/britfeel/

first for slam poetry

>have sex with cute girl a few weeks ago who violated me anally during sex
>it felt amazing
>been contemplating a butt plug ever since

I'm not gay r-right

Imagine eating pasta, lads.

What must that be like?

>>35474826
How do you meet cute girls?

>>35474784
Trying to play this burning crusade private server. But the questing and the game it self is outdated and boring.

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Do you like my poem?

Baby girl, baby girl
I need you in my world
baby girl

yeah yeah
check it
baby girl baby girl
i need you in my world
baby girl

yo yo baby girl
whaddup baby girl
why you in my world
baby girl

yo yo baby girl
spread your legs
unfurl
baby girl

yeah yeah baby girl
going down on baby girls
crazy world
baby girl

ya ya
baby girl baby girl
you marke it worth
while
baby girl

>>35474826
Lads need to stop worrying about being gay just because they discovered that prostate massage feels fucking incredible.

Having the greatest, most intense orgasm of your life doesn't make you gay. Liking penises does.

>>35474853
bland desu

yooo drunk on a sunday

its getting harder and harder to stop drinking by myself in my room these days. Ever since I moved back home I've isolated myself from my friends because its so hard to get into town to see thme and im so depressed I just want somethinig to ake away the pain

this is the semeester that will ruin me lads, I have no idea whats going on anymore

fuck this shit, fuck it all, all i do is spend hours on 4chan and youtube and ignore my work, im just watching myself dig a bigger hole

el oh el

>>35474303
Azulad wanted a boyfriend and you just fucked and bailed like a sterotypical degenerate faggot. Do you feel no shame?

>>35474853

Having Homepride creamy tomato & bacon soon(tm)

>>35474864
Tiny Boy
Little Boy
Baby Boy
I need you

Tiny Boy
Little Boy
I want to
touch you boy

I need you boy

Tiny Boy
Little Boy
Baby Boy
I need you

Tiny Boy
Little Boy
want to make
love to you boy

boy oh boy
boy oh boy oh boy oh boy
oh boy

If you only knew
what I'd do to you
If I was that boy
that's inside of you!

If you only knew
what I'd do to you
If I was that boy
that's inside of you

Inside
Inside
Inside of my mind

>>35474886
Getting drunk by yourself is the most pathetic and degenerate thing you could do. I'd sooner be a dude weed.

>>35474906
This, you should be ashamed toying with his feeling like that

>>35474928
Yeah I know, I'd try and find a connection but I was too shy to pick up so I don't even know how to find a connection for weed right now

I'd mich rahter be smoking, I far prefer it

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I wrote a little something for the girl that likes poetry. please tell me what you think lads, i dont want to sound autistic. welp, here it is

I come to speak for your dead mouths.

Throughout the earth

let dead lips congregate,

out of the depths spin this long night to me

as if I rode at anchor here with you.

And tell me everything, tell chain by chain,

and link by link, and step by step;

sharpen the knives you kept hidden away,

thrust them into my breast, into my hands,

like a torrent of sunbursts,

an Amazon of buried jaguars,

and leave me cry: hours, days and years,

blind ages, stellar centuries.

And give me silence, give me water, hope.

Give me struggle, iron, volcanoes.

Let bodies cling to me like magnets.

Come quick to my veins and to my mouth.

Speak through my speech and through my blood.

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>>35474826
Its not gay inherently, or when a girl does it, it becomes gay when it turn into the need to be cummed inside by a guy. I prefer cumming inside cute boys personally.

Getting my work done now, feel good to do something desu.

>>35474886
do your work madlad, everything else doesn't matter.
>>35474906
He just wanted me to get him drunk and molest him.
>>35474864
>>35474918
Twinkle Twinkle at a gaybar
has no sex toys? use a mason jar
smoking meth to get so high
herpes infection in the eye
Twinkle twinkle with a mason jar
Shattered in his ass, now in the ER

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>>35474918
baby boy
i want your toys
baby boy

baby boy
baby boy

let me touch your toy
baby boy

baby boy
baby boy
i like baby boys
baby boys

baby boy
baby boy
come come butterfly
sugar
lady

>>35474970
I'm trying to get my work done, I've done some of it, I just need to keep on trying and get it done so that I dont fuck myself overr ayee

>>35474961
Just use the fucking darknet markets. Look up a guide on how to use. It's hard to learn at first but once you've figured it out it's a breeze. Just stop being drunk by yourself

>>35474886
Going to finish up my pasty and then I'll hit the bottle myself.

Been to church this evening lads. Really powerful stuff. Great sermon. Almost got baptised. The issue is, I can get behind the God stuff but just not into Christ. Seems like a cuckshit sequel. I realise technically that would make me a Jew but you know what I mean. DEUS VULT = / = turn the other cheek.

>>35475017
oh yeah, I'm aware of all that shit its just I can;t do that while I live at home

Plus I'd rahter have a number I can call and get it whenever I want

>>35475046
what you drinking lad? I was on champagne now im on some beer, i cant fucking stop when it gets like this

that's cool, I've never been into that kind of thing but I love hearing from people that it makes a difference to. You're entitles to believe in that without belonging to a specific church i guess. shhh dont e a jew lolol

>>35474918
Dayman (ah-ah-ah)
Fighter of the Nightman (ah-ah-ah)
Champion of the Sun! (ah-ah-ah)
You're a Master of Karate
And Friendship
For Everyone

Dayman (ah-ah-ah)
Fighter of the Nightman (ah-ah-ah)
Champion of the Sun (ah-ah-ah)
You're a Master of Karate
And Friendship
For Everyone!

