/cripplingdepression/ general

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It's better if you start by telling us what's going on with you.

>>35557109
Not a ton to say, moving sucks, im exhausted and the internet here is shitty.
My friend lost her shit and attempted to kill herself after a day of talking about it. We luckily found her address and called someone, she'll live. Glad she didnt have access to a gun
I'm emotionally drained tee bee eich

Shitty, 1st molar tooth on the upper left side chipped today because its fucked, compromising nearby teeth. Other 1st molars are already fucked and thats a pretty difficult tooth to avoid when eating since they're fucked on both sides. Worrying about how im gonna chew food now.

Oh and severe dentist phobia so dont even try telling me to go...

Anyway just sharing feels

>>35557216
Wew good luck dude, that so awful
Why do you fear the dentist?

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>>35557269
Pretty much the only condition i would accept to get dental work done is to be knocked out conpletely. But that is pretty much impossible unless youre a celebrity or super rich since that is expensive and im not even sure dentists that offer that kind of service even exist where i live and nearby. Sucks.

>>35557383
Do you just not like them poking around at your teeth?

>>35557399

Every single thing involving the procedure you can think of is a part of it yeah...

>>35557463
Did this come from something?
Honesty i love the dentist, it makes me feel like a big hippo getting picked at by birds

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>>35557510
Without getting into it too much.

Fear of foreign objects being inserted into my mouth and not being able to see it happening, also to a very delicate part of your body i.e the head, mouth cavity. Also pain, even with anasthetics still constantly anticipating it and that is very grueling and taxing on my brain, not knowing whats happening, feeling pressure and expecting pain any second, pain which can be pretty excruciating which ive heard AND experienced firsthand.

Discomfort, extreme discomfort as a result of said reasons, also not being able to speak and having to keep your mouth open through the entire thing. Stranger, even though he might be/is a medical pro still you know that he's not exactly thrilled to have you there i.e its work and you're not the only patient hes having today, all of that culminating and enhancing said fears...

And i can probably think of more stuff but like i said not really getting too into it hopefully this gives you at least some perspective

My throat has been sore since Monday and progressively been getting worse. It's at the point where it feels like I'm getting stabbed in the throat when I swallow, I'm coughing, and my voice is hoarse. I also literally can't stop producing saliva, forcing me to swallow. HELP.

>>35557013

long term gf of the last 8 years (im 25) is saying shes over me. feeling very lost and alone where is the guy who always posts the drinking threads i relate more to him i think

>>35557906
Thats all fair, i totally get why you would be scared. I get where you're coming from. Hope your teeth feel better, or that you can break this phobia someday

>>35557978
Go see a doctor my dude
you probs have strep

>>35558022
Idk man, I just do these threads. I'm sorry to hear that though, thats rough :(

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Jeez i fucking hate wednesdays

Spent the majority of the day half-assedly trying to ""fix"" an oldass laptop which i'm going to sell off later on anyways (the crappy thing has been lying around here for years and i was on and off tinkering with it for shits and giggles), i basically did it as a kind of hobbyist thing but it went a bit out of control and it ended up lasting multiple hours

Looks like the thing's fucked beyond any hope hardware-wise, at least i didn't pay anything significant for the replacement drive which didn't work out either and some dumb clueless motherfucker will probably end up buying the piece of junk off anyways heh

I thought it was going to be comfy too but the weather forecast was wrong again too of course

God i need some breakfast now, prolly going to take the dogger for a walk later on aswell

>>35558538
What kinda doggo do u have?
Also is that every wednesday for you lol

I have an exam tomorrow that I didn't study for at all, nor do I plan to study. But I feel like I have a generally decent idea of the course, at least enough for over 50%. But the thing is a month ago I had an awful depressive breakdown and seriously contemplated suicide on the day of a previous exam for the same class. I drove my car underneath a bridge and just sat there for a bit considering if I should do it, since I know I'll be alone forever and never accomplish anything. I feel a bit better now, but it's still weird.

