/cripplingdepression/ general

I had a test today, my left toenail is coming off, and 20 minutes ago while pissing I needed to fart, and figured out I have diarrhea.

And I want to be a girl.
But who cares about that.

>>35533549
I hope your test goes well, and I hope you feel better.
Do you plan on transitioning at all?

>>35533450
Are you me from 3 months ago? I just moved.

>>35533578
Hows the new house?
And I dont think so?

>>35533602
It's fine but i haven't went outside yet. the area is new to me. too scared to go out. moving was a pain.

>>35533566
Thanks. And I don't know, I'm not sure if I have the body or face, since Im kind of chubby. And I don't know if people who transition can even live a life after 30, since I've never seen an older tranny that doesn't look hideous.

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My hypersomnia is subsiding and I'm scared I'm going to relapse.

Been listening to more music recently like pic related, that's good I guess. When I get worse, I stop partaking in hobbies and just watch streams and read the internet.

>>35533626
You in a big town, or rural?
Moving is such a pain, stresses me out soo bad

>>35533655
Good band good band. When you have bad periods, how long are they for?

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>>35533450
Same as usual, just sitting here at night on 4chan/playing vidya. Nothing to do, no one to see, stopped caring a while ago though
just empty now

>>35533715
want to play ark with me?

>>35533675
Big town. Hell yea it was my most stressful month in years. I was also sore because it was just me and my dad moving everything

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got word that i have a test tomorrow this evening
>not told which of the two outstanding tests it is
>instruction has been sub par for these clusters
>time being wasted every day

why do we try?why bother get up each day if it isnt fulfilling?

nice to see you as usual though skelly

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>>35533715
I know the feeling brother, almost comical watching other ppls emotional reactions. Fugg....

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>>35533675

Months. Around this time last year I'd have bouts where I'd be sleeping 20 hours at a time and be waking up still dead tired. Luckily I've gotten better, but I'm still tired to a lesser degree. The real issue is that I'll be tired which will make me want to oversleep, but oversleeping will make me more tired. Depression is such a slog of negative feedback loops. No wonder normies find it so hard to give proper advice to us.

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>>35533744
Dont have it, if I did I still probably couldnt.
Internet is trash. Thanks anyway anon
>>35533763
Just makes me jelly, at least they seem to be having a good time I guess

>>35533715
What games do you play? Have any hobbies out of games?

>>35533748
Big towns are stressful to me
Moving does hurt yeah haha
Its a pain

>>35533757
Can you tell someone higher up about how shitty your professor is doing?

>>35533773
Have you seen a doctor for that? Yeah holy shit depression is a feedback loop. Its so easy to get stuck in it, and people are just like "drink more water lolll"

>>35533816
>What games do you play? Have any hobbies out of games?
On my comp I mostly play Total War games because I love history, console the only real thing im playing right now is the new Zelda.
Only other hobby is that I try to lift to keep myself in shape, but I am far from consistent. Plus I fucked my knee up last week and have been sitting on my ass since

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>>35533450
Got drunk Saturday night and had fun for a little bit before I ended up breaking down and crying and making my friends think I was going to go jump into the freezing lake behind the house we were staying at and kill myself.
I really just wanted to get out of the house and go sit by the water because water is calming to me but I guess I liked the attention I was getting from them running after me and grabbing me/holding me down so I didn't mention that was what I was actually trying to do.
So yea.

>>35533853
Never played total war, reeeeeeally wanna play Zelda. Hope your knee feels better soon, my dads been having knee problems and that shit sucks

>>35533875
I'm glad you have friends that care about you. Do you often think about suicide (if at all)?

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keep trying to quit benzos and junk and getting sad at relapses. im taking a break from psychs after a bad trip and getting hppd. took a hot bath and cut myself with a scalpel a bit with some dilaudid and xanax while listening to slowdive. relieved my gf cant hang tmo, i can be alone. i might read about galois theory and random complex analysis shit tomorrow. i got some decent stims i might take first to part the brain fog. maybe ill play hollow knight for like an hour too. i dunno. i'm just fucked and aimless recently. i like having lethal doses of downers and a shotgun next to me, it is a comfy ferl.

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another injury to set me back. If only I was an actual robot so I wouldn't have broken limbs

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>>35533757
Because we are told get through high school, go through college, get a job and start a career.
Nice info to make yourself financially set but completely blindsides the need for emotional happiness

>>35533927
Wew lad thats a lot of stuff to take in at once. You tried those clinics that help with benzo addiction? Might help a lot. I don't have a lot of advice/experience with drugs, but being around things that can kill you isn't a good idea

>>35533944
What happened?

