Psychological Issues #9

Are your eyes bigger and/or more widely spaced than usual?

>>35740738
How do I make myself gay? I keep trying to break away from the vaginal Jew, but my sex drive always betrays me and before I know it, I'm some Stacy's orbiter. I can't break the cycle.

>>35740817
>Are your eyes bigger and/or more widely spaced than usual?

Not at all.

>>35740841
>How do I make myself gay? I keep trying to break away from the vaginal Jew

I laughed, hard.

>. I can't break the cycle.

Find yourself a worthy woman and you won't need to orbit Stacy.

>>35740869
There's no such thing as a " worthy woman", what the fuck are you on about? That why I need to get gay.

>>35740902

There are worthy women, trust me, but you need to find them.

You can't make yourself gay.

>>35740920
No there aren't. There are degenerate whores who use people for money, and fuggos who want to be degenerate whores who use people for money. I have literally never met a woman who had interests outside of her own appearance and that of the other women around her. They simply don't exist.

>you can't make yourself gay

Shit. What's a good method for performing a castration on yourself?

>>35740988

Where do you meet these women?

>>35740988
>What's a good method for performing a castration on yourself?

Why give up on masturbation?

>>35740738
Where to begin today? You say you're tired and being concise is not my forte.

>>35741045

What do you want to speak about today? No need to be concise.

>>35741020

>Where do you meet these women?

School, work, occasional outings with male friends. The usual, or so I'd think.

>Why give up on masturbation?

I can't exactly whip it out and fap in the middle of work, and that shit affects my judgment.

>>35741096

Are you sure your judgement of women is accurate?

>>35741072
I did want to dig deeper into our discussion of the ontological status of geometry but that could prove exhausting. I'm sure there was a question about my history you asked which I failed to answer. I dislike the responsibility of beginning conversations.

Why do I want to kill myself? I have a job, I have money, I exercise frequently, my work requires me to interact with dozens of people, I have hobbies.
I just bring myself to care. Nothing makes me happy, I either feel a vague sense of unease or bitterness.
I don't have close friends, I don't have a good relationship with my family. I decline offers to spend time with my coworkers, I don't answer my families messages. I don't know why I'm like this.

>>35741112
>Are you sure your judgement of women is accurate?

Quite sure. Are you sure that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west just because you see it do that every day?

>>35741147

Yeah, I was arguing that geometry exists only within a consciousness, since it's an ideal, and that there are no straight lines or triangles in the world.

I would also like to know if you're followed by a psychiatrist or someone like that. (I apologise if you told me and I forgot; I still mix many anons.)

>>35741161

Complete utter guess on my part: there's a hole in you and you feel it but can't fill it.

This hole may be related to very ancient harm you suffered, and this could be family-related.

Whatever was missing in the beginning is missing now, and nothing can quite make you happy because there's this hole that won't stop aching.

So far, so good?

>>35741182
Nope, no involvement with anyone from that profession.

So my contention is that, though the material suspended within the "substance" of space is not infinitesimally small and thus imperfectly conforms to our ideal system of coordinates, the path (and therefore the relationship between positions) that various geometric objects could in principle be traced through it.
I suspect, based on some things you said to another anon, that this boils down to a fundamental dispute about the nature of infinity. I'm very interesting in identifying the underlying divergence in axioms.

>>35741375
>could in principle be traced through it.

Yes, but by what? No matter how you try to do it, a line doesn't exist because at some level, it will be made of little spheres or God knows what else. Reality is not like vectors or fractals.

I urge you to consider seeking a psychiatrist. It would be very interesting for you I am certain.

I wonder if the way you handle emotions isn't a form of synethesia (senses overlapping and such).

>>35741375
You also suggested that actual infinities are impossible. I certainly am not fully comfortable with all the implications of infinity myself, but I don't think I can even truly conceive of the finite. To me, everything must be infinitely divisible. To say otherwise is, well... infinitely more mysterious to me than the alternative.

>>35741427
I think I experienced very mild ordinal linguistic synaesthesia in childhood when I used to play with the balls on a pool table. The numbers and colors suggested different personalities to me (10 was always the protagonist and hero)

>>35741447
>You also suggested that actual infinities are impossible.

Yes, but I was thinking specifically of space and other types of infinities, not the infinitely small. I haven't thought about that one in this respect. It's a very good point, though.

I get this apologetics and theology, the argument for a finite universe and whoever's Hotel, I never remember the name of it. It's a convincing argument for the impossibility of actual infinity, but it doesn't deal with the infinitely small.