Dayman!

gf's parents are apeshit. what else is new?

>>35475129
>gf's parents are apeshit

why are they apeshit, lad?

>>35475112
>i cant fucking stop when it gets like this

You're a fucking retard sort ya fucking life out mate

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>>35474864
Spicy BMT on itallian
toasted with cheese but no lettuce
olives, jalapenos and ranch

>>35475046
If you're into the old testament you gotta stick to it word for word, which basically means becoming a goatfucker yourself.

It's all or nothing with the fire and brimstone stuff, otherwise you're living in the same iniquity it's preaching against. You can't pick and choose.

>>35475159
they don't want her to be on the internet because it could ruin their own """reputation""" in some backwards place that doesn't exist. pretty mad desuka

>>35475164
Yeah I know, its hard to resist more when I know theres more free beer downstairs

I'm gonna go to counseling again, I'll get another appointment with uni on monday and I'll get myseld out of this shitty rut

At least I'm not drunking during the day and shit

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quiet boy
scared boy
let me be your toy

wrap me up
pleasure me
fill me with your joy

crying boy
baby boy
do not tell my wife

baby boy
ill tie you up
stab you with a knife

baby guts
and twisted cuts
severed in the night

silenced screams
torn up dreams
baby sleeps tonight

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>>35475112
>tfw stoner and not an alcoholic

>>35475119
There's a spider
spider
spider
He's deep in my soul
soul
He's lived here for years
years
And he just won't let go
He's laying around
He's got a mean bite
Now he's ready to fight...
And stand up for what he knows...
I don't need your trophies or your gold
I just want to tell you all
Go fuck yourselves
Go fuck yourselves
Go fuck yourselves
I really mean to tell you
Fuck you motherfuckers
I don't need you in my bar

>>35475204
truly fuckin redpilled, alcohol is the devil but its all i got right now

>>35475188
i dont get it. what websites could possibly ruin their reputation, is she afraid of your gf doing some stupid shit on the internet.

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>>35475203
oribignal :DD

>>35475112
It's vodka for me. I have some girly mixed drinks 3 for a fiver but I'm just going to go with vodka I reckon.

>>35475170
You have a point. I'll have to think long and hard about it. God is a big topic deserving of a good investment of mental energy.

>>35475203
best 1 so far, lad

>>35475243
nothing at all. theyre scared of her going onto youtube or something and making THEM look bad

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>tfw you're watching your favourite YouTuber slowly die

>>35475297
they are beyond retarded. your gf should tell them to fuck off. parents that stupid dont even deserve respect.

>>35475286
Yeah, don't rush into religion. Be sure you want to devote yourself to it, it's an entire way of life, not a new pair of jeans.

I'll say this though, read the new testament yourself. Jesus wasn't some limp-wristed hippie. He was a righteous motherfucker who wasn't afraid to throw his weight around if someone was being a retard near him, there's a lot more to him than the "prince of peace" stuff they spoonfeed you in sermons.

>>35475286
noice, vodkas always a good shout

All I have tonight is the last beer in the house and I dont dare break into hte fancy shit my parents are saving

>on the dole
>think the welfare state should be abolished

I'm such a deluded cunt, anyone else having issues with their own hypocrisy?

>>35475301
>having a favourite youtuber

>>35475301
Boogie, TotalBiscuit... both dead by the end of the year

>tfw come into battle thread and anons talking about poetry reminds you that you are technically a published poet

Thanks for the chuckle friends

>>35475448
>having a favourite youtuber
I know he's a walking meme and a bit of a tard but watching his vids for a laugh is what got me started with working out. Which is what stopped me being a miserable drunk all the time.

I need a new ring tone. Any suggestions? What do you guys use for your ring and text tones?

>>35475354
I grew up in an evangelical household so I have been round the block a few times. As I mentioned though it's been a very long time. I'm thinking of joining an Alpha Course - a sort of discussion group aimed at answering whatever questions might come up about faith.

I tell you what sold it to me though. The preacher said it was his personal mission from God to convert Bradford to Christianity. He even had converts there. Whole families. Crusader as fuck.

>>35475017
the paranoia of my package being opened is too much for me to buy drugs online. I've had many packages be opened from post men and maybe the post office over the years. Cunts opened a box of heroes I bought off Amazon and left the wrappers in the tub

>>35475522
I didn't think that actually happened. It's never happened to me at least

>>35475443
>Racist
>I've only had sex with Asians and only find them attractive

Yes I vote UKIP/Brexit

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>>35475448
m8 everyone has a favourite youtuber if they've ever watched youtube, it's just something that happens involuntarily

I love this crayon-eating motherfucker, he's thick as a fucking brick but he seems like he'd be such a great lad to have a drink with

>>35475511
Jam on Crazy Frog m8

>>35475522
yeah exacly, ive never done it and i never will but i know people who have tried it and seeing the paranoia on their face for the week that they wait is enough to make me realise its not worth it

especially when uts somthing as smelly as weed lol

>>35475454
Totalbisuit, poor sod...cancer is a shitter.

Boogie, fat fuck eating himself to death and has tried multiple times to lose weight, even got celeb fit gurus to help him due to e-celeb status...still eating still going to die.

Fuck that weakminded fat SOB.

>>35475593
>Totalbisuit, poor sod...cancer is a shitter.

He did it to himself

have you seen his diet or his wife?

Literal hamplanets

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>>35474784
Oh, it's great being black in a white neighborhood

>White boys wont DARE start a fight with you

"intimidates whites guy*

>You get to fuck EVERY white girl whitin a one mile radius with your beautiful black...

