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I'll blog a bit, tell me if you share my feels or if you know some way to get over them
I feel...Like a husk of myself.
I am just now coming to realize it, The constant Internets,Vidya And constant youtube for passing the time, Porn and excessive Masturbation, Being Lazy And procrastinating Since Forever and Living The degenerate NEET lifestyle for a while, Have all taken their toll on my mind.
I remember Once i was curious and Enthusiastic About Learning,Although I was always >smart but lazy
I had interest in things,Genuine Interest about them,Just getting lost in Movie,series,books and documentaries.
I remember I could talk about stuff i was excited about, I could even hold a conversation with a person.
Now i'm just interested In Weed and Psychs ,have only done weed and salvia, and it's the only thing that rustles my curiosity.
And i dont even know why i want to do drugs, Some-when I decided it would be fun, It would enhance me, Make me see stuff differently, after all it opens new avenues of thinking. I dont think i care much about that anymore, I'm Just going after some stoner ideal ive created for myself in the past (cringe-worthy and sad,i know). Thinking that this way ill have some sort of identity, Thing is, When i actually smoke weed I get anxious and paranoid, Realizing My real Identity is now that of a loser,It's all bad trips but i've learned to cope, And for some reason i still smoke.
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And now, There is this Girl I like ,she's cute and clumsy and ticks all the requirements i have for a gf, I might already have fucked it over with her (as she liked me maybe some 6 months ago,but i did nothing and i was being an Autist).
But still, with baby steps, women dont intimidate me anymore as much, I feel i can tell her i like her and that i can go for it.
But here's where my real fear lies, I feel as if i wouldnt be good for talking to,holding a conversation,I feel like she would get bored of me,Or even worse, she would find me unlikable. Dont really have any interests (other than the drug thing and some slight ambition to become a less of a trash-y person through building discipline,Exercising,Reading Literature and studying etc. although i hardly do anything of the sort)
I'm Afraid i wouldnt add value to her life, I'd love to hold her and cuddle with her, Watch Movies and tell her i love her prematurely,Try and know her better.
But now i see i'd just be some boring person, I feel slow and dim witted,Am not especially smart anymore, I dont see any aspect of me that makes up for what i seem to lack.
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The first step is to stop doing any drugs man. They change you but even when you notice the change, you can be in to deep and continue to use as a coping system. Once your done with those, get into fitness to replace the high you felt on drugs. Invest more time into learning so you have a plethora of conversation topics. I know it's all easier said then done, but I believe in you.
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>>35621289
Thought that was an aay op.
Also tl;dr
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>>35622227
ill keep use to occasional,montly at most.
>>35622446
not an ayyy,sorry to disappoint.
yes it's a bit long.
TL;DR begun thinking im boring and disliking myself, want to be better
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>>35621289
Maybe you need to live for something bigger than yourself. The smart mind can figure out that your own life is shit too easy, and often pick some drugs to "go further"... maybe you need to try some impossible goals like: be the personification of love and peace, just like that fucking Tibet monks. This girl, there's always someone ready to be cool with the shit... instinct... your suffering demands commotion... you should be warned: become less trashy can make you unlikable. Yeah, life is shit, you really need to be something more than human, but if you use drugs for that, that's exactly the easy and flowery path of evil... you'll always pay the price.
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>>35623047
dude....you sound really high.
have you tried reading your own comments before posting?
There seems to be something worthwhile in your comment,but try and phrase your stuff in a more comprehensive way.
>This girl, there's always someone ready to be cool with the shit... instinct... your suffering demands commotion.
what do you mean, like, this girl can be the commotion i require to get myself out of my rut?
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Weed is a shit junkie drug. Amphetamine is the only drug of value for self improvement.
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im going to sleep.
i hope thread doesnt die
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>>35623230
This girl can be in instinctively commotion to prevent yourself to make a real bad shit to the society. But that only a hypothesis, a warning to not put all your hopes on her and be disappointed enough to jump into a bigger abyss.
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>>35623598
> to prevent yourself to make a real bad shit to the society
meaning to prevent me from becoming a worthless NEET leech?
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>Buy a book you want to study or some shit
>Bore yourself to state where anything can entertain you
>Study the book or whatever now
Brain is naturally trained to make stuff more interesting when bored.
Good luck.
Pic unrelated, posted just 4 the lulz
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>>35623686
yeah that's probably about right.
now just to get my ass off the instant gratification machine that is the internet...
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>>35623740
Even internet can be great source of knowledge. Just follow/subscribe to stuff that will actually teach you stuff. Also visit KhanAcademy.com to regain old knowledge and you might as well try codecademy.com to teach yourself some programming. Tell me how it goes. Good luck.
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>>35623887
thanks a bunch anon.
ill certainly use khan academy and will weed out all the useless junk from my info stream.
I doubt ill be able to tell you how it goes tho
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