>>35741482

Definitely synesthetic stuff.

What keeps you from getting a psychiatrist/psychologist?

>>35741427
You could only accept its existence if you had a physical object to probe its depths? Do you think space has to be a material? Or is even that just an idea to you?

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>>35740988
this man is right, and his dubs confirm

it would appear castration is our only option

>>35741513
General inactivity, lack of funds, pride (as we discussed).

>>35741548
>You could only accept its existence if you had a physical object to probe its depths?

>its existence

Whose existence? Infinity?

>Do you think space has to be a material?

I don't think it is material, and I don't think "material" means anything at some levels; like geometry, it means something to a human, but that's about all.

>>35741495
I think I know what you may be talking about. The one with infinitely many rooms where each is filled yet they can still accommodate more by shifting rooms or something like that?

>>35741568

Funds is the only one I can't argue against.

Inactivity would be reduced by starting such a project as therapy.

As to pride, start by reading a lot about whatever topic interests you; you could start anywhere, synethesia, etc. Discover things about yourself on your own. Doing this made me want to discuss with this a professional. That way I was able to go seek therapy without feeling like a "patient" or someone who'd be "inferior" to the therapist. And they really don't see you as inferior at all. Make sure to find a good one, if you don't feel it, find another one.

You deserve a better life.

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i very frequently fall into conversations in my head with a fictionalized version of someone in my family or a friend where i am losing an argument because they keep cutting me off or misconstruing my responses. i feel like it is in a "this is totally what they would say" context. i find myself focusing on superficial details about them that annoy me me, such as their appearance or accent. i feel like this is making me predisposed to creating a bad real-life relationship with them and making it easier to lose patience with them

maybe this is because i am the youngest of three brothers and grew up in a broken household, so i am accustomed to always losing every confrontation for the sake of "keeping the peace". i think my family doesn't really understand this and think i am ungrateful when i am just tired of being endlessly condescended to

i also am always stressing about something, such as a deadline or impending uncomfortable or uncertain situation. in the rare times when i feel as though everything is fine, my mind begins to race, assuming that there MUST be SOMETHING wrong that i am just not remembering. often times i end up getting hyponcondriac-ish over extremely minor aches or discomforts. this stress sometimes manifests itself as a very real and detectable pain in my chest.

i was pushed extremely hard in high school to do well so that i would "be successful". i am currently doing a masters degree but i quit a well-paying job to do it because i just wanted to run away to europe to get away from my life in canada and take a chance on reconnecting with a fling i had with a german exchange student. i think it is making me feel better but im scared about if things don't work out, do i just go back to my shitty life in canada? and bear the brunt of the endless criticisms for not doing what i was "supposed to do"? (get a wife from internet dating like my brothers and buy a house and just keep my head down and hope to get promoted/not get fired)

>>35741586
Do you consider yourself an idealist? Is there no reality beyond the human mind in your view?

>>35741603
>The one with infinitely many rooms where each is filled yet they can still accommodate more by shifting rooms or something like that?

Exactly!

Another way to illustrate this is to say that you can start counting to infinity, but the whole time you'd just be going towards a potential infinity, not an actual one, since there's no end to it, by definition.

None of these examples apply to the infinitely small, though.

>>35741640

Wew, that's a load.

Consult some articles about narcissistic parents, see whether yours were narcs.

Perhaps try some videos by Richard Grannon, whichever appeals to you, possibly one about people-pleasers.

I recognise a lot of what you have in various people I've known, self included.

>>35741719

>that's a load

yeah

i think i mostly just typed it for my own sake

i also have a guilt complex because i will read or hear stories about kids whose parents were absolute druggie losers who beat the shit out of them and gave them literally no support and then i feel like i don't have the right to be upset about my upbringing because it wasn't as directly abusive

>>35741644
>Do you consider yourself an idealist? Is there no reality beyond the human mind in your view?

There's definitely a reality beyond the human mind, the "real reality". Some things require a point of view to be perceived, maybe everything, in fact.

I'm not an idealist. The human mind is everything I see, but that doesn't mean it's the only reality; it could be the opposite. Everything I perceive is biased by whatever senses I use to perceive it. If you could see individual atoms with your eyes, the world would look quite different.

>>35741656
I always regard the present as an infinitesimal sliver of time, the passage of which is seemingly rendered impossible by the necessity of traversing an infinite duration. Not totally related, but I think the psychology of reasoning about infinity is cool too. A preoccupation with infinity/Zeno's paradox has been with me since childhood, especially the concept of eternity instilled by my (moderate, mind you) religious upbringing.

