masturbation thread

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>>35509582
>be young anon
>before the days of internet porn
>trying to find anything to fap to
> no dad around so no secret porno stash
>looking through the VHS tapes
>see the Terminator
>vaguely remember seeing a sex scene
>fast forward through
>shit their it is
>it's mostly just silhouettes
>you see a brief shot of some tits
>lasts about a minute
>wow this sucks
>still fapped to it like 10 times back in the day

Kids don't know how easy they have it. Back then you had to work hard to jerk off.

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>you'll never go back to your first fap ever again

>>35509582
I really only get hard to gay stuff but if I try hard enough I can pretty much get off to anything lol

>>35509582
>details of how you masturbate?
With my hands. Raw.
>what the weridest things you came to anon?
Futanari hentai
>what the weridest ways you came?
Bent, with my upper body on my bed, dick pushed behind my thighs just before climax, wait for it to settle down a little, give it then 2 soft strokes, cum buckets on the floor

Haven't been jerking off for weeks now, though.

>>35509582
>what the weridest things you came to anon?
>what the weridest ways you came?
I came hands free to this the other day.

https://soundgasm.net/u/kinkyshibby/F4M-HFO-Induction-HypnosisHFOJOIFemdomlight-addictionI-am-your-Domina-you-WILL-obey-meBinauralsCountdownsLayersGood-Beginner-file5028

>>35510171
I tried this a couple of nights ago. Started it skeptical, but tried to get in tune as possible, about 25 minutes in I was shaking and feeling like I was about to actually climax but I lost concentration and went limp. I actually felt awful about it for a while, like I let the woman in the video down by not climaxing but I guess the fact it was actually working took me by surprise and I couldn't keep my focus.

Going to go a week without fapping and try again, I really want this shit to work!

details of how you masturbate?
Raw hands
what the weridest things you came to anon?
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, battle shits scene. (No porn tho it was the first and only time, best fap tho)
what the weridest ways you came?
Rubbing my dick on my bed back and fourth till climax
>>35509739
Didn't have my first fap until I was 18 and it was shit. Had my best faps recently at 19 where I known how to get the best feels out of it.

>>35510434
>Didn't have my first fap until I was 18

Christ. I think I was 10.
Definitely wasn't in High School yet.

>weirdest ways you came?

>found a balloon longer than my dick
>blow it up a little
>tie it off
>push the tied off part through the balloon, grip from the other side

This basically made a hole through the whole thing, Lubed that up and fucked it - it felt GREAT. really tight but soft.

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>>35509582
i jerk it to tickle porn and gunge
dont ask

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i fucked one of these for a while. didnt cut a hole in it or anything, just went to town by grabbing my dick through it.

>>35509696
do you still fap to it anon?

>>35509582
>details of how you masturbate?
99% of the time sitting up on my bed. With my right hand. I'm cut but U have mastered the art of a dry fap. I usually also do it under a blanket. Also always though the whole of my boxers, never pulling them down. Also I beat it at least 3 times a day.

>what the weirdest things you came to anon?
This is going to sound so "women contemplating dog's knees" tiers of fake, but "The Theory and Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism". It's a political manifesto in 1984. Hard to explain the exact turn ons really. There's just something about the tone and vivid imagery of a perpetual dystopia that turns me on.

>The weirdest ways you came
I like diapers also and using a magic wand while sitting in a shitty diaper probably tops extreme ways to masturbate for me.

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>>35509582
>>>35509582
>>what the weirdest things you came to anon?
>This is going to sound so "women contemplating dog's knees" tiers of fake, but "The Theory and Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism". It's a political manifesto in 1984. Hard to explain the exact turn ons really. There's just something about the tone and vivid imagery of a perpetual dystopia that turns me on.

W-what.
No seriously.
What the fuck.

I do nofap because wet dreams are way better than fap

>>35509582
I use to lie down in the shower and let the water massage my dick until I came. Felt good. Also used to jerk off by spitting in my hand and pretending my hand was a mouth (thumb first grip instead of normal).

>>35512460
What's the best way to induce wet dreams?

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>be me, about 6 years old
>watching pokemon
>weedle appears and does a wiggle
>get first boner

>be me like 9 years old
>watching a simpsons episode
>it had to do with a family getting lost in a corn maze
>can't remember what i fapped to but it was in that episode
>tfw first time includes corn maze

>be me
>retarded ass me
>dont know how to masturbate
>proceed to create own gay method of masturbating

1. get a semi-chub
2. take right index finger
3. push penis into groin with said index finger
in truth this is more like just mashing it on my pelvic area
4. begin moving finger in a counterclockwise direction
5. realize im basically just rubbing clit like the gay faggot i am
6. realize it's actually quite handy for cleanup because all the semen pools up in my foreskin and i just squeeze it out into the toilet
7. realize my penis never grew to full size because of constantly pushing it into myself

i dont think it can be done for circumsized but you're free to try.

>>35509582
>details of how you masturbate
I wrap my dick in either 2-ply toilet paper or paper towels for clean up. Grab the softest blanket I have. Turn up the music I'm listening to to maximum volume on my headphones and cum to the set image I chose or whatever I'm fantasizing about.

>What the weirdest things you came to?
That's really difficult I jerk it to everything(except pedoshit which includes 2d loli by the way). I'll just post these examples.

https://e-hentai.org/g/996841/f17d125173/

https://e-hentai.org/g/525424/6d1f4c033b/

>What the weirdest way you came
In some papers after 3 days of not fapping in a hotel next to my cousin who was sleeping. I've done worse though and I'll share if anyone cares.