*cuts to interracial sex scene*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyhmlS-CMsQ

Quintessential British entertainment

>>35475580
Firstly it's usually 1-2 day delivery if you get a uk dealer and it's vacuum sealed so even 50 german shepherds couldn't smell a thing

>>35474961
Where are you, lad. If you're in Kent me and Mr Cuddles can sort you out with some haze or cheese.

>>35475573

>/pol/ fetishises Asian women
>Looks down on me for having a black gf

>>35475652
>black gf

Revolting

>>35475641
i know but still, its the most likely thing to be found so i dunno man, i dunno reeeeeeeee

>>35475645
fuck sake reee im in edinburgh but i always dream of meeing robots in my area

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>>35475613
>have you seen his wife?

She knows her husband is going to die and she will be back on the market soon, it's amazing what being married does to people

>>35475454
>Boogie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXhqmRYoR3k

Today someone commit suicide because of me.

I have all the positives of murder (someone is dead because of my actions) yet I wasn't the one who killed them, so no legal culpability.

>>35475645
You're in Kent, lad? I had no idea you were so close. Whereabouts?

How's that darkie-hating dog and your wee ratto doing?

>>35475515
i sometimes wish i could believe in god and stuff, but it all seems too ridiculous in my opinion. most of what jesus done was probably metaphors that have been taken literal, like returning sight to the blind.

>>35475713

If you think its revolting fair enough, at least you're not a yellow fever hypocrite like /pol/

>>35475713

not him, but what's bad about it exactly?

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>>35475725
this is why I will never marry a women

they only get fat and start bitching

>>35475572
I had birthday money taken out of my card a family member sent me in the post. They didn't even try to hide it, I received a ripped open envelope with my card. Didn't suspect much of it until my aunt called me and asks what I bought with her money. Wouldn't even be surprise me if they stole that lads heroes

>>35475739
>Today someone commit suicide because of me.
Blimey. Tell us the story lad.

Probably about 20% of britfeel I would so almost anything for, and about 80% I wouldn't even call an ambulance for if they were dying, there is no middle ground.

>>35475739

in your situation id either feel like shit or feel like a god, i like to think id feel godlike especially if it was someone i hated, tell us the story anon?

>>35475833

Drug dealer I grassed(pun intended, it was mostly weed) on killed himself before facing trial. He had already been in prison before so obviously knew what it was like.

>>35475840
How do you discern the 20% if they're anonymous?

>>35475840
How do you make that decision? Are you keeping track of all the 'characters' ITT? Which ones would you do anything for?

>>35475864
>Drug dealer I grassed
Why would you do such a thing?

>>35475885
>Which ones would you do anything for?

That 31 year old anon who had the cinema date with the Romanian woman is someone I've got a lot of respect for, as an example of one of the 20%, all of the trap posters would be in the 80%, others go on a case by case basis.

>>35475894

He was such an annoying cunt, police just put out an appeal and I responded to it.

>>35475943
>That 31 year old anon who had the cinema date with the Romanian woman
But he claims wizard status despite having shagged escorts.

>>35475894
>That 31 year old anon who had the cinema date with the Romanian woman

Fuck that guy. I supported him until it came out he actually had sex and wasn't a virgin at all.

>>35475965
>He was such an annoying cunt
Got to be more to it than that. Or at least I hope so. I wouldnt grass someone up for dealing unless they were hurting someone I cared for. Maybe not even then.

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who else here /nightwalk/ tonight? Personally i have nothing better to do with my life than wondering around town and country all night, i do actually love doing it though

You now remember Poleaboo wanking to femdom escorts and talking about raping the polish girls

>>35475983

I'm not some autist who religiously hates every single person who has put their penis in a vagina.

>>35475943
if the others go on a case by case basis you don't know it will be 20%. what if you hit the 20% limit but there are still good lads that need something. will you just turn them down

>>35476031
But you're enough of an autist that you'd 'do almost anything' for a guy who lied for no reason on a insert meme here image board? How did he earn your respect? By taking a shit picture of a fat bird?

>>35476024
yes my man, I live in the middle of nowhere so I just go out on walks late at night

Its so calm and quiet, I love that shit

>>35476015

Why wouldn't you if they were hurting someone you cared for?

Anyway, this guy wasn't part of some gang that are gonna get revenge, he operated completely independently, even grew his own stuff so didn't have a supplier, didn't have any family members or friends to come and get revenge, I'm completely safe, and quids in from the police reward too.

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what the fuck is wrong with my foot lads? am i dying? It has felt sore all day, took my stock of a few minutes ago to see a tiny little bleeding cut and the perfectly circular bruise around it, I definitely havent banged my foot on something so hard to do this recently, i need Dr. Shipman on the case immediately

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>>35476024
Too much work to do, i like to walk down to the shops just before they close and get cheap reduced food.
>>35476027
he could have just been my sissy slave from the start.... but he didnt want to do that.

>>35476103
>How did he earn your respect?

By being part of the /r9k/ old guard. He's just a single lonely guy in his 30s who wants to share stories of woe from his life.

>>35476112
>Why wouldn't you if they were hurting someone you cared for?
My dads side of the family is pretty old school tough. I have plenty of brothers/cousins if I couldnt handle something myself. Anyway enjoy your blood money. I'm sure it's satisfying taking away a mans freedom because he was annoying and you wanted sheckles.

>>35474965

My vagina dried up on reading the first line. No women like poetry lad.

