Psychological Issues #6

C'mon guys, don't be shy.

Why can't I just eat normally? I either restrict calories or I binge, there is no in between. I am obsessed with food; I think about it all the time. It's the only thing that brings me comfort from severe depression but at the same time it tortures me because I am terrified of getting fat. Nothing I have tried helps me stop. When I binge I eat until it hurts, and then I either puke what I can up or fast for a few days after. I go into autopilot and I feel completely out of control until it is too late. I just want to be able to eat when I am hungry and stop when I am satisfied, without giving it any more thought. Fuck I feel so hopeless.

>>35668871

Advice: it's probably not about the food.

Let's find out what it is. Also, get a name, it will help me not mix your words with others'.

>>35668871
I do this too.

I used to be 270 pounds (6'3), now I'm 170; miserable at all points.

I like what you do, Nick, but not up to posting in here today. Cheers.

>>35668978

Whenever you feel like it. Sometimes reading other anon's posts helps too.

When it comes to emotional eating, eating to feel better, the issue is not food per se, it's some other "hole" you try to fill with food.

I sometimes binge on McDonald's for that reason, though it's very, very minor compared to what you guys have. I can relate to the idea of eating and getting some happiness for a while, even if it doesn't last.

The key here is to figure out what caused the hole in the first place.

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I'm 6'1 170 and play football. Get average grades in AP and honors classes. Used to love doing things but now I barely want to do anything and just play CS all day, Girls will come up and talk to me but I can't seem to keep up a conversation after more than a few days. around 7/10 and always having 7-9's hit on me but I feel like they are always trying to play a mean joke on me. I have like 5 friends and get asked out to do things with them but I never really get around to going out with them. I have around 30 people I talk to daily like in class but sometimes I feel like they don't like me even though they keep talking to me when I don't start a conversation. Overall I just feel worthless and I don't know why. :(

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I have suicidal thoughts
I can't control my anger
I don't want to play games anymore
Wat do?

>>35669090
>I feel like they are always trying to play a mean joke on me. I

Do you feel paranoid? Have people betrayed you in the past?

>I have like 5 friends and get asked out to do things with them but I never really get around to going out with them.

Do you know why?

>but sometimes I feel like they don't like me

I'd say you have a hard time imagining that people really enjoy your presence, as evidenced by their acts, which you're aware of.

Was it always this way?

Why do I have a lot of friendships with lads but girls completely ignore me? So fucking sickening so much for "they're just like boys"

I'll talk to you, but I'm more interested in your psychological profile than I am in exposing mine. Though I will still share if you will. What drives you to ask people to tell you about their issues? Altruism?

>>35669124

Read about Borderline symptoms and report back on any similarities with you. If any term doesn't make perfect sense, ask me and I'll tell you.

>>35669159
>but girls completely ignore me?

Do you look like you're at your max potential?

>>35669225
Shit I don't think that I am really that attractive but whenever there's some small talk with a female which lasts like 2 minutes I really don't know what to say.

>>35669208

I genuinely enjoy helping people. There's a whole host of reasons for this, both positive and negative, but I figure that as long as it does good in the end, it's all good.

It's an occupation I enjoy.

>>35669146
No, and no

I kinda just lay at home and sleep a lot or play video games and just don't have the drive to really get up and do most things anymore, other than football which is one thing that I feel I really still enjoy

Nobody explicitly says anything or tries to move away or slowly move me out of groups and stuff but I just feel like they don't like me which may be irrational because they keep talking to me and engaging me first

>>35669268
>I really don't know what to say.

You ask her a question. Then you listen, with actual interest, then you ask another. Between questions, if you have anything to say, you can say it.

People like being listened to, because it doesn't happen too often, most people prefer to speak. Just actively listening to someone, with questions about what they just said, will go very, very far.

I have schizophrenia and have no friends. My life involves shitposting and watching TV all day. I don't have enough money to buy a guitar. I really want a guitar. My doctor says I'll never be able to work but the neet bux aren't enough for a guitar.

>>35669281

Sounds like a bit of depression with some self-esteem issues. How's your diet and sleeping habits?

>>35669341

Rent a guitar. Any music shop should have instruments for rent. Very cheap to rent an instrument. You can rent one for years if you want.

Second hand guitars can't be too expensive.

Electric or classic or folk?

>>35669275
If you could choose between maintaining your enjoyable position as rectifier of maladies or effacing the problems preemptively, would you be willing to sacrifice your own pleasure to effect genuine good?

>>35669322
Guess I'll try getting interested into listening their stories then, thanks

>>35669349
I keep a good diet because I try to stay as fit as possible for football.

