280
My hair is curly and shitty if I was bald it doesn't matter I can't remove my face . I've already excepted psychical and mental defeat over the issue but I figured people here would understand, it seems it's the only thing holding me back,

>>35783423

I think you prefer to think of your face, which you can't change, rather than facing the real issues, which you can.

>>35783023
My mom and dad separated at some point early on, it was before I was in Kindergarten for sure though. My dad suffers/suffered from a lot of mental things. But I don't remember him too well from my childhood.

My mom, who took care of me is different. She probably could have BPD or something different, but she has worked hard and it hasn't been easy for her. She had like 3 more kids which she couldn't handle and the person she got with after lost his job and never got one after that claiming it sas "too hard" and just spends his time on the couch and whining why nobody respects him.

>>35783492
>My dad suffers/suffered from a lot of mental things.

Do you know what exactly?

>but she has worked hard and it hasn't been easy for her. She had like 3 more kids which she couldn't handle and the person she got with after lost his job and never got one after that claiming it sas "too hard" and just spends his time on the couch and whining why nobody respects him.

I can almost hear this in your mother's voice. I feel like this is what she told you a lot, and while it was true, nobody forced her to stay with this man and support him.

What else did she do that was off?

>>35783459
Well what could I change, I realize that I'll have to work 3x as hard as a normie
, just to get there sloppy seconds at best, hypergamy seems like a common underlying theme, but I don't necessarily expect people who i deam attractive to like me due to my pessimism about my own attractiveness

>>35783361
My mother generally speaking is just not a trustworthy person. Constantly cheated on my dad, used my brothers ADHD medication (my dad was the one who found out, dollar bill with a tiny straw and some bluish powder), and pretty much tried to always emotionally toy with everyone, ended pretty quickly with me because I basically just ignored whatever she said but not so much for the others in the house. She also joined the Mormon church, yet is about as far from a Mormon as you could get, pretty much just went in to look good to others. Guess the Catholic Church made her feel a little too guilty or whatever. But I'd definitely say she had a negative impact, and ever since I turned 18 I worked my balls off so I could afford to move out on my own. I plan on getting an apprenticeship or going vocation so for higher learning that's not too much of a problem. As for my dad, we definitely butted heads before and I did get the belt a few times (something that too few people get IMO) but aside from the occasional aggravation he wasn't bad.

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>>35777773
One of my parents has schizo-affective disorder of depressive type. I have 3 siblings, every one of them are very outgoing and successful young adults. I, on the other hand, have a lot of robotic tendencies - that includes introversion, social anxiety and extreme inactiveness. Could these be the early signs of the inherited schizo-affective disorder or is it simply a result of being raised as the last child? (if that has anything to do with it)

>>35783581
>I realize that I'll have to work 3x as hard as a normie

Please realise this makes no sense.

>, just to get there sloppy seconds at best, hypergamy seems like a common underlying theme, but I don't necessarily expect people who i deam attractive to like me due to my pessimism about my own attractiveness

>sloppy seconds

There's more to people than looks, whether it's yourself or other people. The way things go, you first get to know someone, then you find them attractive in a different way than just a sexual way.

You should stop worrying so much about your looks. You could work out if you're really concerned.

Describe your parents.

>>35783583

Do you think your mother is a narcissist? She seems to fit the bill: manipulation, making everyone feel bad, trying to look good to others, etc.

As to the belt, I hope you will change your mind about it because that's a remnant of your own trauma. Nobody learns anything from being belted by the person who's supposed to care for them. There is no child dumb enough not to understand their mistake if it is well-explained by the parent.

So we have a potentially narcissistic mother on the one hand, and a father who gave you brutal beatings on the other.

Both of which are enough to develop some serious disorders. For now, I'd say we need to work on realising that you did not have a normal childhood at all.

>>35783611
>early signs

I'm not an expert on the topic but I don't think what you listed are early signs of schizo-affective disorder.

And yes, being raised by such a person will definitely have consequences.

Maybe your siblings are older than you and your parent only developped severe issues when raising you, I don't know.

Maybe your siblings have issues too, but hide them better.

What's a common memory of your mother and you?

>>35783707
She was a perfect textbook definition of a narcissist. I mean 110%. And I definitely wouldn't call my dad brutal, that only happened twice and that was after I did something royally bad, such as scratching the paint off my uncles motorcycle with rocks or the whole clocking my brother in the head thing. Aside from that, all I have to say is I'm glad I have my own place now. A bit Spartan but that's how I like it.

>>35783534
I think my dad suffered from depression and he maybe had abusive parents? I am not entirely certain though, sorry I can't provide anything else really.

My mom was horrid I guess, she still is. I agree that nobody forced her to stay with him, I feel that she likes to make herself the victim. She lashes out at others whenever she is in a bad mood, she is fine with berating others and then she tries to act like it never happens. I don't even think I have ever her say she was sorry, she'll deny she does that stuff and pretend it never happens. It makes me feel like I am crazy at times especially when she never acts that way whenever she is in a public setting or around others.

