Hey everyone, today I was feeling kind of down and wanted to

I'm interested. Why didn't you pre type this tho? Thought u were smart...

>>35678306

cont

>senior year, I meet the girl of my dreams
>immediate mutual attraction, start dating after a month or two of hanging out
>lose virginity, discover that I have a high sex drive and hers matches mine
>find out she has some emotional problems
>she was into antidepressants and painkillers, self-harm, etc.
>I stay with her and help her through all these problems
>we build an amazing connection and relationship, she is my best friend
>college applications come back
>accepted to several schools across the country, including Berkeley
>decide to accept full scholarship to a physics program to a smaller private school in Ohio
>girlfriend distraught
>I tell her things won't change, I would still love her
>meant it
>get her a promise ring and shit (lol gay)
>I leave for school
>doing very well, top of my class, learning so many new things
>involved in amazing projects, work as a research assistant to my favorite professor
>girlfriend still depressed constantly
>I spend all my time not working or in class skyping with her
>fast-forward
>visit home for thanksgiving
>find out my dad left in the middle of the night
>mom gave away my dog
>family even poorer than when I was a kid because dad brought in that social security disability check
>girlfriend ecstatic to have me home for a week
>lots of tears and sex
>begs me to come home and stay
>genius me thinks it's a good idea
>proceed to drop out of school
>get a job at a local casino to help support my family
>become interested in poker
>I was always pretty good at games, multi-gladiator in WoW, magic the gathering pro tour qualifier, etc.
>turns out I have a knack for the game
>spend a year on the job learning and playing online in my spare time
>finally have the balls to quit and play poker full time
>life is good for a while
>lots more money than I'd ever had before
>able to support myself, my family, help my girlfriend and her family
>feel truly happy with what I'm doing
>continue this for about 2 years

cont.

Op? Where'd ya go?

>>35678436
I work better on the fly, you're right though probably smarter to pre-type everything. Oh well

>>35678584
>not a millionaire player, but a winning player that can reliably support myself
>relationship starting to change
>still feel the connection but something is different
>sex drops off, spend less time together
>whatever, we still feel the same about each other, this is the natural progression of relationships
>she is not comfortable with my job
>doesn't think it's stable, doesn't understand how smart play accounts for variance, etc.
>tell her I respect how she feels and will find something different
>starting to get burnt out with the grinding
>game was fun at first but when you start playing 5-6 tables online for 10-12 hours a day and weekly live tournaments it eats at you
>I have enough money saved up that I can spend time looking for a decent job
>remember that I don't have a college education so finding a decent job is difficult
>after a few months of searching I pull a job working as a medicare services coordinator for a non-profit
>basically my job was to help families who are affected by mental illness get access to the medicare services that they qualify for
>I actually enjoy the work, all through high school I worked in the special education field
>pay isn't as high as I was used to, had to work very long hours in order to keep up with family expenses
>relationship still starting to go south, don't notice though
>I decide to propose as we had been together for about 4 years at this point
>she says yes!
>things change for a little bit, she gains more confidence, things start to feel like they used to
>she decides she is ready to try to go to college
>I fully support her, help her pick which schools to apply to, write her admission essays
>she gets accepted to a state school about an hour away
>freshman required to live on campus
>no big deal, we can visit each other whenever we want

cont.

Wtf I wanna see how badly u fucked up ur life by giving up school and most likely billions of dollars for a crazy girl. Keep going