>>35476024
went out for onw last night, sat down on the pier eating a pasty

cushty times

Anyone else alternate the places they buy alcohol from so you never become 'that guy' who comes in every few days to buy cheap booze?

>>35476183
>Anyway enjoy your blood money

I will

>I'm sure it's satisfying taking away a mans freedom
Not just his freedom, his life, and yes I am satisfied.

>>35476179
Bit weird he paraded he was a virgin when he clearly wasn't though, I'd have the same amount of respect for him if he just said he was 31 years old and never had a gf

>>35476152
Holy shit. Think something nasty took a chomp out of you.

>>35476215
I hope he haunts you you faggot jew.

>>35476209

no but ive done with with cigs and tobacco after telling people i work in shops that "im packing in this weekend/last packet/im off the fags after these", etc, i now have to walk well over a mile for some amber leaf because im too ashamed to go back in one of the local places and admit being a failure

>>35476152
yup thats lyme disease, you got a will lad?

>>35476161
>Having a chubby pakistani as a slave
I know your standards are nonexistant lad but this is one step too far.

>>35475743
I'm in St Mary Cray, lad. Mr Cuddles has had a great day playing with a frisky fem Rottweiler in the fields while I smoked a cheeky joint with her owner. Ratty is doing ok too but he is getting very fat.

Hope things are going well at your end.

>>35476251

no, but to be fair i dont really have anything to leave anyone, i have a few pairs of rare converse but i dont think anyone will want to be wearing my shoes after this

>>35476209
I was buying some cans a while back as I usually do, this girl at the kiosk said 'back again hehe', I sperged out, didn't want her to think I was some sort of raging alcoholic so told her I just needed drink for a party I'm going to. Proceeded to drink alone and play CSGO tbqh

>>35476209
Been there mate. Nothing more shaming than going in and see the paki automatically reach for your brand of vodka

>>35476024
My Pikey camp is right next to some woods. I'm always pottering about in the pitch black with my dog while I listen to ghost stories on Youtube. Extra comfy

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>>35476224

As a terminal virgin yourself, you have no concept that you don't feel satisfied until a woman has voluntarily slept with you. Even fucking Elliot Rodger understood that one.

>>35476242

I'm neither a Jew nor a faggot. He was a cunt, I saw an opportunity to make some easy money and I took it.

>>35476317

for all the years ive made a hobby of nightwalking ive always avoided woods and places like that, taken shortcuts through the cemetary and canal towpaths once or twice, but the 2nd or 3rd time i went into some woods i was chased out by 2 nutters at 1am ish, they had flashlights and i had no light at all, i was lucky i got out 2bdesu

>>35476024

What do you do in June

>ask anons if a movie is worth watching
>someone replies by spoiling the ending

why are people so mean

>>35476366
I avoid all together asking for recommendations on 4chan after some cunt spoiled Persona 4 when I asked if it was worth playing

>>35476024
I'm a 26 year old man with long unkempt hair and stubble. When I go on night walks women are always looking over their shoulders as if I'm going to attack them. Fuck them, I just want to go out for a walk with no normies lurking about.

>>35476152
might be a blister, have your shoes been rubbing? any other symptoms?

>>35476385
ive heard the entire thing can be ruined in just a few words, glad im not into persona

If a woman came up to you and asked you to cuck her husband would you do it

>>35476339
Nah you're the cunt mate. Selling someone out like that is fucking low. Coming on here to talk about it makes me think you're already feeling guilty.

>>35476406

>26 year old unkempt virgin that rages about 'normies'

You can't really blame those women for being averse to a freak like you.

>>35476406

sounds like youre going out too early m8, for me, the peak of the nightwalking week is on wednesday night after 1am, its dead as a doornail everywhere then, same goes for monday and tuesday nights late on, thursdays and sundays are hit and miss and fridays and saturdays are too busy, I usually turn out just after midnight and get back between 2 and 4:30

>>35476435
Gonna need more details but probably.

>>35476385
When I was in secondary school, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix has just come out and everyone was trying to avoid spoilers about who dies. I walked into the library at break and shouted 'Hagrid dies!' at the top of my lungs. The collective cry of anguish was hilarious.

>>35476269
Only a half hour drive from me, lad. That's a pleasant surprise, I thought I was stranded with nary a robot nearby.

Things are grand this end, tidy little living situation but I'm bored as shit with my job. Want something more engaging but I also like how easy and low pressure it is. Tricky desu.

Glad Mr. Cuddles is getting on alright, sounds like that dog's having his day alright. Get a wee treadmill for Ratty, you can't be having with a fat rat. Think of the namecalling he'll get at school.

>>35476444

Nice trips, but I wasn't selling him out, I would have done it for free, the reward was a nice bonus.

>>35476414

only places my shoes have ever rubbed were right on the ball of my foot and that hasnt happened for a good few months now anyway

>decide to read an introductory book on prehistory, because i know fuck all about it
>author starts talking about the climate
>because so much of the earths water frozen, and ice is denser than water, the earths sea level was lower
>ice is denser than water

fucking humanities, reeeee

>>35476435
No I'm not absolute scum and wouldn't shag a whore.

>>35476209
i get mine from shop round corner, guy owner's alright but his bitch wifey always glares.
started going to the supermarket for a crate a few times each week.

ffs lads how do i stop spots breaking out

>>35476463
Like actual cucking, with him watching, not you shagging her behind her back. I probably would if he's cool with it but I reckon it'd be hard to shag her with someone watching

>>35476490
im interested in prehistory, mind telling me the book so i can avoid it?