>>35512815
I've done similar. Please tell some stories

>>35509582
I am going to jerk off to VR porn now

>>35512661
>dont know how to masturbate

The first time I came was by total accident. I had this method where I would grab a bunch of towels and watch girls next door on ondemand or weird youtube renders and piss myself while pressing my dick up against the towels. One day I flipped on keeping up with the kardashians and was right a the piss point, but I grinded my dick up against the towels too much and came. I freaked out and thought my piss was diseased and didn't tell anyone about it. That moment made me the chronic masturbator I am today.

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Fapped with my friends at the age of 10 every recess at some girls at our HQ. Schoolyard was dank af

When i was 13 i masturbated to a yogscast video, episode 25 or 26 of jaffa factory.

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>be me
>12, 13
>discover pornhub by typing "xxx" into google and pressing "I'm feeling lucky"
>get rock hard, don't know what to do
>rub my penis vigorously with the palm of my hand through my shorts
>cum
>do this for like a month before i figure out you're supposed to jerk it

>details of how you masturbate?

Laying down with spread legs or kneeling

>what the weridest things you came to anon?

Sara Jay

>what the weridest ways you came?

With the kneeling technique I always put weight on my feet. As I was jacking off and close to climax my right cuboid bone broke. At the same time I came to the sensation of pain and pleasure. Really regret doing that.

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>>35512999
>jaffa factory was 5 years ago
I really wanted to call you out for being underageb& but the truth is even worse.

>>35512903
Well when I was younger and my parents went out on dates I always got babystters. Whenever they went to sleep I'd sneak downstairs and take off their sock and sniff them, then rub their feet on my dick. By some unholy miracle I shit you not I was never caught. I came a few times doing this.

I masturbated in a bus full of students to my then oneitis who was sleeping in a seat across from me. I just grinded my legs till I came.

I came on the floor in the gym at a school event by humping the floor, again not caught.

It's like I have a guardian fap bro.

>>35512903
I also came to a lot of my teachers, classmates, the 6'5 lady at target, elderly women, furry fan art, when I was a wee lad in daycare I'd would sit next to this girl and rub her leg a lot. I jerk it to nearly anything that's not family or pedo shit really.

did any of you anons see or hear a person getting caught masturbating in class?

>>35513043
>As I was jacking off and close to climax my right cuboid bone broke
You broke a bone from jacking off? Did anyone find out?

>>35509582
>turn on shower to mask the fapping noise from mummy
>sit down on toilet seat
>have moisturiser on the edge of the bathtub within easy reach
>/noporn/
>means I can jack off to whatever fantasy I like
>usually BBW feeding shit but sometimes little boys
>but it's okay cos it's all in my head, not irl
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>bust onto whoever's mouth or fat belly or plump boipucci I feel like
>/noporn/ masterrace

>>35513677
The things I have jerked off to in my imagination make me feel bad about myself.

>>35509582
details of how you masturbate?
>My hand and maybe lotion
what the weridest things you came to anon?
>/d/ tier body changes (Giantess, BBW, Breast Inflation) and Cow Girls
what the weirdest ways you came?
>In a bathroom in a fancy hotel in Cancun at midnight after not having an opportunity to jackoff for an entire week.

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>>35513823
how bad can it get anon?

>>35514308
Getting off to grunts from halo taking a dump.

>>35513547
Uh huh. When I was 12 I saw a guy choking the bishop under his desk in math, he never got caught.

>>35510434
>Rubbing my dick on my bed back and fourth till climax

careful with this. I used to masturbate in this fashion and it caused my dick to gain a permanent curve downwards.

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>>35509582
>details of how you masturbate?
I like to rotate techniques to keep it fresh, but my favorite right now is using the water faucet from the bathtub
>what the weridest things you came to anon?
dogs fucking chicks
>what the weridest ways you came?
tightening my legs in the middle of class or using the dual shock 3 and a Spyro game lol was I creative

>>35514422
what kind of dumps,small ones,big ones,wet ones, grey ones

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>>35514751
let me guess,you are a women?

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do you anon like nipple play too?

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>>35513048
>tfw a robot reminds you your minecraft phase was 5 years ago
>minecraft phase was legit best era of my life

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>>35509696
this.
>be young anon
>grow up in religious family
>no pornmags
>no interweb
>buy car tuning magazines because it had bikini girls posing near cars
>play Street Racing Syndicate on pc because it had unlockable dancing girl videos
>fap in silence
>fap quickly as possible because thete was always someone home

Growing up in a big family sucks regarfing this topic. At least I haf my own room

>>35513547
In my high school in 2nd year (anglocucks and amerifats that means 2nd year of high school, I was around 12-13) there was this tall gangly blonde guy who got caught wanking to the business studies teacher about three seats away from me, from that point onwards we forever referred to masturbating somewhere you're not supposed to as "pulling a taz McMullan"

those were good times

>>35515050
the worst part is I'm not

humiliation/cuckold recordings from /r/gonewildaudio

>>35512378
You see, we need more posts like this and really get to the core of the very nature of human sexuality.

>>35509582
>what the weirdest things you came to
Stroking it in time with Ride of the Valkyries or Preserved Valkyria https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gar9A4OZKZ4 Busting a nut just before it fades out was breathtaking.

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>>35509582
In an awkward laying down position where my hips were above my head. Came in my own mouth
Feelsgoodman.jpg
Weirdest thing is pic related