My sleep is all fucked up because I would play video games all night and then go to school with 0-2 hours of sleep and then maybe take a nap for like 3 hours and do the same thing for weeks on end but for the past 2-3 weeks now I have been going to bed before 10:30 and waking up at my normal time around 5:45

I do not want to go to therapy because I'm not a pussy is there any way to fix depression/self-esteem on your own?

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>>35669214
Almost all
Haven't had any romantic relationships so I don't know of they would be unstable

Am I schizophrenic if I never had a hallucination or heard a voice in my life?

>>35669403
>If you could choose between maintaining your enjoyable position as rectifier of maladies or effacing the problems preemptively, would you be willing to sacrifice your own pleasure to effect genuine good?

Yes. I want people to feel better. I don't want to enjoy their pain or masturbate my ego by being the one that helps.

>>35669159
there is no way girls are going to ignore you unless you ignore them as well, go out with the lads to a bar or party and just chat up some girls, doesn't even have to be 1 on 1. I'm sure your friends must talk to at least a couple girls, if you don't like them just talk to their friends and slowly move yourself around the chain till you find a girl who you like that likes you back.

>>35669433
>I do not want to go to therapy because I'm not a pussy

It takes way more courage to go than not to. I personally go to therapy, and I love it now.

Do this: read about things a lot before you go, so you get an idea of the stuff and feel more in control.

Pussies don't go to therapy, pussies develop massive mental disorders like narcissism and live forever hurting others and not being real.

Short of therapy, you can talk to me and we can figure some stuff out for starters.

Describe your childhood and parents.

>>35669493
Do you harbor any superstitious commitments to humanity specifically or does your good will extend to anything sentient?

>>35669445
>Almost all

I know Borderliners who only have 2 traits, and that's enough to fuck your life up good.

All right, get a name, ASAP, and I'll wager to say there's most likely some traumatic shit in your childhood, anywhere between 0 to 10. Is that correct?

>>35669482
>Am I schizophrenic if I never had a hallucination or heard a voice in my life?

It's not the disorder I know best, but if your symptoms don't involve any kind of hallucination, you may have something else.

What's the rest?

>>35669572
>Do you harbor any superstitious commitments to humanity specifically or does your good will extend to anything sentient?

Anything sentient. I'll help a cat if I can, it doesn't have to be only humans, but I do think humans have a special capacity for pain, mostly because of all the mental anguish we can experience.

>>35669655

That was me, my trip fell off.

>>35669493
>>35669572
I suppose I should just ask you to describe your idea of the perfect universe and exactly which means would be off-limits to achieving even the maximum good. For instance, is it ever justified to manipulate a person? To kill them? Eradicate all sentient lifeforms to prevent any suffering? What is this "good" you want to achieve?

>>35669531
good childhood in an upper middle class family
educated from a very young age
always played sports
never was discouraged to do anything

Mom is nice smart woman who talks alot
Dad is a big dude 6'3 270, very manly, smart, doesn't talk much
Parents were always around and never fought

Little brother is very annoying 5 years younger than me and I really don't like him that much but put up with him

Nothing to complain about imo I feel very fortunate

>>35669578
5 a priest came close to ya know
Any advice on how to get a name?

>>35669710
>For instance, is it ever justified to manipulate a person?

It depends on so much, but I don't exclude it. If you manipulate an evil person into not hurting another, that's fine by me.

>To kill them?

Depends a lot too, but not excluded.

>Eradicate all sentient lifeforms to prevent any suffering?

Depends on whether living is worth the pain, and on all sorts of other things.

>What is this "good" you want to achieve?

At my level, I'm only trying to do my best, and none of those big things you listed are within my reach.

The good I go for here has to do with people discovering things about themselves, to get better.

>>35669740
>Mom is nice smart woman who talks alot

Was she able to listen to you and ask you questions as though she was really interested?

Same question with your father.

>>35669806
>5 a priest came close to ya know

I don't know shit. A priest came close to baptising you? You need to let the words out, anon. Get it out

As to a name, Almost Catholic.

(If you guys get a name with a connection to your story, I'll remember even better.)

>>35669655
>all the mental anguish we can experience
Do you believe this is somehow qualitatively worse than the pain of, I don't know, having you limbs torn off? I am very interested in how our perceptions color sensations. In the past, I've considered the possibility that all patterns of sense data are perhaps neutral and the act of interpretation is what creates the pain pleasure dichotomy. But does this privilege our higher cognitive faculties excessively? Perhaps there exists raw negative qualia.

