My childhood was so shitty I would spend 16h per day playing

Same but it was Runescape for me. Grinding and progressing and exploring gave me a sense of comfort and satisfaction after a day of being treated like shit at school

I wasn't religious at all but sometimes at night I knelt in bed and prayed to God for friends

I also had serious mental issues from years of bullying to the point where I cried in the locker room in front of everyone and threatened to shoot up the school (even though there is no way I'd get a gun in my country) which got me a few years of private counseling.

Everything I ever did was wrong and dumb and that kind of makes me think these days that I can't do anything right. The only reason I haven't lost hope is that I was still a very good student despite all this and can get a good job after studies.

we all know that feel bro except RPG games were my thing not CS