>>35476517
>with him watching
That would really put me off. Knowing a guy was watching my hairy arse and probably fapping while judging my technique would be too much.

>>35476513
>how do i stop spots breaking out
What's your current skin care routine?

Check this out lads
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-4305774/Hilarious-British-situations-caught-camera.html

>>35476534
a very short introduction : prehistory

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>OI MATE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT ME

How do you respond

>>35476568
shower gel
moisturiser
memes

>>35474784

How many people here have caused someone to die as a result of their actions?

This can include literally any reason, be it murder, self defence, driving someone to suicide, car accident, industrial accident etc.

>>35476611
>'I want the girl on the right to choke me with her thighs while you beat me up'

>>35476616
So in other words, nothing? Get some facewash and dont use moisturiser if you've got spots it'll only make them worse

>>35476611

Is that a tiled living room?

>>35476611
>OI MATE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT ME
I said your legs would make a lovely scarf

does anybody else love pulling all nighters? apart from being really absent minded i feel happy and have no anxiety.

>>35476611
see, where i went to school the uniforms didnt look like that, it looks like a sexy spin on public school uniforms

those high socks are too lewd to be part of uniform, r-right lads?

>>35476675
i wish i could lad
shame I am a wage cuck

>>35476675
I end up feeling like shit and it takes me days to recover. Also being a NEET in his mid-twenties it raises the ire of my parents whom I live with.

>>35476587

>no 13 year olds in trackies outside Mr Patels little shop of horrors drinking white lightning

5/10 because they included lots of rain though

>>35474784

I would fucking despise having a NEET son, the shame would be so unbearable.

>>35476611
What's the weirdest shit you've done in school lads?

The hottest female teacher at ours did PE so I stayed behind when it was an outside lession and wanked to the smell of her used trainers. Was terrorfied I got caught on a camera somehow.

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>>35476611
>Yfw mummy may bans school uniform cosplay/crossplay in a few years

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Good evening, /britfeel/!
How are you all feeling?
What have you been up to this weekend?
Do you pick red team or blue team when playing online?

Hope you're all feeling great and have had a great weekend with whatever it is you chose to do!

Why is Star Trek TNG the comfiest show?

>>35476754
it would probably be your fault though, so yeah, you should feel ashamed.

>>35476759

Stole someone's phone, made a bomb threat via text, and they got sectioned because of it.

>>35476759

a kid in out maths class pissed in a bottle and threw it on the floor (lid closed) the fit blonde teacher we had threw such a bitch fit that she kicked the piss bottle from the front of the class, between 2 rows of desks to the back, it hit the back wall and ruptured, piss soaked carpet

>>35476796
I've seen quite a bit of TNG but just can't urge myself to watch it idk

prefer films to 45 min episodes of tv

>>35476759
Why are you all such creepy sex pests towards women?

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>>35476796

> Why is Star Trek TNG the comfiest show?

The Inner Light

>>35476804
This is why you don't have a girlfriend. Terrorism isn't funny, kid.

>>35476830
o i am laffin originally m8

>>35476759
sagged off school and got caught by the police and brought back. the police lied and said we were playing on train tracks when we were actually just chilling on a field.

it was a proper mad ones

>>35476706
I'm a wage cuck and pull all nighters constantly, granted not as much as I used to but I still sleep at 4-5am every night when I need to be up at 8am for work, sometimes I go to work without sleeping at all, get home at 5pm and sleep and then repeat the cycle

>>35476759
got a screwdriver and unscrewed all of the toilet doors.

>>35476759
Picked up from school by horse and cart. Uncle bought a new horse and decided to wait in the teacher's car park. There was a big pile of horse shit next to the head teacher's car. I guess political correctness prevented him from saying anything about it to me though.

Still cringe about that one.

>>35476895

But I do have a girlfriend you repulsive tranny cunt

Any security guard bongs here? How's the pay? How cosy is the job in itself?

Why do normies feel the need to infiltrate and ruin every good thing that wasn't their own to begin with?

Case in point and evidence of such behaviour is the 2nd reply to this thread about "BANGIN LASSES"

>>35476830
This trip seems off

>>35476936
>Haha mummy I just lied on the internet about having touched a girl. Now give me a kiss
Only one repulsive creep around here.

>>35476953
Heh that's my post

>having sex makes me a normie

Fuck I wish

>>35476936
>I do have a girlfriend

ham beasts dont count, lad.

how much do you weigh lads

>>35476994
8 and a half stone

5 ft 6

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>>35476796
feeling good now, got my work done and now going to relax with some onahole use.

I prefer DS9 desu senpai :^)
>>35476994

about 180lbs

>>35476796
evening lenner

Spent the last few nights working on my book after you lads gave me feedback, I appreciated your responses hugely. although it took me a little while to shake off the bad vibes from the lad who said it was bad

Even he had some useful stuff to offer though, so I've been taking it into account and found a lot of room for improvement, and it's coming out all the better for it. Don't want to be that guy who refuses to acknowledge negative criticism just because it hurts my feelings.

For some reason, always blue team.

How are you doing, lad?

>>35476978
Fuck you, sex is the most basic behaviour that defines someone as a normie

Sex implies desirability

>>35476994

6ft1 just over 10 stone

>>35476994
6'1
15 stone

really want to lose some weight

Yosuke always wears those headphones, but you never talk about what music he likes

>>35476861
perhaps the best episode

>>35476994
About 13 stone

>>35476973

there is far more than 1

>>35476979

They would count, but mine isn't. Why is it so hard to believe I have a gf?