>>35669862
I never really tried to talk to her but she almost definitely would
I would never try to talk to my dad especially about feelings lmao

>>35669902
Paedo priest almost raped me in primary school nothing violent happened and it was much later till I finally figured out what he was doing

>>35669965
>Do you believe this is somehow qualitatively worse than the pain of, I don't know, having you limbs torn off?

Yes. I know it is. You don't suffer for months with a limb torn off. Or years.

>the pain pleasure dichotomy.

They're both sensory. Consider the fact that spicy or "hot" food is actually pain. Spicy stuff basically "hurts" you, it's not even a taste, but if it's not too painful, it can pass for a sort of taste.

>>35669812
So in your view, some pleasant experiences outweigh painful ones? Do you have a method for comparing the relative value of states of consciousness? If you don't, doesn't the futility of knowing whether or not you're actually doing good get to you? Are you confident enough in your intuitive sense of morality that this problem doesn't arise for you?

>>35669976

Both of these things are absolutely abnormal and dysfunctional, though you may not realise it.

In a normal family, you wouldn't have had to "try", your mother would have asked you those things long before you could even respond.

Your father's inability to talk of feelings is not normal either.

Dig deeper, anon. You didn't have the past you thought.

>>35669982

That's way enough for trauma.

By now, I forgot what we had said before. You guys really need to use names, I can't keep up track of everyone without some help.

>>35670061
So the duration of the suffering is the critical factor in your calculus? How do compare differing magnitudes? Is a low but prolonged level of suffering worse than a split second of the worst possible pain?

>>35670083
>So in your view, some pleasant experiences outweigh painful ones?

Yes.

>Do you have a method for comparing the relative value of states of consciousness?

No. I can say whether I like it or not, that's about my only method.

>If you don't, doesn't the futility of knowing whether or not you're actually doing good get to you?

No, because I know if I'm doing good or not, in most cases.

>Are you confident enough in your intuitive sense of morality that this problem doesn't arise for you?

Yes. I know I can only do my best with what I have, and moral questions can be tricky. I have lost my faith some time ago and no longer consider things the way I used to. I still want to do what's right, but I'm aware it may not matter in the end, except for itself.

>>35670147
>So the duration of the suffering is the critical factor in your calculus?

No, it's one parameter that gives you a good example of what I meant.

>Is a low but prolonged level of suffering worse than a split second of the worst possible pain?

I'd imagine it gets comparable at some point. There's a balance to be found.

(We're far away from any psychological profiling of myself here, I think.)

>>35670092
Well Mom always tries to ask about my life but I just give some bs answer. she sometimes looks worried but then tries to change the subject

Grew up seeing my grandparents a lot and my grandfather on my dads side fought in WWII, was always you grisly Navy type, complete badass but never talked about much more than liquor, cigars, and sports.

Dad was always around I could talk to him about basically anything I just never talked about more than your average guy stuff

Neither of my parents smoke/drink except for the occasional holiday

I just don't feel comfortable sharing my feeling except behind this computer screen I guess. Probably why I dislike the therapist Idea so much.

I'm 18 if it makes a difference

>>35670061
Yes, a small amount of technical pain can easily be interpreted as pleasurable. But can the same principle apply to more excruciating sensations? What exactly occurs as one internally labels a sensation as occupying one or another position on the pain/pleasure axis? This seemingly trivial question has been my obsession for years.

>>35670267
>Well Mom always tries to ask about my life but I just give some bs answer. she sometimes looks worried but then tries to change the subject

Sounds like you intuitively know she doesn't exactly care about you as much as she wants to know things about you, perhaps even feed off any trouble you may have. Confirm or deny.

You'd not give her a BS answer if you sensed she meant well.

>I just don't feel comfortable sharing my feeling except behind this computer screen I guess. Probably why I dislike the therapist Idea so much.

Definitely something messed up there. How do you make sense of this? Do you feel like your parents had something to hide?

>>35670290

Think of it as perfume: too much of it and it stinks, just enough and it smells good.

Just enough contact and you have a caress; too much and you get skinned.

The pain/pleasure axis may vary from person to person, but usually will be around when it becomes dangerous to the integrity of your body.

That's what I'd imagine.

Some people enjoy pain for reasons other than technical sensations, and more for psychological reasons (getting punished, even unfairly, meant you had a good parent who did what was right and that felt better than imagining the parent was just abusive and you were a hapless victim; whenever you feel it was not fair, you seek pain to get the same soothing sensation; just one example).

>>35670216
>(We're far away from any psychological profiling of myself here, I think.)
I've learned a good deal about you of relevance to my (admittedly narrow) interests. Given the choice, I'd much rather interview someone solely about their conception of good and bad than any extraneous personality traits.