I have no desire for sex, friendship, accomplishment or money anymore. And I'm only 19.

>>35741761
>i also have a guilt complex because i will read or hear stories about kids whose parents were absolute druggie losers who beat the shit out of them and gave them literally no support and then i feel like i don't have the right to be upset about my upbringing because it wasn't as directly abusive

Let me reassure you then: the major advantage of obvious abuse is that once you grow up, you understand that uncle Jack's "banana game" wasn't really a game. Whereas covert abuse, you may never find out, and you'll always hold yourself responsible, if you think about it at all. If not, you spend decades experiencing symptoms that war vets have and don't know why.

Your upbringing was likely worse than sexual abuse. Studies show that emotional and psychological abuse have similar to superior consequences to sexual abuse. Whether daddy raped you in the ass or spent decades abusing you mentally, a la narc, without you even really understanding what was going on, you're better off assfucked than narced up. I have two brothers who suffered my parents too, and both are a mess.

Stop the guilt, you're a survivor of the worst kind of abuse.

>>35741793
>Zeno's paradox

I once solved this that way: the more divisions you get for that arrow, the more divisions the arrow crosses as it moves. The deeper you go, the less it becomes infinite. Something like that.

>>35741833

Did you use to be interested in those things?

>>35741903
Yes, they all disappointed me except for friendship. Friendship is a game that everyone plays except me.If the universe was sentient and could speak, he'd say "yep, everyone gets it, except this guy"

>>35741891
The standard solution is to regard each change of position as discrete rather than continuous. This seems to just ignore or define away the problem to me. The incomprehensibility of infinity is unnerving to me and it somewhat irritates me to see others treat the topic cavalierly (not saying you are)

>>35741970

I'm sure it's possible to be your friend.

>>35741984

I feel that way about the universe, consciousness, and most things. I don't know how one casually lives considering all this.

Actually, I know: being happy. When happy, you enjoy living so you don't care about such things anymore.

>>35741855

the thing is i know that my parents only wanted to best for me, they weren't narcissists, it was just that their standards were so high because they wanted me to "be happy" so bad but they thought that i couldn't "be happy" unless i "ticked all the boxes" (so to speak) (high grades, extra curriculars, university, good job, etc.)

i know what narcissistic parents are and my parents were not that, that's what makes it so frustrating because i feel like confronting these issues with them will just make them feel way worse, like they failed as parents and then the way i see it is that now just everyone is upset

i feel like all i can do is just try not to repeat the same mistakes with my kids and break the cycle entirely

>>35741891
And Aristotle's solution (which I believe is the one you're adopting) seems still to intrude the notion of infinitesimals. The time it takes to proceed just gets ever smaller.

>>35742042
It is, but it's not happening. I don't act desperate or like a dick either, I pay attention to people and what they have to say, yet I can't reach or connect with them.

It just kills me to think that people are just beyond my grasp

>>35742080
>my parents only wanted to best for me, they weren't narcissists, it was just that their standards were so high because they wanted me to "be happy" so bad but they thought that i couldn't "be happy" unless i "ticked all the boxes" (so to speak) (high grades, extra curriculars, university, good job, etc.)

Sounds like textbook covert narcs to me. They win when they convince you they were doing the best for you. You somehow fail to understand that your parents should have known what was really best for you, with desirable results for YOU.

They thought you couldn't be happy unless this, this, and that, and they were wrong, or maybe they didn't care to make you really happy.

>>35742074
I can't identify with that. It really matters what the truth is because it affects your ability to apply it for the good of all sentient beings. I can't be happy in utter confusion about reality because my efforts to eradicate suffering will be equally confused. But I also am pretty firm in my epistemological skepticism. The two combine for a perfect meal of discontent.

>>35742152

They're not beyond your grasp. I'm right here, bro.

>>35742186
>I can't identify with that.

Because you haven't experienced happiness. I did, once, and it's a whole new world.

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Sorry, guys, I'm knackered.

[email protected]

in case you have more to say before the next thread

Sorry, Meta, I just can't stay awake anymore.

>>35742228
No problem, friend. Have a nice rest.

>>35742192
Thank you. Comments like these remind me I exist and am not a blank slate

>>35742262

Stick with me and results will show up. I promise.

Things will improve. You are worthy, and you are interesting.

>>35742261

Good night, Meta, see you soon.