How bad has it gotten for you, robots? Does it ever get better?

>>35434553
Pretty bad. The yesterday and today especially, the weird out of place BBC threads leave me feeling like shit. I keep reporting them but it's not doing anything. My mom's treating me like shit like usual, college work is piling up and I feel no motivation to do it yet I'm still constantly paranoid about being dropped. I'm scared about being spied on by the government with all the vault 7 leaks, I'm having horrible nightmares every night, I'm not having a good time.

>>35434619
>College work is piling up and I feel no motivation do to it yet I'm still constantly paranoid about being dropped.
Iktf, anon, I've always done this with work, I feel absolutely no motivation to do it, yet I always feel guilty and paranoid about doing it, and I feel like shit because of that, yet I never actually do the work.
>I'm having horrible nightmares every night
What sort of nightmares, anon? Or are they abstract?
>The weird out of place BBC threads
Yeah, there've been a lot more of those as of late, wonder why.

Im a failed normie and I dont wanna live anymore
scared to die
It's becoming increasingly clear that sex and/or romantic love is not for me and it really stings when I think about it. just trying to kill feelings with drugs and alcohol until I just stop feeling no matter what state I'm in

All the while trying to keep the normie mask from slipping

I don't know if it will get better because I can't see the future but it sure doesn't seem like it

Thanks for asking i can't really talk about these feels with anyone

>>35434942
How are you a failed normie?
What happened to make you like this?
>It's becoming increasingly clear that sex and/or romantic love is not for me and it really stings when I think about it.
Do you have any hobbies besides drugs to keep you from thinking about it?
Just keep on keeping on, anon, I hope it gets better for you.

>>35434553
I almost think it's normie to try to kill yourself. I mean, so many fucking normal attractive people do it or try to do it, y'know? People who would actually kill themselves if they woke up in my body. But me, someone who's a pariah unlike these normies, just never has the courage or drive to at least try to kill myself in any way.

>>35435229
I think suicide shows weakness, or a lack of other options, for the normies, its weakness, for robots, it's basically the only option beyond simply existing.

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I think I've had one of the worst rollercoasters in life. On top of a mountain to bottom deep sea wanting to neck myself every other year. Something unfortunate always happens to me.

I always have a NYR to not have bad things happens to me and just live life. I literally though my last time would be the last event to occur for a while...but I couldn't even last 2 years AGAIN. I wish I was never in that accident

>>35435197
I have a job and friends and sort of a social life but I don't really go out and do anything except concerts and the occasional movie, I don't go and meet people cuz I never really fit in or belong in social situations. it's just a bunch of normies talking about normal stuff I don't understand/care about like relationships or whos fucking whoever else or some shitty TV show everyone loves that I've never seen or people they know and I don't so I have no frame of reference

And all I can talk about is music no one's heard of or memes

Well Ive always been too shy to ask out any girl I was ever interested in cuz I'm fat and not that attractive. then I found out through my own adolescent curiosity that my penis is too small to ever be any good, so much for sex or gfs lel

Making music is like the one thing I still enjoy and derive pleasure from other than drugs or chillin with my friends (which involves drugs and drinking a lot of the time)

I'm a pussy so I don't really have any choice but to keep on keeping on but I sincerely appreciate the kind words and concern this means so much to me man you don't even know

>>35434553
I am here to tell you that as bad as you think it is, it only gets worse

>>35435558
What accident, anon?

>>35435744
Have you tried getting /fit/? I know you probably get asked this a lot but maybe you should try that to while away a few hours each week.

What sort of music are you into/what instrument do you play?

I truly did mean it, too, anon, I hope it gets better for you.

>>35435938
I'm starting to use a treadmill more often, if nothing else runners high is real and feels good

I play guitar, I'm mostly into hardcore, indie punk and emo (not panic at the disco emo, more like american football and knapsack emo)

Thank you, if it isn't good I hope it gets better for you as well

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This world isnt for me

>>35436211
That's good, anon. Hope you get /fit/, or better than your current weight.

So you're into the emo music that isn't for edgy teens? Nice. Not my personal taste, but it isn't bad.

I feel really bad, I can't handle loneliness anymore but I don't have the courage to do any change in my life.

I'm in college and in this situation since high school, the simple idea of having a friend seems unreal to me. Starting from nothing at my age is doomed to rejection.

>>35434553
No it does not, as soon as i see a glimmer of hope the window gets slammed shut in my face.

This existence is just a big joke from the Demiurge to see how far and fucked up can he push one individual before he takes the easy exit out.

I will not lose to you tough Demiurge i will play your game il take what ever you throw at me and come out of it stronger in the end.

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>>35434553
At 25 it goes downhill from there until you die, it never gets better anon.