>>35670379

What is the purpose of this investigation?

>>35670368
I suppose my question is best addressed by neuroscience. But here's another question. Have you ever had an experience of non-duality, as they call it? That the difference between negative and positive, pain and pleasure is an illusion?

>>35670309

she always tries to be helpful and I'm 99% sure its genuine

I feel like because I was raised around my dad and football/basketball/baseball coaches I was always around people who never really talked about feelings at all and instead just put my head down and kept going just trying to suppress all my feelings

Raised in the south if you can't tell lol

I don't feel as if my parents have ever hid/ have something to hide

>>35670480
>Have you ever had an experience of non-duality, as they call it? That the difference between negative and positive, pain and pleasure is an illusion?

I don't think I see things the way you seem to. If you mean a sensation that could be described as both/neither painful and pleasurable, sure.

I don't think the term "illusion" works here, because whatever stimulus you feel, you feel it. Inability to choose the correct concept for it is another story.

>>35668421
Why does every year snowball into madness for me? Next year, the snowball disappears, but no matter how hard I do, I fail again.

It's an endless cycle of being surprisingly good t doing thing and then procrastinating and then doing nothing.

I'm stirred of not doing stuff and people complaining, that I've made a glass wall between my thoughts and the world so it seems less real.

Now the only thing left I have are my stupid ass emotions. But at least the world isn't real anymore. I'm safe to play within my thoughts. There's no point to trying since I can't fucking stop the snowball or go back in time except for killing myself.

I can probably burn myself since I'm numb to pain now, but my emotions are stopping me.

Stupid ass emotions.

I just want to die :( i cant trust anyone when they tell me they are my friend or that they care about me...

Why i cant be more masculine? I mean i dont have overwhelming desire to fuck a girl when i meet one nor i become more dominant when in presence of one. It seems like i want to run away from them because i'm too intimidated by women.

>>35670507
>she always tries to be helpful and I'm 99% sure its genuine

A few months ago, I would have said that about my own mother too. Now I suspect her of molesting babies, so you know...

If you're correct, emotional suppression is the deal in your family.

What was wrong with expressing feelings? Was it punished? Looked down upon?

>>35670419
Multifaceted. Primarily, I confess it's just an entertaining social interaction. However, it also gives me insight into at least one other altruistic mind with an interest in psychology and it gives me an opportunity to potentially seed my ideology of negative utilitarianism in this board (just kidding. Sort of). But it does let me test its reception. There are other reasons I was going to list but they're not important.

>>35670547

Emotions are good, they tell you something real about you and the world. Don't hate the emotions, hate the situation, since that's what you dislike. Don't shoot the messenger, basically.

What are your real problems?

>>35670569
I can't remembering ever expressing my feeling but since my parents have never laid a hand on me to harm me I don't feel that it was really punished. Maybe looked down upon but I can't remember even that

>>35670565

You can trust me. I have nothing to gain by helping you, except helping you, which makes me happy.

Why are you unable to se whether they care or not?

Here's one of my suicide notes. Been rough this year for me so far.

I love my classes. If you're really that dense that you think otherwise, you probably don't know me well enough to understand.
Try living everyday as the guy who no one ACTUALLY likes. Who everyone just pretends to like so he'll be out of their hair.
I'm not smart. I'm not likable in any way shape or form. I'm annoying. I'm ugly. I'm dumb. I'm boring. This probably makes me selfish too on top of all that. I'm a liability to everyone around me. Let's face facts here. Who's ACTUALLY gonna miss me? I'm not even a good person.
I finally see that there's nothing more that can be done for me. There's nobody I can ever go to to talk about this and more, without them thinking I'm crazy. Nobody would understand. Who knows, maybe I really am just crazy.
I'm sorry to everyone I bothered. Things are just better off this way. Best of luck. Bye.

Thoughts?

>>35670567
>I mean i dont have overwhelming desire to fuck a girl when i meet one

Not a problem. You're not a wild animal, just a human animal. Not a bad thing or a problem.

>nor i become more dominant when in presence of one.

That would be weird as fuck.

>i'm too intimidated by women.

Let's dig there. Describe your fear.

>>35670567
get some testosterone in you if you want to be more masculine and aggressive/dominant, there are even pills for it if you want to take the easy way out

>>35670617
I feel like im always being frowned upon, that people dont really enjoy my presence, so they act like they care just so the situation doesnt become cringy, or because we know the same people

>>35670597

Do you really always speak this way or is it part of the act?