>>35783851
>I definitely wouldn't call my dad brutal,

Talking about a man who beat you with a belt. I just don't know how to explain this to you: this is very brutal, no matter how you go about it, no matter how often it happened.

Would you belt your own child?

Next step is to read about the effects of having been raised by a narcissist, because there are many, many, and you won't necessarily have connected all of it.

Google stuff like "adult survivor of narcissistic abuse" and such.

Plenty of symptoms come straight from that. It's especially devastating for a child to be raised by a narc, since you don't really exist for them. You can't build yourself up like a normal person.

>>35783851
Also to add on to what I said, I don't believe in flat out abuse, just enough to instill some sense of discipline, and only if it's something that's legitimately bad. Now I see little kids with the latest Samsungs and iPhones, and just stample all over their parents, which doesn't sit well with me at all. I just think "damn, they are in for a rude awakening later on".

>>35783905
>I think my dad suffered from depression and he maybe had abusive parents?

Considering he married a narc, most likely one of his parents, or both had something. He learned to have unhealthy boundaries and that's how, likely, he accepted your mother's bad side.

>I feel that she likes to make herself the victim

Correct, a favourite trick of narcs. My mother does the same, so does my father. Both live on complaining.

> then she tries to act like it never happens.

Known as gaslighting.

>It makes me feel like I am crazy at times especially when she never acts that way whenever she is in a public setting or around others

Definitely gaslighting, read about it. Glad we could identify what your mother is.

>>35783923

Excessive violence and lack of discipline are both forms of abuse.

I'm certain that the belting was "healthier" than what your mother did. I'd take a beating over narc treatment any day.

Children who are allowed to lord it over their parents suffer from it and will also carry on wounds for later. It's very unsettling for a child to realise he can control his parents, and therefore has no one to protect him. Children need limits, boundaries, being told "no", etc.

>>35783634
Great people, not attractive even when younger, but they created a hellspawn psychically and mentally, I hate them for simply for creating me, they spoil me but I hate living knowing they expect me to be great and knowing that I can't because of my autism. I want to kill myself because everyday is me regretting what I can't or haven't done and everyday that passes I fall behind and feel still mentally trapped in a middle school stage, all of my psychological problems could be twisted to benefit my characterif I didn't look like a creep, I wish I could at least be happy so I could give my parents the thanks they deserve

>>35784097
>my autism.

What makes you think you have autism? Have you been diagnosed?

>>35784015
It's not even the whole boundaries thing, the parents are setting their kids up for failure in life. Obviously this is bound to happen to some, but I'm seeing it on a level way too high for me to personally accept. I didn't even get my first phone until I was a freshman in HS, meanwhile there's little ones everywhere with the latest galaxies or whatever.


As for abuse, I guess I just have a different perception of what abuse is, that or I really am as tough as nails. If someone has a black eye all the time or are constantly being berated, that's abuse. But in my case, it sucked at first but it gave me the motivation to always do better, I guess to prove them wrong. And yeah, the whole narc thing sucks.

>>35784147 no it's just a figurative conglomerate of all my psychological problems clumped into one word to make it easier to described. It's even worse when you grow up not realizing your ugliness then you look in the mirror one day and it hits like a ton of bricks, or at least it did for me, every moment socializing is a battle between not wanting to be emasculated by chads or not wanting to be around people as pathetic and. Depresssed as I, it's a lose-lose. I can't enjoy people's success or failure

>>35784182
>It's not even the whole boundaries thing, the parents are setting their kids up for failure in life. Obviously this is bound to happen to some, but I'm seeing it on a level way too high for me to personally accept. I didn't even get my first phone until I was a freshman in HS, meanwhile there's little ones everywhere with the latest galaxies or whatever.

Sure, but see it on context: newer generations have new standards for what is normal. My grandfather would think kids lucky today to have had shoes, you know? Did you feel spoilt for having shoes, whenever everyone else had shoes too? It's relative to what others have.

>As for abuse, I guess I just have a different perception of what abuse is, that or I really am as tough as nails.

I'd advise to entirely drop ideas of you being tough as nails or anything of the sort. It generally means you've suffered abuse and avoided dealing with it so that you're ready to educate your own children the same way with the same standards, and the cycle goes on.

>If someone has a black eye all the time or are constantly being berated, that's abuse.

There are many types of abuse and getting a black eye is by far not the worst. Emotional and psychological abuse have the same types of effects as sexual abuse has, and in many cases, much worse, due to the insidious nature of mental abuse. Let experts define what abuse is based on its effects. Sometimes, you don't even realise you're being berated, because it's done covertly.

Will you seek a therapist?

>>35784243
>all my psychological problems clumped into one word to make it easier to described.

That is not autism, then. Autism is a completely different type of issue. You're born autistic, you aren't born with a personality disorder (in most cases).

You described your parents as great people but said nothing about them, except that there's pressure on you from them, which you entirely take as your own responsibility.

Describe them more, with examples of interactions between you if possible.