>>35477036
>>35477038
Tall people scare me, please lower your posting rate drastically.

>>35476994

9st. 6lbs

>>35476366
>ask anons if a movie is worth watching
serves you right for not judging for yourself pleb

>>35477058
>Why is it so hard to believe I have a gf?

only the rejects of society come here.

>>35476953

Normies are the natives on /r9k/, crybaby virgins from reddit are the infiltrators

>>35477035
>NEET
>fat
>live with my parents
>autismo and depressed

I definitely aint normie lad

>>35476994
6'4
13.5st

Okhkggftj

>>35476994
5"10
9 and a half stone

>>35476994
should of asked for peoples height too. a persons weights is meaningless with out knowing their height.

soft cunt arnt ya lad

>>35476951
Reporting in, lad. Pay beats stacking shelves, I'm at 8.90 an hour on 12 hour shifts.

My job is proper cosy. I sit here, shitpost on 4chan, write and watch netflix. It's not guaranteed to get a position as low responsibility as mine, but if you do, it's a total doss.

>>35477041

> implying you'd want to choose to talk to him

no time for fuckboys in my gang, teddy and the sluts all the way

father ted on more 4 lads

>>35477090

Evidently not, I'm far from the only person here with a gf, and loads of people have their own place and steady job.

>>35477110
12 hour shifts, fucking hell. Do they also pay overtime? Feels like you could bring a stash of food and net in 2-3 extra hours of overtime for the quids

>>35477090
>only the rejects of society come here.

We have a Paki sex offender, a fucking gypo, cuckolds, anime perverts and trannies. This place is absolutely degenerate.

60 minutes on the excercise bike lads, only 30k but I feel a bit better for doing it

>>35477134
No overtime pay, but you do get double time on public holidays.

>>35477160

and a serial killer, dont forget lenlad

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>>35477175
Sounds great, you could consider me a workaholic in a way so I'd be fine with working through public holidays. How hard is the SIA test? From the mock tests I've taken they seem rather simple

Which board do you wish you'd never visited and why is it /pol/?

going to try a NOFAP lads
been wanking like 3 times a day for about a year lol :)

>>35477305

im thinking of migrating over to /pol/ actually, not even taking the piss, im racist by nature and they look like a board that gets shit done

>>35477310
what are the benefits of not fapping

>>35477310

ive been wanking 3 times a day for around 14 years now without a single regret

>>35476819
I can understand that, I couldn't get in to it for the same reason a while ago!

>>35476861
Absolute kino.

>>35477029
Well done on getting your stuff done for today! Sounds like you've earned some comfy time.

>>35477031
Evening, Security anon!

Glad to hear you're still writing buddy and even better knowing you've identified areas you want to improve in! Do you have any idea how large the end product be or will you just keep writing until you think you're done?

Blue team is the correct choice!

I'm bretty good thank you! Feeling maximum comfy right now! Might even go to sleep soon

>>35477227
I only ever did a test when I first got my licence and applied for a Door Supervision (bouncer) licence. It's comically simple if you pay any attention during the training course, because you've got to consider that the average calibre of person who applies for a security licence isn't generally the test-taking type.

If you just want to sit at a desk and do night patrols and stuff, you won't need to take any kind of test at all. You just fill out the forms, pay the fee, get a criminal record check and do the basic site training for wherever they stick you.

>off work tomorrow

haha get fucked work colleagues

>>35477325
Even if yo're racist, it just makes you feel miserable at the state of the world.

what is the best soup and why is it tomato and red pepper

>see a thread on page 1
>it's already on page 5 by the time I open it
Fuck this place

>>35477356
>If you just want to sit at a desk and do night patrols and stuff, you won't need to take any kind of test at all.
I was thinking of just becoming an average security guard and I thought the SIA license and guard experience would make me more attractive to the police force which I would later try applying to

Are scented candles gay lads, really want to buy a vanilla one

why do people use the pages on 4chan rather than the catologue

>>35477393
It is tremendous

I make my own tomato soup and it's great with some 3 cheese Tesco bread

Please argue why Tesco 3 cheese bread isn't GOAT. It's ok I'll wait.

>>35477355
Well, I'm at 40k right now and I don't think I'm even a third into the story. It's gonna be far too long and I don't doubt it's going to need some serious trimming down, so I'm not worrying about length too much and just going until I've said everything I want to say. I'm going to guess it'll end up weighing in at about 100k, maybe.

Glad you're comfy, lad. What are you up to?
I vaguely remember hearing that you chat with a few of the lads on steam, I was wondering how I might be able to find you if that's the case.

>>35477489
nah mate get one, I've got a christmas one burning right this second, reminds me of being younger and cosier

>>35477325
>they look like a board that gets shit done
Yeah LARPING as a crusader on 4chan really screams production

>>35477325
>they look like a board that gets shit done
HA x10^100

strong odour emanating from my ball sack region

can only be described as musky, pungent and spermish

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4305846/Durham-mother-finds-daughter-four-covered-Sudocrem.html#article-4305846

Lads, how does this make you feel?

Be honest.

>>35477741
Summarise. Not giving them clicks

>>35477773
>not giving them clicks

Mug.

>>35477741
its not what i was expecting dessy

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waifu. Noun. (fandom slang) A fictional character from non-live-action visual media (typically an anime, manga, or video game) that one is attracted to and considers a significant other.

post them

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just woke up, eating cold chicken selects from mcdonalds

Genuinely cannot foresee any reason not to end my life after my dad passes away. There is no one else and nothing else that I would consider worth staying around for.

