Psychological Issues

Why I crave for violence

>>35521847

Elaborate. Is it just violence or the idea of inflicting pain on others? Does it make you feel powerful? Do you derive pleasure from others' pain?

Slow day?

>>35521866
both. yes. yes.

>>35522936

OK, violent Bob, there's only you and me here.

Is this something you've always felt?

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>>35522945
>OK, violent Bob, there's only you and me here.

I'm still here for a bit.

I have two personalities.. nicest person you'll ever meet.. And.. Twisted fucking psychopath

are you an actuall psychotherapist?

>>35523628

Keks were had.

>>35523633

Nope.

Anon
Why cant I feel love? Neither to family or other people. Please help

>>35523797

Do you like your family or friends?

Yesterday I didn't have time to respond to everyone carefully, and tonight, so calm.

I wonder what's up with that.

>>35523859
Im pretty neutral to everybody, I respect my family because they care about me and love me no matter how much of a failure I am but I never felt that I love them sadly. I never had a crush aswell.

>>35523991

Do you feel sexual attraction?

Posting a list:

Long term effects of abuse and neglect include:

>emotional difficulties such as anger, anxiety, sadness or low self-esteem

>mental health problems such as depression, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), self harm, suicidal thoughts

>problems with drugs or alcohol

>disturbing thoughts, emotions and memories that cause distress or confusion

>poor physical health such as obesity, aches and pains

>struggling with parenting or relationships

>worrying that their abuser is still a threat to themselves or others

>learning difficulties, lower educational attainment, difficulties in communicating
behavioural problems including anti-social behaviour, criminal behaviour.

>>35521806
I have trouble completing tasks, and staying on task. for example, i have a paper due but I'm browsing 4chan instead.

>>35524025
Yup, not people in real life but only in porn tho

>>35524290

I'd wager it's anxiety-based, and procrastinating makes you think you can post-pone the worry. Right?

>>35524328

What if you meet porno people in real life? Boner or no boner?

I'm seconding the violent Bob guy, but I like receiving pain a lot too. I feel like I deserve it.
Exercise and vidya don't give me the same feelings. What do I do?

Also fairly sure I'm asexual.

>>35524389

Receiving pain, just feeling pain or knowing someone is inflicting pain on you?

>>35524423
It's best when someone I care about and trust inflicts pain on me, or myself. I don't like headaches or getting hurt accidentally. What does this mean? I've never been physically abused.

And what's a way to "satisfy" this craving? I think about it a lot

>>35524513
>I've never been physically abused.

Other types of abuse can fuck you up just the same and often even worse.

Tell me about your parents, maybe we'll find something.

>>35524355
No boner, though of sex>actual sex for me, why does it matter tho?

>>35524536

I ask whatever I think I should ask, sometimes it leads somewhere, sometimes not.

What kind of movies do you like?

>>35524535
Very traditional, always got mad at me really easily. I remember my mom gave me the cold shoulder and made me spend the entire day in my room for saying "thanks" instead of "thank you".

Nowadays, they complain about everything I do claiming to "care" about me, but really just have this fucked up idea that I'm messed up and them hurting me will somehow fix me.

I guess this could be a cause. Fuck I want someone to beat me up.

>>35524649
>Very traditional, always got mad at me really easily. I remember my mom gave me the cold shoulder and made me spend the entire day in my room for saying "thanks" instead of "thank you".

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand that's it. That's abuse. Parents who give the cold shoulder don't act like parents, but like angry kids themselves. Try to find out if they enjoyed doing this, though without showing it. Narcs look upset when they feed off you.

>Nowadays, they complain about everything I do claiming to "care" about me,

Massive narc red flag. Go read a list of narcissistic traits in parents and report back.

I'm sure we can find some way that this makes sense. For my next post.

>>35524649
>but really just have this fucked up idea that I'm messed up and them hurting me will somehow fix me.

Right off the bat, I suppose this is the idea your parents imposed on you, and you accepted it because it was the only way to make things appear somewhat normal, the only way to "save" your parents' image as "good parents".

You had a choice between:

- my parents are punishing me because I deserve it and it will help me be a better person, so they're good parents

or

- my parents are getting a kick out of making me suffer because they're narcissistic assholes and I'm basically screwed for years to come

Your child mind will choose the version that allows you to survive mentally, see Stockholm Syndrome. It's a survival thing.

Perhaps you are now addicted to that feeling of release when someone punishes you. Perhaps you're still dealing with painful memories and things you KNOW the truth of, and "getting punished" calms all this down.

"If I hurt, I deserved it, and all is right with the world."

I want to know why you're doing this. Is it to feel powerful because you have insight into mental health issues? Do you seek approval and gratitude?

>>35524812
I think that is it. When friends have come to me about very personal problems, I feel both honored that people trust me but also powerful because I know what's hurting them the most.

>>35524749
I think that is it, and I do like the release but why does it continue to go on? When will I stop wanting pain?

>>35524568
Dont really like movies

>>35524812
>I want to know why you're doing this.

Hello, Facet. To be honest, I am not entirely sure I could convey this to you, but I'll try.

>Is it to feel powerful because you have insight into mental health issues?

I don't feel powerful and never will, because I have a forced approach to mortality (anxiety issues were so extreme that I often feel like I'm dying tomorrow, as is the case now; whether it's next week or in 40 years, I feel exactly the same about my incoming death, so nothing will make me feel powerful in the face of inevitable annihilation).

>Do you seek approval and gratitude?

I genuinely love to help people if I can. If you want to get psychological on me, you could find the root of this behaviour of mine in how I was raised: valued for things I did, not who I was, never given any recognition of any sort for anything else; I grew up to become massively empathic, an emotional sponge with a deep interest in human psychology, shaped in survivalism, because I had to understand to survive, so I always tried to understand as much as possible.

>>35524915
Last one I enjoyed was warcraft movie

>>35521806
i talk to myself, like i were talking to a youtube crowd or smth

>>35524883
>I think that is it, and I do like the release but why does it continue to go on? When will I stop wanting pain?


When you face reality and manage to accept what your parents really were. You don't need to survive against them anymore. You can accept they didn't love you the way you wanted to believe. You were abused, and you've survived.

The best thing you can do is see a real therapist who specialised in abuse and recovery.

>>35524928
I appreciate you trying to explain it, but yes, it isn't something I can easily appreciate. Everyone dies, but some are still powerful. I also don't understand who a person is, beyond what they do. You could consider intent as well, but other than that what would you like to be recognised for? Potential? If you're suggesting some other quality I'm not sure I know what that could be, beyond a capacity and a willingness to perform various actions.

>>35524915

Novels?

>>35524962
>i talk to myself, like i were talking to a youtube crowd or smth

I do the same. I've done it since I was a child and could speak. The nature of what I said changed a lot. As a kid, I voiced characters in made up stories, as an adult, I spoke about whatever I had just learned. I've pontificated about psychology for hours and hours, also theology, etc. It's one of the ways I practiced my spoken English, for years. It became very useful since I've become a teacher eventually and did the same thing in front of a classroom and it felt natural.