>>35557013
That's really rough. Did you move somewhere nice? Is it comfy?
>>35557978
That sounds absolutely awful, I hate being sick. Do they have Halls or anything similar to where you live?

>>35558812
Good luck iwth your exam anon. Is that the lowest youve ever felt, do you have sucideal thoughts often?

Also no this place sucks ass. Its kinda comfy, its a nice place but the internet is shit and i have less privacy than i did at my old house :(

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Who here /sleepissues/? I just woke up at 4am because I had a stuffy nose and shit loads of phlegm in my throat and there's no way I'm falling asleep again, what makes it worse it that I just took an all nighter to try and fix my sleep cycle so I'm gonna be running off 3 hours sleep today

>>35558842
Thank you. It's pretty much tied for the lowest I've felt. I try to pretend that everything is fine, but some days I get really tired of it all and lay in bed for a few days at a time hoping to die. But this was the first time I took some sort of action towards it which is a bit creepy looking back.

That sucks about the privacy though, I know at least for myself I really like the feeling of being alone. And when I know or feel like someone is watching/listening to me I get creeped out. Hope you get cozy in it soon though.
>>35558906
I have really big problems falling asleep sometimes. I don't really have any advice, but I usually shower when I can't sleep. Makes me feel warm, snuggly, and ready for bed. Good night and good luck anon.

>>35558906
I have problems falling asleep due to my medicine. Does this happen often to you (waking up during the night)

>>35559007
Do you think you should see someone and talk to them about this?
And yeah I do to. I talk online a lot, i dont want my family overhearing me

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>>35557153
>tee bee eich

Don't post that again, its not as endearing or witty as you might think. You're better than that, skele

I'm getting my first paycheck from my new job sometime today, I'm pretty fucking excited. I won't be able to enjoy the money, but at least I'll know I have it.

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>>35559039
Yeah, especially recently because I've been sick. I also can't fall asleep easily most nights if I haven't been awake 20+ hours which makes me stay up extremely late almost every night
>>35559007
I've done this before and it was quite cozy, I'll give it a go next time I can't sleep.

>>35559049
I only do it to get around the word filter, I dont do it to be funny or anything

>>35559080
Nice, congrats! I'm happy for you. What are you doing?

>>35559086
you ever taken any meds to help you fall asleep faster? That might help

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>>35559127
>not typing "tbhonest" instead

Losing mad respect for you dawg

>>35559127
I used to take melatonin but you can't get that where I live for some reason, it worked quite nicely a lot of the time but the only way I can get it is if a relative goes on holiday.
Anything else I'll need a prescription for and I haven't seen my pharmacist in years because she kept trying to up my anti-depressant dosage and push more even more meds on me which I hated because I felt myself start to become zombie like after being on them since I was 12.

>>35559127
>What are you doing?
Security Guard at a small regional hospital. I might have mentioned it during the last /depressiongeneral/, but I cant remember. All I know is I'm liking the job and the excercise is good for me

>>35559175
i cant help that i type like a sixteen yr old girl
also does else pronounce honest with a hard H? I did it as a joke and now its kinda stuck

>>35559210
Where the heck do you live where you cant get melatonin?
Also meds are good, but you have to find the right ones. There are a lot to try, some are bad for you, some are good

>>35559241
Yeah, i remember! You said you liked it a lot

Been having awful tooth pain lately, hard to sleep. Going to a dentist on Tuesday, but no insurance, so can't wait to see how much it costs!

So broke right now too, I have about $3 I can spend. Going to have to borrow from my parents for food and my dentist appointment. I hate having to do that, I feel so worthless.

In good news, there's a girl I'm into. Going to try to ask her out on a date after spring break, but I have the opportunity to speak to her for about 20 seconds a few times a week, so I have no idea how to do that. I could always just message her on Facebook I guess, but I think that's lame, right?

I'm really scared I'll amount to nothing. I feel like such a phony in school. I just smoke pot and whip up schoolwork at the last second. But somehow it is working, got As on my last two papers that I wrote the day they were due. These are third year college courses, so I must be doing something right, but I have no confidence or passion in anything I write, I'm just waiting to finally get exposed by a professor as someone who clearly doesn't read the books and writes shit right before it is due.

