Most autistic shit you've done

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>>35764291
I'm coming into this thread to share my rare pepe stock, I made them by myself. I want to release a few into the market so that I can make them rare, limited edition. Do not distribute

>>35764291
You shoulda sucked her dick, big boy

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>>35764346
More rare pepes coming up. This one is a choose your own colour one. Very pristine

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>>35764387
Last pepe for this thread, its the 1st pepe but without the other guy. One of a kind.

>>35764346
>>35764387
thanks for the rare pepes anon!!

>>35764429
Keep them safe, I will be posting more as my factory produces them. You will know that they are mine by the style

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>>35764291
Pretty recent actually

>Go on break at work
>Try to get some crisps from vending machine
>Crisps get stuck in the machine
>Stand there for like 5 minutes trying to knock them free
>Can feel the entire cafeteria watching me
>Eventually give up and sit back down
>2 minutes later someone goes up to the machine, scared he's gonna get my bag of crisps
>Get up and sprint out of the cafeteria

I still don't know why I fucking did it, I felt like such an autistic cunt.

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>about 11
>class trip to some museum
>see remains of statues of some Roman gods
>look over to my crush every now and then, think she doesn't know if
>she calls me over
>anon, stop looking at me all the time when we're with all these nice statues

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>Be me 12.
>Early 6th grade
>In the choir for some reason.
>Really short mentally disabled black kid talking shit to me.
>I stand up and stare him down trying to be tough.
>The class is not amused.
>They yell at me.
>They all hate me now.
>They cast disdain on me.
>There are 50 people in the choir.
>That's just the beginning to how shitty the 6th grade was for me.

>>35764291
>buy a long sandwich at uni
>they always cut it in half here
>decide to eat it while walking through the hallway
>open the plastic packaging
>mess it up, one half falls on the floor
>check the hall to see if anyone noticed
>hear 2 dudes from my class come around the corner
>panic.jpg
>don't want to look like a retard who cant even properly open a plastic packaging
>decide to throw the other half of my sandwich away in the garbage bin next to me >now it doesn't look like I dropped my sandwich
>have no sandwich

>>35764634
You're a dingaling

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I intentionally gave myself a concussion.

I lived alone in the woods for a month.

>>35764634
Damn I messed up my greentext.
I'll just end myself

>>35764634

I know that feeling all to well. FUCK!

>bored as fuck in grade 10 English class
>half asleep and slowly nodding off
>suddenly get the bright idea that it would be funny to light my pencil on fire with a lighter
>do it
>teacher doesn't see me, but she can smell the burning wood and sends me to the office

I didn't even get in trouble they just took my lighter lol

Defini toy not the most, but it comes to mind. Was actually less awkward then it sounded

>on bus to ride home from Hs
>randomly ask kids if they ever do "the milkshake thing"
>wtf are you talking about anon
>y'know, the milkshake thing. Where you drink it like 3 times
>............
>like, it comes back up, but it's still cold, and it still tastes good, so you drink each gulp like 3 times...?
>this is the point I realize I'm autistic
>WTF ANON
>one kid starts gagging, not faking it

It was pretty funny desu. I embraced how weird it was and went with it instead of being embarrassed and acting like a beta.
It was a meme for a while.
Still pretty autistic.

>>35764547
Fucking normies man. They always think retards are innocent. Some of them genuinely can't help themselves, but some do it because they know they can get away with it.

>>35764862
ew ewwy ewwwww

>>35764862
Holy shit I remember you, I was near the kid that gagged

>>35765355
Bullshit, what's my first name and what was the acronym of the school?

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>be 12
>first day of school
>playing a game with edgy 13 year old girl
>girl is wearing flip-flops
>her toes are very far apart
>"you have slender toes"
>she laughs
>try to explain i don't have a foot fetish
>mfw
We're friends now, but goddamn if this wasn't the most autistic shit i'm scared to know what's worse

>>35765461
Lmao man, is it bad that it doesn't even seem that autistic to me? Seems like something I might say

>>35765452
Zach

NHS

>>35765512
Okay that's not me. Were you just taking a shot in the dark, or do you actually know another human as autistic as me?
If so
>not the only one
>feelsgoodman

I dub this practice "Milkshaking"

Have multiple attractive girls ask me out and I just look away and mutter
Power walk to my classes
Stare out the window at nothing for hours
Doodle on my homework
Wear the same clothes for days at a time
Eat way too much or nothing at all
Buy dozens of games but never play them
Like math and planes and trains and helicopters

>>35765656
I really like trains too. Especially train tracks. and the sound of trains on a cloudy summer evening makes my life better. pretty strange

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>>35765656
>Have multiple attractive girls ask me out and I just look away and mutter

One time in high school a cheerleader sat down next to me and played with my hair and said to her friends that I was hot.

I was reading Fight Club at the time and I just kept reading my book and pretended not to notice.

>tfw went bald a couple years after high school

>>35765720
They might hVe been Stacy-memeing you out of cruelty
Take no risks

>>35764541
she seems way more autistic than you

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>>35765875
I think she was being sincere. I did have good hair back then (I miss those days) and I overheard them talking about how I was cute. I was too autistic to do anything though, so whether she was being sincere or not, it made no difference to me. I was really caught up in the book anyway. I just wanted to read Fight Club.

I wish I still had my hair though.

Now I'm just an ugly bald loser.

But my oneitis an xbox and she gave it to her black bf

i have faint memories of eating my own shit when i was about 4
i told people about it in elementary school and they laughed so i thought they liked me
but they were just laughing at me :(

That's not a quality "autistic shit you've done" thread, most things don't come even close to what i consider autistic. I'm afraid to inform you guys that you might be infected with normism

>tfw too afraid to share my stories because they are nuclear lvl autistic and unique enough for someone to recognize me

>>35764634
>what is the 5 second rule?
>what is the 10 second rule?

>>35767269
Please share. You don't have to get specific

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>>35764291
>be me, ~15 y/o diagnosed autist
>staying with swedish side of the family, in sweden
>in a cabin in the middle of bumfuck nowhere
>horny as fuck and haven't fapped for like a week (i.e. 1000 years in my mind)
>no internet
>all I have is a nintendo DSi
>at home, I used to fap to shitty erotica and pics of lingerie models since the internet app was so shitty it didn't do video or actual porn
>I also have this drawing/animation app I can't remember the name of
>end up drawing and fapping to my own godawful porn (pic related) while my two cousins were trying to sleep in the same room
>almost positive my cousins knew but they never said anything, we went fishing and shit the next day and they acted like everything was normal
I pulled this kind of shit constantly with my friends and relatives growing up, it's a miracle they're still my friends

>get to party
>free booze so ok
>drink a lot
>still sober
>try socializing
>fail
>waiting until friends are about to leave
>they're partying
I'm drunk af. Still can't talk to people. Fuck this.

>>35765550
The "milkshake thing" sounds funnier than "milkshaking". It sounds mysterious, while the latter sounds like a normie thing, like "twerking".

>>35765461
Why would you even bother explaining that you're not a foot fetishist to a 13 year old girl? Not only does the fact that you're denying it instantly make you more suspicious, but chances are she didn't even know what foot fetishism is. I know you were 12 at the time, but still.