>>35436356
Even if I get /fit/ no one will fuck me so whatever but I have cool shirts to fit into so I gotta do something lol

lol it's still for edgy teens but a different breed of edgy teens

What do you listen to

>>35434553
It only gets worse, OP. Progressively worse.

>>35436411
These words are my thoughts put differently. Fuck yaldabaoth. Fuck him and this world he created.

>>35436441
Generally listen to dad rock, irish folk, and a little bit of jazz.

You might feel a bit better about yourself if you get /fit/, it doesn't have to be for others, anon.

>>35436513
Nothin wrong with Dad rock at all

Except shitty bon jovi

Sorry if you like bon jovi (im not bon jovi sucks)

Idk. I just kinda have this feeling its not meant for me. but thanks

>>35434553
It got better for me when I quit my anti-depressants after 10 years, completely cold turkey.
The daily sickness/nausea/vomiting, the anxiety, the weight gain, the complete and utter lack of any human emotion other than "meh"... everything solved since November 2016 when I quit.
Although... these days, my feelings have caught up with me and now I cry watching basically anything where anything emotional or happy or sad happens.
It's a bad/good situation though... feels nice to be able to feel something or anything again.
Now looking for a job and wanting to not be a normie, but get back to a healthy routine with work and getting out of my parents place.
Turning 30 in February kicked me in the arse too... hate being 30 and being a failure!

>>35436810
Nah, more Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd and the like.
Agreed, Bon Jovi does suck.

>>35436883
Will you be a wizard? Originally of course.

>>35436883
>I quit my anti-depressants cold turkey
Anon, are you fucking retarded?

>>35434553
Are you physically sick?

No?

Then it always has the potential to get better.

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>>35437552
this right here, if you aren't physically fucked up, you're already ahead the game

Fuck you faggots, y'all don't know what it's like having literal pain inside you and going to the hospital every month for a checkup because of a incurable disease

Honestly I don't think I can do this much longer. No goals. No ambition. I am so sick of just existing. When I drive to my shitty job my eyes get blurry and I have to concentrate just to keep my car in its lane.

I think about suicide almost every day now. I get irrationally angry over nothing. It's like I'm either so numb I can't do anything or I'm burning with rage over nothing.

God please just strike me dead with a heart attack or car accident or something because I'm too cowardly to do it myself. I'm 33. It's not a phase. It's only going to get worse. I can't take it anymore

>>35437601
>tfw you have to do monthly check-ups to make sure your liver hasn't exploded.

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>tfw some people want to live but die
>tfw some people want to die but live

what did they mean by this...why can't their be options?

I don't think there's a place for me in the world. I'll kill myself as soon as I can make myself do it

>>35435814
This. The longer it goes on, the more I realize this is true.

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I was gonna make a thread about the weird shit taking place in my mind, but I'll just write it here.

>I have no feelings of loneliness, and no desires for any companionship at all. I can't make myself feel love if I try.
>I used to care when people insulted a band I liked. Now I don't
>Stuff like pic related used to yield sensations in me. I'm not really into anime, but seeing a place depicted like that made it have some kind of "meaning" that real life lacked. This was last year - now both scenes look empty to me
>Talking to people doesn't feel good like it used to a few years ago
>Watching a movie/youtube video/TV show or reading a book yields no pleasure
>I don't care about life anymore, I have no firmly-held convictions or desires. I'm just stuck in torpor.
>I had a phase last year where I spent all of summer waking up at night playing a bunch of visual novels while drinking coffee and going to sleep when the birds awoke. That was the last time I felt happy.
>Spending time outside, meditating, going to sleep earlier, and eating better increases energy levels, but doesn't fix the base problem
>Relistening to my favorite albums doesn't feel 1/4 as good as it did a year ago

I guess the only solution now is meds. No one really warns you that this kind of stuff could randomly happen.

>>35434553
Very bad and never

>>35437526
I did that once to see what would happen. Got a bit sick and went slightly loopy for a couple days. Not the worst thing ever.


Personally I've reached the point of embracing my fuckery. Used to be a horrible, depressed, anxious wreck of a human. Years of therapy and anti-depressants didn't help, so I stopped. Put myself through the meat grinder to ween out beta behaviour by forcing myself into my worst nightmare situations.
Now I realise how little shit matters I can take pleasure in it without judging myself for how stupid or edgy it might seem. Last week I spent a bunch of time obsessing over different types of sushi and went out of my way to try a bunch of new places. This week my obsession comes from when I was working after class with a cadaver. I started getting a weird longing to taste the flesh because of how tender and moist it is when working around certain areas. Despite how dumb it is, I let the fantasies play on my mind because if I can't accept myself in all aspects I'll grow suicidal and self hateful again.