>negative utilitarianism

I'm familiar with the second half of this but not the total.

>>35670651
I do enjoy helping people as well so sorry If i disrupt you helping others with my opinion :)

>>35670616
>I don't feel that it was really punished

Friend, I've been brutalised by a massive muscular man when I was a child, and still what hurt the most were words.

>sticks and stones
>fuck that shit

>Maybe looked down upon

It seems possible. The worst abuse is the one that goes unnoticed, because you feel responsible for it.

>>35670651
>Describe your fear.
It's just i dont know what to do around one and i immediately think of running away from situation or avoiding them in general. There's a desire to get with one but when i start to think rationally i get these thoughts that i'm ugly, i'm fat, i have nothing to offer and i how can i be doing such thing if i'm 24 khv.

>>35670628
I thought things would get better, that all my paranoia would just go away. The farthest I've gone so far is tying a noose in one end of a guitar cable, and the other end around a uni calculus text, and trying to use it on a doorknob as a pulley to hang my self, but the books I've had aren't heavy enough and also tend to slide out.

>>35670628

First thought was Borderline. Read the symptoms and report back.

Anon, you aren't as bad as you feel.

>>35670674

In reality, they probably just like you. If they faked things, you'd know. They probably just care, too. Give them a chance, don't yield to your fears, but find out why this scares you.

>>35670522
Well, according to non-dual line of thinking, it would be illusory since the feeling of a given sensation is not intrinsic to the pattern of neural activity in isolation but "appears" to be after an act of interpretation or labeling (pain is often accompanied by an internal verbal whining about how much it sucks).As a long time since I've done psychedelics has elapsed, I have lost my connection with this idea. In a way, it's not really any more informative than simply saying different areas of the brain do different things. It's apparent I've lost my ability to intelligently articulate the core of this concept. Shouldn't have brought it up.

>>35668421
16yr virgin here and never even had a girlfriend. I'm no wierdo and can socialise with girls, but they always keep me in the friendzone. How do i find somone to fuck?

>>35670678

No problem, you don't disrupt anything, and you're one of the people I try to help, you have your place just like everyone else, not any less.

>>35670677
It probably began in adolescence as a mechanism for inflating my own sense of superiority that developed into a habit. Now I'm insufferable.

>>35670731
>It's just i dont know what to do around one

There's nothing to do. It's just a person. Easy mode: ask her a question, listen, ask more, but don't worry. It's just a conversation.

All right, having read the rest, I think you see girls as an exam. One you pass when you get to fuck one, and all else is failure.

Anon, it's not that way. You'll want more than just getting laid eventually, you'll want a real connection, with a person.

Don't think of girls as targets to be fucked, because it won't work for anyone, and you won't get to have one this way anyway.

There are self esteem issues.

Name a positive thing about yourself.

>>35670770
>it would be illusory since the feeling of a given sensation is not intrinsic to the pattern of neural activity in isolation but "appears" to be after an act of interpretation or labeling

I doubt that'd work on getting your arm sawed.

>>35670740
I just read the wiki article. I'd always just chocked these feelings up to an anxiety problem I had through high school socially crippling me. I'd always have these panic attacks with exams because APPARENTLY I was "too hard on myself". I managed to get it under hand by grade 12, and now I'm in engineering, first year

>>35670804
Thanks for helping me talk because I don't really feel comfortable sharing irl. I think I have realized I just need to open up a little more even though it's hard for me.

Gl on doing whatever you do man I might stick around and give my two cents to some other people that are having problems with girls and such. Being on the football team gets girls to like you even when you aren't trying lol

>>35670774
>How do i find somone to fuck?

By not looking for someone to fuck. Girls can tell you're trying to just fuck them, so they avoid you.

Girls don't want to just be fucked by someone who doesn't care for more than that.

Find someone to love, and you will get all you can ask for.

The question is: can you actually love someone?

>>35670677
Negative utilitarianism prioritizes reducing suffering over maximizing pleasure. In response to certain reductio ad absurdums (such as neg utils necessarily being willing to destroy the universe to avoid the pain of even a pinprick), I would identify as a threshold negative utilitarian. Pain above a certain threshold outweighs even the best possible pleasure in ethical import. Most people probably consider this a fanatical position, one of the reasons I come here to gauge reactions.

>>35670836

Read about narcissistic traits, if you can. If you can't, worry.

>>35670871
>Name a positive thing about yourself.
Maybe the biggest positive things are that i'm always trying to improve myself as a personality and curiosity about external world. Actually it's very unsettling for me to have thoughts about having sex with someone. Even being naked in front of someone would be humiliating for me. I guess i'm just too naive and pure when it comes to dating and love.

