Suicidal thoughts

I don't care about gf, but I wish I could find some comfy job that I liked, even if it didn't pay well. Unfortunately that's not possible.

I've long since abandoned the gf meme. All I want is to have enough money to afford a little place to live, fuel my hobbies, and eat well. I also want to be able to look at myself in the mirror without wanting to bash my own face in. Unfortunately none of these will ever come true

>>35592462

I have weird suicidal thoughts where it's basically an option every time something negative happens. Like if I'm struggling with a piece of work I think

> could just do my best and hand it in anyway
> could ask for some help and more time
> could just kill myself

I also sometimes think about suicide when I'm happy, because I know things will crash again at some point.

Suicidal thoughts are just part of my life now. I do think one day I'll do it, but it won't be for a long time.

I just found out the girl i came to love over the past 6 months left me, not because she " cant handle a relationship with anyone right now" - instead, she prefers a more muscular body and someone who can be somebody aka the current med student/ male dancer she is now fucking.

All women really are the same. They care about looks and socioeconomic status. Ill never find and honest women. They are really just a bunch of self centered pricks.

I hate that im human. I hate that im bunched in with a bunch of degenerate apes and a few good souls who i have to sit back and watch fuck each other over. This world is a shitshow and anyone who tries to stop someone from killing themselves should get off their high horse in the clouds and come down to earth and see shit for how it really is. A cess pool of greed and envy and suffering. Even if i got with this girl, somewhere down the line she or I will die, leaving the other to suffer alone and die alone.

>>35592838

Why not, anon? They're realistic goals if you plan it out right. You're not asking for too much out of life

>>35592950

The fundamental difference between men and women is loyalty. Think about it: "because I could do better" is not a reason for a man to end a relationship, but women do it all the time. There are exceptions on both sides but that's basically it.

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>>35592462
You have to either resolve to find some measure of peace in your life no matter what it takes, or resolve to blow your brains out. Equally valid options IMO, and I'm torn between them.

Otherwise, you end up languishing in your room like a sort of slug person. You might like this option but personally I wouldn't fucking recommend it. Fate worse than death. What I'm doing now isn't working.

>>35593016

I think youre right anon. That seems like the situation exactly.

>>35592462
from time to time i have suicidal thoughts, but usually i go to sleep to escape reality

i don't mind if i die on my sleep though. actually i would really like to not wake up. any day. everyday.

>>35592941
doesn't this happen to everyone? is this not normal?

>thinks getting a GF is the only requisite to fix one's life

Even if you got a GF, it wouldn't rekindle your love for life it there are truly other underlying problems.
t. someone who experienced it

If a GF is truly the only thing missing from your life, then you have no excuse not pursuing one.

>>35592950

>dated only 1 woman
>all women are the same

I know one which is "loyal" and it's enough to prove your bitter theory wrong.

>>35593047

I can't find anything.
The mere thought of having to do things gives me anxiety and a terrible feeling which I cannot describe. Not even having a job, a GF and potential friends would fix it. 12 seconds into that perfect fantasy my thoughts catch up and I realize how I'd still feel the same.

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>>35592462
I used to have suicidal thoughts because I had hope for the future, I had faith in humanity... but I have learned from my mistakes.

Now I wake up everyday expecting a fresh new hell worse than the last. Fuck trying to be happy. Fuck finding a meaning to exist. Entropy will eventually destroy every vestige of human existence one day.

The Buddhists have a thing called a Sand Mandala. Monks will work on them for months on end, only to destroy them when completed. To them the virtue isn't the completed art but the experience of making it.

OP stop worrying about all the things you can't get out of life and start taking the first steps to the things you can do to improve it. If you are passionate about games start learning game design. If you want to get a gf. Start working out or browse internet groups for a girl that shares the same interests and doesn't care what you look like. People will tell you a million narratives to why you should exist but the truth is no one has ever asked to be born. You are entitled to absolutely nothing in this world.

Winning the genetic lottery is not a choice for you. Your only choice is to cower to the unfortunate circumstances of your existence like a dog or fight on accepting the nature of reality.