I believe I started doing this to verbalise thoughts that were too chaotic just in my head, and it keeps yourself company to speak, even if there's no one.

>>35525015

Being powerful means absolutely nothing to me, because in the grand scheme of things, you were nothing that flashed into something and returns to nothing all the same. Unless there's a God with a plan, and then you're still not powerful. You're free, that's the most powerful you could be, but even that isn't much. Manipulating people isn't something I've ever thought of as making anyone powerful, more like abusing trust, which is easy to do, in the end.

I think you have a hard time thinking my thoughts and caring about what I care, and so you focus on what is done, but that's an incomplete reading.

>>35525043
Dont really like reading since middle school, I used to read alot fantasy back then

How to get over the fear of pain to kys?

>>35525177

Don't kill yourself. I know it's tempting, but don't. You're not in your right mental state for now, and you may have been there for months and years, but there's a way out. Hold on.

What are your symptoms?

>>35521806
Hi OP, I also love to help others and like listening to them share their issues. On the other hand, I'm finding that it's a fun game to learn how to best manipulate them. Can you think of why?

>>35525226
>On the other hand, I'm finding that it's a fun game to learn how to best manipulate them. Can you think of why?

You probably don't trust them much and expect them to be like you.

People aren't all like you, by far. I never even think of manipulating anyone into anything, for instance.

>>35525160
>abusing trust
Well, when you put it that way, it doesn't sound so great. I suppose ideally you need enough power that duplicitousness isn't necessary. The freedom to act, and to exercise that freedom ahead of those of others. You talk about helping, but your talk of mortality acknowledges that your ability to help is limited. that doesn't mean it doesn't have value. Control is no different in that regard. I might not be able to move mountains, but I can make someone on the other side of the world carve my name into their skin. Likewise you can't bring back the dead but as we're seeing, with any luck you might be able to talk someone out of suicide. Just because the scope of something is limited doesn't mean it isn't worth doing.

>>35525226
I do the same, and if they hurt me bad enough one time, I'll bring up their personal stuff for weeks after trying to hurt them.
I like having knowledge on people whether or not I use it or not. I don't know how to stop trying to retaliate though.

>>35525282
>I suppose ideally you need enough power that duplicitousness isn't necessary

What you think of as your power, in my opinion, is merely the trust that someone else has chosen to lend you. It's their power that you abuse when you betray them, it's not you being clever for having betrayed them.

I know, I've been on either side of that deal and neither had any power.

>You talk about helping, but your talk of mortality acknowledges that your ability to help is limited.

That's a very strange sentence. If being mortal means you can't help all that much, you'll have to explain, because nobody expects me to live forever, and I don't see how it prevents me from helping. Also, you're mortal too, like anyone I may help.

> I might not be able to move mountains, but I can make someone on the other side of the world carve my name into their skin.

You give yourself more importance than you have. The reason they did this has literally nothing to do with you. You're just a catalist. If they didn't have issues to begin with, they wouldn't have fallen for you, and you know it. 99% of this is the result of what their parents or other caregivers did, and how they handled it themselves; you just happen to be there at the right time and you've probably done to them the same sort of things their parents did. But this is not a power.

That's like shoving an old person down to the ground and feeling powerful. It's a delusion.

>>35525340
>I don't know how to stop trying to retaliate though.

Stop thinking of others as enemies. It will help.

How to love yourself when you hate yourself? I have nothing to love myself for.

>>35525363
You seem stand-offish today. Anything you want to talk about, champ?

>>35525392
>How to love yourself when you hate yourself? I have nothing to love myself for.

You haven't learned to love yourself. Start there. Your parents probably failed your in that department.

>>35525398
>You seem stand-offish today.

I am not. I only think I said things you didn't like all that much and you'd much rather project it back on me. Easier to think I'm stand-offish or other than to think about what I said and consider it fully.

>Anything you want to talk about, champ?

You're not very subtle, are you.

>>35525446
>Your parents probably failed your in that department.
To be honest, they always gave the best - encouragement and etc but i couldnt fulfill their expectations (they didnt said anything bad about it) so i'm used to see myself as an ultimate loser.

>>35525510
>so i'm used to see myself as an ultimate loser.

Something's wrong here. No child automatically assumes he's a loser. Can you remember events where your parents validated you? Or invalidated you?

What kind of expectations did they have? How did they react when you failed, why did you fail?

>>35525465
Your attitude is completely different from yesterday. I don't really understand why. I said I hoped you talked someone out of suicide. Can't say fairer than that.

What I'm getting from you is that I need to up my game. Pushing over a pensioner isn't very impressive. I need to find someone more resilient and break them down over time. That would be a challenge, and it would definitely feel better. To break someone like that down would be power. If it can be done without lying so much the better. Just conditioning. At first you bummed me out, but now I do see the value in what you're telling me. I need to reach a little higher.

>>35525551
>Your attitude is completely different from yesterday.

I'm aware that whatever I give you is a risk I take. So don't feel too smug if I do share anything. My mood is indeed vastly different.

As to the rest, I will never understand your type of mentality, I must admit. And no, don't "up your game", it's a mental illness, friend, it's not a game. You have a mental illness and the best you can do is heal it. That would be true power, because it's much harder to heal your own wounds than to inflict fresh ones on other people.

It's very easy to break people down, to be honest. It's not a matter of being hard, it's only a matter of not many people actually wanting to do this.

What do you get from breaking people? Honestly?

I still dont know why can tI feel love op :(

>>35525547
>Can you remember events where your parents validated you? Or invalidated you?
It's not about validation/invalidation after events but too much validation in general. It's like putting too much stress on my shoulders to perform better everytime.
>What kind of expectations did they have? How did they react when you failed, why did you fail?
They had good expectations everytime, even when something bad happened, they said not worry too much about it. When i failed they usually said how could i fail? Usually i failed because i was (and still am) unassertive and not confident in my abilities.

>>35525665

Describe your childhood and your parents.

>>35525622
As I said before, I get a rush from it. For a little while I feel in control; if you're the predator then you're not the prey. Conditions like mine can be accounted for but never healed. At that point, you either limp around trying to keep up with the people with legs, or you get good at using your arms and focus on outpacing others down hills. There's a defect that I can't change; I either try to compensate for it or make it work for me.

>>35525684
>It's not about validation/invalidation after events but too much validation in general. It's like putting too much stress on my shoulders to perform better everytime.

Validation may not be what you think it is. Expectations aren't validation. It sounds like they were stressing you out.

> they said not worry too much about it. When i failed they usually said how could i fail?

Some people say one thing and make you feel the opposite. It's the worst, because you don't see what's going on.

Saying "How could you fail?" is not a nice thing to say, anon. Chances are they ruined your confidence and blamed you for it.

Try this angle on your memories.

>>35525739
>if you're the predator then you're not the prey.

But if you have that need, you only confirm you've been a prey once and still aren't over it.

