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So /r9k/, you are given a choice for a wife. Riki Lindhome (left), or Kate Micucci (right).
They are both musicians and comedians.
Riki's Pros:
>Okay tits but not big enough to fuck
>Nice smile and voice
Dresses well and can help you pick clothes
>Not very SJW, will laugh at offensive jokes, but does care
>Can play guitar and will happily teach you if you want
>Doesn't cook but gets takeout and goes to restaurants frequently and pays for you
>Cleans the house occasionally but only about half the time
Riki's Cons:
>Always touring, home for 8 months a year
>Invites SJW female comedian friends over
>Only drinks champagne and wine
>Watch chick flicks with her frequently if you want sex
>Some arguments
Kate's Pros:
>Can draw really well, can teach you
>Qt face and hair
>Extremely nice and won't argue as much as Riki
>Will take you to comedy clubs
>Will teach you ukelele if you want
>Cleans frequently and good cook
>Home a little more than Riki, 9 1/2 months a year
Kate's Cons:
>Tits and ass are flat
>Nasally voice but you'll get used to it
>A little more SJW than Riki
>A little insecure
>Doesn't drink at all but smokes weed
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>>35664427
Left you idiot
Right looks like some sort of retard
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>>35664470
Left is a little more bitchy though. Right is extremely nice and argues less
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Garfunkel or Oates? I'd say riki
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>>35664427
Holy shit neither
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Which one makes really good oats in the morning?
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>female
>comedians
L O L
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Why not both? That seems like the best solution.
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Test post please ignore
>he thinks he's better than you because he's fucked more girls
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women do not make good comedians and they both look like insufferable cunts
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Kate for sure. She's tiny and I can already play guitar but I've never played a ukulele before. We can cook together and write cute songs.kill me, this will never happen
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I wrote this rough draft for a Riki and Kate fanfic years ago but I got bored with it.
Micucci and Lindhome wake up in Edo era Japan. After some wandering they find a path, then a rice field, then a village. Mic nerds out over the prospect of introducing modern technology to the peasants but they fail to communicate, soon someone comes to take them away and the villagers say their farewells. The local official has to follow the restrictions on foreigners, however the Daimyo he sends them to is corrupt. They are just women so they are not important, he concludes. His agent cloaks them and they are taken to Yoshiwara-Edo (brothel district-Tokyo) in chains where the "shipwrecked barbarian noblewomen" fetch a high price.
Soon they are next to each other in a small room with plenty of lamps. The paper door slides open and an obese man approaches Mic while an old man reaches for Lind who closes her eyes. Both men talk as they caress them and turn them around, having never seen their alien features before, the fat guy squeezes Mic making her wince, the old guy is more gentle. The old guy lets the fat guy take a closer look at Lind and her hair, pushing her eyelids open.
Next the men turn them around, pull them down and get them on all fours, adjusting their limbs manually. They comply to avoid another caning. Lind can't help but yelp in surprise as she feels it. The fat guy has to pull his gut up onto Mic. It takes a while for the old guy to get started.
The morbidly obese man begins first, holding Mic's upper legs tightly and making energetic short thrusts. Mic clenches her teeth. Soon the old guy is moving gently with his hands on top and Lind's eyes closed again and a slightly strained look.
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