>>35784267
Fair enough, I do know that the standards for living have obviously been raised since way back when, I just think an 8 year old having an iPhone 7 isn't really necessary. A tracfone or something sure I guess. Would you believe I'm only in my early 20's?

As for therapists, probably not. My focus currently is getting into an apprenticeship, probably HVAC, though Westinghouse seems to have some good stuff set up as well, technology to be exact. Also I'm not super keen on the idea of having kids, but I guess I'll cross that bridge if I ever get there.

>>35783970
Is there anything I can do to force her to stop or change her behavior? Clearly nobody in my immediate family cares to point it out or if they have tried they have been shut down.

>>35784388
>I just think an 8 year old having an iPhone 7 isn't really necessary. A tracfone or something sure I guess. Would you believe I'm only in my early 20's?

I believe it. Such a young kid with such a phone may have a parent who wants to feel good about their kids having such things, which doesn't bode well for the kid.

>As for therapists, probably not.

Short of seeing one, I recommend reading a lot about these issues. That said, I can't encourage you enough to seek therapy. You don't have to live with these issues, you can free yourself from them and live better.

Think about it. Just go a few times to see. Find someone you feel OK with and let it all out. I can't insist enough. Really.

>>35784461
>Is there anything I can do to force her to stop or change her behavior?

No. All the studies, all the people who ever had to face a narc of this magnitude say the same: you can't do anything to change them. It's tragic, but it's too late for them.

I'll never change my parents either. The best you can do is mourn the childhood you never had and the parents you never had, and mourn over the fact that she will never change.

You will be shut down too soon enough. My own parents might be shutting me down as we speak, time will tell, but they won't be able to tolerate my new policies with regards to bullshit, lies, and verbal aggression.

>>35784297
Well I like to think they have little to do with my issues, the way I see it, other than creating me, so it's hard to say what if any relevance my dynamic with my parents does have to deal with my insecurities, the past year or 2 I've been a bitter prick to them because of me having objectively no life or great future while watching other have families get new cars, get girls like it's nothing, most of those things are out of reach, I'm considering suicide as the day comes closer, but i don't want to be a statistic for gun control, i want to be a calm normal person, but I feel like lashing out in violent fits of rage when I think about my accomplishments or lack there of, sorry for little info about parents but they are less of a factor in this than you may think

>>35784542
>Well I like to think they have little to do with my issues, the way I see it,

I know. I used to think the same. It just happens to be untrue. The way you were raised always has a lot to do with how you are as an adult, which is why I ask.

>they are less of a factor in this than you may think

I understand you believe this, but that is not how things work. You have to be open to the idea that maybe you aren't right in everything you believe. I used to think exactly as you do now, and it took me over ten years to realise I was wrong and my former psychiatrist was on something.

For now, let's just focus on your parents. Nevermind if they had an influence or not, just describe them, their behaviour, any special memories, etc. The more you tell, the better.

>>35782962
I understand.
back to the question, I'm not exactly sure where to start fixing OCD.
also thanks for keeping up with me, I appreciate it greatly

>>35784536
So I just have to tolerate it unless I want to be essentially exiled from my family? I still have siblings that live with her and narcissism isn't exactly easy to prove, nor do I believe it to be illegal. Not to mention that I doubt anybody in my family could take them in without financial/mental ruin.

>>35784725

I think your OCD is likely related to these other issues. It is, after all, a need to have control over your life, due to some form of anxiety, stress, fear. This didn't come from nowhere.

I'd like you to read about complex PTSD and see if anything there rings a bell.

>>35784801

Can you educate your siblings about it? They'll see it easily enough in their mother, unless they're turned to the dark side already.

There are ways to handle them more easily if you can't avoid them. Greystone and all (basically give her nothing on you, no emotions, no info).

It depends on their ages and yours.

>>35784911
No, I don't think I could. My younger siblings are too young for such things and my little sister is a piece of work. I am almost 20 years older than one of them.

My sister is maybe narcissistic as well? She got away with so much lying and she treats everyone around her like trash except for when she gets caught doing something bad. She tried going at me with a knife when she was around six years old and she told them that I told her to do it, the worst part is that they believed her and I got in trouble.

What reason would I have for that, I may have been slightly suicidal and self destructive but my desire for self preservation has always been strong.

>>35785060
>My sister is maybe narcissistic as well? She got away with so much lying and she treats everyone around her like trash except for when she gets caught doing something bad.

When your parent is one, you either become like them, or your resist. The weaker someone is, the more likely they'll yield and turn into a narc too. That's how this shit reproduces.

It may be already too late for her, then. This makes me sad beyond belief.

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>>35777773
I have a really bad sleep pattern, haven't slept the past two nights and only got a few hours before that. I just can't will myself to sleep

>>35785271

What keeps you awake? (May sound like a dumb question but the simpler the better to begin with.)

>>35785271
Also coughed that up the other day

>>35785271

What's in the picture?

>>35785301
>>35785322

OK. Looks like blood to me. Other health issues?