>Conditions like mine can be accounted for but never healed.

Easier said than fought. There's a lot that can be healed, but you'll have to try and make an effort.

>There's a defect that I can't change; I either try to compensate for it or make it work for me.

How long have you been in therapy? And did you try to manipulate your therapist instead of telling them the truth?

>>35525761
>It sounds like they were stressing you out.
Perhaps. Maybe i have a much stronger genetic predisposition towards accumulating stress (i had a very stressful birth).
>Try this angle on your memories.
I dont really have that much of a memory when it comes to these things. A thought comes to my head that maybe they acted inadequately - when i felt bad, instead of getting reassurance, i got more positivity because they didnt know any other way to reduce my stress.

>>35525275
Thanks for the response! But what do you mean by:
>expect them to be like you.
If I expected that I would probably fear others less to begin with. Understanding people is fun though as an effective way of getting what you want out of them...eventually.

>>35525861
>Maybe i have a much stronger genetic predisposition towards accumulating stress (i had a very stressful birth).

Don't think that way. There may be some truth to it, but anxiety is something you acquire during your life, even if the source isn't always obvious.

> when i felt bad, instead of getting reassurance, i got more positivity because they didnt know any other way to reduce my stress.

They knew. Just like you'd know how to reassure a child. Would you do and say what they did and said? If not, then you know they could have done better.

YOu may have Stockholm Syndrome, you defend them because you're still under the spell, a spell I've been under for decades myself, so I know how unbelievable the illusion is. Focus on how you FELT, not on what they said.

>>35525898
>Understanding people is fun though as an effective way of getting what you want out of them...eventually.

I know someone who thinks the same as you, and it always scared me.

If you thought of others as yourself, wouldn't be concerned that they'd try to use you for their own interest? Instead of developing a real connection.

>>35525824

Of course I'm not over it. I've been in therapy for about twenty years, still engaging and working hard on it but you can't just fix things. You can work around them but I will never be normal. It isn't possible. Do you imagine I'll one day just lose the anxiety, the paranoia, the psychosis? That from somewhere I'll gain empathy and the violent extremes of mood won't happen anymore?

I'm very honest with my therapist. If you must know, the only thing I wasn't upfront with him about was the sexual complications I felt at first. I only mentioned it once I was confident I had it under control.

The facts are these: putting aside any attributes that are unaffected by the turn things took early on, I struggle with mood and empathy. I also have an inconsistent sense of self. So the net positives of that are that I'm a good liar, a good actor, and in the right circumstances poor empathy can be beneficial. Turning a negative into a positive.

You might also be surprised - or possibly not, given that you seem to be reasonably informed about these things - to hear that I do a lot to help others as well. I go out of my way. I'm in a caring profession. I'm torn in opposite directions, and it can come down to a coin toss which way it's going to go.

>>35525732
Alright, I played vidya and read books, thats pretty much it. Never really talkative or up to hanging out with other kids. Parents had high-ish expectations for me because my older sister is pretty smart. They pushed me to pursue knowledge but not too much. They would give me everything I want even if it meant they would have to cut stuff for them, but I never had any requests because it felt like Im being a burden. They are good parents, yet still I was dead inside since I can remember. Nothing traumatic happened in my life aswell.

I can't get any tendies. Help?

>>35525908
>anxiety is something you acquire during your life, even if the source isn't always obvious.
I guess it's true. That's why i'm attending therapist in order to know from where it comes from.
>Focus on how you FELT, not on what they said.
Actually, i dont remember much except when i had conflicts with mom, i was the one who always had a apologize. I look to that as betrayal of myself because i was "forced" to change my previous opinion into more suitable in order to achieve piece. Now when i think i'd rather get physical punishment and move on but i've been getting psychological ones.

>>35525964

Would you fool someone into making them fall in love with you to then slowly torture them, little by little, without them noticing what you're doing, while making them feel like it's their fault, and if they fall for it, make it worse and worse until the breaking point and then discard them at the worst possible time and then ignore them for months while sipping their pain from a distance?

Is that a thing that rings a bell to your type of thinking?

>>35525967
>would give me everything I want even if it meant they would have to cut stuff for them, but I never had any requests because it felt like Im being a burden.

In other words, emotional blackmail. They shouldn't have made you feel like it was a sacrifice to give you things or support you. Of course you won't ask for much, knowing this. That was intentional on their part, don't be fooled.

Good parents make you feel like you can be supported unconditionally by them and that your interests exist to them.

You may not remember any specific traumatic event, but being treated wrong for years and years will have a lasting effect.

> Never really talkative or up to hanging out with other kids.

This doesn't happen on its own, and it wasn't your fault. Red flags everywhere.

>>35525964
>I've been in therapy for about twenty years

With the same person? Why do you stay if it's not working?

>>35526020
Now I'm trying to work out if we know one another somehow. It'd make sense, given that you seem to bear a grudge. That isn't how it happened.

>>35526014
>Actually, i dont remember much except when i had conflicts with mom,

Ding ding ding. If most of your memories are negative things and you feel like you don't remember much at all, big red flag. I have the same. All my memories are negative or almost, the rest is a blur.

>i was the one who always had a apologize.

Ding ding ding, other red flag.

> I look to that as betrayal of myself because i was "forced" to change my previous opinion into more suitable in order to achieve piece.

And more red flags. It's all classic abuse. This is not normal, anon.

OP what do I do about being terrified of other people? It's fucking up my life

>>35526160
>all those red flags
I guess it was psychological terror. Even if i know this, i cant go back in time and fix it.

>>35526123
>Now I'm trying to work out if we know one another somehow.

Made me kek. We don't know each other, trust me. How would I know who you are? The various people I'm thinking of don't fit you at all and can't even speak English like you do.

I don't bear a grudge against you, but I recognise in you some dark sides I've seen in others, so that's probably what you sense.

I do see you as some sort of odd Satanic wild wolf that can speak but who would devour me provided the chance to do so, because I know I am a prized catch for predators. All these delicious feelings that get hurt so intensely.

>>35526187
>OP what do I do about being terrified of other people? It's fucking up my life

I fear people too, to a degree I hadn't realised until recently. Find out who your mind truly fears. Who hurt you, betrayed you, etc. Often, it's your parents. There's a reason why your mind is concerned about humans. We must discover why.

I'll assume you don't recall any obvious abuse, but if I were you, I'd consult a list of emotional abuse examples and see if anything rings a bell.

>>35526202
>Even if i know this, i cant go back in time and fix it.

No need. You can fix it now. Understanding your past will help you change your present.

>>35526089
No, I think you are misinterpretating. They never said anything like "Yeah sure you can get the PS1 but me and dad will not eat for few weeks but I guess thats fine, enjoy your games anon hehe". It wasnt like that. If I wanted anything I could ask, and if it was reasonable (not like a pony or something) they would quietly tighten their belts and try to not let me know that it is a hit in the budget and get it for me. The burden-ish feeling came purely out of me, Im sure about that. They were treating me right and with love, even my sister had it more rough because she was their first child. And since childhood I was scrawny kid, so I didnt quite click with other kids that were busy playing football or something. My dad tried to spark interest in sport in me but when he saw I dont like it, he wasnt too pushy. They were both encouraging and caring.