>browse the r9k and pol catalogues
>cringe at the /b/ tier underage redditness of it all

should really be leaving this site but I can't stop coming

Does anyone else hate buying clothes?

I struggle to find anything I like. I only have a massive coat and I need a jacket that won't make me sweat when I walk down the street but I swear everything looks gay in some way these days

>>35478026
living the dream
oiujytrfd

>>35478132
that's what you get for browsing boards that are literally just /b/ after it got split into 3 parts

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>>35477909
Posting her lad, isn't she a good girl?

I occasionally get bored and go back to b/. It's actually unbearable. Was it always like this and I was too young and new to notice?

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>>35478026
living the dream lad, don't forget the yummy dips

Just shaved my pubes lads. Knob looks massive now, nearly split the old bollock carrier open though.

Just got the the Grand Archives on my SL1 run of Dark Souls 3. That hollow dagger has carried me through the game desu

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anyone fancy a stream watching random shit again?

>>35478253
>Was it always like this and I was too young and new to notice?
Nah. /b/ probably has an entirely new userbase on a weekly basis now. Sad to think that it wasn't that long ago people were actually afraid to go there. Now it's just porn.

>>35477127
you do have to be a bit of a wierdo to come here.

>>35478361
>Now it's just porn.
Yeah I noticed tons of that. I think fb/IG fap threads are the worst. I dont want to wank to your fully clothed 6/10 mates.

>>35477773
It's literally cp.

>>35478253
>Was it always like this
No. It genuinely used to be a hybrid of the content you now find distributed across /b/, /r9k/, /pol/, /s4s/ and /trash/. Since more boards were added that lessened the broadness of /b/'s subject matter, it's gradually been pared down into complete irrelevance.

It used to be "/b/ - everything that doesn't fit the other specific board topics", now it's "/b/ - dregs and miscellanea".

>>35478361
but it always was, I first went on /b/ when I was 12 because of how infamous it was but it was just porn and YLYL threads then I moved to other boards and became a social recluse

>>35478253
Porn threads didn't dominante so hard when I used it as a kid.

Are there any risks involved in posting an unidentifiable pic of your meaty member on /r9k/? Would you do it?

>>35478576
Unless you are a virgin, there's always a chance someone will recognise it

>>35478576
i've done it lots of times.

right lads just about to do the old H for the first time, how deep does this rabbit hole go?

>>35478576
probably not but why would you even do it?

>>35478609
Might try it tbqh. Gives me a bit of a stiffy thinking about you lads imagining how it smells and wanking over it.

>>35478626
I'm the anon who's doing it again on his 30th. You just smoking/snorting right?

>>35478461
what age are you now mate?

lads i finally caved and downloaded tinder, ive got a couple of matches so far but what do i say to them if they dont have a bio or any interesting pictures? whats the etiquette here?

>>35478335
come on lads join for fun times

might rewatch LOST lads

>>35478703
>"You look almost as good as me"

>>35478703
Open the conversation with "Wow you're almost as good looking as me!"

Then once you're chatting a bit and there's a bit of conversation flowing, you need to turn the conversation sexual, so you say "What kind of thing do you like in bed then?"

I use this to get laid literally whenever I want.

Doesn't work on every woman but it does work.

If you just bee'd yourself, would you have a job? I wouldn't desu

>>35478335
>>35478711
post the FUCKING PASSWORD IN FUTURE YOU CUNT

>>35478703
>what do i say to them
"I should very much like to have my bulb vigorously stimulated"

>>35478703
"Are you a dead chicken cemetery? "

Followed by the obvious punchline. Guaranteed lay.

>>35478703
9/10 girls on tindr are only interested in dick pics, after you send it you have an 8/10 chance to bang her, without doing it your odds are about 2/10.

>>35478758
theres no password lad

>>35477741
Nice try Theresa.

>this isn't original

>>35478767
You obviously haven't even been on Tinder.

>>35478765
>the obvious punchline
am i being really autistic by not getting it?

>>35478784
that's not what I'm seeing you lying kraut

>>35478800
To be it's not obvious. I was just baiting a bit for the (You)s

>>35478800
I'd like to bury my stiff cock in you desu lad

>>35478800
No it's not actually a joke.

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>>35478790
How dare you accuse me, I am always on Tindr. I always get the women on Tindr, I love Tindr, dont tell me I dont know Tindr!

>>35478810
the password was shipman but im sure i disabled it

Anyone want to rub bellends?

Every girl under 5'7 has a profile saying something along the lines of
>If you're under 6 foot we can still be friends
On Tinder. How can people meme about women being less shallow?

>>35478848
Did this yesterday with my psychologist. It's supposed to stimulate hormones.

tfw always hungry

trying to lose weight is hard lads

jobcentre tommorow lads. fuck everything

>>35478822
Correct answer is

"Because I want to bury my dirty rotten cock in one of your holes"

>>35478870
Literally never seen this on Tinder ever.

It's dangerous to get your knowledge about the world from r9k threads.

Last night I mentioned the book I wrote on here. My autistic little brother asked me about it. I said it was about psychosis, living on bennies and rape. Quick as a flash he said
>So it's an autobiography then
Absolutely savage banter lads, no idea where he got that from

>>35476994
5'10
Fluctuating weight, 14 to 16 stone depending on balance of work and diet. My new job involves a lot of physical labour and I'm gaining muscle mass just doing my job

>>35478703
>get match
>get talking
>have to go on a date or two usually just to have sex
>even if shes just looking for sex have to actually go to her place which always seems to be at least 40 minutes away every damn time

Too much fucking effort lads, I'd rather just have a wank and be done with it in 10 minutes without even leaving the comfort of my home

>>35478990
nice one mini anon

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>>35477909
here you go lad, 1 fictional character from a non-live-action visual media (typically an anime, manga, or video game) that one is attracted to and considers a significant other.
she's the only 1 i want desu

>got my fwb pregnant

It hasn't sunk in yet

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>>35476994
13 stone and 5'4" at age 24

>>35479037
Cases like this is why I support eugenics.