Strap in boys, I got some good ones for ya.
I myself am autistic but the school I went to was also full of autists, and the stuff they did beggars belief. I swear on my life this is all 100% true
>meet Aaron
>carried around one of those pocket watches with a chain 24/7
>called everyone except his few friends "peasants"
>used to sit in the corner exactly like pic related, glaring at all the cool kids
>always brought his own fancy silverware to eat his lunch with
>I always assumed he was rich, but one time I went to his house and he lived in a shitty apartment with his mom
>he jacked off a dog on a school trip (I saw this with my own eyes) and transferred schools after

>>35767975
>no pic related

i feel cheated

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>>35767975
whoops, forgot pic. origimalinaneo

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>>35764672
Why do I always get ignored

>>35768055
nice dubs, son.

sypher/richard stallman if you read this your mother will die in her sleep tonight

>>35768099
>i also get dubs while complimentig lonely anon's dubs
>karma is real

>>35764672
>>35768055
You're not ignored, you reminded me of another autist story
>meet "John"
>I'm pretty sure he posts here so not using his real name
>scruffy as fuck lanky ginger kid in my sister's class
>I only ever talked to him twice
>first time he randomly barked at me in the hallway
>second time he was sitting next to me in the library talking to himself so I moved
>he was in my sister's music class
>one day John is late for class
>teacher and everyone wondering where he is
>suddenly shows up COVERED in blood
>teacher asks him wtf happened
>"I was taking a shit and I remembered something embarrassing I did so I hit myself in the head and gave myself a nosebleed and a concussion"
>everyone's trying not to laugh
>he gets sent home
>sister tells me about all this just after it happened
>I go to the boys' toilet and sure enough, it looks like a murder scene

>>35767320
have one of the lesser autistic stories i have

>be in grade 11
>its the start of the schoolyear so I have to go buy textbooks
>only one place in town sells them and I cant go there because the year before I purchased a shit ton of textbooks to be delivered at the store, but later I decided that I don't need them and didn't go to pick them up and pay for them
>decide to make my mom come with me and go in the store to buy them for me while I wait outside
>she takes forever and I get nervous
>finally she comes out and I angrily rush to the bags in her hands to see if she bought what I requested
>while im going through the bags I realize there's not a single thing I ask her to buy, in fact, its full of 12 grade textbooks
>somethingsfucky.jpg
>look up
>its not my mom
>a terrified woman stares at me in silence, while im ravaging her belongings
>instead of apologizing, I start laughing maniacally
>the woman took a step back and tells me "you are not okay", turns around and runs
>my mom comes out to find me sitting alone laughing

>>35768275
another one about him from my sister:
>his mom is a family friend of her bf so they have to be nice to him
>invite him over to chill one day
>watching reruns of teen titans for nostalgia purposes
>he turns to her and says "how old do you reckon the girls on this show are?"
>bf says "idk man, it's just a cartoon"
>he replies "ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION" and slams his fists on the coffee table
>"jesus, man. uhhhh, like, 14 maybe?"
>he goes dead quiet

>>35768293
''lesser autistic''

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>>35768275
That is so weird. I am >>35764672 and I also barked at people in high school. I still make animal noises a lot. I'm not a ginger though so you can't be talking about me.

>>35768601
i hope those nuggets taste fast

>>35768601
It's probably you, I disguised the hair color for anonymity.

Dark brown hair, right?

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>>35764634
OWWWWWW
STOP STOP STOP
I WANT TO STOP CRINGING
I'VE DONE THIS
WHEN WILL IT END

>>35769258
>>35764634
How do you even do this? Just run with the sandwhich, they won't remember you from behind.

>>35767975
Fantastic.
>>35769325
Anon, I won't go to the Wendy's near my house, because I sperged out on the stoned asshole working there when he asked me to repeat my order for a fourth time. It was in the drive through and that drug using child almost certainly has moved on by now.
I can't explain it. Insanity doesn't make sense.

>>35769380
For the record my sperg out consistent of telling him to forget about it I don't want fucking wendy's anymore, and then having to be stared at through the window while the car in front of me picked up 11 bags of cheeseburgers.
Seems to fit the thread.
I really don't know.

>be me, 7 years old
>never knew what was inside the human body
>drew a lot of what i'd imagine it looked like
>some time afterwards, i saw my sister's health textbook
>got very excited now that i know what the human insides look like
>drew a lot of drawings of it
>one time, i saw a page of the male reproductive system
>drew lots of drawings of penises
>my parents got upset
>told me to stop draw penises because its a no-no part or something
>threw a fit when they wouldn't let me look at the textbook
>get grounded for the day

>>35764862
My milkshake brings all the kids on the bus
And they're like
BLLEEEEEUUGHHHHH

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>Nearly get a GF
>Too autistic to know why she likes me
>Makes me paranoid and worried
>Nearly have sex with her
>Get scared
>Don't
>Eventually stop talking to her
>Haven't had any intimacy with a girl since

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>>35769823
>filename
At least you made it miles further in losing your wizardry than the average robot

>>35764291
>walking out the door of school
>crush walks by
>"gang"
>feel ashamed

>>35765512
Norx?

>>35769823
Message her man

>>35769887
Yeah, at least I'm not a KHV, just a V.

>>35770160
It was about three years ago and we haven't really said a word to each other since. She's got a boyfriend now I'm pretty sure, and she has some mental issues so me messaging her out of the blue wouldn't do her a kindness, I don't think.

>did an atheism presentation for English class
>went through a parkour phase and used to try and impress girls with it
>made videos lip-syncing to screaming songs
>couldn't find my class for university so dropped out for a year
>used to have a weird fascination with insects and would spend hours looking for them in the garden
>used to walk around my city thinking I'd get discovered to be in a film and become famous

I just like to think learned a lot of lessons through my early teenage years

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>25, KHV, live with mommy and daddy, work a shitty retail job
>cute girl who I barely know or interact with at work says hi to me once
>immediately develop a deep, obsessive crush on her
>spend every day daydreaming about spending time together
>every time I jack off I can only think of her
>fall so deep into my delusion I begin to think she actually likes me back
>walk into the break room one morning before work starts
>she's there with a couple of her friends and other coworkers
>she says hi to me again
>instantly overcome with excitement
>go in for a hug
>she sees my arms reaching out to her and sidesteps me like a pro
>"Uhh...haha, I'm good, thanks."
>one friend can't stop giggling(in a "Oh my god, that's so pathetic." kind of way), catch the other friend mouthing "What the fuck" to herself
>realize what I just did
>realize everyone in the break room just saw and is now staring at me
>punch in for the day
>spend the rest of the day trying to avoid her and everyone else as much as I possibly could
>quit a week later because it was too hard to go to work with that kind of embarrassment hanging over my head everyday

>>35770586
I actually cringed IRL. Good job anon

>>35768055
Why did you concuss yourself?

>>35764862
I thought this was normal...
Origin

>>35765512
A Zach went to my school NHS
He was a faggot who sang all the time

I asked a girl out by giving her flowers once. It didn't seem that cringy at the time.

>>35768293
Work on your formatting
Blood

>Listened to Komm Susser Tod
>All my 25 years of life go throughout the song
>At the end I feel even emptier than I ever was and have already found some decent buildings to jump off

For the first time in my life I am sure of my path. Morals be damned.

This is autistic right

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>>35764291
pretty recent

>fb message highschool crush out of the blue after not talking to her for months
>she barely knows me anyways
>tell her that sometimes when I talk to her it feels like I'm talking through her and to her divine spirit
>tell her that shes a source of inspiration for improving myself
>instantly regret it, deactivate fb

I tend to think in jungian terms and basically tried to tell her she's my anima.

I just want a waifu

>>35770841
Fuck I did that once

When i remember the situation im overcome with cringe

Damn why is it that people find 'niceness' embarrassing? I mean ive done it too but its just so dumb

>broke a girls arm with a clarinet case because i thought she was laughing at me

I was "That kid that wore a sweater every day." In my defense, it's cold and the sweater's comfy

>>35764839

That's the most autistic thing you can come up with? Wtf? Go back to ledit you faggot cocksucker

>>35770586
Could've easily played this off as being a goofy guy that likes giving people hugs or saying some shit like, you were on molly that day.


I just blame my autism on drugs. Sometimes its better to make up a false identity as a stoner or some shit.

>>35770964
godspeed, roboto
original

>>35764291
tfw you're so autistic that you're the last one to post in the thread and no one wants to come back.