>>35526203
The wild wolf analogy is something I refer to often in therapy. Specifically, I try to keep it chained up because when it's free it rampages out of control. Interesting that there are such parallels in our experiences. That part would devour you, no doubt. But that's not all there is to me. I'm a very loyal friend. I put those I care about ahead of me without a second thought. Everyone else though... Well, you've got it really. I don't see others as human at all. Just cardboard cut-outs, constructed to keep me from being bored.

>>35526290

All right.

I just don't feel like telling you that you were solely responsible for your own lack of confidence, because no child is responsible for that. Kids don't grow confidence on their own at an early age.

Let's explore another way. See any other track?

>>35526260
>Understanding your past will help you change your present.
How? I still can escape those "emotional" memories. It's like i can rationally understand where problems are but subconsciously i'm still the same person.

>>35526309
>The wild wolf analogy is something I refer to often in therapy.

Shit, telepathy hits again. (That said, as crazy as it sounds, I have had telepathic experiences with certain people, and I know how that sounds, but I can't doubt it.)

>That part would devour you, no doubt.

And I'd keep wondering why you're doing that as I'm being eaten alive, instead of just punting you away.

> I'm a very loyal friend. I put those I care about ahead of me without a second thought.

I'll suspect "those I care about" means "those who have something to offer me." And that once they lose this value for you, they no longer matter much. Right?

>>35526393

It takes time to reprogram and change your ways.

>>35526358
Well, I was never certified but Im pretty sure I have mild autism.

>>35526447
>Well, I was never certified but Im pretty sure I have mild autism.

Be careful with that. Autism is thrown around a lot nowadays; I wrongly assumed my father was an Aspie... Turned out he was an absolute narcissistic sadist sexual deviant.

>>35526309
Facet, I take an interest in you because we're very alike, except I'm much more honest and tricked myself into thinking I care about others. I'm also the "masochist" poster who talked to nick a few times above.
Curious, why would you want to hurt him, this random guy who wants to "help"? No one truly wants to help others, it's all selfish. Is it because you're scared deep down? :^)

>>35526427
>It takes time to reprogram and change your ways.
I'm pretty sure unless i get some revelation inside my brain, nothing will happen. Hell, even those 5 months in therapy been fruitless as i'm nowhere close towards getting the answers. Seems like i've wasted money and time.

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>>35526498
>Facet, I take an interest in you because we're very alike

>>35526498
>No one truly wants to help others, it's all selfish.

I help people on a daily basis, and it's not for myself, but I still do it. You can't extract yourself from any situation, but that doesn't mean you can't help others for themselves. Enjoying someone else's joy doesn't make you selfish, quite the opposite.

>>35526515

How did therapy go? Maybe try someone else, maybe someone who specialises.

>>35526409
There are a handful of people whom I count as friends, and only one of them is in regular contact with me. We've looked out for one another over the years, and I'm not sure what else there is to say. I never understand when people say relationships can be anything other than transactional. Obviously I value something about our time together and vice versa. I have come to crossroads where I've had to cast one person away in favour of another, and I've assessed that decision in terms of cost-benefit analysis. I see no other way I could have done it. I regret it. I miss that person. I made the right decision though. It's the decision I'd make again. In the end, perhaps you're proven right: when my hand was forced, I picked the one from whom I stood to gain more. This is pure logic. How else should a person conduct their decisions?

>>35526498
I don't specifically want to hurt him. I was just alluding to the fact that if the stars aligned such that I was in a certain mood and he was open, then I'd delight in taking him apart if I could. That said, I think it would actually be more likely that we'd become friends and he'd learn that I'm not as bad as all that.

As to whether I'm scared, much of my life is dominated by fear of one thing or another. As I said though, when you're riding high on tormenting someone else you're released from fear for a while. If I could live without fear, that would be all I would need to live a better life.

>>35526237
For what it's worth, my parents were never around when I was a kid. I just want to be normal, whenever I have to talk to someone I panic for days in advance, I try to come up with exactly what to say so that I won't fuck it up but I still always do. I swear I have a personality but I can't show it, I see people around me being all expressive and shit and I could never do that

>>35526480
Im not a narcisst, I have pretty low self-esteem. Im also no sadist or masochist. Even when I jack off its just to some normie-tier lesbians or shit like that.

>>35526561
>How did therapy go?
It was Freudian one.
>Maybe try someone else
Too bad it's too expensive for me. I cant pay 30 euros per session when i earn almost 350 per month.

>>35526569
>How else should a person conduct their decisions?

Depends what you want. Logic, absolute pure logic, doesn't work in this world. You may not end up very happy resorting solely to logic. I tend to use my feelings more than my logic for a lot of things, with various results. I'll sooner choose the wrong choice if it feels more right, even if I know it'll bite me back in the ass sooner or later.

>>35526569
How do you break someone without them shutting you out the second you try?

>>35526569
>then I'd delight in taking him apart if I could. That said, I think it would actually be more likely that we'd become friends and he'd learn that I'm not as bad as all that.

I must say I'm fascinated by the things you say. The first major revelation that therapy gave me was that I used to have blind spots about odd things people said to me. I didn't realise that what my parents said and did were absolutely fucked, and as a result, what you just said would have been "normal" to me, because I'd read them from your frame of reference, having none of my own that I used over everyone else's. Now I'm doing better and I can see it for what it is, but it's only more interesting.

>would take apart
>would friend too

It really is like you're a wild animal. I'm curious about the process of taking someone apart, because this is so utterly alien to me. If I hurt someone, it hurts me, and usually more than it hurts them.

>If I could live without fear, that would be all I would need to live a better life.

Maybe you expect others to behave and feel as you do. I'd be terrified too if I thought everyone was like that.

>>35521806
I'm a fembot and at this point I give up

Even with a bf or everything I want depression is still here.

Parents both left I'm adopted was hurt in a few ways by other people suffered from pretty drastic physical abuse 18-20 years old and I'm still 20
21 in July

But everything is suffering and I want to end things but I appreciate my bf and wouldn't hurt him that way

How can I move on from all the physical abuse and pain?

>>35526582

I was the same. I understand you fully. There are things you can do: tell yourself those people will not care so much. You care a lot because it's a matter of survival (or was, but your mind keeps thinking the same), but other people won't.

You're too much in alert mode to be able to just be yourself. It's not your fault.

Neglect is a form of abuse, anon. If your parents weren't around, they didn't give you what you needed, now you feel the urge to get approval from any old stranger because you weren't given any from them, and couldn't develop your own.

>>35526583
>Im not a narcisst, I have pretty low self-esteem.

Oh, I didn't mean to call you a potential narc, just that one can be very wrong.

Narcs, at heart, have very low self-esteem, but they try to compensate with a fake self.