>>35592462
I'm actually a normie tourist here. I know you hate my kind but my best advice for you, is to find peace within yourself

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I don't have suicidal thoughts, I only have a suicidal plan :^)

>>35593860

But what if you have no interests or passions? I am 27 years old and I have never shown any passion for anything. I think I have faked everything in my life so far.
I can't kill myself due to cowardice and I have nothing to strive for. I am stuck in this limbo and it's excruciatingly painful.

I always have this passive desire to die. I'm not considerate of my own well-being at all, if someone told me I would be dead tomorrow, I wouldn't really care.

It's not anything immediate though, my life isn't bad but I'm not enjoying it. I simply don't have the energy to do anything.

>>35592462
I will after maybe fail with this girl.

>Meet a girl
>Girl is in depression since 2 years
>We talk often and she finds me funny
>We already went on something like a date
>We just talked straight up 4 hours
>Invited me again to a date

If i fail to get that girl i will kill myself.
She already that i make her happy so does she me..

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>>35592462
I feel tortured by my own mind, I crave love and care but I'm crippled with anxiety to the point where I go shopping at night to avoid people. Not that being confident would help. I've been rejected over 30 times, accepted 0 times and I'm a 22 khhv. I think it has something to do with me being a 5'1 ugly manlet. After I'm done with my novels (hopefully before the end of the year) I'm going to kill myself.

I cant psyche myself up to do it. Its a whole ordeal to get it done right. I want it done so bad but theres no easy, foolproof, and free way to go out. I cant bring myself to jump off an overpass, I dont want to endanger others. I dont want to drown or burn. I tried to vsed but that takes longer than my will to die can take. I dont want to spend a month being uncomfortable and stressing over hiding it. If there was a button I could push or a pill I could take that I would do it.

>>35593999

>tried 30 times
That's impressive. What's wrong with trying more?

If I ever killed myself it would be because of my inadequacy. I have no skills in anything and when I set myself to learn something I fail. I fail, and fail, and fail. I have come to fear failure.

>>35592462
>be outside
>inb4 reee normie, I was alone anyway like always
>see skelly shitskin (ugly face) with a german qt
>he gives me an arrogant look
>go to the store
>see 2 younger guys laughing
>probably about me
>see another shitskin at the cash register complaining about some shit to the the young cashier woman
>don't know who to hate more
my life is just a meme

>>35594078
because it's fucking painful, demoralising and fucking hurts man. It hurts so goddam bad. I'm only human, I can only take so much. Thanks for the advice Anon, I know you mean well, but the 'keep trying' meme doesn't take into account the fact that constant rejection will leave you fucking broken as a person. There's psychological consequences to this shit.

>>35594055
>If there was a button I could push or a pill I could take that I would do it.

This. I seriously wish I had a cyanide pill for when the day comes

>>35593796
Youre assuming dating is the same as love

>>35594154

Well, I understand and I don't want to be a hypocrite (I am a quitter myself). But I have never tried and you tried it 30 times. Usually people come to your realization after maybe 5 times. You held on 6 times as many.
There's also one piece of important, objective advice I can give you and which you passively avoided: regret. Not trying something is way worse than trying and failing. Maybe not at first, but in the long term. You successfully avoided painful despair 5 years down the road. Trust me, it gets really bad.
Regarding girls, I didn't ask any girls out. One time I assumed one was into me and I didn't do anything. It haunted me for 8 years and I literally cried because of the painful despair at the peak (not just because of her, but other things I never tried). A simple "sorry, I don't want to" would have been a walk in the park compared to that.

>>35594180

True.
Either way, despite never having dated anyone, I can tell you that your theory is just bitterness stemming from loss/being left. Take it or leave it, but objectively no one likes bitter people and having that mindset not only makes everyone despise you for being obnoxious, it's also an insult to yourself whether you realize that or not.

I might be a loser, but at least I'm self-aware enough to avoid bitterness and sour-grape syndrome. That's something 95% of the people that post here can't.

>>35592462
I am still depressed af but the suicidal thoughts disappeared a while ago. I used to have them all the time but always came to the conclusion "nah, that would be a bad idea". I remember the longest was when I was I was waiting for a freight train at a level crossing in my hometown, and the entire time the train was passing I was just debating whether or not I should jump under the carriages and get sliced by a wheel. After I got a comfy office job the suicidal thoughts gradually receded but the self-loathing was still there.