I'm s..sorry anons

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>qt from work messages
>2am she wants to come over
>i pretend not to read the text
>message back next day

>M-oh hey we need to take a rain check ;)
>H-hey sorry about last night that was my friend
>M-haha, i-i thought that

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>>35767622
did you draw it in flipnote studio? I really miss that app on the dsi. I remember you could post animations online (flipnote hatena) and I used to be obsessed with it.
And yes, I've done that same thing too.
>Be me at grandmother's house
>she still has dial-up internet, so it was really bad
>I end up drawing samus (and some other character from street fighter that I don't remember) hentai on my dsi and nut to it like several times
>I'm pretty sure my younger brother saw me
>to avoid people seeing me, I would stay up until 2-3am and bring my dsi into the living room (which was very big and open, lots of windows too) and fap with my retarded hentai drawings in my ds
>I'm very lucky no one woke up and saw me, because that room connects like all of the rooms in the whole house.

>>35764541
>not saying "well you're the nicest thing I see"

Pls keep thread alive, makes me feel a little better that I am not literally most autistic person in world

>Jamal Shaqualyal Tyrone Junior makes a joke
>I respond
>he laughs
>another day
>somethingsomethingsomething (memory hazy)
>he says "somethingsomethingsomething" (???)
>I reply "IM TRYIN'"
>class laughs ass off

Now for autism

>somehow now believe that Jamal Tyrone is my best friend and that we're bros
>constantly trying to joke around with him
>make fun of him in the way that really close friends do
>try to hang out with him once or twice
>eventually he does the "Look dude, I don't KNOW you!"
>people laugh

That was the day I became the Lonely Edgy Loser meme at my school... for a while that is until I stopped being such a retarded freshman.

>>35771428
brutal man, kids are cruel. I was far too impressionable as a kid, believing kids act the way in kid movies and shit haha

>tfw class clown
>tfw it comes natural
Why don't robots turn their autism into funniness? Ever since I started being class clown, my crush has started liking me back, my grades are improving and I've reached Chad status.

One problem though

I know my crush likes me back, but I have no idea how to gf her

Robots help :(

(P.S. I'm not the type of Chad who bullies autismos)

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>>35767622
>almost positive my cousins knew
Fuck, you just reminded me of something
>be about 12/13
>over at cousins' house with aunt, watching Not Another Teen Movie
>topless scene comes on
>instant boner
>crawl onto the couch situated behind everyone and get under a blanket
>Aunt turns around "Uh, you're not gonna jerk off are you?"
>my cousin makes a joke about me being a pervert
>Me: "H-heh, no j-just a little cold."
>proceed to jerk off
>they definitely knew
Another time around the same age:
>sleeping over cousins' house
>up late watching Spike TV
>Stripperella comes on
>start jacking off while my cousins are asleep on the floor
>cousins' dog jumps up on the couch to sit with me
>let her lick the head of my dick
>instantly feel ashamed
>turn off TV and stay up the whole night thinking about how much of a piece of shit I am

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>>35764291
>be me
>3rd grade
>hot 6th grader girl walks by
>grab her hair bow
>start kissing it, her, and tackling her
>she pushes me back
>i keep going
>teachers have to pull me back
thats just one incidence with that girl, theres another where i was scratching my dick on the bus and saw me with my hands in my pants and she told everyone about it. i was fucking mortified knowing it was the same girl.

>>35771591
Meh you can't blame him, I was pretty weird clingy and creepy about it. Most he could have done was be a little softer, but considering how weird I was acting around his friends, I kind of deserved a curt wakeup call

>>35771667
>start kissing it, her, and tackling her
What the FUCK anon, what drove you to LITERALLY SPILL YOUR SPAGHETTI ONTO SOMEONE ELSE

>>35771665
Holy shit dude, next level autism

I've done things with dogs that make me shudder
I don't even like dogs that way

>>35771667
Why u do that tho? I gotta kno

>>35771708
like i said, i had some next level autism.

>>35771709
Post stories
Original DOG FUCKER

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>>35771726
she was really hot and i had a thing for blondes, its really hazy though so there could be another reason but i don't remember

>>35771667
What did she look like?
Originaleti I spilled my skapetti

>>35771750
When you say kiss do you mean the peck or full on french?

>someone offers me a fistbump or high five
>I grab their fist/open hand and shake it

>>35771777
full on french mode, tongue and everything. its amazing i didn't get transferred for what i did.

>>35771760
long blonde aryan hair,uhm, tall i think. like i said, it was in 3rd fucking grade so i barely remember.

Does anybody have a picture of that guy who did the illustration of him getting out of his chair and walking in circles windmilling his arms around?

>>35771793
I don't do exactly that but there is a short delay for me. Handshakes are weird

>>35771797
D-did you enjoy it?

>>35771797
Fucking rapist, man. Lol and a half!

>>35771737
Nah man, not even autism level, full on evil level. I really hate myself when I think of it. Only comfort was that I am not remotely the person I was then, and I was under a lot of emotional baggage.

No I didn't full on rape my dog. Mostly because she was too small to fit. I really might kill myself one of these days. Was like14ish at time.
Never had a dog fetish, just was mad that everyone else was having sex and finding love and I knew even then that I would die alone.
>t. Elliot Rodgers

>>35771660
fuk u chad you were never one of us ;_;

(P.S. take me with you plz)

>>35771936
I have an autistic friend who I feel bad for. He doesn't know any social cues and draws badly. At first I tried to redpill him by making him go to /pol/ but now I realize he's unsavable. I'm gonna try to get him to come here, so be nice, ok?

(P.S. You just have to believe in yourself. Or fake it long enough to get the hang of it)

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>be a few years ago
>at my crushes house
>it's game night with her parents
>get really thirsty
>there is a full pitcher of kool aid right next to me
>i'm extremely scared i'll fuck up pouring it because of previous experiences
>decide i'll go for it
>start pouring
>some runs down the side of the pitcher
>I get spooked
>drop the whole fucking thing
>it's made of glass and it breaks
>kool aid all over the carpet
>broken glass everywhere
>game night ruined
>It looked like i'm a complete retard that can't function in a public setting
>I refuse to use a pitcher ever again

>>35771995
Hahahahooooo man

That's not that bad tho. It's mostly just your introspection. I did something similar once, then I noticed that it's not that uncommon an occurance. Not common enough that you see it everyday day. Uncommon enough that you COULD go lifetime without seeing someone do it. But common enough that no one thinks less of you for it. Sleep well, brother :)

>>35771995
You were there

Then you fucked it up

Did you guys fug in her parents bedroom after?

>>35772029
I couldn't handle pouring a glass of kool aid, what makes you think i have the hand eye coordination it takes to fuck her?

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>7th grade
>be sitting in class
>some girls are sitting in front of me
>start randomly talking about breast cup sizes
>13 year old so on dick control yet
>get hard
>one of the girls see me sitting behind them
>"hey we shouldn't talk about this here, anon is watching."
>other girl chimes in
>"I heard he was one of those guys who watches girls in class and touches himself to their image in the bathroom"
>mfw I actually was
>don't know what to say
>get up
>blurt out "n-no, I just... I really need to pee!"
>they look at me
>still hard at the time
>notice bulge in my jeans
>grab penis with both hands and run out of class.

>>35772120
iktfb i didn't have my dick under control untill the 10th grade and by then the teachers stopped asking you to go to the board to do work.

>>35771793
I did that a lot
what really sucks is that I didn't realize how autistic it was until people stopped offering.

>>35772154
>>35772120
>Used to have no control over my dick and got boners in class all the time
>Now I barely ever get hard even when I see something really hot unless I'm jerking off
Don't know which is worse desu

>tard kid named aaron
>always plays with little miniature hotwheels cars
>one day a stacie takes his car and throws it out a window
>aaron unleashes the primal battlecry known only by the term "raptor screech"
>Charges her ass and flips her over his fucking shoulder
>mounts her and begins to rip her hair out

All that could be heard is two deafening screeches trying to drown the other out. Stacie is bleeding all over the place somehow and has lost half her hair. Finally 4 tard wranglers arrived and got aaron the fuck out.