>>35678865

>her parents don't help her with any of it, I do everything
>do all the paperwork she needs, fill out her fafsa, drive her there and move her into her new dorm
>she's happy, I'm happy, there are no problems between us at this point
>however work hours starting to get to me
>working 7 days a week, anywhere between 7 and 12 hours a day
>don't feel as bad as I could have about it, knowing that it was for a purpose
>I was helping people and building towards a new life for myself and the girl I loved
>things are starting to get worse though
>it's stupid little stuff
>I try to talk to her after a draining day and she's short with me, doesn't respond to texts as much, etc.
>I know she's busy, things like this are hard for her
>she starts going out to parties and drinking
>I have no problem with this, I never was a huge partier but I very much enjoyed having drinks at the bar or with a few of my friends at small get-togethers
>spring break comes along and we go to her aunt's wedding together
>rent a lakehouse for the two of us, have an amazing time
>feels like nothing has changed, it's like we were still kids
>she refuses to drink with me though
>when I drink I feel incredible, confident, sociable, she always loves the way I am when I drink
>it's just a fun thing for me, I feel kind of bad that she would drink with random strangers but not with me
>probably just me being weird, whatever
>I still do everything I can to make her happy
>my fulfillment comes from being able to increase the quality of life for others
>she goes back to school, we still haven't set a wedding date
>we have less and less communication, less visits, less everything
>still in love with her, don't want to admit that things are failing
>everything comes to a point and she breaks up with me in March of last year (hard to believe it's been that long)
>I find out she was cheating me
>notably banged some Bernie Sanders campaign guy who was twice her age, as well as anonymous frat guys
cont.

>>35679137
I'm going to bed, got to wake up in 2 hours..

But I'm enjoying your story and wish you the best OP

Good luck in your life friend, you deserve happiness

>>35679137

>get really fucking depressed
>not sure where I went wrong, what I did, think about what I could have done differently
>I always told myself that if the relationship didn't work out I'd join the military
>actually fucking do it
>visit a recruiter after a week in Washington D.C. with my uncle (it was a vacation I had planned for us, decided to go alone)
>when I return I get my ring back, get my stuff back, she can't look me in the eyes
>I tried so hard not to cry but couldn't
>I was so fucking mad/sad, I can' describe it, still kind of am desu even though it's been over a year
>what was I talking about? oh yeah the military
>turns out I'm still smart, perfect ASVAB scores, perfect special test scores
>pick a job I find interesting and enlist
>while I'm waiting to leave, try to live it up a little bit
>have a few random bar hookups, banged one of her friends (whose boyfriend I was forced to be friends with and hated)
>had something close to another relationship but I stopped before it got to that point
>don't feel like I can trust anyone again
>still can't to this day
>most interesting thing to happen that summer is during a pokemon go barcrawl
>me, three 5-7/10 mostly platonic female friends, and my huge black friend of questionable sexuality
>we're having fun getting wasted and walking around the city
>go to a sort of out of the way street with benches and shit, sit drinking alcohol out of water bottles
>only one of the girls actually playing pokemon go
>things going super well with her, 95% chance we hook up that night
>then 4 dudes turn the corner and walk towards us
>all obviously wasted
>one starts yelling completely unprovoked at black friend
>calling him nigger, faggot, etc.
>the guy was about 5'9 and built
>my black friend is 6'4 250+
>small white guy starts yelling asking if my friend wants to get hit
>he's used to it, laughing it off, walking away
>wasted me thinks it would be cool if I pulled a gun or something like in a movie
cont.

>>35679380

>turn around and yell "What the fuck is your problem?" while reaching into my pocket
>realize I don't actually have a gun or anything
>realize I don't actually know how to fight or want to fight
>start to turn away
>dude hits me in the mouth, in the side of the head
>knocks me on my ass
>they all leave
>I get up dazed but okay
>one of the girls called the cops though
>they show up, start questioning my black friend in a hostile manner
>have to promise them that he didn't do it
>end up going to the hospital because I was worried my jaw was fucked up
>everything turned out all right though
>stop drinking until I leave for basic training
>super fast-forward
>basic training was a joke
>hoped to come out a fighting machine, trained to kill etc.
>oh yeah I joined the air force
>body composition a little different though, a little more muscular, not quite as skinny
>training pipeline is 1.5 years, still in process
>I get to my first training station, feeling relatively optimistic about everything
>shit goes downhill fast
>as soon as I'm able to, I start going out and drinking with my new friends on the weekends
>typically end up going a little hard, not to the point where it's a problem though
>hit it off with a girl I met during my last week of basic training
>basically I came back from a night of drinking early and she was in the dayroom with some friends for her 22nd birthday party
>I told her I would take her out right then to some bars
>she immediately said yes, never felt so confident in my life
>some other dude was really mad and texting her all night, they weren't dating he's just crushing on her hard
>we spend the whole night talking and drinking, walking around post when we get back etc.
>really think things sparked
>she was always asking me to hang out, talk, eat lunch, etc.
>one night I got drunk and told her about my prior relationship
>she seemed truly interested and like she felt bad for me (not in a pity kind of way, not sure how to say)
cont.

