Employer/Manager Feels: Red Flags For Employees/Job Applicants

>someone wants a job at McDonalds
>they have no work experience
>they never done any internships
>they never done community service

>>35524556
>>they have no social media presence
>>put their resume in a paper shredder

and people wonder why everyone has such a low opinion of HR drones

>someone's references are obviously their highschool friends who are lying about how great that someone is

>>35524556

>he has uni/college degree

A sign of an actual idiot who can't get their education elsewhere.

>>35525842
You only say that because you have to pay for college

I am actually interviewing people at my job. Pretty interesting experience...

>he has a college degree and he's applying for an entry level job

>>35524556
I hope you and your dear ones get cancer, not even memeing

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>First name is Tyrone, Jamal, DeShawn, DeAndre, Terrel, Desmond, Terrel, Malik, etc.

Into the garbage etc

>>35524556
Lol, I went through over 180 interviews past year employing for the company I work for. I wish I had enough time to even stalk anyone on the fucking facebaka.

> get cv
> longer than 2 pages; to trash it goes
> a single spelling mistake or inconsistency; to trash it goes
> using retarded fonts or making the CV a fucking art display; to trash it goes
> derailing in hobby/introduction section; to trash it goes

Everything else is workable.

>>35527254

>a fucking art display; to trash it goes

Is this really a thing? Should a CV be bland as possible? And do you read cover letters?

>>35527365
The only time I ever read any cover letters is when we are looking for:
- interns
- junior positions

Then I need a bit of backstory and motivation behind the guy. But so far I've read maybe 3.

What pisses me off is not the fact that resumes are thrown away by a bot before HR even sees them, not the fact it takes just copying keywords from an ad posting to be competitive, not the fact if one thing on your resume isn't the shining example of bullshittery self jerk off it gets put into the shredder, it's just the general arrogance and attitude of HR as a whole. We get it. You're in HR. You hate yourself. Just please for the love of fuck stop pretending the fact you gate people to jobs means you're the backbone of the godamn industry.

>>35527365

It's supposed to look professional, you autistic shitbag.

Part of the hiring process is seeing if you're retarded enough to fail even presenting a decent resume/CV and CL.

>applying for a job other than engineer
>white male
Into the trash it goes.

>>35527254

How blatant can we be with turd polishing and get away with it? Is there a point it becomes cute or funny? I'm able to bullshit and would like that to come through as a positive. However, I don't want the guy to actually think I was super duper proud of being a go-fer at the airport or the groundskeeper at my church. I'm great with interviews but I'm wanting to leave the small company I'm at and take a shot at a big job.

The best thing on my resume is a 4 bullet Summary where I suck my own dick. I don't know what to do about the mostly unremarkable remainder. I want lots of money, come from a strict protestant family so very time conscious with american work ethic, am single, have no friends or hobbies, and want to be liked by my employer since it will serve my social life. This is a good thing if I have the skills to back it up, which I do. The ambitious retard savant. It's just too risky to play my hand straight though.

I know I'm the best choice, how do I make Hiring realize that? I'm aware of office politics and am glad to play along with any corruption provided I don't face legal repercussion.

>>35524556
I don't know if this is just bait but that shit is a plus. I shred fucking Chad resumes all the time if he has stupid shit on his Facebook. I shred Stacy resumes as a fucking rule.

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HR fembot here.
>Community college
>More than 8 semesters to get their bachelor's
>No former managers in references
>No apparent community service
>Gaps more than 1 month

Secret: No one makes it through our online application system. IT has never been able to tweak it properly. We once fed it a fake application or our ideal paragon employee and they were rejected. So what actually happens is a department is desperate or someone is asking when we're going to hire their niece so we go through all the rejected apps one by one.

>>35527254
If a resume needs to go to two pages it should. HR managers who think otherwise are dumb cunts who don't know knowledge is power and get off to spewing the bullshit from their MBA fuckbuddies. Especially the fat hauscows who can barely fucking navigate MS Office.

>>35527730

I'll add that I've pretended to be a bored receptionist when herding groups of interviewees and then pre-judged them. For instance, the ones who just have to go pace around outside instead of sitting in the lobby waiting for their turn get a black mark.