What makes you think you have autism?

>>35526624
I envy people who can reliably 'go with their gut'. My instincts tell me I'm going to get grabbed in the night, and that I always have to be ready to defend myself. Thus I have to rely on logic because I'm not all that rational without effort.

>>35526715
>Maybe you expect others to behave and feel as you do. I'd be terrified too if I thought everyone was like that.
Possibly. I certainly see the world as fundamentally malevolent and hostile. The world as a whole I see as being poised at any moment to take everything from me. That's why I value things like qualifications, knowledge and fitness above just about anything else. My home, the clothes from my back, money and being honest, even my physical capabilities, could be stripped at any moment. I have no attachment to objects or really to people since I don't have faith in their permanence.

>>35526671
You need to be more subtle in that case. If you totally blow it then that's that. The most important thing to do is to nurture dependency. Make them fear being without you. Assure them that you will save them - as long as they do what they're told. If they don't, neglect them until they obey. If it's not working, move on. The biggest thing is to undermine their support structure. If they have friends and family to fall back on, they're much harder to prey upon. You always go for the gazelle that's fallen behind.

>>35526609
>It was Freudian one.

Psychoanalysis is mostly shit, because it relies on the idea that something unknown is behind things, and that's a huge can of worms. Stay away from psychoanalysis. It had its role in history but we've learned so much better since then.

>Too bad it's too expensive for me. I cant pay 30 euros per session when i earn almost 350 per month.

No insurance?

>>35526756

Sounds like borderline, check that out and report back; keep in mind this is a very complex condition and varies a lot from person to person.

That's step 1.

>>35521806
From Cole, I think I'm a weeb because all I can think about is this one girl

>>35526827
>It had its role in history but we've learned so much better since then.
Like taking drugs will do any better.
>No insurance?
I live in 2nd post-commie country.

>>35526817
>My instincts tell me I'm going to get grabbed in the night, and that I always have to be ready to defend myself.

Same, although I realise this isn't normal.

Apologies if I forget, but did I ask you about your past? I'll remember if you mention it; for now, it's lost on the confusion of last night.

> I certainly see the world as fundamentally malevolent and hostile. The world as a whole I see as being poised at any moment to take everything from me. That's why I value things like qualifications, knowledge and fitness above just about anything else.

Do you really think I, for instane, am out to get you?

> I have no attachment to objects or really to people since I don't have faith in their permanence.

But you are attached to your ego, even though that is not more permanent than your objects, in fact, your objects will outlive you.

>You need to be more subtle in that case. If you totally blow it then that's that. The most important thing to do is to nurture dependency. Make them fear being without you. Assure them that you will save them - as long as they do what they're told. If they don't, neglect them until they obey. If it's not working, move on. The biggest thing is to undermine their support structure. If they have friends and family to fall back on, they're much harder to prey upon. You always go for the gazelle that's fallen behind.

Don't you feel bad having such thoughts? It's textbook narc.

>>35526903
>Like taking drugs will do any better.

I was not thinking of meds. Odd assumption.

>>35526943
>Odd assumption.
It's either this or that.

>>35526921
He asked for advice on how to break someone down. I just furnished him with the best methods I know. I was being helpful.

As to whether you're personally out to get me, I definitely wouldn't rule it out. I'm a little on guard around you because it wouldn't be a surprise if you were someone I knew. You assured me that it wasn't the case, but that I did remind you of someone else - someone against whom you do hold a grudge. So if you can't hurt that person, why not enact your vengeance on someone who shares the same traits? People like that are all the same after all - you'd be doing the world a favour! They're barely human anyway. Did you see the things he was saying? A real monster, by all accounts.

So yeah, this is the kind of reasoning I apply to everyone.

Sure I'm attached to my ego. It will die when I die, but until then it's all I really have. Anything before or after that doesn't matter much, if at all.

>>35526997

No, it's not either psychoanalysis according to Freud or meds. There are dozens of other types of therapy, all of which better than Freudian psychoanalysis.

Depending on what you suffer from, some will be more adapted than others.

My therapist mostly follows Carl Rogers' school of thought, although it never comes up during our talks, so far.

>>35526792
Awkward as heck when around other people, both physically and mentally. Avoiding contact with people, mainly physical and eyes. Talking mostly with myself. Hate when something changes. Cant take any sort of hints that somebody is into me (unknowingly turned off ~6 girls that liked me and wanted something more) and realizing it later. I spend too much time imagining stuff. Also when I was a kid I had some weird habits, like when I snaped my fingers with left hand, I had to, just had to snap with my right with same force and get same sound. Other example is, when I leaned my head right to look at something, after doing it I imagined that something is orbiting my head and had to lean left to stop it, and if I didnt it would keep going and if I didnt for every full circle I had to do it one more time to "even it out". Hard to explain but hopefully gives you rough idea. Also its not ocd, I have no problem at watching something thats unfitting or misplaced.

>>35527055
>all of which better than Freudian psychoanalysis
How come?

>>35527039
>He asked for advice on how to break someone down. I just furnished him with the best methods I know. I was being helpful.

I wonder if you missed the point on purpose or if you really didn't understand. Very curious.

>As to whether you're personally out to get me, I definitely wouldn't rule it out.

It's always surreal to me to hear this. The worst that can happen to you is we exchange emails. I don't even know what you'd rationally fear from me.

>I'm a little on guard around you because it wouldn't be a surprise if you were someone I knew.

I really don't think you understand the situation. We most likely don't even live in the same country.

>You assured me that it wasn't the case, but that I did remind you of someone else - someone against whom you do hold a grudge.

I'm not good at grudges. I don't hold grudges.

>So if you can't hurt that person, why not enact your vengeance on someone who shares the same traits?

Because that would be unfair and make zero logical sense to me. I am utterly unable to punish someone else for something another person did. It makes zero sense. I literally don't get how people can do this and have it work for them. My father brutalised me for not being his natural son, while claiming otherwise, so I guess that worked for him, but I could never blind myself to pure logic the way he did.

>People like that are all the same after all - you'd be doing the world a favour! They're barely human anyway. Did you see the things he was saying? A real monster, by all accounts.

I am certainly not going to kill or hurt anyone. If I speak to wolves, it's to understand them.

>>35527106

Freudia analysis is too much like the argument from silence: you can make the unknown say whatever you want. Freud has been wrong on a lot of patients and pushed his own stuff rather than see things for what they were.

Stay away from psychoanalysis.

>>35527039
Who hurt you? And thanks for the advice, I did already screw it up because he's called me abusive before but I'm gaining his trust again.
It pisses me off when people I have this distorted "care" for, have friends other than me. I just want someone that'll hurt me and stay with me, or vice versa but me hurting them

>>35527193
>Stay away from psychoanalysis.
I might try some Existential psychotherapy or jungian stuff.

>>35527194

Do you have any idea how abnormal this is?

>>35527221

What's your damage? Some therapies are best adapted to certain issues.