>>35679616

>she randomly ghosts me for weeks at a time though
>not sure if she was leading me on or had stuff going on or what
>every time we would hang out we had so much fun
>ended up beating myself up over it, affected my training a little bit
>she ends up dating some ugly dickweed who's been in assignment limbo and stuck here for 2 years
>oh well shit happens
>fast-forward, and new years comes around
>this is a shitty time of year for me, because new years was my anniversary with my ex-fiance
>would have been 5 years
>I extremely wasted
>stay up all night drunk the girl from post
>basically tell her that I had been starting to get feelings for her and ask straight up what I did wrong
>she actually responds, telling me that she doesn't know, it felt like the other guy had better timing and made a move
>okay whatever shit happens move on, I'd been there before
>same night I receive a drunk snapchat from my ex
>just says hi
>ask whats going on, why she's talking to me, etc.
>beating around the bush but basically says she misses me
>she was thinking about breaking up with the guy she started dating less than a month after we broke up
>tell her about how I fucked her friend
>she doesn't believe me, I tell her to ask her for herself
>she get's pissed, starts saying nasty shit
>I can tell she's drunk
>talks about how she felt trapped in our relationship, unhappy for so long, etc.
>manipulative shit
>said the only good thing was the sex and even that was "hard because i was so much uglier than the other guys she met"
>whatever, cry myself to sleep
>after that night I withdrew from all of my friends here
>rather be alone anyway
>fast forward to February
>grandma dies
>really sad because I've never had anyone in my life die before
>she was an amazing lady, always my safe place when shit got rough with my dad
>I get emergency leave to go to her funeral
>I fly 3000 miles home
>my entire family is happy to see me
cont.

ima readin matey, never trust bitches mate

>>35679872

>I am so happy to see my youngest brothers
>they got so cool while I've been gone
>we party the whole time I'm there
>fast forward to the funeral
>one of my cousins who was adopted from an uncle's previous marriage was there
>absolutely no blood relation
>she's a fucking 9/10 now
>I sit next to her at the funeral, she rubbed my back and shit when I started crying
>I'm in service dress and I started to get an erection
>at my fucking grandmother's funeral
>we all have to stand up to sing a hymn
>erection is super fucking obvious in those pants
>we only have one hymnal and she is holding it, her tits are bigger than my head and I'm trying not to stare at them
>not helping the boner situation
>luckily she didn't notice but my uncle did
>he's a hilarious dude, gave me shit for it but didn't tell everyone about it
>I'm sure more people saw
>asked me if I was hitting it
>dude that's your daughter
>embarrasses the shit out of me and her both, it was lighthearted and kind of funny though
>shit will be awkward between my cousin and I for a while
>im bad at transitioning between parts of the story
>my ex shows up to the after funeral food thing
>she and my grandma were close, grandma lover her
>never told her we broke up, always asked about her, wanted to see us get married before she died
>I asked her what she was doing there
>she said she wanted to say she was sorry
>she seemed really genuinely sad about my grandmother's death
>we talked a little bit and found we were both going to a party hosted by a mutual friend
>fast forward to that night
>her new boyfriend is there too
>well "new" i guess it had been almost a year at this point
>he's a short kinda chubby dude, slightly big front teeth, overall average attractiveness though
>he's really fucking pissed that I'm there and she's talking to me
>wasted too
>he doesn't say anything to us though, he stomps out and drives her car home
>ex realizes this and is pissed
cont.