Sorry, this was a rant. I just hate myself and my lack of any ambition. I just kill time, all the time. I'm young, 20, but have accomplished nothing and likely never will. I'll never finish that screenplay I started, I'll never be a good teacher, if one at all. I don't know what I want or what I'm going to do. I'm so lonely, even though I have friends. Every day I want to drop out and just hitchhike around the country, maybe then I'll be inspired or find meaning in something. I'd just talk to people and try to find some kernel of wisdom from someone, something to give me a semblance of a purpose. I'd write a book about it I think, the stories I hear from the people I meet. Maybe someone will find meaning or inspiration from someone this way. But I don't have the guts to do this, and honestly I'd fuck it up anyway, and have to go back to work back home

>know webdesign
>php, mysql, css, js, html, all of them by heart, don't even have to google
>can shit good quality code out
>too afraid to attempt to make money

Tried to go on upwork, took their stupid tests then they wanted a video interview to reactivate my account.

Too autistic to do it

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>>35559254
I want to read all of that, but I know I won't

I'm doing really bad. I'm spending most time alone despite the fact that I've reached out to various friends or acquaintances trying to hang out. Either gotten no response or I'm too busy right now. I feel like a caged animal. I mean I'm trying to not be alone it's like some malevolent entity is behind my shoulder fucking up everything that I try to do. I'm really at a loss

>>35559318
Yeah it's just a stream of consciousness rant I wrote. It doesn't really go anywhere.

>>35559254
Its okay to rant, especially here. Also accomplishing nothing at 20 is to be expected my dude, you have a long life to live and a lot of time to do things
Also IKTF about a lack of purpose
You have dreams and goals though, I think you can do them

>>35559280
Maybe find some sorta startup where you can work online?

>>35559319
You have any way of like, meeting new people? A hobby or something perhaps?

>>35559368
I sure hope so, it sucks having something that I want to do (write screenplays or teach film to high schoolers) but no real motivation to accomplish it. At least I'm on the high school English teacher path, but I'll have very few qualifications other than a degree assuming I keep doing okay for the next 2ish years, and I live in a state that seems to hate education, so I worry about finding a job. I'm convinced I'll have a degree that means nothing worthwhile.

>>35559250
I live in Iceland and you need a prescription for it and it costs way more than abroad so I don't have the money to buy it.
We have a lot of retarded laws and regulations like that over here.

>>35559444
might wanna move or something, there are places that would value that more

>>35559463
Wow what the heckers. You can get it at walmart here in the usa

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any poorfags here? i wish i had money to do anything other than buy groceries. feels bad man

>>35559368
I've tried almost everything. I'm not autistic or a robot, but I am anti-social and a loner. I've tried craigslist, classified ads, calling friends old and new, everything short of approaching strangers in the streets.
It's funny, I have hobbies (music and homebrewing) but I've never found them to help meet new people at all.

>>35559463
i want to move to iceland so fucking badly.
oreg

>>35559500
Currently a NEET, feels bad man

>>35559503
No local music scene near you? That seems like a good place to meet poeple

>>35559254
Hey man. I just wanted you to know I love you and youre in my thoughts. Dont know if it means anything, but i hope you go to sleep tonight knowing someone values you. A stranger.

>>35559589
Okay queer, fuck outta this thread and back to >>>/soc/

>>35559589
Hey, thanks buddy, that means a lot. Hope you're doing okay as well.

>>35559534
There is but it's very insular.On the rare occasion I go out for shows I rarely speak to anyone. Everyone else already has their own social circle and friends. Usually bring a book to read between bands so I'm sure I give off weird vibes anyway.
Even playing a show is the same way, I might get 1 or 2 random people come up to me afterwards but that's it. My band is pretty much inactive right now too and I can't find anyone else cool to play music with.

>>35559522
Why is that?
As someone who lives here I really want to escape from this cold, dark, expensive and depressing place.
It's only nice over here for like a couple of months over the summer and that's if it's a good year.