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>19yo male
>diagnosed GAD (I think it's wrong)
>on escitalopram (lexapro) and alprazolam (xanax)

Childhood background:
> don't remember much of anything before 12
> was always a loner in school (spent breaks eating and wandering the playground alone)
> probably went out to a friend's house or party less than 15 times in all of school
> supposedly lived with parents until I was 6 then they left me at my grandparents house to live there until 12-14 (not sure)
> went to parents' house on weekends and they always fought and argued
> mom always the aggressor
> always scared as all fuck during their fights with all the yelling and sometimes breaking of things
> eventually start thinking that this was ridiculous and would start laughing whenever they (or anyone) were angry
> suppress my own anger in fear of becoming like them, however my younger brother told me I would sometimes hit him for no reason (I only remember one instance of this)
> never talk to anyone about anything more than superficial stuff
> always give one word replies to family members and strangers, never greet or say goodbye unless pressured
> I now have my first gf and I flip between giving all my undying love, thinking she's alright and hoping I never met her, 99% of the time she does nothing to cause this
> she also doesn't know about this
> it may happen lots of times in a day
> self harm burning and cutting myself because of emotional pain and sometimes recreationally
> constant feeling of wanting to hurt myself or get wasted
> feel pleasure and guilt hurting others, in any way possible
> had to create a fake persona to make friends in 7th grade (I didn't have friend until then)
>before then I tried my best to entertain and make people laugh
> it seems and they've told me that they really liked me and enjoyed my company, I don't believe them or get any satisfaction knowing this


How fucked am I? Do I have BPD?

I apologize for writing a bible in advance, also sorry for my english.

>>35527340
>What's your damage?
Low-confidence, depression, lack of dreams and goals. Extreme fear of intimacy and everything related with girls. I cannot even imagine myself having a sex with girl.

>>35527143

If there was a point I missed, I missed it.

I understand what you're saying. The faulty reasoning about hurting a similar person is exactly that, but plenty of people do feel that way. As a compulsive liar myself, I would certainly not be above suggesting a totally contrary position if it would help me accomplish my goals. Compare it to neo-Nazis who post on gay dating sites to beat the shit out of respondants. It's a common tactic. Thus, while I'm comfortable enough to take you at your word I also don't know for certain you're not a master haxxor out for blood. You just don't know. I would say this though: if I was less worried about the relative power and maliciousness of the rest of the world I'd probably indulge myself more egregiously.

Psychoanalytic psychotherapy is actually the only thing I've found to be helpful. There are problems with it, but my therapist, whom I first saw on an individual basis but now in group, tries to contextualise everything in terms of the family unit, transferrence and counter-transferrence and parts of self. I think it's helped me to make some better decisions. I've been seeing him for five years or fewer.

>>35527194
>Who hurt you?
Probably my parents more than anyone, but the sexual abuse from an older kid didn't help. About that - I actually think the reason it did so much harm was because of the persistent and escalating threats. If it was just the sexual stuff it might not have been that bad. The context was what messed me up, I think. Putting sexuality permanently in terms of aggressor and victim is the tip of the iceberg.

Anyway you need to sew the seeds of doubt. You need to weaken the credibility of their other supporters. Manufacture events to undermine their support and present yourself as the sole reliable confidante.

>>35527332
Abnormal what is? And what would you call this in general? I don't believe I'm narcissistic.

>>35527369
>don't remember much of anything before 12

Ding.

>was always a loner in school

Ding.

> they left me at my grandparents house

Ding.

I'll ding virtually everything on your list, so I'll stop now.

>How fucked am I? Do I have BPD?

Np. Yes. Or at the very least, strong traits.

It has many of the symptoms, including dissociative episodes where you don't remember what you did. My brother hit his wife and didn't remember, for example.

Good news is: yes, you know what you have.

If you choose to see a therapist, you already know what sort you need.

>>35527400

Go check a list of emotional abuse examples, from parents, and report back.

>>35521806
You're doing this because you want to validate your existence and make yourself feel better and wanted.

>>35527404
Makes sense, you didn't explain how your parents fucked you up though but the sexual abuse part makes sense. Did that change the way you interact with females? I'm guessing it must a lot, but the benefit is that many girls are into aggressive, borderline abusive guys.

Explain more. I have someone (or two) in particular. One I am basically his only close friend, but he's very optimistic and believes people he's simply acquaintances with are his friends and would "do anything for him."
Do I need help? What do I even get from this? Pleasure from someone else's pain, but nothing more

>>35527404
>If there was a point I missed, I missed it.

Simply out, breaking someone down isn't something you should even be thinking about. It's evil, it's mean, it hurts others. If you were being "helpful" to one person, your action would ultimately be dangerous to someone else, i. e. not helpful in total. Somehow, you don't seem to think this through and calculate the influence you may have, as in, you consider the person you speak to, but not the person this person wants to hurt.

Imagine you were the target person. Do you not feel like nobody should get hurt this way if you don't?

> Putting sexuality permanently in terms of aggressor and victim is the tip of the iceberg.

Or root of it all?

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I feel like as I grow older it's harder to get into a creative state of mind. I still occasionally crank out a song or an artwork but it gets harder and harder.

I have a hard time finding a creative niche- a crowd of cool people who share the same interests, collaborate, and encourage each other to produce something their passionate about.
The art scene is dominated by sjws, and while I'm not full-on alt right, I am aesthetically drawn to action, willpower, male-dom/female-sub, extreme idealism, martyrdom.

I have a hard time engaging in conversation with girls I'm sexually attracted to, because I'm afraid of being disappointed. I have some weird mental complex where it feels like people who are more attractive are more vapid (i.e. uses social media, listens only to hip-hop, goes clubbing). The people of modern reality just doesn't seem that appealing after burying myself in history books, and I find myself emotionally moved more by idealized self-destructive forbidden romance than what seems like the dull mechanical, transactional nature of real relationships.

My confidence level varies greatly. Sometimes I feel great about myself, sometimes I hate myself. I see a lot of cringe material online where people make asses of themselves doing one or the other, so I consciously try to level out my extremes, but that makes me feel boring and passive, like like is passing me by.

I waste too much time on imageboards but I love it, the shitposting and drama is so much more interesting than banal normie reality.

>>35527446

Discussing how to hurt people!

Narcissists never think they are, but the desire to hurt others and get something from is very narcissistic. If you can make it through the DSM definition of it, you may not have full blown NPD, but might still have strong traits.

>>35527568
>You're doing this because you want to validate your existence and make yourself feel better and wanted.

Even if that was all true, if it works, then everyone's happy.

The reality is not that exciting though. I do enjoy helping people and I don't have much left in my life right now, and I enjoy helping more than I enjoy anything else at the moment. I don't feel wanted and it only temporarily alleviates the pain; other people's problems are more palatable than my own. As to validating my existence, it is nice to feel useful, but I wouldn't go as far as saying it validates me.

I'm also here to gather experience in view of, perhaps, becoming a therapist myself.

>>35527583
>Do I need help?

Yes. Consult immediately.