Longwinded normie post in longwinded.

>>35680071
thank you whoever is reading

>she hadn't been drinking because she was going to drive home
>but now she doesn't have her car
>she starts freaking out
>I tell her don't worry about it, she can take my car and drive me home, I'm tired anyway
>"but how will I get to my house?"
>honestly didn't think about this
>tell her whatever she can sleep on the couch
>she thinks it's a good idea and we drive home
>she's playing all the music we used to listen to in the car
>I'm actually oblivious at this point, not realizing that we were probably going to bang
>we get to my house and sure enough we end up fucking
>sex was fantastic, she had lost weight, I was stronger
>technically rape though because I was wasted
>the next morning I am absolutely filled with regret
>she doesn't talk much
>showered and walked to the middle of town to get picked up by her boyfriend
>I'm fucked up by all of this and stay home alone for the rest of my time there
>return to post
>I'm way behind in my training, but end up catching up so everything is all good
>still isolating myself from everyone because I don't want to make any connections
>about a week and a half later get that text from my ex
>tells me she's late
>thinks she's pregnant
>"You're the only one who could be the father because my boyfriend and I haven't had sex in 4 months"
>borderline suicidal
>don't know what to do
>because of this i end up acting like an asshole to everyone
>not intentionally or extremely outwardly, but passively by just ignoring people, getting lost in my head, snapping at people, etc.
>strung-out whore miscarried though, so that's kinda anti-climatic
>still isolated from people here, trying to get on people's good sides again though because I had been kind of a dick and don't want to be openly hated
>currently I am again socially withdrawn, haven't gone out drinking since I got back
>just doing my training
>don't even want to do this job anymore
>don't want to be in the military anymore
cont.

>>35680245
is longwinded*

>>35680255

>oh well no choice
>not suicidal or depressed but feel like if I wouldn't mind dying like in combat or something
>wonder what happens anyway

I guess that's it. It's long-winded and boring but so is my life. Thanks for reading

>>35680255
This is sad as fuck but i want to hear more

>>35680398

I'm sorry, there isn't much else to tell. I left some stuff out but unfortunately I think everything here was the most interesting

>>35680493
Tell your nigger friend to lynch himself normie faggot nigger lover

>>35680493
Even though you sound a lot older than me I relate to you. I am a freshmen in a physics program. However I never applied to any good schools because I had severe depression that screwed up my grades in highschool. I'm also socially awkward as well. I grew up isolated though, my family was a bit odd but not like yours I don't think. I was never beaten that I can remember,

>>35680582
Just don't make the same mistake I did and make permanent decisions based on temporary situations. Do what you want to do for yourself

>>35680640
I honestly don't know what I want for myself. I'm kinda figuring it out as I go along. Thanks for sharing your story.

thanks for sharing your story, anon.

glad you aren't feeling suicidal bc it's so easy to dwell on those kinds of emotions.

i hope things work out in your favor :)

Damn, thats fcked up OP.

Well now I feel better about my life.

My grandfather pushed me into going to a coastguard recruiter, I probably wouldn't have gotten in because I was an idort but I was honest about doing drugs and was turned away. Since I was living at my grandfather's house at the time, hearing that pushed him to kick me out. It didn't help that right after that my now ex-gf cheated on me with her ex, but that happens. I just wish her ex would leave me alone, he wants me to be their friend still and I don't want any part.

But life's been okay to me recently, I'm a NEET without a job or schooling but I feel I can finally change that if I can only will myself to go out and do it. I applied to a state art school and they accepted me on the condition that I attend a community college for a year and get my grades up.