All I got really is confusion. The hate as a product of that

Im confused.
I wish I weren't but I know enough to know that I am.

Constantly confused by everything after thinking about them too hard.
Like when a word looks funny or loses meaning when you roll it around too much.

That 'word' in this case is every waking thought.
You think, and you think about the thought.

My insanity, is not from my repeating actions.
Its from my thoughts.

I'm literally figuring this out as I write it.
Maybe I've known this whole time, and had some fear of making it real by physically articulating it.
But I am now.

It isnt just an abstract control center behind a brick wall any more.

>I can dress differently if I wanted to
But I don't want to

>I can eat differently if I wanted to
>could talk differently
>etc etc etc
>I could pack up and go anywhere because im friendless and homeless
>famililess
>ness?
But I dont want to.
I can no longer say I do not know what I want.

I want to be okay
And I want to be happy.

But my mind and its infinite nature.
Its inescapable circular logic like a glitched computer.

It wont let me.

My mind tore me apart.

And its pretty fucking gay.

What's worse is the pointlessness of it all.
Even if someone understood this.
A fraction of this.

It wouldn't change anything.
Even being able to describe this finally gives me no satisfaction.
But I can't stop posting these thoughts for any other reason but 'I wanted to at the time'.

It's useless wasted time.
Wasted space.
And I hate things without use or purpose.

Why do something that goes against some involuntary principle I inexplicably have?

It confuses me.
A lot of things do.

There are people
I think they're looking at the walls of unhinged text I'm pumping out.

They are the urban types.
The ones that glorify violence and morally questionable activity.

They're talking about a form of hedonism I do not respect.

If they see what i'm writing the character I've created here will be undone.

>>35486477
>and its pretty fucking gay

See this is how you end a vent without sounding like a tragic
like every 16 year old tumblr user

respek