>A month later or some shit
>Lunch time
>bring up the situation with aaron
>convince him to go and fart on her face(aaron isa 6 foot something monster)
>walks up behind her table
>taps her on the shoulder
>immediately pulls down his sweat pants intending to give her a full moon view
>rips a fart that could've started a new fundraiser for haitii
>blasts shit all over her face
>She vomits on his ass

>>35772201
The second one? Now you're pathetic, before you were just normal.

>>35771386
I miss flipnote hatena too. :C

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>be around 7 years old
>see kid who bullied me in school at the playground
>climb to the top of slide
>get on top of a pole
> throw a rock at him
>it actually hit his head
>he turns around
>"wtf anon!"
>jump down from pole
>fall over then quickly get up
>turn toward him
>"think twice before messing with me next time"
>turn back and naruto run to the other end of the playground
>he and his friends pin me to a wall and throw basket balls at me the next week
i don't even blame them anymore

>>35772305
You should've thrown more rocks, what you did sounds kinda alpha desu

>>35772201
the first one is much worse. by the of school nearly everyone ostracized me because of my constant raging boners.

I like to get nude in locker rooms and spend forever in the communal shower letting men and boys look at me. It really helps with my social anxiety, like I'm standing up to my fear of people.

>>35772305
Savage

He needed all his buddies because he was scared of your raw powerlevel

You forgot to rasenghan him

Or a good ol' curse-you-kameha

>would take porn images i got online, color the girls eyes purple and draw swastikas all over them, for some reason it made them hotter

>kid I knew in boyscouts told me and a couple other people he tried to kill himself once
>driving to a campout I made some joke in reference to it
>not even trying to be mean
>it legitimately did not occur to me that it might not be the coolest thing to do
>whole troop found out about it
>kid stopped showing up

>would always zone out during class and stare towards the ground
>would often accidentally point my head towards people's feet when they were wearing sandals and shit
>rumor for like two years among a lot of people that I stared at girls feet
>too awkward to correct anybody
>once someone outright told me to stop looking at their feet, everyone laughed, and I just sat their and looked away

Also, I went out of my way to masturbate on every toilet in my highschool that I could, including urinals. Got a couple of the toilets in some of the girls bathrooms as well. I don't know why I was so driven to do it, I just felt I couldn't spend four years in that fucking place without "leaving my mark".

>taking university course on modern philosophy
>50 minute discussions on Fridays to complement the lectures
>it's the second Friday of the term
>we're discussing Descartes' Meditations
>class of 20 is broken up into groups of 5
>my group is told to cover the Descartes' third meditation
>I didn't do the readings for the week because all of my free time was spent browsing the internet
>doesn't matter, my discussion group is a bunch of retarded stoners who thought taking philosophy would be cool
>we sit and chat about bullshit most of the time
>10 minutes left
>TA calls on each group to tell the class what we talked about
>only non-stoner in my group
>forced to speak up
>lie and say that we discussed the ontological argument
>TA points out that the ontological argument is part of the 5th meditation
>my face turns red
>...
>skip the next two discussions out of embarrassment

>>35772355
What a brave soul, so beautiful.

You should make sure to maintain eye contact while doing interpretive dance, it's the only way to realize your true soul flavor.

>>35772094
So what you're saying is you don't have the physical capability to indulge in something so animalistic as sex? Sad!

>>35772355
I think you're just gay, dude.

>>35772329
I did a lot of alpha shit back when I was too autistic to realize how dumb I looked. once tried to pick a fight with a kid 3 years older than me and twice my size. he probably would have kicked my ass if he wasn't so busy laughing at my ninja moves.

>>35771983
Please do not tell your friend to come here or to /pol/. Are you trying to ruin his life? He might take us seriously.

>>35772374
>purple eyed swastika qt
Y-you have good taste anon

>leaving mark

You didn't get them all though... :(

>>35772401
Why didn't you catch him offguard with said moves?

>>35772408
I'm sure he isn't THAT autistic

>in elementary school, maybe 5th grade
>go to school with my shirt inside out accidentally
>group of cool kids sees me in the hallway, starts laughing
>"What, do you wear your underwear inside out too?! HAHA!"
>Spaghetti falling out of my pockets at this moment, panicking wondering what to do
>thought it would be a good idea to try to be funny to play along
>pull my pants down
>then take off my underwear and quickly turn them inside out, big shit stain visible to them, then pull them up with a proud look on my face
>"Is that better???"
>"they run away laughing saying "weirdo" and "gross"

>>35770975
>confess to crush that you think that she is your god
>not knowing that this isn't something to do ever

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>>35771665
>proceed to jerk off

WHY

>>35772387
>implying I don't already
>>35772393
>using teenage definitions such as "gay"
Are you a teenager? Want to have a shower with me?

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>11th grade science
>OK PARTNER UP
>nonononono
>guy in front of me is by himself and would probably just group with me cause who gives a shit
>NOPE IM AUTISTIC ILL JUST SIT HERE BY MYSELF RIGHT BEHIND HIM
>this goes on for weeks, just sitting in silence by myself as everyone else works
>when the project is over the teacher just says ill take the group behind mes grade cause hes taking pity on me
>other group now hates me

that was not my year

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>be in college
>in dumb core class
>get assigned group work
>in group of 5
>don't know anyone
>group decides to exchange phone numbers
>don't want to give these people my phone number
>go to my bag to get my list of fake numbers
>they come to me before I can find it
>sit there saying nothing
>"ok... I guess we're done then."
>they spend the rest of the period working on a shared google doc I can't access because I don't have a laptop with me
>din't even give me the link when I ask for it
they said college would be different! these people are just as fucking bad!!!

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Heres two
>7th grade
>crush on qt 8/10 for like 4 month
>too pussy to make a move
>eventually just be delusional and think she loves me
>wait for her to ask me out
>she doesnt
>one day im just done with this bitch
>go up to her
>"why do you hate me?"
>looks confused
>"What? I-I dont hate you, anon"
>walk away
>never talk again
Fuck I hate myself for this one.
Also
>15
>On way back from movie in friends car
>have to piss
>meh my house is like 10 mins away i can hold it
>cant hold it
>house is like 2 blocks away
>fucking empty my bladder into my pants
>huge load
>we pull up to my house
>"thanks <friends mom>"
>theywontnotice.jpeg
>get up and feel a literal fucking puddle on their nice leather seat
>pants are soaked
>akwardly waddle to my door
>cry in the shower

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>>35772408
yeah i'm not even of the sort to say that 4chan as an imageboard, or even any specifically board is wholly trash and refuse, i would not say that bringing an already-struggling possibly autistic lad in here is a good idea

i'm damned lucky that i ended up landing in a solid group of friends by virtue of last name in homeroom in fucking 2006. still hang with some of the cats from those days, and even added quite a few really good-quality folk to my circle

sure, i went on 4chan at the time but i could, through social support and even a bit of mimicry, turn out a helluva lot less socially backwards than i woulda if i just went on fucking 4chan

>>35771983
just be good to him, man. best thing you can do. when i was experiencing a lot of depressive symptoms along with the usual pseudo-autism, it did me a world of fucking good to get dragged out to some small social function. didn't really enjoy it that much at the time, but grew to. took me some years to realize how much of a service was done to me by certain individuals and groups in my life compelling me (or even coercing me) into social interaction

>>35772495
first impressions m8

get your foot in the door first and then you can be weird

>>35772429
some girl I liked told me to stop trying to fight him. at the time I thought she was concerned for his safety, but now I realize I was weak as fuck and she didn't want me to get beat up.

>>35772420
I got all the boy's toilets, most of the urinals, more of the girl's toilets than I really deserved. Never got caught. I can live with that.

>>35772477
>teenage definitions
I'm not being derogatory, it just sounds like you're gay. Maybe I'm wrong, either way more power to you. I can finally handle being naked in front of others like that, but even now only by ignoring the entire situation and focussing on my own business. More power to you for embracing the situation.

And I'll only shower with you if you "force" yourself on me ;^}

My family locked me out of the house at 11pm, so I took a shit on my dad's car and fell asleep on our back porch

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I got made fun of by a teacher during the 4th or 5th grade. She bullied me in front of the whole class to the point of crying and running out of the room.