>>35533921
>Do you often think about suicide (if at all)?
I'd say I experience suicidal ideation pretty often, but as long as I'm lucid I'd never go through with committing suicide.

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>>35533816
>Can you tell someone higher up about how shitty your professor is doing?
>mfw they know
its a sad state of affairs. we end up spending a lot of time doing nothing and we cant leave because its full time. i would leave but i already dropped out if the shitty uni and dont have the qualis to try and get into the decent one(or the money to pay for it).

the downtime is really wearing me down mentally in addition to the bad teaching and limited practical exposure (trade school). i feel like im going every day to learn nothing and thank the school for the privelidge

im stuck here because this is my last resort

>>35533968
>tfw couldnt make it through uni
autism is suffering

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the rough skinned newt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rough-skinned_newt


>only toxic if eaten

>same toxins as a pufferfish

>can survive being eaten alive

>>35533944
>>35533944
soon anon.....soon
http://i.4cdn.org/wsg/1489023356532.webm
>>35533875
Its nice to hear your friends cared enough to do that

>>35533999
Wew those are some sick numbers you got
I'm the same way my dude. Its been getting worse for me though which sucks

>>35534031
What a shit situation you're in man :(
How much longer are you in school for?

>>35534033
Huh, interesting

>>35533985
i like being around stuff that can kill me, having a way out is comfy. if i ever get really suicidal to the point of starting to get ready to do it i take loads of tranqs and sleep. i was an alcoholic, overcoming that alone felt good. i wanna do this alone too.

im in a bit of a dillema deciding if i wanna finish my phd or get a job. jobs in academia are going to hell it seems. i kinda wanna take a semester off after my quals and be a drifter like my grandpa was. might end up getting into tech or finance or saying fuck it and going into trades like my dad.

>>35534128
What would you get your PHD in?

>>35534071
ill finish soon and be unemployable and then i can continue for about a year and a half and be fully certified but most likely under-trained by my standards

i dont even care too much about how much i can learn i just want to learn stuff

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i don't have any dreams

I just want a goal, i just want to have a reason to go on, i don't have a reason to go forward, if i had something i wanted to do then i'd do it, i don't even care about being depressed anymore, i need something.

There is nothing

I'm lost in space

I'm not passionate about anything, i barely enjoy anything

"Just live because that's what people do" isn't a reason to stick around but at the same time dying wouldn't end the pain

I don't know

>>35534215
So you're in it just for the learning?

>>35534228
Hey thats literally me
I dont know what to say

>>35534228
these days you gotta do a little soul searching to find some kind of purpose

>>35534161
math, im in my first year. i like math but academia can be fucky

>>35534334
IT can be. I'm probably gunna wind up going back next year though lol

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>>35534313
>So you're in it just for the learning?
pretty much. i cant really see myself integrating into society properly so im just stalling

>>35534462
Hey, a lot of people do that, dont worry about it. I'm sort of stalling, except i need a job soon

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I'm thinking of becoming a drifter. Nothing in life seems to catch my attention. Working kills my soul. I have ED now it seems, so porn does nothing.


Walking around and just focusing on my day to day needs sounds really appealing in a caveman type of way

>>35533450
I took my meds, but still can't sleep
I am super bored

>>35534498
They have medicine for that. Also idk about your health habits but exercise and food helps it too
>Walking around and just focusing on my day to day needs sounds really appealing in a caveman type of way
Legit apparently people with depression/anxiety have more neanderthal DNA. My friend talks about it a lot, its strange.
>>35534515
Have anything to do for fun?

>>35534590

I'm fairly healthy I think. I'm walking several miles a day or lifting. It's probably psychological.

But yes, I've worked out what I'd need in order to eat and sleep. It could work, but I've never done anything like this.

>>35534590
>Have anything to do for fun?
I was playing EVE with some friends, but they all went to bed
Even the guys in the US timezone

Right now I am trying to find a good documentary to watch

>>35534488
i dont think most people put off killing themselves until they are forced to confront reality

the only reason i dont is that im adequately distracted between the course and vidya despite the issues

>>35534639
I have no real advice except be safe and good luck

>>35534679
Whast topics are you into?

>>35534728
Yeah, I suppose not, but a lot of people spend forever in academia

Hi Skelly, things have turned up recently. I was the tranny in the other thread. I've come up with a plan!