Struggling

Nothing, this is my peak form for psychic energy power production and work productivity.

If you want me to have kids well lol.

Waiting on my admission decision, in a few days it will be going on a month since I've applied and sent my transcript to the college. Praying I get in because really don't want to go to my second choice school.

>>35509617
>going through severe alcohol withdrawal
Fucking sucks, my man. Shaking, sweating horrible pain.

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>>35509617
Iaziness desu

>>35509665
I hope you aren't trying to be a hero and go cold turkey anon. That shit can kill you.

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>Grew up with abusive parents
>Got pulled out of school in 3rd grade, so wasn't able to gain any friends that way.
>Eventually ditch them and get another chance at a family through a lover (Their entire family welcomed me in, it was great).
>About 2 years ago, we break up
>Left without anyone to care for or about me at all, left to myself
>No close friends to speak of

I'm 25 now. I have no friends I'd consider close.
I'm also a mentally ill tranny, and most people understandably want nothing to do with me.
Considering my mess of a past, I'm doing really well. I haven't picked up any drugs or alcohol addictions, and acknowledging the fact that I have no formal education at all, I have a great understanding of computer science and know a couple languages.
I'm spending most of my time now trying to find fulfillment through new hobbies, like ice skating, drawing, or writing.
I'm doing more with myself, and I'm spending a lot more effort trying to nurture good friendships instead of letting people just pass me by.

Most of the time though, I still don't feel like I belong anywhere. I live with two friends I used to consider really close, but I feel at this point they just deal with me. I don't feel I'm too difficult to put up with either, as a roommate. I clean up after myself, and I mostly keep to myself and stay in my bedroom.
Above all else, I want to feel like I belong somewhere. Even if I can't have a family, having really close friends would be second best, but I find even that's difficult to achieve.
I feel like being I'm 25, I'm running out of time to find friends before I become 'that weirdo' more than I already am.
I'm doing as much as I can to try to make myself happy this last year, but hobbies can only do so much. I want to feel like I matter to some degree again.

[1/2]

>>35510581
[2/2]
I also have to wonder what's wrong with me to keep being tossed away like I am. This in mind, I'm trying to spend a lot of time figuring out how to improve myself. Though I've done leaps of improvement over this last year alone, I feel I've hit a wall this last month.
It sucks, knowing that if I died, there would really be no one to weep for me. If I had any major events come up, there's be no one there to support me or care.
I'm on my own, and it scares me.

I can gain friends. In fact, I put myself out there in many ways and pick and choose between who I would rather put my time and effort into (Not just our friendship, but I also like to give people advice and help when I can).
It's just that I don't feel I've gained any 'serious' friends. I don't have anyone who enjoys playing games with me, or anyone to hang out with. When I do, I feel they get tired of me rather quick, and I certainly don't feel like I come across as that needy. I try to balance out talking to someone first, and waiting for them to talk to me first, even if it takes weeks.
I'm fine with being patient. I just feel like I won't get anything out of my patience anymore.
I understand that at this age range, people have lives they're trying to follow. So a lot of the time, people get busy and life gets in the way. So to that end, I understand if most people don't care to invest any effort into friendships anymore.
It just sucks for me.

I'm tired of being alone and not mattering to anyone but myself. I have to wonder how much more of this I can put up with before I just give up. If I gave up, I'd be like I am now, but without hope of getting what I really want out of life- belonging.
I'm tired.

>>35509617
i had a head CT scan that i don't think i really needed, and now i'm worried it's going to give me cancer. it's like a 1 in 5,000-20,000 chance, but being as neurotic as i am, it just sucks to think about man...

Bump-a-rump.

>>35509617
My desire to die instead of having to be a wagecuck. Everyday I look for more humiliation about being a wagecuck, ask NEETs to insult me. Wagecucks are the lowest lifeform, not even human really. Hopefully I get hit by a bus on the way to work tomorrow. A man can dream.

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>>35509617

> drifting aimless at sea

have not been to school in weeks.
have no will to do anything.
because there is no meaning in life and despite my efforts to uncover one - i end up empty handed.

its all just so pointless. without direction and therefore i dont know what direction to paddle towards.

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>>35509617
I don't know how to put it into words. I'm having a hard time living right now and I don't know what to do