Somehow my plan to get revenge involved completely trashing the faculty bathroom.
>began to chain flush toilets after putting soap in them creating a bubble mess everywhere
>Clogged every toilet
>began to smear shit all over the walls
>broke the mirrors and smeared shit there too
>threw wet and dry paper product everywhere
>stood up on the counter and pissed a capital G in the fucking popcorn ceiling


All of this happened in under 5 minutes and I ran home for the day immediately.

I've also done this at a retail store 15+ years later.

>cute girl with a nice ass in my class, high school
>friend who's weird and cool but not autistic tells me she likes me
>scared to sit next to her for the first few days after this
>finally sit down next to her
>talk for a minute or so, shes flirty touching my arm and twirling her hair and shit laughing
>text her later that night, just saying a few sentences like whats up how are you doing ect.
>back to class next day, nervous and don't say anything the entire time
>same thing for the rest of the year, too autistic to move back to my old seat in fear she thinks i dont like her
>sit awkwardly quietly next to her for the next 4 months until summer
>missed my only chance in life to get laid

>>35770987
hahahaha this one actually sounds funny care to expand ?

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>girl walking and talking with me in high school
>get a boner
>hurry on to my bus home with a boner
>pretty sure at least 100 people saw but nobody said anything

closest i ever came to sex tbqh

>>35768275
Underrated kek organela

>>35768055
Why dont you just tell the story instead of waiting for someone to ask about it? Why are you such an attention whore?

>>35772594
How fucking gigantic is your dick that people can see it through your pants and trousers?

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>Be me
>Be milifag
>Just finished a month of misery in NC
>Have to report in to a new unit
>There with three other guys
>We march into First Sergeant's office
>"Anon, reporting as ordered..."
>First Sergeant starts looking us over
>Spaghetti begins to fall out of my Alphas
>First Sergeant makes a correction on my uniform
>I have to respond
>"Aye, Master Gunnery, First Sergeant"
>End me
>He makes me go through the whole rank system
>Speak in a low, slow, monotone voice
>He's just watching me
>I didn't mess up though
>The three other guys just stand there
>We get dismissed
>They still talk about it

>>35772623

are you a fucking woman? How do you not comprehend your dick being visible while erect.

>>35772520
I'm not gay, I mean, I'll look at men and boys but for an aesthetic quality. I think the male body is beautiful and I get a sense of being human when I'm nude with a bunch of other nude guys. If that makes me gay, then so be it.

>>35772623
they were pretty thin shorts so there wasnt much resistance. i aint that big.

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>>35772496
reminds me of baseball
>be me
>in 6th grade
>parents signed me up for baseball
>be in outfield because I can't play for shit
>been standing there for like an hour
>need to piss like hell
>too autistic to just leave and use the bathroom
>raise my hand like a retard
>coach doesn't see me
>decide fuck it and piss myself
>figure it'll dry by the time I come back in
>we get called in early
>mfw
>everyone in the dugout complains about piss smell
>they all think it's the garbage can
>sit there in piss soaked pants trying to mask my presence
>surprisingly no one notices
>go up to bat
>feeling good
>get ready to swing when pitcher notices the yellow my pants
>"look, he's so scared to bat he pissed himself"
>everyone starts laughing
>drop the bat and start crying
>mom has to drive me home
>don't go to any of the other games that season
>parents stop signing me up for sports

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>lonely autist at school
>meet girl online who lives in my area
>feel more comfortable because she doesn't know what I'm like in person
>she doesn't message me too often
>noticeable angry/sad tone in my messages after not getting a response for a while
>think she's completely head over heels for me even though it's obvious in retrospect she wasn't at all
>gives me a chance anyway and skypes me for a few hours
>talk about esoteric philosophical shit and completely spaghetti all over the place
>ask her to meet up a month later
>gives me another chance and we actually meet up
>completely sperg out again and talk about metaphysical shit and tell her inappropriately personal things about myself
>get coffee on our date and drinking it makes me shake visibly
>at this point she's clearly uncomfortable
>wants to catch her train but I make her wait like an autist who needs his mommy because the coffee made me really anxious and I didn't want to be alone
>literally stare at her as she reads a book next to me
>hugs me goodbye
>gives me ANOTHER chance and keeps talking to me
>at school lunch one day and try to fake a girl's handwriting and make one of those "get to know you" things (favorite color, favorite music, etc)
>put a category "something you find cute"
>write her name
>send the picture to her
>ignores me completely from this point on
>keep messaging her shit even though it's very clearly over
>she posts some kind of jimmy neutron meme or something to snapchat and I say "oh I love jimmy neutron haha I remember I used to watch it all the time as a kid :)" just to start a conversation
>continue being ignored and still don't get the message
>finally send he long message and get rejected really hard
>tells me she sees no value in me even as a friend

the amount of both cringe and pain I get from looking back on this is unbearable

I loved her and she was beautiful. I just wanted a gf. that hug was the most intimate I've ever been with anyone. why am I so autistic?

>>35772623
how small is you dick that they can't?

>>35772657
To be fair, it's probably better they thought that than the truth. Only thing worse than a guy who pissed his pants is a guy who pissed his pants half an hour ago and just kept on like normal.

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>>35772250
HAHAHAHA that fucking stacie got what she deserve you don't mess with tards dumb biiiiitch

>second week of highschool
>P.E teacher tells us to hit the showers after playing football
>undress and get in shower
>turn around and see entire fucking class staring at my naked self with glazed over eyes
>get erect due to god knows why


I got called a fag near daily for the next four years. I didn't know people just avoided the whole shower thing. I didn't think twice about being naked because I've been nude around my cousins and shit when I was a kid.

>want to ask crush out
>think about it for months
>write "I like you" on paper
>walking in front of her
>accidently drop it out of my pocket
>she picks it up
>I hide in bushes as she reads it

>>35772684
what the fuck!? you were being autistic for sure, but god damn. don't let it get to you too much, she was clearly a bitch.

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>>35772250
my fucking sides. your killing me.

>>35772729
what did she do after she read it?

>>35772708
ya nobody actually does the showers. when my class went in the pool for a semester when i was 15 nobody showered afterwards a single time.

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>>35772577
There's not really much of a story to tell, but i can try.

>6th grade
>first day of band
>about to head out
>some girl is near the door, laughing about something
>was really paranoid back then
>autism reaches critical mass
>hit her with my clarinet case
>starts screaming
>despite not hitting her very hard i broke her fucking arm
>banned from band

She must have had zero calcium. In the end i got yelled at, suspended for 3 days, and had to write an apology. While I'm at it i guess i can tell the story about how I got out of field day.

>4th grade
>end of year
>field day, every kid is forced to participate in an event
>absolutely do not want to go
>forced to
>hot as shit out, no shade at the track
>after being out in 80 degree weather for like 4 hours it's my group's turn
>3rd grader is being an annoying fuck trying to bother me
>punch him in his stupid fucking face in front of like 400 people
>falls to the ground crying
>bloody nose
>principal runs up and yells at me and drives me back to the school for my mom to pick me up
>suspended for basically the rest of the year, which wasn't very long

At least I got out of the rest of field day.

>>35772802
>not playing snare
Kek

>>35772826
I didn't have much choice in what i could play for band.

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>first year of middle school
>crush and I in all the same classes
>time comes to dissect frog
>crush is squeamish
>asks me to do it for her
>try to be alpha and agree
>start cutting into frog
>decide to try to be funny
>cut off one of the frigs legs
>draw a pencil mustache on mt face with a sharpie
>turn to crush
>say "oh what a delicious treat" in a bad french accent
>eat frog leg
>laugh
>crush looks disgusted
>goes over to trash can and throws up
>teacher comes over
>"anon just ate the frogs leg"
>she throws up again
>get sent to the nurses office
>nurse gives my some pepto bismol and sends me home
>crush stops talking to me

>>35772826
>>35772802
>not being percussion
lol, fags. everyone knows drummers get all the bitches.