>>35670923

I happened to spend 30 minutes puking in the restroom before an exam, once. I'm familiar with what you speak of. It's not just anxiety, not just depression.

You weren't too hard on yourself.

What did you think of the wiki then?

>>35670929
>Thanks for helping me talk because I don't really feel comfortable sharing irl. I think I have realized I just need to open up a little more even though it's hard for me.

Practicing will help. Doing it in text is a good first step. You're safe.

You'll feel safe IRL too once you're secure enough.

The irony is that "pussies" are the ones who can't speak of their feelings without feeling vulnerable, whereas really solid people can do so without feeling threatened.

>Being on the football team gets girls to like you even when you aren't trying lol

Likely, but do they love you or your body?

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I've usualy seen all kind of fucked up things on the Web but 2 days ago I've seen one pretty disturbing and can't sleep well because of it.

>>35670774
If you go to partys and stuff you can get easy pussy if you really want, I'm a 18 y/o senior and most girls in high school that aren't your average slut will even be reluctant to actually fuck even after dating for a little but if you can get to around the 5 week mark with a successful relationship you will find girls way more willing to have sex

>>35670979
>Even being naked in front of someone would be humiliating for me. I guess i'm just too naive and pure when it comes to dating and love.

When it happens, you realise it's not that weird.

Good positive thing, by the way.

>>35670933
The girls I loved always had a boyfriend, so i never preached my feelings towards them and biologically seen Love lasts for only 3 years

>>35671026

What was it?

regouierougwrgowirgwgwrgwgwg

>>35670948
Are you attempting to insult me?

>>35671026
What is it?
Oreganou

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i'm angry and depressed pretty much all the time now. started seriously looking into buying a gun to an hero with.

i should be happy with myself. i lost a lot of weight in the last year and have some decent savings.

but i'm still constantly alone. haven't had any friends at all in almost 10 years. i'm also going to finally achieve wizard status in just a few months.

i wouldn't even bother caring about being a khhv but i've lately realized that i'm a genetic failure and am going to be pruned out of the gene pool since i won't have kids. i'd love to raise kids but have never even held hands with a girl, let alone gone on a date or something. starting to realize it's looking really fucking hopeless.

>>35671043
Next Problem: where do you fuck them?

>>35671050
>When it happens, you realise it's not that weird.
That's the thing - i dont think it will ever happen because as a job rather than a thing which happens or dont aka a possibility. When i "fail" at this job i immediately would think of myself as a loser rather than taking it as an experience
>Good positive thing, by the way.
Thank you.

>>35671068
>and biologically seen Love lasts for only 3 years

Stay away from such ideas. It really doesn't mean much, and is wrong in many, many cases. I've been loved for longer than that, without any decrease in intensity.

As to you, perhaps you prefer to fall in love with girls that you know "can't be reached" because it prevents you from actually trying, and risking failure, as with a single girl. If she's single, no excuse not to try, and no excuse not to "win". Just a thought to consider.

>>35671071
Won't say because faggots in here will post it and ruin my night again. Pls help me sleep

>>35671079
>Are you attempting to insult me?

Absolutely not. Given what you said, it seemed plausible that due to some trauma somewhere in your life, you attempted to compensate by becoming something you were not, feeling like your real self wasn't enough.

Thus I suggested reading a list of traits on narcissism. I don't actually suppose you have the disorder, but most people can have traits of some sort. I said to worry if you couldn't do it because the more narcissistic a person is, the less likely they are to face their condition.

Your reaction worries me a little.

>>35670980
Well, when I said anxiety attacks, I really meant "experiencing a full on break down in front of onlookers". In my mind then, anything below perfection was a failure.
I went into unit promising myself I wouldn't mess up any friendships I make, but recently things have just gotten bad. I'm constantly avoiding everyone, and I've been really affraid that everyone actually hates me. It's gotten to the power by where I've skipped graded seminars (while not worth much) and important lectures.

I found the wiki unsettling, and I really hope this isn't something wrong with me. I'd rather not have to get jacked up on antipsychotics

>>35671097

Go read about Borderline symptoms and report back.

>>35671181
>I found the wiki unsettling, and I really hope this isn't something wrong with me. I'd rather not have to get jacked up on antipsychotics

Borderline stuff doesn't get much from medication. This isn't your body dysfunctioning, anon.

What happened in your childhood?

>>35671178
I responded that way intentionally to confirm your suspicion of narc traits. I am definitely aware of them. Almost certain I don't have npd, though I've never had any psychological evaluation at all.