>>35785285
I can't stop thoughts shooting through my head when I try to sleep, can only really sleep by basically passing out from exhaustion/lying in bed for hours trying to clear my mind

>>35785153
That is disheartening to say the least. I'm not sure what else I can do, I at least want the two youngest to turn out okay.

Also, does this mean I have a potential of being narcissistic or already am to some degree?

>>35785341

Intrusive thoughts? What are they of?

>>35785366
>Also, does this mean I have a potential of being narcissistic or already am to some degree?

If you wonder, chances are good you're not a narc. You may have "fleas" as they say, some narc traits, but not necessarily. The side effects for you are basically the symptoms you described in the beginning, but you aren't a narc, you resisted. You are mentally strong.

You can alwayd do an online test and see what it gives, but I think you're fine in that department.

>>35785367
Some voilent stuff like how I should kill myself interesting ways/take others with me, but also just random analysis of old memories

>>35785417

Read and report back.

>>35781907

>>35785484
1) Nope, I have fantasies about faking my death and cutting all my relationships off all out once.
2) Nah, I think I have a pretty stable and realistic view of most of my friends.
3) Yep, image bounces between thinking I'm an athlete and thinking I look like I'm dying.
4) Yeah, its 0709 and I'm already hitting billies (yes to substance abuse, compulsive spending, and binge eating).
5) Yeah, burning myself mostly.
6) Yes, sometimes I'll basically lose empathy for a short period and lash out randomly for small, unimportant in hindsight, things.
7) Yes.
8) Yes, but that may be tobacco withdrawals mostly.
9) Yeah, if anyone's talking low or laughing in my vicinity in public I can't help but think it's about me.

>>35785739

7 out of 9, reminder that American psychiatrists agree that only 5 are necessary to be diagnosed with BPD.

You may have an early idea of what the problem is.

Insomnia may only be a secondary issue here.

You know what happens now: describe your parents.

OP why do you always say it's the parents' fault

>>35785781
My parents are generally supportive, father is intensely stubborn and drinks a lot most nights, mother is somewhat of a control freak, but they're good people.
My brothers are more my problem, older degrades me for smoking weed and claims he's trying to help me. Little brother is unstable and on one instance of his random anger king hit me resulting in a hospital trip to have my ear sewn up. Half-brother haven't seen in years, he got diagnosed with schizophrenia and dropped contact with us.

>>35785856

I don't say it. But, so far, every issue can be traced to the parents or caregivers, because NPD and BPD are "contracted" as children.

That's how it's spread.

>>35785914

Sounds dysfunctional a hell of a lot more than you seem to think.

Damn...

>>35785964
We're lower-middle class though, and went to private school, we've never really been deprived of anything tangible we needed.

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>>35777773
1. I feel depressed or anxious all the time. Panic is the only source of motivation in my life. I only take action when I become afraid of not taking action. I feel no spontaneous desire to do anything. Even when good things happen to me, I feel dissociated, so it's as if nothing good ever happens to me. I was on SNRIs for a long time. I had a difficult childhood and early adulthood because my mother was an alcoholic who abused prescription drugs, had suicidal tendencies and bipolar disorder. My father thinks I may have PTSD and wants me to see a specialist.

2. How do I overcome my depression and anxiety and have a fulfilling life? Should I follow my dad's advice and see a PTSD specialist?

>>35786063

Oh please! Holy shit, man, the denial is strong. You need way more than just food and a roof over your head. It's like I'm hearing narc parents speak.

>>35786072
>bipolar disorder.

If her moods changed faster than several weeks or months, it wasn't bipolar, it was Borderline.

You may have complex PTSD, yes, look it up.

PTSD maybe not, but CPTSD. Also look up BPD symptoms.

>>35785404
I took an online test and I did okay I guess. The only points I scored on were Authority, self sufficiency and entitlement but those were pretty low. Highest I had was around 35% entitlement.

Thanks for the help, hopefully I will be able to fix this for myself and help my younger siblings so they don't end up like me or my mom/sister.

>>35786341
>it wasn't bipolar, it was Borderline.

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if it was bipolar or borderline disorder. I'm going to look up CPTSD.

I guess I should have a conversation with my dad again about this. He has a friend whose adopted son had to see a specialist because he was all fucked up too.

>>35786354

I wish you good luck. Seek therapy if you can, it will help.

>>35786236
Well what the fuck can i do about it?

>>35786748

Read about various types of abuse, understand that they're all serious, and acknolwedge your past and the nature of your parents.

It's more work than you seem to think.

>>35786803
How won't that not just make me feel shittier about it all though?

>>35787040

You will understand more, make sense of more, it'll give you control.

You'll feel better. Do it.

We're on page 7.

Do something!

>>35787712
Hey, Nick. Probably just popping in for a second but I wanted to ask for your opinion on the therapeutic value of psychedelics.

>>35787810

If you start, start with mushrooms, not LSD. I'm not convinced they're good for everyone. Studies show there's a good effect at first and then it wears off.

You don't need drugs, meta, you need therapy. You need to speak with a therapist about your past and your present. You really, really need to.

I want you to have a better life.