>>35772892
that wasn't so bad until you reckoned it was a good idea to chow down on a formaldehyde-permeated raw frog's leg

i mean jesus christ, i generally don't think displays of autism posted here are all that bad or embarrassing, but what the fuck m8

>few weeks ago
>chill teacher fist bumping literally everyone as they exit
>im last out, prepare for it
>he just says "seeya anon"
>raise my fist, he doesn't, immediately cringe
>do an awkward wave to save it
>he cringes and mutters something
>speedwalk out
its the little things

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>>35772892
Reminds me
>9th grade bio
>dissecting frog
>get a hilarious idea
>stand up, pick up mutilated frog
>do my best imitation of "hello ma baby, hello ma honey" in front of the class
>preserved frog entrails start to fall out
>I think its hysterical
>no one even blinks
>mandatory guidance counselor visits for 3 months

>>35764291
>on the track team in middle school
>every day we jogged about 3 miles in very small groups, sometimes only two people
>jogging with a qt and her friend
>I have a crush on her too but she doesn't know it
>as we're jogging they start talking about girl stuff
>I'm silent as a statue the whole time
>they start talking about really sensitive stuff like boys and shit
>I pretend to not be listening
>suddenly qt blurts out that she likes me
>heart skips a beat, no fucking way I just heard that
>we exchange glances, she looks at me with a cute smile
>suddenly my autism kicks in and I drop buckets of spaghetti and take off sprinting ahead of them
>I get back to school before them and hide in the boy's locker room until my mom comes to pick me up

>>35772995
That is pretty funny.

I think in a rational society we would be warriors and have all the women.

>8th grade
>look up the synonyms for "prostitute" on computer
>print out all the words
>handwrite all the names of the girls in my class on it
>pass it around the class, proud of my work
>get suspended for 2 days

>>35772535
Legendary, anon.
You absolute madman.

>>35773000
wow

bloxityyy

>>35771793
>In Japanese class
>Turbo chad tries to give little viet girl a fist bumb
>she grabs it
I later realized she had one of those autism puzzle piece stickers on her folder.
it was honestly really cute

>>35771667
Look at this based nigger

>>35772975
HE didn't expect you to want to bump fists so why did you?

>>35773038
Thought of another one:
>8th grade again
>write a love letter to girl
>it says to call me when she reads it
>phone rings
>it's her
>"I got your letter Anon"
>"what letter?" I say
>"you wrote me a letter"
>"It must have been someone else"
>hang up on her

>6 years old
>Conference of Rabbis interviewing Jewish school students
>Tell them that I'm God
>What.jpeg
>Tell at God to move some rock I find lying on the ground
>Give God ten seconds
>God doesn't do it
>Pick up rock and move it
>"I am God"
>"I am omnipotent"
>Mom picks me up crying and spanks me later that night

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>>35772995
Not an autistic story but still a funny one

>dissecting a frog
>everybody is too chickenshit so I'm the only one that's doing it
>I put on the gloves and start very delicately
>my forehead starts itching and I can't touch my face
>I try to scratch my forehead with my forearm but it looks like I'm wiping sweat off my face
>other kids laugh cause they think I'm pretending to be a surgeon
>I go along with it and call my friend over and he starts handing me tools like a nurse
>mfw we started roleplaying a hospital tv drama

>>35769989
Zorpledunf?

>>35764291
>be me
>14 (at the time)
>at internship
>crush jokingly said something about her friend trying weed
>timetobecool.jpeg
yeah, weed is kinda dumb I tried it once... never again
>just looks at me weirdly and starts talking about something else
>tfw I had never done weed
>tfw become huge stoner freshman year of highschool

to be fair I was on some really strong medication because I'm schitzotypal and depressed

>>35773076
Because he fist bumped everyone else like I said.

>>35771428
I felt this one all the way from michigan homie

>10th grade
>Ask girl of my dreams out
>Was completely shaky, she noticed, she said yes anyway
>She's still the only girl I've ever wanted, never autisted as hard with anybody else as I did with her
>Easy to say since there's never been anyone else
>Anyway Date day, we see some movie with Robin Williams
>I drive, say nothing
>I said two sentences the entire day, both were to the ticket seller. "this movie for two" and "thanks"
Actually now a bad memory is flooding back, I remember a scene where Robin either got hit or hit someone in the nutsack with a golf ball. She started laughing really hard so I leaned over, mumbled something, then sat back. Thinking back she probably thought I tried to kiss her because she had a dejected look on her face afterwards and didn't laugh anymore during the movie.
>Drive her home afterwards, say nothing
>Remember the movies where you're supposed to walk them to the front door
>Reach over and open the passenger door instead and let her walk to her door on her own
>Drive home

Time passes, she responds to none of my texts. But one day she does
>Call her, she answers
>We talk, I make no mention of the last date
>Ask her out again out of nowhere
>She says yes
>Wat
>We set a day and everything, determined to not screw it up this time
>Visibly happy to friends/family but won't tell them why yet

More time passed and she didn't respond to any of my texts. I hunted her down somewhere one day and asked if she was ignoring me, and she said she got a new number. I laughed and asked if I could have it and she said no. She blocked me on everything afterwards. Still keeps me up at night. She's married now, graduated, hope I never meet the guy or I'll want to kill myself

>Be in middle school
>Have a crush on girl
>Try to be nice to her and talk to her
>She avoids me
>Look over at her during class every once and a while thinking about how beautiful she is
>get called to principles office because she felt threatened
>Started getting death threats from random callers
>Eventually change schools because of it

And now I'm gay, women are whores.

>>35773336
to be completely honest anon she spunds like a slut. Like sure your autistic but she could just reject you like a normal person. This is why I hate roasties.

>>35771660
>Why don't robots turn their autism into funniness? Ever since I started being class clown, my crush has started liking me back, my grades are improving and I've reached Chad status.
How do you do that?

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>in 4th grade
>very skinny
>girl wearing shirt that says "stick guy" and has stick figure on it
>i make casual joke suggesting im offended and she needs to take her shirt off
>she tells on me for asking her to remove her top and i get in trouble for sexual harassment

>next year
>have a crush
>have no shame
>ask her to be my gf every day
>wont stop asking her
>she tells on me and i get in trouble for sexual harassment again

labeled a pervert for the next few years with the same group of students

>at a friend's house
>there's these weird fucking scented liquid things plugged into the wall
>like it's a little cup or something with like liquid wax or something in it
>I don't notice one and I sit back against the wall and tip one of these fucking things over
>it spills right down my fucking pants and molten wax goes right into my crack
>start screaming and taking my pants and underwear off
>his parents hear screaming and walk in just in time to see me buttnaked screaming like a tard

>>35773336
Jesus Christ anon. there are too many feels for me to process.

>>35767622
Are you, by any chance, serbian?

>on road trip with my dad
>Hotel room in Kansas oh wow
>We share a bed
>Ten minutes after turning the lights out I get a 13 year old boner
>Oh shit
>Jack off thinking I'm slick but he totally heard me
>We don't talk much at all during the trip

>>35772995
Don't worry Anon, I would've laughed. That's actually pretty fucking funny.

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so this just happened. fuck my life, this was pathetic. i'm beyond salvation, lads.

>be at a goth club on cosplay night because lonely as fuck and don't want to go back home to my parents' house after work
>almost everyone is dancing to trashy pop music
>too awkward to dance, so i just stand there aimlessly, allowing my eyes to wander
>see 9/10 qt dancing with her two friends, grinding and getting physical
>look closer, convinced she's a trap due to a very masculine jawline, and thin, almost hipless body, plus it's a cosplay night, so i'd expect to see at least a couple traps
>kind of awkwardly checking her out in my weirdly avoidant, shy way, trying to make sure it was a trap
>"it must be!"
>feel my dick swelling
>i guess she noticed i was checking her out awkwardly
>she approaches me
>look around/ at the ground anxiously as fuck, nearly in panic
>"hey, are you here alone?"
>fuck. she's definitely a girl (female), immediately not interested.
>awkwardly mumble, "n-no my friend's in the b-bathroom."
>she says "oh okay." and goes back to her friends
>leave

jesus christ. she was literally a 9/10, though it seemed like she was just asking out of pity because i always look so fucking lonely and depressed wherever i go. but god damn, i need to stop fapping to traps and using this fucking board...