>>35671214
eh, doesn't really look like anything that describes me. i don't have mood swings. i feel depressed and angry pretty consistently.

>>35671342
>I responded that way intentionally to confirm your suspicion of narc traits.

Definitely more manipulative than I thought you might be. Why would you want to intentionally confirm my suspicion when you could just say so?

Was any of your parents narcissistic?

>>35671367

You don't have to swing to have traits of it. Is there nothing else in there that fits?

What causes your anger?

>>35668421
I think I will never be able to be normal even with meds
I am on a shit ton of meds(Doses only for inpatients and my liver is at max capacity) and still broken
Spent 7 months inside mental hospitals last year
Spent 4 weeks inside them this year, and my next stay will start on Wednesday

I can never feel normal
My mind is always racing
Everything takes a lot of energy to do
Why even bother living
I just want to stay alone in my flat forever

>>35671417

Safe to say meds aren't solving anything for you.

What are your symptoms?

>>35671265
Kind of shitty. I remember never being able to hold a friendship for long, as my "outbursts" as my family came to call them, often resulted in other kids shunning me, leaving me to myself. My family always had to deal with the school system requesting to put me into special needs, or at the very least, labeling my transcript (godamn catholic school system), to which my mother always adamantly declined, which I am eternally greatful for. My father, after the outbursts started just kind of gave up with me, and looked down on me, despite everything I managed to achieve in my later years.
If I had to guess the origin of those aforementioned high standards, I'd chock it up to me being completely average intellectually up until grade 10, when I managed to ace a final. After that I climbed to the top of my class, and much to the schools surprise, overcame my anxiety.

>>35671466

Any memories of traumatic experiences?

>>35671497
Not in particular.

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I'm falling asleep.

Sorry guys, I must rest.

If there's anything you badly need to ask or tell me, you can always write:

[email protected]

>>35671375
>Why would you want to intentionally confirm my suspicion when you could just say so?
Because it was an honest confirmation. I suspected you might be implying that I am illiterate or otherwise mentally incapable of comprehending the material. I wasn't being manipulative, I was simply aware of how my natural tendency to root out slights would be interpreted.

>>35671395
i'm angry because i'm alone and have no meaningful human interaction, and i've been like this for years so i don't even know how to change it anymore.

the BPD descriptions i've seen don't seem to describe me. i'm actually a lot less sensitive than I used to be. i ignore people more than i used to and don't really care about other people much.

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>>35668421
I've erased all of the information available about me on the Internet, I've developed new personalities in order to always have a way to get all kinds of people to like me, I've spread false information about me, I've even introduced myself to a lot of people under a fake name and all of my few friendships are now part of a structure of power I created. I can't stop manipulating people around me and I feel I can't trust anyone anymore.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
>inb4 fedora

>>35672020
op went to bed because he doesn't care about you

Though I can offer nothing but a sympathetic ear, should people still want to post, I will humble take up OPs mantle and respond.

>>35672172
why did op abandon me like everyone else?

>>35672172
On second thought, no I won't. I don't actually care about any of your problems and I'd probably exacerbate them anyway.

>>35672226
He got tired, my friend. Sorry. What are your problems?

>>35672284
>complain about everyone leaving
>when someone does respond i feel a wave of exhaustion about having to interact with a human

i don't even know man. honestly either i'll either seek professional help or i won't. nothing you say will probably help me.

>>35672363
Lucky you, I'm not human at all, just an uncanny facsimile. But you're right, I almost certainly can't help you. If it's any consolation or impetus, I'm willing to listen patiently and without judgement

>>35668421

My mind is numbed by my anger. I'm so angry that I'm always calm and I keep my cool.
I don't know how to talk to a woman because I always overthink it. I can't do the whole "cool random but deep guy" routine. I can't be quircky or say quircky things.

I only feel comfortable around other males because I'm fairly manly and people have called me an animal on multiple occasions. I don't know how to act like a faggot and it upsets me because I'll never get a woman if I keep acting like this.

In my group I'm the type of guy who keeps everyone together by being their laughing stock (it sounds bad but it ain't that bad). They mostly joke about how much of a raging alcoholic I am and how I act like a retard around women or how I am secretly gay because I ain't getting any action. It's just banter and they respect me because they always ask mee for my advice and confide their problems in me.

My first gf and now ex always told me I'm too devoted to my friendships.
Don't know what to do. I honestly don't think I'll ever have a woman to ever understand me.

I feel sad that everything is pretty pointless. I slog through life but it doesn't feel worthwhile. I go to the gym and that's nice at least. I don't really hate myself that much, so there's that at least. I do think I'm a bit of a shithead but I'm beyond caring most of the time.

no real point in posting this.