The gf thing is a meme. I had a gf in first year university. Had sex and everything. But once she left me for a guy who was more her " thing" (don't believe the virgin meme! Virgins just want to leave you to see what sex is like with someone else!) it just started a downward spiral of bad grades, bad job prospects, bad life. I can relate completely.

>>35593976
I wish you luck my friend

>>35593999
I have a friend who just lost his virginity at age 25. Was a lot like you at one point, actually lost count of the number of rejections he'd had by the end of university (age 22). He eventually made it with a cute but slightly chubby Asian girl. Don't lose hope.

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>>35594277
>muh bitterness
>muh sour grapes
Oh Jesus Christ can you fools please stop with those memes already

>>35594476

All of those stories have something happening. In your case acquiring the office job.
The problem is that that's out of reach for most people. Either due to valid reasons or because those people refuse to change because it's too painful or uncomfortable for them. In that case, even trying to change won't bring results, because it will still be the same after they experience said event.

>>35592941
i am like this. im actually happy about it
>if this goes wrong i could just kill myself

>>35593959
keep trying things until you find something...i know it sounds tedious but that's honestly the only way around it. even then, there's nothing to be lost when it comes to learning more

>>35594592

Until you realize you don't have the guts to kill yourself and that it's harder than it seems.
Then life becomes hell. Sorry.

i almost died when i was 25, i got into a car accident. i kind of feel as if i want to actually do what happened.

>>35594548
My office job is barely better than a factory job. I do accounts payable - fucking brain dead work, I loathe showing up for 9am every day and I only make $36,000 a year. But I concede that it IS something.

>>35595023

It's really subjective, but for me it sounds good, despite the fact that it wouldn't appeal to me.
Sounds like you have a solid and stable base which you can use to branch out of if you desire. If not, you can use it to finance your life and do things which bring you joy.

WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO KILL MYSELF

Holy shit, I just want a peaceful death. I can't get a gun and every other option would hurt and take too long or has a chance of failing.

Society doesn't care for men, in fact it wants all men to kill themselves. FUCK I WANT TO DIE.

I think about it every day, and usually spend an hour or two watching videos on /r/watchpeopledie, but I just don't have the nuts to do it myself.

>>35593959
You aren't entitled to a reason to exist. You aren't entitled to find something you're passionate about.

It may not ever get better and you might be better offing yourself right this second. You in particular won't though. No matter how many times you can rationalize suicide to yourself, you can't pull through. You said itself, you are a coward to death. You don't want to truly die. You want to find happiness and fulfillment. Something that makes you wake up in the morning to give you a sense of purpose. Something to give your life actual meaning.

If you want to live than you must suffer if you want to feel nothing you must die. The human experience is subjective and no logic puzzle or whimsical experience can ever cure your depression. As a depressed person you might never have that reason to get out of bed.

If you want to truly stop existing right this moment go for it. It'll happen eventually. As a suicidal person you don't have a reason to get out of bed but you find a reason to do a flip while you're jumping off a building.

No one can answer whether it's better to live or die because meaning is relative the human experience. There might not be salvation to your suffering but if people can fabricate a reason to exist in hell, you can find something to live for.

Suck up the agony and don't stop until the probability of what you want to happen doesn't have a choice but to occur. Or kill yourself now. It really is that simple.

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just wanna end it, but i dont have gun. too much of a pussy to jump in front of a train

On and off. I always want to die, but only sometimes I'm in a place to do it. Never made a serious attempt.
I wouldn't make an attempt. If I'm going to go for it, it would be bullet to the head and I'd get the angle right so it wouldn't just blow off my face. No failed attempts. Do it once do it right.

People say life is short, but I think it's too long. My dad told me, if I start saving for retirement now, I'll have a lot of money in 40 years.
40 fucking years. I have to do this for another 40 years at least. And even then, that would be considered dying young.
It's too long man. I don't know how anybody does it this long. I'm tired already.

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>>35592462
Suicide is the final redpill.