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>>35772995
9th grade bio was fun, I was always in a group with qt's that let me do nearly all of the work and order them around despite the fact that I never uttered a word outside of labs and was generally an edgelord with no friends
>people actually thought I was useful
felt good

>spending weekend with grandparents
>Need to jack off a lot since I'm going through puberty
>Do it in the shower
>Taking a lot of showers
>Their paintbrushes are in the bathroom
>Stick most of them up my ass

Why

>high school
>parents send me to ballroom dancing classes
>girls always pick partners
>always picked last
>have to bring the girl drinks and food and be polite
>carrying red kool-aid to girl, have to move a chair to get to her
>pour the kool-aid down her back
>she screams
>I have to clean her up
>I have to dance with her even though she asked to change partners
>no one wanted to switch
I can't go to anywhere with dancing without getting crippling anxiety

>>35772995
>>35772892
ITT: Retards and their frogs

Our symbol is a frog

Really makes you hmmmm

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>be me
>never asked a girl out before
>in college
>have an hour between classes
>decide to practice hitting on girls
>go to library and pretend to read for 20 minutes
>go up to random qt
>"h-hey, y-you mind if I talk to you, t-this book is pretty boring"
>qt takes out headphones
>"sorry, I'm trying to do homework"
>"o-oh, sorry"
>autist shuffle mt way to the bookshelf
>leave library and go home for the day
>cry into pillow

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>>35770764
>>35764862
Yeah, I mean I do this too, tbdesu.
I did when I was a kid anyway. I don't really drink milkshakes anymore and if I do it's in a binge eating session where I barely breathe much less enjoy my food, but I probably still would if I drank a shake in a leisurely manner.
I don't see what's wrong with it, but I probably never would have brought it up even in my spergy childhood. I might have told a story about it if it seemed like people would have paid attention, though. The cringe never stops.

>>35770975
Don't do this.
Did you wait the 7 days for them to delete it permanently or did you take the kikebook pill all over again?
>>35772456
>understatements and how they work.

>>35773734
Poor location choice

Everybody is busy in a uni library. Try a cafe or something next time. I commend your bravery, don't give up anon

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>13
>get urge to jerk off while falling asleep
>do it
>cousin was sleeping right next to me

>>35772791
>she walked back to class
>opened the door
>and everybody walked the dinosaur

>11 years old
>have a small group of friends but im a third wheel
>we're assholes so we go graffiti shit with a permanant marker
>I write "fag mobile" on friend's neighbor's car bumper
>pretty funny but also realize this is trouble
>desperately try to clean it with street mud water to no avail
>literally panic
>next day all of their moms finds out
>try to lie
>"I know you're lying. I can tell your mom right now"
>"also I know it's your handwriting cus I saw that handdrawn porn magazines you made in my basement"
>whole other cringe story
>confess
>long story short I get demonized over this somehow and lose all my friends
>turn to 4chan for friends
>become socially stunted
>18 and havent had a real friend since 13 years old :)

If any childhood friend recognize this, fuck you.

>>35764547
I know this feel. I never had a friend in all of the 6th grade.

>>35764291
>in school, can't remember how old I am, like 11 at most
>teachers giving a presentation on multiple sclerosis for some reason
>at the time I really liked garfield for some reason
>was fucking obsessed with lasagna
>ate it everytime I got the opportunity
>the teachers are telling us about how awful multiple sclerosis is
>mention something about it fucking with the nerves and how there isn't a cure for it
>put my hand up
>stand up proudly
>loudly declare that lasagna can cure multiple sclerosis
>teachers drag me out and my parents get really mad at me when I get home

Fat lazy cat made me autistic

>>35772995
That sounds like something I would do.

>>35773038
Classic.

>>35773137
Your Mom is a bitch.

>>35773172
This isn't even autistic, it's just funny.

>>35773832
I'll be your friend.

>be 12 years old
>staying with uncle for the summer
>can only masturbate while lying down
>can't get any time alone in bed(have to share with siblings)
>go into living room late at night
>lie on the carpet and yank my dick
>get hard for first time in a week
>feelsgood.jpg
>hear footsteps
>no time to move
>pretend to be asleep with hand still in my pants
>person stops in front of me and stand there for a moment
>steps over me to get to the bathroom
I still don't know who saw me with my hand around my dick. no one said anything the next day.

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>>35772466
kek'd
dude is an animal

>>35773875
That's not that autistic for you being 12.

>>35764839
Haha ebin!! You truly are the master tr0ll3 m8!!! xD

>>35764482
this is a great story

>>35771983
You aren't as amusing as you think. Unsure if responses are lazy samefags or lazy stoned teenagers.
Love the spirit, do better.

>>35773832
I shouldn't have said "real friend". I literally haven't even had an acquaintance since the 7th grade. This story ruined my entire life.

>>35772250
why is aaron always a violent type sperg?
did he have a rattail and a denim cut off jacket?

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>>35773950
the second story was the greatest thing I ever read
I can't breathe

>>35772250
What a stupid cunt, did he really fucked her hair up? Did she have bald patches?

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anyone get asked out by girls a lot when they were younger?
>be me
>girl asks me if I have a crush on anyone
>I do but don't want anyone to know
>"lol, n-no way"
>"you wanna go out with me then?"
>think she's making fun of me
>"that's not funny"
>"I'm serious anon"
>get frustrated
>"s-stop it, stop making fun of me!"
>whole class hears
>girl gets embarrassed
>stops asking
>doesn't talk to me afterward

>on a summer camping trip with friends and our counselor
>we're staying in a large cabin
>right before lights out we're hanging out in our beds
>get up to take a piss, hallway outside the room is pitch dark
>stumble towards the bathroom and do my business
>go back out into the dark hallway and approach the room
>in theroom adjacent something catches my eye
>I see a dark silhouette standing in a doorframe
>he's just standing there not saying anything, I'm a bit confused so I reach out to touch him
>somehow my hand hits his crotch and I accidentally fondle his balls
>it's the counselor and he was following me back into the room to tell everyone lights out

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>>35772657
>5th grade baseball
>had been on bench for 4 innings drinking endless cups of gatorade because sugar and bored
>also shit at baseball in outfield, also don't know what to do in the inning that will never end, booted one ball myself, been one out forever
>jumping from foot to foot in left field have to pee so bad
>consider just whipping my dick out in front of the other players, other games, parents, etc.
>wearing cup
>decide that I can pee in cup and it will be ok
>tfw pee too much
>tfw the cup jiggles and now I'm soaked in piss
>tfw it starts raining and the smell thing happens but pants aren't yellow, never knew if they knew
just fuck my shit up, still cringe 14 years later.

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>>35772535
AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH HAAHHHAHAJFhAJFHAHAA
most under rated post of the year whether fact or fiction
no one heard any of this happening and came in? did anyone come in?

>>35774065
Gah! No!

D-did it lead to anything else? Asking for a f-f-f-fag-f-fr-fa-friend.

>>35773097
This is fucking gold. You went full Milhouse

>>35774150
yeah we had sloppy gay sex in the woods right after.