>>35787851
What if a psychedelic experience acts as a catalyst for such a decision?

How do I stop being an aimless NEET relying on wealthy parents?

I'd get a job or start something but my parents were controlling lunatics that never nurtured me as a person with likes and interests just treating me as someone they can ply obedience out of. even as an adult I feel hollow and without a core personality most people have by their teens.

>>35787851
And I'm interested in your academic opinion on the matter, not as applied to my personal situation.

>>35787883
>What if a psychedelic experience acts as a catalyst for such a decision?

When you already have mental issues, I'm not sure something like this would help.

It could be a positive experience, but don't expect too much of it.

I'd rather this thread be your catalyst.

>>35787909

You have:

>narcissistic parents
>complex PTSD
>people-pleaser syndrome
>possibly some BPD traits

Go read about all this. Go!

Also watch Richard Grannon on YouTube, a video about people-pleasers. Thank me later.

>>35777773
I was wondering, is it possible to go insane due to the lack of human contact?

Cause I feel like I'm going nuts.
I barely go outside and pretty much all conversations I have are with randos in the internet.
My life is sleeping, cooking-eating and sitting in front of the PC.

>>35787914

I gave you my opinion. Personally, I'd be too scared to experience another "bad trip", so I stay clear off such things.

But if you try, do shrooms. The trip is shorter.

>>35787981
>I was wondering, is it possible to go insane due to the lack of human contact?

Yes. You won't literally develop a personality disorder if this is happening to you as an adult, but it isn't good. I'm very isolated lately, I hear you.

>Cause I feel like I'm going nuts.
>I barely go outside and pretty much all conversations >I have are with randos in the internet.
>My life is sleeping, cooking-eating and sitting in front of the PC.

Yes, you will be driven to madness. You need social contact, you need to talk with other humans. We evolved for that.

Maybe join a club of anything. Maybe find a friend around here and meet up.

>>35788078
I see...
That's what I was fearing.
> I hear you
Sadly, there's nothing else to say. Some people say ''I don't have a life'' as a joke. I don't. I literally don't have a life.
I'm just ''alive'', by default.
> Maybe join a club of anything. Maybe find a friend around here and meet up.
Not likely.
I have 0 friends and don't know how to make some.
I also have anxiety and is really hard to leave the house. Last time I tried to leave the house on a whim, I ended up crying in the stairs, unable to leave the building.

I was considering seeing an expert. On one hand, I want help. On the other, I don't to start swallowing pills and base my life on it.
I'm already doing that.

I get obsessed with a different girl every 6-12 months to the point of stalking them.
I don't feel loved and I'm depressed most of the time, there will be times when I'm randomly very happy for a few hours, but then get really sad for no reason.

:(

>>35788260

Therapy without meds is what you need. You don't need medication, that isn't your problem.

Good news is, your life can be made better.

Friends can be made. You can get a life, truly.

You know the drill: tell me about your parents.

>>35788274

Read and report back:

Borderline Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

(2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

(3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self

(4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

(5) recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

(6) affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

(7) chronic feelings of emptiness

(8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

(9) transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

>>35788042
I'm not asking for recommendations, Nick. I'm fairly experienced with such things. Don't you think there are instances of mental illness which are best resolved with psychedelics in conjunction with more traditional therapy?

>>35788346
>Don't you think there are instances of mental illness which are best resolved with psychedelics in conjunction with more traditional therapy?

Statistically, it has a positive effect on depression at first and then wanes.

In general, no, I don't think they help much because the problem is not there. It has to do with understanding, realising, and dealing with reality. Not saying it can't work, but I wouldn't know much on that topic.

Hi nick.

You anything about pharmaceuticals? I think I might have an addy and benzo problem. Thought I should ask though, before just spewing out what I've been feeling

how do i escape life long depression if i can't convince myself free will exists or that anything matters? expert mode: don't use the word "intellectualization" or give me any "make ur own meaning xD" bs

my parents were garbage but so were everyones apparently

>>35788440

I'm not knowledgeable on medication much. Benzos used to make me forget entire days. It was disturbing as fuck.

Hey Nick. Can you give me advice how to stop being lazy piece of shit?

Only time i do something meaningful when other people relying on me. I waste my time playing games or watching something or sleepeing, i don't even like spending time like this.

I can't bring myself to do useful things like learning English or styding my university courses. it's been 3 months without motivation to do anything.

>>35788472

There are types of disorders where you can't function normally because you're always thinking about the grand scheme of things. I forget the name but it's something like existential disorder or something of the sort.

I would imagine something is missing from your life, and that something should have been given you when you were a little kid.

Most people here have issues, and most of those issues, if not all, were given them by their parents, so yes, but at large, not all parents are shit, by far.

The root of your issues lies with your parents.

Figure them out to figure yourself out.

>>35788580

Were your parents awesome?