Bad shit happened to me as a kid but I'm past it now. Lunatic homeschooling parents who landed me where I am now. Only 19 but still living with them feels wrong.

Applied to a uni but haven't been working at all to help pay for it or even finished writing the second part of the application and it's due in 10 days

everything I try to help fix myself ends in failure and I hate myself for not being an outgoing productive normal person

I eat too much because I enjoy it and I don't exercise enough because it's either boring or if it's something exciting like hiking it takes effort and I procrastinate

All I do is leave behind a trail of unfinished things

I've had multiple opportunities that were really good in my life but I've fucked most of them up

And I regret so much stupid shit

I even hate myself and regret typing this because I know complaining about it won't help me but it still feels good to get off my chest

I feel like a person living alone inside his own head, trapped by my own failings and an inability to fix myself

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>>35668421
I have an uncontrollable hatred for stereotypical blacks

I have literally have no friends IRL

I play steam games with a group of online
friends I plan on meeting IRL so that'll hopefully somewhat make me feel better

Im so fucking lonely man, all I do everyday is go to school, come home, get on vidya, go to bed

Im suicidal as fuck

Dad always talks to me about how my video games wont help my depression and anxiety and that no matter what Ill still struggle in life like he does (hes a poor hard worker) but he is also an uneducated x-con spic who enjoys the company of fucking niggers, even though Im in college and have an A-B GPA

Im just not happy all the way around

my names John btw

>>35671417
>tfw you killed yet another thread
Just kill me already

>>35673172
I killed it not you

Pls help with my depression, I hate how pointless everything feels and the relentless nihilism. I work out, eat right and don't drink or do drugs but I still feel bad.

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Hi Nick.

You can call me Scott. I'm already starting the process of seeing somebody to talk to about this, but thought your insight might help.

>Extremely anxious as a child. Went away a bit when I had the chance to go to Uni.
>Uni ends, decent grades, extreme depression starts to set in.
>Do a few jobs, lecturing, self employed graphic designer, ya know, decent things which I should be extremely happy doing.
>Had moments of crippling down time, but always seemed to pull through, even after an extreme case when in bed for 2 weeks.
>Patterns of behavior emerging. Run away to Spain. Come back home. Work. Run away to Prague. Not sure why I'm doing these things.
>Now back at home. 33 yrs old. Living with parents, absolute hell -- their life is like a constant daily loop. Feel like I'm going to have to escape again.

ran out of options.

Anxiety has come on really strong in the past year. Can't go outside or talk to anyone without sweating. Have to keep hands in pockets squeezing and releasing fists to keep calm. Breathing helps.

I was also used by someone after university for sexual gain. not sure i want to go there but I can do if it helps.

mother is ok, but there's a complete lack of asking any questions in the family. nobody taught me anything about life. mother found out her real dad wasn't who she thought when i was 15ish...so much secrecy.

Dad was emotionally abusive, and also hit/smacked and would be almost demonic in his rage with us when younger. I actually despise him. even though he's calmer now, he treats mum like shit, and has the maturity of a 6 yr old. I often wish mum would leave him.

fuck.

Gyno. It has destroyed my confidence.

I have absolutely terrible anxiety. When I was a kid I had anger problems so I grew up completely isolated from everyone else and it fucked me up for life. I eventually got it together but the damage was done and I'm deathly afraid of other people noticing me. I still get mad and smash shit sometimes but not often. I'm completely alone and failing at everything in life. All I feel is nothing, anger at myself for being the person I am, and smothering waves of deep sadness. I do not want to live anymore if living is going to be this way

Send help

>>35668421
Hello anons. Why does driving and being out in public make me uncomfortable to the point of being hostile? If I walk into a supermarket I automatically become tense and paranoid even if I try to prepare myself and stay calm. I've been thinking of carrying box cutters and hammers around with me to defend myself from harm. I didn't use to think like this. I wish I didn't feel this way. At the same time, I feel like it's foolish to not be armed. I was in a car accident years ago and ever since driving terrifies me. I feel like I'm going to die every time I step outside. At the very least, I feel like someone will try to harm me or start conflict. I also can't sleep well at all. What's the matter with me?

>>35673862

I also tend to cut ties with all friend relationships, as well as physical objects.

I get very quickly emotionally attached to people I feel i might 'love'.

I've also made the huge mistake of giving away all of my work contacts because I thought I'd never need them again.

Literally feel my only option is to become homeless.

>>35669090
This is me, except for the football part