Forward /Slash Blinking

>Been rejected my whole life.
>Parents never looked out for me, I was an object, property.
>The only people that did pay attention, were 'butthole-surfers'.
>Kinda messes you up when you realize these where the only men that spoke to you, and later learning their reasons.
>Treated poorly by everyone.
>Punished if I defended myself.
>Always been told:
-Shut up.
-Keep your head down.
-Your property.
-Don't speak unless spoken to.
-Stop talking.
>Never experience anything you see or read in books.
>No family trips or father & son activities.

. . . . .

Phase Three.
>Meet many new people.
>Had a few classmates I'd occasionally hangout with at school or after.
>Had road trips with them for school clubs.
>Became part of youth groups, church.
>Want to help others.
>Want to try and make a difference.
-Start noticing people are indifferent to the world.
-Many care only about what benefits them or what's directly in front of them.
>That's alright, maybe if I do double and show them we can do something different.
-I'm upbeat, others feed on that energy.
> I'm happy.
>I've help made others happy if only for moment.
>Ask a few girls out, all different.
>Get rejected.
>That's ok I'll improve to impress.
>Finally get a cute gf.
>Never mention to anyone but, I wanted a to someday get married and have a family.
>Erase what I was lead to believe was normal parent behavior.

. . . . .

. . . . .

Time passes.

>Doing what I could to help others.
>Occasionally donating blood.
>Trying to help the environment, for future generations.
>Still believed I could accomplish something never before seen.
>GF rejects me.
>Decided that's it for that chapter.
>Start trying different active hobbies, and reading.
>Meet loads of fun, exciting people.
>Most pretend to be happy about life.
They are not. Not really.
>I feel drained.
>Decided to seek a new gf.
>Try every outlet possible.
>Highs, to lows, to average.
>Nothing.
>Rejected.


. . . . .

. . . . .


Phase Four.

>Being a 'straight edge' I had never drank or partied.
>Found people that did.
>Happiness for most of them only lasted as long as the alcohol was on tap.
>Felt strange.
>After no longer participating in parties, these people disappeared.
>I don't have anyone.
>I don't have any friends.
>My vim came from mostly genuinely cheerful types of people.

. . .

-I know. I'll try something never before imaginable.
-Began researching.
>Visited far away Strip-clubs, legal escorts, clubs, bars.
>I had company, although paid for.
>I had sex several times.
-I broke my self, I used to believe it was gonna be with someone I loved and cared for deeply. Yes, I held that bond between two people at the highest regard.
>I knew it was the only way.

. . . . .

. . . . .

It helped me learn that some types of women I believe I found appealing where not. Others the opposite. I no longer hold certain traits higher.

. . . . .

Are you saying you were raped as a child?

Reading your posts, you sound pretty unhinged, man.

>>35738753
I'm just tired physically and a bit miffed.

Wished more people would do good things for others, even if it's just once.

. . . . .

I never had a chance to learn to socialize, never really had any friends. I've only kissed one girl but, have had sex with several. The world still felt warm. Now a bit more cautious of others and their intentions.


>Intimacy has been non existent for years.


. . . . .

Phase Five

Counselor's, phycologist, therapist, friends, doctors, ect. Have been people I've paid to spend time to hear me talk. I realized now that every human interaction I've had has been paid for. In some way, shape or form.
>Did they care.
>It was just a job to some.
>Others weren't really there.


. . . . .


-I'm uncertain of who I am anymore.
>Everything has been devalued.