>>35788314
>Therapy without meds is what you need
I don't think that works.
I've been seeing psychologists for half of my life, if not more.
> Friends can be made. You can get a life, truly.
Hard to believe. Even is possible, do you think is a life worth living? Hmmmm...
>You know the drill: tell me about your parents.
Ok.
She was good looking, charismatic, outgoing. She always worked with people, dealing with them and eventually became a politician. She was incredibly protective and always present during childhood, but disappeared during teens to focus on the job.
I was her favorite child.

My father was a hard working man. He focused on his job most of his life. He was absent from home most of the time. When he was present, he was always apathetic and cold. I wouldn't say he was a bad father, cause he always gave anything we needed. We asked for books, toys, fuck, even trips across Europe, whatever we wanted, we have it. But he was never there to see it. He didn't really care about us. About the family in general. He only wanted a family cause he felt that was the normal thing to do, not because he ever wanted one.
He was a and still is a melancholic man with an alcoholism problem.
My sister was his favorite.

>>35788340

(1) i'm sometimes very paranoid about my dog, i'm always very afraid he might get attacked by other dogs i do not want to lose him so i just spend all the time with him
i hope this counts?

(2) kind of, not too much of this, i don't socialize much, i kind of gave up on friendships

(3) i don't know about this one, one day i think highly of myself, the next day i'm thinking about how much of a piece of shit i am when it comes to relationships with people

(4) not much on this one, porn? but i'm not too crazy on it

(5) i think about suicide every day, however i cant do it even if i really wanted to

(6) anxiety when around people sometimes i guess, especially when its too loud of there is too many people around
but it doesn't go on for too long

(7) all the time, it goes away if i'm doing something fun or productive i guess

(8) i do show my anger but it's not too bad

(9) i'm paranoid about pretty much everything, but this kind of went away as the years passed

i hope my english isn't too bad

>>35788685

Very dysfunctional family. No parent should have a favourite child, or at least it shouldn't show.

Your father wasn't a father. Be tougher on your folks. Kids need more than just food and shelter. Orphanages give as much.

Tell me about your experience with psychologists; did they find anything? Is there consensus?

>>35788762
>i hope this counts?

Yes. That's pretty frantic.

>(2) kind of, not too much of this, i don't socialize much, i kind of gave up on friendships

No friendships is not stable.

It seems you have some clear BPD traits. Keep that in mind. Your Engish is fine, no problem.

>>35788401
I'm probably not going to respond much more tonight, if at all. But I do think there are more things to be said on this front if you also find it interesting.

>>35788874

I certainly do. LSD started as medication. My fellow patriot originally designed it to help people. Many drugs started as medication.

>>35788920
You're Swiss?

>>35788977

I am.

>original originally 332498749238472

>>35788824
thank, you
do you think i might actually have BPD from the info you've collected? i personally don't think i have any disorders, i looked into quite a bit of them and none really fits me enough.
i know i'm really not normal, but i am also not 'retarded' (for a lack of a better word) enough to have BPD

>>35788662

I have good parents. Mother and father both from big village families. Moved to city. Mother - nothing special. Father became quite successful in his field. Our family above average wealthy just because of his achievements.

>>35789056
>do you think i might actually have BPD from the info you've collected?

It seems very likely. You only need 5 for an official diagnosis, and you score fairly highly on it, yes.

BPD isn't retardation. You clearly have serious BPD traits. You should seek therapy if possible. Many of these things seem too abnormal to be yours, but then, you're used to it, so you don't see it.

You'll be fine, just go for it.

>>35789080

None of them had a tendency to make you feel bad somehow? No nagging? No backhanded compliments?

>>35788440
>>35788571

Glanced over some of your previous responses and since you seem to know what you're talking about I'll just go ahead and blabber about my recent experiences.

Been taking amphetamine salts for a little under a year. In the begging for vey rarely and I'd allow more breaks in between usage. Recently I've been taking a bit more than usual, last time I used was 2 weeks ago ish, 55mg xr. Then I took one regular 25xr the next day so I could cope with the crash. Issue is that since I took the 55mg I'm noticing muscle ticks and involuntary spasms. Also an irregular heartbeat. The spasms keep me up at night, and I've been getting very little sleep as a result.

Also around 3 weeks ago I strartrd with the white ladders. I've taken 6-8 bars since then. Some where hand pressed, others generic and others the actual brand name xanax. I'd break em to .5, but the generic I'd swallow whole or in half since they seem to be weaker. Thursday I took just half a bar or brand name, and was apparently vomiting and rushed to the hospital. I don't remember anything, but I figure the bars might have something to do with the ticks I'm getting? Maybe it's the combo with benzos and amphet salts that's the issue?

The hospital ruled out its a heart problem. My thought is that I've over aroused my nervous system with the salts and also caffe. Also on a side note coffee seemed to have a stronger effect on me since I've started using salts, I thinking some sort of neuron connection between the two stimuli? A placebo effect perhaps with the coffee for adderall.

