Greentexts?

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>>35421979
I'll post as many as I can find

>>35422115
Thank you kind anon. I just might defeat these feels.

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>>35422115
Gesioieldpskdjdlesccjoslw

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>>35422156
Hotdvknvfgfdrutsaqwbbnkppp

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>>35422165
Cboopllllllllfdhko

>>35422156
Thank you so much for giving your time to a feeling anon

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It appears my time has come...

>>35422193
I like your kindness very much my anon

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Oh, man. I'm really going to struggle figuring what to say in these posts so I don't get muted.

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It's a penis. It's always a penis.

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No one will ever believe you, Ms. Piggy.

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Not a damn soul.

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But it was AAAAALLLLL worth it.

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Well, maybe not this one.

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A good old tard green text
Orig

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I just don't even, man.

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This'll seg way into the next post.

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>>35422371
Also, >tfw I failed the captcha eight times before I can post this.

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The next two are also a /v/ classic.

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>>35422390
Text-less quoted posts are not allowed.

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>>35422396
A screencap from SomethingAwful. 'member that site, guys? :3

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From /tv/ last Christmas (2016).

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Never boobie trap your bedroom, bros.

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I miss the chicken tendies meme...

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Never prank call people, bros.

Does anyone have the retard 3 greentext? I've been looking for that for months

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Drugs're bad, mkay?

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Describe it. I might have the snapshot. But this is the only one I can think of.

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>>35422490 was meant for >>35422472.

Fuck the filter.

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Also, who thinks of these?

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Like the Majestic Salmon.

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>>35421979
origynal past

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A couple suicide methods coming up.

Suicide method one.

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>>35422523
Suicide method two.

>>35422512
"Were" means man

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An /r9k/ classic. This is probably not an original post, though.

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This is some evil genius level of pranking.

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Another two-parter coming up.

Two-parter part one.

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>>35422575
Two parter part two.

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Something from /adv/ to get you guys riled up.

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>>35422584
>women want their opinions and words to have a lot of effect
>juries and judges go out of their way to help out women and a normal girl's testimony has a lot of weight
>a woman saying you raped her immediately gets you taken in for questioning
>surprised when a guy wants to get the hell away from her after shes already said she is uncomfortable around him
>knows that she could say any number of things to get him in trouble with the law and/or fired simply on the basis that hes a guy and shes a girl

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Coming to an end here. Wish I had more.

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And she's still with him after all that.

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A /k/ classic.

Or at least it's /k/ if I'm remembering correctly.

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A very, VERY old one.

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Passive aggressive as fuck, but in a good way.

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The chances that this actually happened is pretty fucking low. But it made me laugh anyhow.

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Another /r9k/ classic. If I remember correctly, from before /r9k/ was deleted.

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Another one that likely didn't happen.

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Racism. That is all.

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Another classic from /k/. A /k/lassic, if you will.

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Helium suicides are best suicides.

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Not sure if a classic. But another oldie from /r9k/.

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A joke you can tell to people (though not women).

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>>35422807
I would believe it, especially if the pets were old

>>35422736
Crows are really smart. They even understand buoyancy.

I would bet the crow war was really just a few of them fighting.

Sorry I don't really have any greentext stories anon. I hope these few funny images are okay though.

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>>35422858
Ah, sadly don't know that one. :/

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Fucking normies. Rrrreeee, and all that shit.

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This might be more of a feels, since a lot of /r9k/ might not ever experience this.

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Dunno what to say aboot this, though.

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A classic from /b/ this time.

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Again, a classic from your ever loving /r9k/.

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>>35423030
Man-sized whole for man-sized men.

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A nice example of how normies treat other normies.

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Also how to mess with normies.

>>35422521
this fucking SCREAMS reddit. 32 year old fedora fag thinking he's hilarious and AWESOME. i can taste it.

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>>35423063
No, sir. That's just an average day on /k/.

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This is actually a feels screencap. But a really good one from /his/.

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Have you accepted Jesus Christ yet? :3

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Drugs and children, man.

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History and 4chan, man.

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Spook hunts are a thing.

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What the fuck territory, indeed.

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A Craigslist one.

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Screenshotted this one a while ago, I don't get to post this enough

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Like clockwork. Like clockwork.

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>>35423144
Definitely saved.

Also, only someone from /r9k/ would attempt this.

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Muh barrels.

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Every post is a repost of a repost.

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A /fit/ one. Well /fit/ted.

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>>35423236
/k/: a magic place.

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Or rather "magical," is what I'm trying to say.

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Soviet pizzeria.

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A pretty damn old one.

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Go mad or go home.

>>35422408
i remember how they made a big deal about outing creeps and then their entire mod staff turned out to be actual rapists

all moralfags are hypocrites lol

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Abusive manchildren are the best.

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>>35423276
Hail Satan, man.

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What normies do to their spouses.

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>>35423275
Never heard of this. Got a link or something?

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This one was pretty recent

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Nugget love.

A classic:

Autism during sex? I got one that's a step above in cringe level

>Find girl from Tinder
>Nice, hot, tall
>Date for a while
>We go to her appartment
>Both of our voices are sultry and slurring
> Rocking that boner
>She's horny too
>is this real life.png
>Climb on top of her
>Preparing mentally for the first thrust
>Nervousness intensifies
>Humor has always been a coping mechanism for me
>Decide to throw out a witty joke
>"hey I wanna try out this new technique that I perfected on your mom!"
>Get slapped
>She pushes me off
>Tells me I killed the mood by mentioning her mother
>Tells me to gtfo
>Leave in a panic, drive home in only a shirt, shoes and undies
>Jerk off and cry
>Blocked on Whatsapp

I guess I get it. Who wants to think of their mother during sex? Unless you're a degenerate that is. She wasn't.

>>35423318
find it yourself I'm not restirring that shit, plus looking at those people makes me ill
also it's hilarious that the ambien fiend himself is trying to ditch all his insane commie buddies and pivot towards the Joe Rogan center-right douche position. he truly is a fucking snake

at least they forced the creation of their antithesis in 4chan, but then they're also the reason 4chan was started by hipster assholes

what a shitty mess

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A Facebook post.

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>>35423824
A similar incident.

>>35423415
And go fuck yourself.

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>>35423836
Another one involving cats.

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>>35423844
One last cat one.

>>35423836
buttmad 10bux detected
lol "go fuck yourself" what a weak insult
smartest forums on the internet lol

>>35423921
>lol
This is too irritating. Please stop.

>>35423109
>where ya headed
Fucking triggers me everytime a cop does this. Fuck you, it's not your business you retard. What if I go on daily midnight rides along the neighbourhood? Is that illegal now? What if I am not going anywhere, and am just driving for pure enjoyment?

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It's a fucking cougar, mate.

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It's a shame that non-Latin letters are prohibited on /r9k/. I speak Russian.

>>35424118
/fit/ is an abundance of no homo.

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Last one, guys. This was (mostly) all I had.

>>35423942
a @bestof4chan plagiarist and goon gets no love from me