>>35559658
Ah damn, that bites. All my hobbies force people to be inclusive which is nice

>>35559669
Well it sounds ideal to me. The media and shit romanticizes (?) it. All I see are beautiful pictures and hear about how good their healthcare and laws are, how clean it is and how peaceful. But of course I'm fully aware it's not a utopia. But it's still better than most places I would come to believe.

>>35559623
I even value you, rude anon.

>>35559500
Yep. Computer is slowly dying, my clothes are all torn and worn out, and the medical ailments just keep piling up

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>>35559770
A lot of what the media says about Iceland is quite frankly bullshit, it is quite clean and peaceful but our healthcare is actually terrible.
Our hospitals are falling apart and a lot of our doctors are moving abroad because they simply don't get paid enough even though our healthcare is partly privatized, I once broke my leg and had to wait 5 hours in the waiting room before I a nurse came.
Ontop of that our government is corrupt and overrun by either crony capitalists or idealistic socialists, the weather is shitty and quite frankly there is nothing to do, which made me develop a drug habit.
There's a lot of beautiful places here and the countryside is very nice but the appeal wears off after you've been surrounded by it for a long time.
Maybe I'd be happier here if I lived a normal stable life and finished school but the lack of things to do drives me nuts.

>>35559976
> I once broke my leg and had to wait 5 hours in the waiting room before I a nurse came.
Not to butt in on your conversation but that shit happens in the US all the time. Broken bones arent prioritized very high if it isnt life threatenign

>>35559976
Well shit, the lack of things to do doesn't sound so appealing.

>>35560004
Yeah that doesn't surprise me, I just wanted to add a personal experience but my point was our hospitals are severely under-staffed and under funded.

>>35560031
I dont doubt you, same thing is happenign in rural usa, doctors are leaving rural america because its bad to be a doctor there. Its tragic
That sucks so hard though

>>35560028
It's definitely the worst thing about living here, it might be better for more social people but I don't get the appeal of drinking heavily and going downtown just to pay around 80 dollars for a taxi ride home.

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>>35557013
Hey are you still the same /cripplingdepression/ general lad who posted years ago?
I haven't come to /r9k/ in a long while but I remember you.
I think we even talked about some heavy issues at some point.

Anyway, a great friend has committed suicide. We were in class on tuesday evening. I feel numb and empty, but in a very different way than how I usually do.

>>35560462
Probably, ive been posting for a while
I'm so sorry to hear that my dude, thats so rough :(
ive been there before

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>>35559976
>but the appeal wears off after you've been surrounded by it for a long time
I feel you, seeing the Eiffel tower four times a day gets old quick
Having a busy life in a busy city can sound better when you're living in shittown nowhere. I've done both, I know. But right now I'd kill to get some fresh air and a large empty field to scream at. I miss the heavy seas crashing on rocky coasts.

>>35560501
She was our teacher actually. We were one of her last two classes. Always felt really close, but didn't see it coming. Looking back now I remember all the sad things she said. All the brilliant things too, she'll be missed.

>>35560650
I guess its just human nature that the grass always seems greener, I lived in London for a couple of years and was depressed then too but I look back at it with a sense of nostalgia and a longing for the city life.

>>35560821
I'll think of you the next time I drink Brennivin, vinnur minn

>>35560650
you have my deepest condolences
I'm so sorry

>>35557013
catastrophizing about how im a mistake as a person and not just someone who has made some less-than-wholesome decisions. feelsbadman

then i do some morphine and i care a lot less. desu i was in withdrawal earlier and i felt a flood of emotions. mostly numb now. whatever

>>35559976
I feel like this about Switzerland. People from 4chan romanticize about how fantastic life here but it's actually the wageslave capital of the world. Unless you're a boomer or retiree of course

>>35561246
It's alright my man. Her demise is the end of her suffering, and for her close ones a brand new hard look on life. We'll keep fighting.

>>35561289
Cheers, I'm having some scotch right now to numb the numbness