Anyway I haven't taken stims in a few days and the muscle ticks are really bothering me. I'm also noticing mood swings and giving in to urges more. Sorry for the blog post, but I'd like to hear your thoughts

>>35789055
Nice to know. Well, goodbye for now. I trust we will be able to have yet more worthwhile conversations in the future,

>>35788619

idk, both of my parents had brain injuries from car accidents, dads was more severe so he couldn't really work and i just visited and watched tv and ate fast food with him every other weekend 'till he died of cancer. moms isn't as "debilitating" since she can still work, she just comes off as a regular stupid person, but she's never had any friends (besides dudes she sleeps with) and she's just super emotionally distant i guess, idk how to explain it. she never took any responsibility for raising me, never punished me no matter how much i acted out, never tried to teach me ANYTHING, like tying my shoes or riding a bike, because i "should just learn that at school" (???), and blamed all of my emotional/behavioral problems on the school and my (child) self. idk what else to even say, she's just shit in general

i don't really see the connection to the free will autism tho desu

>>35789153

My first obvious question is: why are you taking these?

>>35789153
Correction- it was ruled out NOT to be a heart problem

>>35789207
The speed for the rush, general happiness and productivity. The xans to make the calm down easier

>>35789191

I'm going to sleep soon. Take care!

>moms isn't as "debilitating" since she can still work, she just comes off as a regular stupid person, but she's never had any friends (besides dudes she sleeps with) and she's just super emotionally distant i guess, idk how to explain it. she never took any responsibility for raising me, never punished me no matter how much i acted out, never tried to teach me ANYTHING, like tying my shoes or riding a bike, because i "should just learn that at school" (???), and blamed all of my emotional/behavioral problems on the school and my (child) self. idk what else to even say, she's just shit in general

Wew, lad... Look no further. With a mother like this, you were bound to inherit some serious issues. Sounds like a covert narc to me, and her stupidity may be feigned more than you realise. She didn't raise you didn't seem to care. Also, nonsensical explanations, a lot like my own mother.

Read about narc parents. Might be enlightening.

The connection will be about what you've learned to fear as a child. Absence of unconditional love makes it so you're worried to death about most things, and this comes out as a need to understand deeper questions.

>>35788773
>No parent should have a favourite child, or at least it shouldn't show.
You think so? Why not?
I think is normal. In our case, I was a lot like my mother, my sister was a lot like my father, cold and methodical.
> Your father wasn't a father. Be tougher on your folks. Kids need more than just food and shelter. Orphanages give as much.
Yeah, I know, but growing up I started to understand him.
He never really ''liked'' us, but we were his responsibility and he did it the best he could. He was trapped with us, he missed his home and his family and old friends...
I can't really blame him.
> Tell me about your experience with psychologists;

Started with them when I was very young. Is a long story. I wasted a lot of my childhood in hospitals and had things to deal with.
Anyway, saw a lot of them in my teens too, for things related with depression, anxiety and gender stuff (cause I'm a tranny, of -fucking- course).
Felt like I was wasting my time with all of them.
> did they find anything? Is there consensus?
No consensus. Every one of them said pretty much a different thing.
Most of them bullshit, like one that insisted that I had a schizoid personality (I don't).
last one suggested, and is probably right, that I was experiencing some episodes of depersonalization .

File: goodbye-i-will-always-love-you.png (495KB, 600x700px) Image search: [Google]

495KB, 600x700px

>>35789273

I must go now, but we will speak again, Medman.

I'd recommend staying away from all drugs for now. I'm pretty sure your issue lies elsewhere.

We'll talk again.

[email protected]

for anyone who can't wait for the next thread.

Good night everyone!

>>35789191
>>35789278
Am confused. Did you quote the wrong post?

>>35789313
>You think so? Why not?
>I think is normal.

It's a form of abuse, it's not normal. It's fucked up and has consequences.

>Yeah, I know, but growing up I started to understand him.
He never really ''liked'' us, but we were his responsibility and he did it the best he could. He was trapped with us, he missed his home and his family and old friends...
I can't really blame him.

He was an adult, a grown man, a responsible person: he accepted being a father, he should have been one. When you become a father, you have serious responsibilities. I can respect a man who declines and doesn't become a father, but once you are one, you have a duty to your children. Absolutely filthy to make children suffer for a lifetime just because one is too lazy to be bothered by raising his own kids.

He didn't do his best. Don't be too kind to him.

You need superior psychologists.

>>35789380

Sorry, I was supposed to add the link to the right post, but apparently forgot. It wasn't for you beyond the take care part!

>>35789206

That was supposed to be the post I was responding to. My bad.

Don't leave, please. I'm in very dire turmoil. I'm in agony.

>>35789317
Looking forward to it, you seem like a cool dude. Have a nice night

My greatest fantasy is to murder someone and I feel like I won't ever be completly fulfilled in life until I do. How do I convince myself that it's not so great?

It's definitely a sex thing.

>>35789577
I'm still here if my patient ear is worth anything.

>>35789661
Thankyou metapsych. We're crumbling. We're falling apart like a sandcastle. I can't hold us together emotionally

>>35789698
Who is "we?" What is to be lost in this calamitous crumbling?