>>35476994
coming in at 69 inches tall, 69 kg
its been a long road but i finally made it

>>35478990
he's a ruthless vato, but i like it

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Who else here /female flatmate/. Sometimes when I'm loading the washing I'll cum into her underwear desu

Really want to try it on clean panties that I know she'll wear

>>35479029
your sperm has definitely sunk in though (to her egg haha wahey)

>>35479096
>/poleaboo_saga/time_is_a_flat_circle.png

>>35478990
I was the lad you were talking to about that yesterday.

That little cunt is fucking savage. You better be proud of him.

whats that one tv show you could watch on repeat forever

>>35479096
Whats it like having a female flatmate? Does it make it easier to interact with women or have you fallen further down?

>>35479057
funny, you're the reason I myself support eugenics

>>35479124
My jaw dropped. I cannot remember a moment I've been prouder of him, it was astounding

>>35479139
Buffy & Angel

I have to actively stop myself from starting them over again

>>35479170
is buffy actually good?

>>35479096
You do your flatmate's washing for her? Bit weird.

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>>35479139
Green Wing tbqh

>>35479096
Kill yourself. This is why it's so hard to develop friendship with men now, you're all horny freaks.

>>35479139
Star Trek up until the end of DS9. I love it all so much. voyager and enterprise can suck my smelly willy

>>35479144
She's a Stacey bitch and has just made me fall further desu

best sites to stream tv shows like LOST on lads? Currently torrenting season 1 but really just want to watch the first episode now

>>35479150
My life is better than yours no matter how you measure it, freak

>>35479198
Watching Voyager atm as it came on Netflix. Not bad desu

>>35479196
I'm pretty sure the reason you find it hard to develop friendships is because you're just a repugnant creature

>>35479178
>is buffy actually good?

Yes, it's wonderful

>>35479196
Is scotanon around?

>>35479215
untrue

for a start, I'm white

>>35479215
please don't bully babe

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>>35479196
>This is why it's so hard to develop friendship with men now, you're all horny freaks.

>>35479219
I just found everybody in it to be completely devoid of character and it became pretty dull fast. I liked 7 of 9 for her um... Character

>>35479139
definitely peep show lads, the older i get the more i relate to mark

>>35479257
She's not come into it yet because the psion she replaces hasn't had her out of character breakdown at this point. Tuvok and Janeway are alright. The doctor is great

>>35479181
Its got its benefits lad, imagine a nice smelly tanktop or shorts that she wore fresh from the gym, hnnnnng

>>35479239
S A V A G E

o r i g i n a l

doing a depression again lads

might go for some frosted shreddies and mint choc chip ice cream

>>35479239
Your're low class, weak, short, INFERIOR. Once my mum sells my house I'll be able to buy and sell you wasters.
>>35479250
I've taken enough of your sluggers while 'friends' stood around and watched.

>>35479318
do it lad
do you mix them together, bet that's nice

>>35479215
Be more subtle. Poleaboo isn't openly hostile like that

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>>35479139
Bottom, it was a fucking classic growing up. I remember when I was a lad and my dad would let me watch it on the weekends if it was on. I'd like to think its what gave me the humour I have now, crude and awkward jokes.

>>35479318
i always gain so much weight in bad depression phases, so now i drink instead of eating
also mint choc is the gods choice, if that doesnt cheer you up i dont know what will

>>35479371
are you my friend?

>>35479341
you planning on getting ur knob n bollocks chopped at some point lad?

A murderer is free because I provided a false alibi for him in court about 6 years ago

Every now and again I see him around town and he smiles at me, stuff like that is the only thing that keeps me going these days

smacked off my twattttttttt mates

what should i ask my parents for for my 21st birthday boys? they dont have loads of money but want to get me something special

>>35479457
an adultwork shag, bottle of whiskey and 3 grams of cocaine

>>35479456
what on lad?

>>35479361
I'm tired of being the class clown that has to take your shit jokes with a smile.

>>35479341
everything I am, you will spend your pathetic, defective male darkie life wishing you were

maybe when you send your mummy around to "buy and sell me" (because let's be honest she does everything else for you) I'll be sure to send her back to you with a new baby brother brewing

The fact that people are impersonating me proves that I'm the heart and soul of /britfeel/

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>>35479418
You might be, I did show a friend of mine here a few episodes and he got hooked on the series like that

>>35479491

I've been waiting for your uprising, Monica, can't wait to see it take effect!

>>35479454

Murder this, murder that, lenlad canal, lethal dose of morphine instead

I challenge everyone here to have a single britfeel thread without any reference to murder at all

>>35479487
smack, presumably

>>35479507
my friend doesn't really like cats, so i don't think it's you

>>35479501
more like the hormone-shrivelled cock and balls of /britfeel/ tbqh

How many SJWs would be triggered if someone dealt with Poley?

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>>35477909
Posted

>>35476994
47 Kg. I think I might die.

>>35479554
none

nobody wants him, nobody would miss him

New Samurai Jack is wild lads

i wanna get highhh everdyayyyyy