Why can't ANYTHING ever go correctly?

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36KB, 657x527px

> be me
> 19
> mummy is off on holiday
> her retarded dog is staying with me in the house
> its just the two of us
> decide to buy a tenga egg since i will be the only one at home to receive the package
> no questions will be asked
> order it
> 3 days later
> sleeping well into the afternoon after a late-night anime session
> woken up when i hear the retarded dog barking
> realize it must be the mail-man delivering the tenga egg
> still half-asleep
> run down the stairs wearing a pair of boxers and a t-shirt
> pick up the retarded dog
> open the door
> dog jumps out of my arms and at the mail-man
> mail-man drops my sex toy on the floor and runs away screaming "that can piss off"
> dog proceeds to rip apart the parcel
> i scream "sorry" to the mail-man
> he tells me to fuck off
> scream at the dog to get back inside
> pick up whats left of the tenga egg
> go back into my room sour as shit
> its unusable now, need to buy a new one but it wont get here until mummy comes back
> tfw

I don't think it's realistically plausible for that exchange to have gone any worse than it did. I'm so miserable right now.