>>35527365

I think he means like shit art. I treat all my documents like a work of art and autistically read on graphic design, convention, and writing in my free time. If you make a beautiful resume that's one thing. if you make an 'artistic' abomination with jarring colors, fonts, and made up convention on the spot then of course it's getting trashed. Show precision, conciseness, and put the pertinent stuff out there while cutting fluff. If you know how to draw attention to the big parts that's even better.

To elevate it to a proper art you need practice writing posters, essays, brochures, .epub, etc.. That's challenging and takes time. Going bland is a safe bet if you don't have the talent or desire to waste hours masturbating to fonts, headings, and margins.

Knowing how2LaTeX is a valuable skill. Knowing how to google clipart is not so valuable, especially when it still has the watermark. I'm not saying that's what you do, but I've seen it before.

>>35527599
Holy fuck you derailed for like 5 minutes here. No one in professional world gives a shit about your skin colour, nationality, religion or if your dick is uncut. Sorry bro, I am not HR per se. We just dropped HR having any interaction with engineers recruitment (until I accept a candidate) where I work at due to how badly they fucked up.
Don't polish the turd. Honesty will get you places, just be prepared to work at the position your skills and experience allow you to work at.

>>35527755
Good fucking job reading that. I don't give a damn shit if you worked on "greatly designed, mojito themed, startup straight from central New York located close to the best sushi place". Just fucking tell me what you did and what you wanna know, retard.
You can spill and YOU SHOULD spill your beans on the interview.

I used to be in HR.

What people don't understand is that we're not mean or stupid. We have to justify our hiring decisions with data.

IE, if I hire a guy from a school that has previously sent us a lot of deadbeats and he's also a deadbeat, I'm in trouble.

>>35527774
Is this a personal thing or is pacing actually viewed negatively? Obviously nerves are high if it's a proper job. I pace to clear my head. Otherwise I'm sitting there twirling my pen, bouncing my leg, or knuckle rolling a coin like some kind of self-stimulating sperg.

>>35527851
*and what you wanna do>>35527851

>>35527805
>>35527365
Yea, I meant shit art. >>35527805 knows what he is talking about. Just be consent, swift and precise.

I'm currently an entry level Excel monkey at a company with no hiring responsibilities, but I used to work as an assistant manager at a supermarket when I was in college. I got the """privilege""" of going through the applicantionss and scheduling interviews, where my manager and I would then interview them.

It's might be different for real positions (versus the minimum wage positions I was hiring for), but I wasn't too picky with the applicants. No obvious spelling/grammar mistakes and a halfway decent attempt to answer the bullshit questions would probably get a call back from me, pending there weren't any felony convictions on record. It's the interview where we decide to hire or not hire you at.

That said, there was only so many interview slots available. We couldn't schedule an interview for 50+ people for one position, so it was pretty much the luck of the order I looked at the applications in.

Willing to answer any questions.

>>35527851

They very much do care about your upbringing. America is known for being very time conscious, and especially the strict protestant types are hard workers. Sweat of his brow, idle hands are the devil's workshop, if you don't work you don't eat type shit. It shouldn't take 5 minutes to read a handful of sentences but that's none of my concern. Obviously a resume is not a biography. That was personal shit I shared with you.

So no turd polishing then? I'm good as long as I get the interview, I'm able to put the resume into context. I'm not sure about the honesty stuff though. It's been a problem before. It seems loose morals are what's in now if I'm to be anything more than a grunt. It's part of why I'm leaving my current place. If I'm working for a dishonest company they shouldn't be afraid I'm going to fuck it up by whiteknighting. I'm working to collect a paycheck. they don't have to give me something to repent for but they should at least know I'm not going to snitch.

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>HR
>Into the trash it goes.

Fat middleage women with no future, recognise you're almost literally at the very bottom of the employee chain, and anyone getting hired of even slight note will be entirely based off the considerations of the specialist interviewing them.

>>35527891

Well, if it seems like you won't be happy in a cube farm that's a strike against you. Ditto if you have an obvious monkey on your back and would sneak outside to smoke every hour.

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HR can be bullshit. Some companies use bots to scan a resume/application for keywords and no human eyes ever read it. Some questions asked during interview are also dumb as fuck, though I do good in them.