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>>35527583
And what conclusion can you draw from this? You have so many nice guys who value women so highly, and would do anything for them. These women treat them with disgust and contempt, and pick assholes like me every time. What conclusion can you draw except that they're stupid and spiteful, and deserve whatever I give them?

As to my parents, my dad took his frustrations out on me - rarely overtly, more with contemptuous sentiment - and my mum was a literal whore with bipolar, who tried to get a sexual rise out of me to fuck with me when I was younger than ten.

>>35527605
Yeah, I see it now you pointed it out. But that person wasn't talking to me. If someone had come into the thread and asked how to check if someone was trying to get inside their head and asked me what to do then I'd try to advise them accordingly.

So what do you think is up with me anyway? I've had ASPD and BPD diagnoses, but you seem to be alluding to NPD. I've attached a picture with some scores that's simple to understand. However, if you can interpret a HEXACO chart that'd be good since it went over my head.

>>35527732
>What conclusion can you draw except that they're stupid and spiteful, and deserve whatever I give them?

You could study attachment theory and actually understand what's going on. It's not about deserving anything.

>and my mum was a literal whore with bipolar

Meaning borderline, no doubt.

> who tried to get a sexual rise out of me to fuck with me when I was younger than ten.

Your parents met in hell. I'm sorry you had parents like these. They sound worse than my own.

>>35527693
I'm glad that you enjoy this. If you are becoming a therapist, you should be aware of subconscious motivations that you have to dig around to get into the conscious. My post made you think.

>>35527522
I'd say mainly this
>Exploitation can be considered manipulation or forced activity without regard for a child's need for development. For instance, repeatedly asking an eight-year-old to be responsible for the family's dinner is inappropriate. Giving a child responsibilities that are greater than a child of that age can handle or using a child for profit is abusive. Example such as having expectations beyond the developmental stage of the child, forcing a child to participate in unwanted activities without just cause, requiring a child to care for a parent or siblings without regard for the child's age or ability
( i had to be responsible for younger brother), unreasonable expectations to perform chores or household duties.
I guess emotionally distant parents were also a problem.

>>35527732
>I'd try to advise them accordingly.

I realise that. You don't have a problem omitting the moral aspect of things; you have a blind spot to it. It's interesting.

>So what do you think is up with me anyway? I've had ASPD and BPD diagnoses, but you seem to be alluding to NPD.

It's where the water gets muddy. One thing you don't have in common with narcs is that I am not sure narcs can freely speak about the shit they want to do to other people, because they'd feel shame for it, their false selfves demand that they're perfect and good and etc. You don't do that at all, which, I think, is more antisocial than narcissistic.

You're fascinating to me because, as for other people in my life, I keep wondering if you're an evil bastard or a wounded child, or both.

Maybe this won't make sense for you but despite the pain I have suffered at the hands of people you remind me of (with limits), I still think of you guys as wounded children and I feel for you. Understanding helps me not hate you all.

I don't think you're like my parents.

I also don't think you're showing me everything, of course. I'm less naive than I used to be.

Have you ever committed actual crimes or really serious offenses against humans?

>>35527790

I know exactly why I like helping people, anon. Your post didn't make me think. I'm just telling you a little bit of what I know.

I notice it was important for you to think you brought something to me. I'm sorry that you did not.

>raised by sadistic narcs
>becomes people-pleaser
>learned to attempt extracting love where none exists
>no personal boundaries
>will do anything for love
>lives through what he can do for others

I'm aware of all this and way more, and I'm dealing with it.

>>35521806
how are YOU doing, Nick? what are your problems? only if you care to share of course

>>35527815

Yes. All this and certainly a whole lot more.

Just being distant is massive neglect, and thus, abuse. It's enough to leave scars.

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this about sums it up
https://youtu.be/NoUqM-_EEUY

>>35528032
>abuse
It would be easier that abuse would've been physical, not mental. Now i'm physically fine but mentally broken. I cant deal with this.

>>35528007

Holy shit, if you knew, you'd not believe me.

I've lost everything in the span of a few months. Some days I just want to end. I've had months of derealisation following massively traumatic events, and in the midst of this shit, I discovered my abusive past and reinterpreted my entire life and understood why I had war vet symptoms despite not having gone to war.

The rest is just too crazy to be believed.

>>35528073

Careful about Sam Vaknin: he bought his PhD and freely admitted it (to enjoy having fooled people). He's not a real narcissist, but he is a psychopath and has few emotions. He's mostly a dickbag who abuses his wife and gets off on being regarded as an expert on narcs. I'd remain very careful about this man, even though he may be correct on many things, when he speaks of narcs, you may have to think "psycho" instead.

>>35527910
I suppose I see myself as a bit of both. I would say that the older boy responsible for so many of my problems now, was subjected to things by his own stepfather. He was acting on what was done to him. You could even say from one perspective, he was blameless.

So in that, I do think I'm a product of what's happened to me. It might not be reasonable to expect me to do differently. However, if you have a rabid dog you chain it up, you treat it or you put it down. So yeah, at the end of the day I suppose I must be both. There's a tragedy in that, I think. It's like Adam and Eve punished for taking a bite out of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. They didn't have any reason not to, because after all they didn't have a frame of reference to suggest that they shouldn't; they fundamentally lacked that knowledge until they bit the apple. They were still punished though.

As to serious crimes, I'm fairly sure I haven't. I phrase it that way, because my memory is quite selective. I'm fairly confident that I haven't, but there is this constantly nagging guilt and I've had flashbacks before so who knows?

I'll say this though: if a crime didn't go against my ethics (I do have them, believe it or not) and I either thought I could get away with it or I entered an altered state - a fugue or a personality shift - I wouldn't rule it out. That's probably the same for everyone though, I suppose. I tried to enter military officer training for some time, just so I'd have carte blanche to order others to hurt and to kill, and ogf course to do it myself with impunity. I could be a good deal wealthier by now if they hadn't uncovered an underlying medical condition.

>>35528083
What have you lost and what made you get to that point?

>>35528076

Invisible scars. Studies show that emotional abuse is often much worse. I know your pain.You can deal with it and you will.

>>35528160
>You could even say from one perspective, he was blameless.

You can't. He wasn't a robot. I didn't turn into my parents.

>That's probably the same for everyone though, I suppose

You're wrong. Chances are your assumptions of what other people are like are vastly off field.

You're really intent on that hurting others thing. Does nothing else bring you joy?

>>35528183
>You can deal with it and you will
I really dont know if i can deal with it. I'm forced to abandon my current therapeutic progress (i have to study in another city) and due to this i think it's pretty pointless to get into therapy as something will come up (either other activities or lack of money). It might sound as an excuse but i dont think that parents abused me on purpose, more like they tried to avoid their responsibilities.

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>>35528156
I identify very strongly with his profile of a narcissist, he describes my situation so accurately. I'd go as far to say he knows me better than I know myself.

>>35528161
>What have you lost and what made you get to that point?