>>35789732
You know me cos we talked to you last time

>>35789642
If you don't get a satisfactory response tonight, be sure to check back in another day because I would love to pry a few bits of information from you and, if luck is on the side of the righteous, help you with your issue.

>>35789756
Oh, I see. What is the nature of the conflict between yourself/selves? Why can't they remain in harmony?

>>35789799
Ama if you want. The urge comes and goes and when it's real bad I periodically come to post anonymously about it.

>>35789756
Which you am I conversing with now?

>>35789860
Perhaps describe the urge, and the nature of the resolution you presume you would feel at accomplishing it.

>>35789698
Did anything specific precipitate this?

>>35789907
I mean it's a fetish, so you can imagine that aspect of it. I get really angry often and so there's the release of that too. That's mostly what it feels like. Like I'm horny, but for something other than sex. It's a feeling in the pit of my stomach, makes me short of breath, the only thing that makes it better is self harming (which I no longer do because the spouse doesn't like me to, for understandable reasons).

I imagine myself straddling some guy with a knife at his throat and I press the tip in and the moment the knife finally breaks skin and sort of "pops" into his neck and cuts is like an orgasm.

>>35789945
I'll keep waiting, Facet. I want to hear some details.

>>35777773

I wanted to open a "feels bar" thread but for some weird reason I got a range IP ban. Whatever.


I just want to share this, and my question is if someone else is similar to me:

I'm by no way autistic, I have no problems making friends, the thing is, I despise them, the only reason I look for people to hang out with at my University or in general is to appear normal, I hate them with a passion, when I was young I got treated like shit, coming from a poor family my parents always forced me to learn and step up my education, I was one of the best pupils in my younger years, the problem was, people hated me because of it. I was ahead of them, everytime, they couldn't bear it and pick on me, hit me for no reason, I had friends, but most of the time people were jelly and tried to drag me down. I always stayed kind to them, treating them good, never trying to harm them, I did this all my life, I don't want to start a conflict or harm other people, but they kept pushing me, kept insulting me, kept telling me that I'm shit, trying to talk me down, and still, never ever I had the though to harm them, I just though that they are bad and good people on this earth, and I'm just unlucky to meet these people. But I'm getting older, and with more experience my views are changing. People are getting more jealous, they don't want you too be successfull, I always needed to work to maintain my "friends", always pushing myself as the "class clown" in school, people liked me, but not because they were attracted to me or my personality, I was the funny guy. And still, they kept pushing me, I realize that during all those years I just banished the hate into me (this sounds weird I'm no native english speaker), and it kept growing. I feel no empathy for humans anymore, I for sure believe that under all the people on these planet they are really honest good people, but the number is near nonexistent. PART 2

>>35777773
I've had Persistent Depressive Disorder for the past few years now. At first it was bearable because the changes were subtle, but now everything I used to love has faded away. Even if something downright amazing happens to me, it's impossible to feel a real sense of joy - just a "positive vibe" like you'd get from reflecting on a nice memory of your childhood. My mind is like a giant block of emptiness and dead sensation, and real feelings never reach me. It's like they're trapped under a thick layer of ice, and the best I can get is the impression that a good thing occurred.

I don't know what you can do for me. I'm almost certain my problem is a chemical imbalance, but I just can't get over this. Even if I do recover, how do I relate to people once more? Will I have to wear a mask for the rest of my life? Also, do you have any advice for my condition in general.

>>35790173

I sometimes read the stories here, and even tho most is fiction, I know there are really fucking autistic people here, and you know what, you deserve it, you are fucking scum, I know people like you browsing this board, thinking the others are the problem, but you behave like shit and get treated like shit. But you are too autistic to realize this. But sometimes I see people I can relate to, people that just want to life, be happy, try their best, but they keep getting pushed in a bad direction, they try to stand up, but the more often it happens, the higher is the chance you won't stand up again, you will lie there in dirt, stuck, no one caring about you, I know this feel, and I know that life is not fair, I don't want to judge you, but I guess that this is life, some have it easy, some have it hard, and some are destinated to fail. My facade is slowly falling apart, I no longer have the power to be the "happy" guy, deep down my sadness is slowly taking over me, I can feel it more and more. I feel no rage, it's a big sadness, I can't understand how narcistic the average human is. Instead of working together, helping each other, trying to improve, we keep pushing each other down, instuling them, trying to destroy their path, isn't this pathetic? It's harder to push someone to fail than help him, and the most people still go for this route. I guess envy is the strongest emotion after all. When it comes to women I never had problems, but you know what? I never had a gf. I had girls asking me out trying to get into a relationship with me, but I never felt the love, I could feel they just want to be with the popular guy, they just want me as a showoff, how can you choose your partner on only sexual and social factors. I would be a lier if I said that I don't enjoy hot chicks, but never in my life would I choose my partner just because he is a sex bomb.
There is so much more stuff to tell, is anyone here even similar? Or am I a rotten psychopath?

>>35780158
a-are you there Op?

>>35790925
OP isn't here. You are alone. In the empty void. FEEL THE LONELINESS PULSE WITHIN YOU!