>>35773097
well, at least you had more courage than I

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>>35764291
>second grade
>have a secret diarrhea
>walking to school bus for returning home
>realize that I forgot my bag in classroom
>start to run like sanic to class in order to get my bag
>try to jump from 4 step stairs
>fail and tumble
>suddenly big shit bursts from my ass
>wearing shorts so my shit is everywhere
>my teacher sees the scene so she lectures me hard and calls my parents
>my mother comes and beats me after she picks me up
>my nickname becomes "shit" after this incident

> be me
> about nine or ten
> didn't really understand sex but knew it had to do with benis and women
> feel horny for whatever reason, probably because i'm nine or ten
> no photos of women in my room except for the image of Princess Fiona on my Shrek poster
> start rubbing dick on Princess Fiona's face
> get rock hard, dick starts to hurt
> go in the bathroom and pee
> black it out of my memory forever

I'm not even memeing, I had a fucking Shrek poster as a kid and I got hard on Princess Fiona. I feel sick

>>35764291
>be 12
>older brother shows me stupid song where every other lyric is nigga
>go to school the next day
>autism acting up
>standup on the school bus right before we leave for field trip
>say nigga like 50 times in a row
>everyone looking at me like i'm crazy
>black school bus driver pulls me off the bus
>black principal suspends me from school but allows me to go on the field trip

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>>35773097
Reminds me of a real good cringe
>like this extreme qt blonde in secondish grade
>great personality too, just great all around
>decide that we are soulmates, write her a "do you like me yes/no" letter
>fold it up into a self made envelope
But
>was made on dirty graph paper used for math homework
>envclosed was approximately 83cemts of loose change to show my sincerity/sweeten the deal
>most likely had my name on it (you'll see why this matters)
It'sgotimebaby.jpeg
>walk up to her
>"HERE ITS FOR YOU------......"
>she opens it
>"umm anon wait did you make this?"
>sperg mode "uhh no it's from [classmate]"
>sprint off like naruto
>never even watched the show naruto, just instinctively knew how to look like a retard
>mfw I later realized she never bought the spergy lie
>mfw I realized it probably had my name in the homework sheet so she DEFINITELY never bought the spergy lie

JUST

>>35764346
>>35764354
>>35764387
Thanks bro

Originalli Zpaghetti

>>35774339
She IS pretty hot tho desu

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>>35774339
You think that's bad for your first fap?

>playing PS2
>holding the controller in my crotch kinda, notice it feels good when it vibrates
>got rock hard and needed to find a way to make the controller vibrate continuously
>in Battlefront II space battles you could mount the ship turrets and they could fire endlessly
>mfw experiencing my first orgasm holding the controller right up against my dick as I shot down x-wings

>>35774431
I don't think it's possible to have a better first time than that

Literally the dream

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>>35774431
I'm older than you so my first time was with my N64 rumble pak but the principle is the same.

>>35767015

that's not autistic, just kcmodded.

>>35774449

Mine was firing the gatling in Gun, that cowboy game on the PS2 :DDDDDDDd

I wasted so much time scalping chinamen, because in my mind they put up the most fight.

>>35770351
I did an atheism presentation for English too.

I looked on Wikipedia on all known religions (including ancient mythology), did some percentage maths,and concluded that there is a 0.16% chance, at most, of any one religion being right.

The teacher agreed with me.

>>35774431
Modded PS2, and http://www.theisozone.com/downloads/playstation/tools/padtest-controller-test-app/

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This just happened last week. I very rarely sperg out but everytime I do it ends up fucking haunting me for months. I was talking to my boss, she's qt as fuck and I was gonna ask her about her opinions on socialism (longish story). Then I got to thinking about the acronym RAPE (Religion, abortion, politics, economics) for things you're not supposed to talk about with people you don't know too well. I don't know why it popped in my head, but it did. I meant to say something along the lines of, "I know I shouldn't bring it up, but can I ask you a political question". However right after I started talking I knocked over a pile of papers and got flustered and sorta lost my train of thought and blurted out "I know I shouldn't bring it up but can I ask you about rape". Never gonna smash now.

>>35774891
Pic is her, but trust me it really doesn't do her justice.

>>35774339
The more important question here is, was it the human Fiona or the shrekified one?

>>35767622
>DSi

oh shit i remember fapping to my first gifs there. always ran out of memory

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>>35772250
>second story

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>>35764291
Happened other day
>need a car wash
>know that the gas station I usually go to has one
>decide to go there since it's on my way home
>go around the building to get into the car wash line
>see a car in the wash facing me
>fuck, I went the wrong way
>have to back up and go the other way
>pull up to the pay terminal
>have to open door because I can't reach from my window
>press button for the package I want
>it prompts me to enter some code bullshit
>can't be zipcode because it starts you out with a number already
>can't find any instructions on the terminal
>try putting in my card first
>authorizing
>authorizing
>network error
>fuck
>trying to figure this shit out, old guy comes out of the shop to take his smoke break
>still pressing buttons like a retard, finally give up
>start driving towards the wash, gonna just go through so I can gtfo of here
>old guy yells at me to wait
>"does it say to go?"
>"I didn't select anything, I'm just going to drive through so I can leave"
>"oh ok"
>drive through and leave
Feels fucking terrible when you can't get something to work

>be me, 6th grade
>forced to sit next to Stacy.
>Stacy and I become good friends

>the following year
>moved out of her class for some reason, directly next door tho.
>still talk sometimes.
>enter autistic beta friends.
>tell them I had a "sex dream" about her
>as a "joke" they pin my to the wall while they tell one of her close friends that I have "sex dreams" about her.
>think nothing of it, the guy probably didn't even tell her.
>she stops talking to me
>doesn't look me in the eye ever again.

I fucking hate you Liam if you're on here.

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>be me 14
>talking to qt Mexican girl
>obsessed but she obviously has no interest
>see fb meme about pretending to ask a friend how to confess your love
>do it
>"oh, okay"
>ABORT
>"it's okay I'm used to it"
Destroyed me until senior year

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>be in 5th grade
>friend of mine gets a 'gf'
>fucks me up
>legit get fucking depressed I don't have a gf
>in 5th grade
>ffs
>try to ask girls out
>aquire gf
>be super fucking autistic around her
>no idea wtf a gf even means really so I just kinda shout at her
>at one point before I had gotten very bad she grabbed my hand and took me into a kinda secluded area
>she says "so were bf and gf now, yknow what that means right?"
>I say "we have to have sex? right now?"
>literally what the fuck
>you're in 5th grade you fuck
>I mean I guess its ballsy...maybe it had some chance of working
>but fucking no
>"ew anon wtf is wrong with you"
>she kinda almost runs away
>'breaks up'
>says she 'felt bad for me cause I'm so weird'
>this was all over the course of 2 days

kek
pretty sure she wanted the lips tho
kissless virgin now

re

>>35775029
paul?

originall

>>35774431
Your story reminds me

>be 10
>starting to discover sexual feelings but don't really understand them
>playing custom robo
>get to the part where the controller starts vibrating like crazy just before the final rahu fight
>big sister is in the same room
>say "hey sis, look at this!"
>rub the vibrating controller on my dick as I moan with pleasure
>she doesn't respond at all

Somebody post the screengrab of the guy who fucked his R2-D2

> be me, 14 y/o
>chilling with a friend on new year's eve
>we meet up with his female friend
>she hugs him, kisses him on the face and then turns to me
>"Happy new year anon!"
>she gets closer to me
>go autist mode
>"uh sorry I'm not really into hugs"
>she shrugs and continues talking to my friend

After that I wanted to go home and die.

>be me, 16 y/o in high school
>in a class with my crush/oneitis
>have to shit really fucking bad because I'm sick
>thinking I might have diarrhea
>I'm one of those kids who never talk and always sleep at class, so me raising my hand was quite a rare sight for my classmates
>"Mrs. Teacher, can I please go to the toilet?"
>I can see a Stacy grinning
ohwell.jpg
>I go to the toilet and I immediately start shitting like crazy, it was as if I was peeing from my butthole
>I can tell it smells really fucking bad
>Go to class after 8 mins
>Walk by my crush to get to my seat
>She looks at her friend
>"It smells bad!"
>waitwut
>Spend the rest of the day wanting to kill myself from embarassment

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>>35770697
>in college
>severely depressed and not attending classes
>realize the semester is coming to an end and I'm failing all my classes and going to flunk out of college
>parents are going to be mad
>I need to come up with an excuse for failing
>I go to the woods alone and get a rock
>sock myself in the head until I feel like I have a pretty good concussion
>tell my parents I fell and hit my head hiking and that's why I failed my finals
>drop out