I've lost everything except my job and home. Lost my fiancee, my peace of mind, my dreams.

I'm barely surviving. I might have suffered the cunning, subtle, and vicious abuse of a narc, but even now I'm not sure.

>>35528250
At ten years old or there abouts, could you really be punished? The law says no. I don't really blame him exactly. I would kill him though. The one time I saw him, I was paralysed by fear. It was as though I was a tiny child again. Very trippy. But if I could keep my head, I would enjoy taking him apart with a couple of knives. I don't think it would be good or bad to do so, it's just what I would have to do.

As to what brings me joy, winning. Coming out on top. I finished at the top at university and I enjoyed that. I compete in martial arts, and winning gives me a tremendous feeling. I'm glad to say, in context I don't get hard though. That would be awkward. In any case, my success always has to feel relative to someone else's failure.

>>35528266
>t i dont think that parents abused me on purpose, more like they tried to avoid their responsibilities.

No difference to you in the end. They messed up, you have to mend yourself.

You'll find a way. Stick around these threads.

>>35528359
>I'd go as far to say he knows me better than I know myself.

Don't. Narcs never identify as narcs. You may be a psychopath with traits of narcissism, however.

>>35528376

Try to see not needing to win as a win in itself. See if that ever works. Don't judge yourself with regards to what others do, because there'll always be someone better than you at something.

>>35528401
>No difference to you in the end.
I guess you're right.
>Stick around these threads.
Too bad all those people have different traumas and i couldnt relate to them that well.

>>35528462
>Too bad all those people have different traumas and i couldnt relate to them that well.

You don't have to. There are things in your past that influenced how you grew up.

Now we have to help how you function as an adult so you can feel better and live a better life.

>>35528421
lol i love how you're ready to diagnose an anonymous stranger as a psychopath after reading two of his measly posts

>>35528502
>Now we have to help how you function as an adult so you can feel better and live a better life.
But even if i know that they were abusing me, i cant weed it out from my subconsciousness.

>>35528518
>ready to diagnose

>may be a psychopath

If the guy watched Sam's many videos and feels like he is a lot like him and what he describes, knowing that Sam was diagnosed by professionals as a psychopath and not a narc, then yeah, it's safe to say chances are anon is a psychopath rather than a narc.

So your attempt at showing how illogical my post is fails. Just think about it.

>>35528548

You can, by making it conscious. The more conscious it becomes, the more you'll be able to handle it and move on.

>>35528456
I'm aware that others will do better. That's something that's kept me in check over the years. I chronically let down my guard when I think I've won and it's lead to many humiliations - deserved, considering. The funny thing is, I do it all the time. In video games, for example. I'll have been fighting a boss in Dark Souls with a laser focus, and then get incredibly sloppy and die with only a few hits to go because I've already won and it's beneath me to take it seriously any longer.

I do remember that I used to take pleasure in enduring. In being a rock for other people. I was in a relationship with a girl who would drink my blood at one point. That felt great. As though I was sustaining her. I still like supporting people, but that quickly turns around if they don't do as they're told.

>>35528376
I'm the one that relates to you, and I'm so fucking used to losing. Not just losing but getting ignored, coming out on the bottom even though I'm one of the top. I wish I could get that winning mindset back; now if I do something that people cheer for, it doesn't make me happy, just makes me mad.

>>35528596
>The more conscious it becomes, the more you'll be able to handle it and move on.
Yeah, i know that thing that you stop doing if you bring out stuff into consciousness but how can you gain confidence by it?

>>35528579
okay, tell me in your own words roughly what the difference between someone with npd and a "psychopath" is

>>35528618
>I was in a relationship with a girl who would drink my blood at one point

I'm always curious about how fucked up people find each other (yours truly included). It's like they sense each other somehow, without it even being obvious. Or I've just been targeted by the likes of you and never understood it.

>>35528663

Psychopath is a less used term nowadays, but it essentially means very diminished emotions. Which leads to lack of empathy, because you can't imagine in others emotions and feelings that don't exist in you. Sam's empty face shows that, the guy can only feel anger or sadness.

NPD is a completely different ballgame and almost the opposite of this, as narcs become narcs as a defense against narcissistic abuse from their caregivers. You either turn into one of them, or become like a lot of people on this board, but that means you're stronger, in fact.

File: goodbye-i-will-always-love-you.png (495KB, 600x700px) Image search: [Google]

495KB, 600x700px

I must sleep! See you tomorrow.

You can always write if you need to.

[email protected]

>>35528631
Whatever it is, train more. It might seem like a normie platitude, but success is built on a stack of failures. The winner is the one who fails and keeps getting back up.

>>35528685
It feels almost mystical to me too. It couldn't be something so abstract as a weak posture, or a curl of a lip and yet we find one another. Then you have the people who find one another online, where there's not even body language to account for it. At times, it feels like providence and at others a curse. I tend to just assume that like attracts like, and broken people see something of themselves or their own experience in others. In the same way, normies tend to stick together too. Rich people, poor people. Same old patterns, like crabs in a bucket.

Psychologist here. Will answer questions for next few minutes. Please don't make them too autistic or I am leaving.

>>35528808
How's your first year been so far? Favourite theorist?

>>35528808
Why the fuck is a licensed psychologist on /r9k/? What choices got you here?

Is it bad that I'm falling for a girl 6 years younger my age on kik that I met in a depression group chat room?

>>35524536
Because it means your Elliott Rodger.

>>35528851
Yalom.
>>35528869
A series of bad ones clearly.

>>35521806
is it bad that i have become little more than an emotionless husk?
i tried and succeeded living the chad lifestyle and hated it and im back here, to become a fat robot again

>>35528808

Would like opinion on what Nick is doing and if you think he's helping at all.

>>35528735
the thing is i do feel remorse for my poor decisions and my emotions aren't restricted to just anger and sadness, rather than assuming i'm a psychopath why not give me the benefit of the doubt?
you're right, i don't think someone with real NPD would recognize it in themselves, i'm just looking for something to explain my inferiority and my failed friendships

>>35528949
It's all meaningless labels anyway.

>>35528939
Don't have the time to read all his posts. Just read last one on psychopaths and narcissists... seems like he doesn't know the disorders well and is offering pop psychology bullshit.

>>35529012

You've been outed, troll. Really wasn't a long attempt, eh?

>>35529052
What are you talking about?
Original commento

just came while awake for the first time in years, why didn't I really enjoy it? Like sure I got that cozy post orgasm feeling but there was no balls busting holy shit feeling while ejaculating. also i felt an urge to stop as soon as i was close and had to make myself keep going

what gives? is this normal or do i have some weird mental issues with arousal?

>>35521806
ok, i fucked this guy while drunk and i dont remember any of it and i have to see him in class at uni next week/for the rest of the semester and he hasnt called and i guess the sex was shit and i dont want to see him anymore. what do i do????? this was my first sex since 2015 :(

>>35530703
Doesn't necessarily mean it was bad. Some guys just like to pump and dump because they can get it anywhere. Sorry.