/cripplingdepression/ general

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>>35416992
Hi skelly.

I finally got up the energy to start playing WoW on a private server again. I put it off for like two months because I know I'll wind up lonely and disappointed again, compared to what it used to be a decade ago, since none of my old friends play. But right now it's pretty nice.

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>>35416992
Pretty shitty skelly bro. Work was tiring as fuck today and I'm constantly tired of everything. What about you man? How you been?

>>35417108
I played a bit of wow when legion came out with friends, it was nice but i cant afford it and they all played on different servers

>>35417113
I'm living as a NEET and wanting to die. MIght be going to graduate school, at least if i get in or whatever
its hard to do shit
What do you do for work?

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>>35416992
Hey brotendo.
I'm doing ok. I've been at home on Spring Break which has been nice and I got to spend time with my family which was really needed. Didn't get much homework done and now I need to go back up on Saturday. Kinda just on autopilot right now, wish I could stop drinking/smoking/thinking about my ex so often.

How you doing skelly?

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>>35416992
not great.
just feeling sad and lonely, as usual.

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>>35417146
In 2007 this girl I knew in high school would play every night with me. We leveled all the way to 70 together. She has a girlfriend now and doesn't play anymore. She quit during Cataclysm with pretty much everyone else I knew. I'd give anything to have the old days back but I feel guilty about it, since her and everyone else I played with are glad to have that era of their life behind them. They have better things than escapism now. And in a way that's good, it means they escaped the awful place we were all in back then. But I didn't, so it also means I'm alone here.

Also I'm a fraud since I post images from Yuru Yuri without having watched the anime.

>>35417284
I wish I could go back to my early days in BC, but I know even on a private server it wouldn't be the same for me. That game was and still is comfy AF. I wonder how much longer it'll be around for.

>>35417272
I'm glad you got to spend time with your senpai. How long has it been since you broke up with your ex if you dont mind me asking?
Also i've been shit. Feel in and out and in and out of love with a dude and now im really just envious of his social life even though i dont like his friends very much or the things they do. I just feel like a shut in. Currently moving, thats stressing me out

>>35417274
wanna talk about it?

>>35417284
Ive had friends who say the same things, wish they could go back to their old WOW days. I get it, I really do. What awful place are you in now?
Also the show is cute but not really worth watching. Not really a SOL person so take my opinion as you will

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>>35417370
Dude I'm in the exact same situation. I broke up with my ex in November but we're next door neighbors at our uni apartments. My roommate is still friends with her, and we have a bunch of mutual friends as well. Living next to her has been fucking garbage.

I don't want to be with her, but the itch of wondering what she's up to, and then the pain of seeing her activity on her FB is a load of horseshit. I just want to move into another house and gtfo.

Where did you meet this guy? What's he like?

>>35417482
He's two hours away so its not like, I see him everyday or even often :<
Internet really, we talked and I liked him, so we met up and boned. For a while I was content with that but something changed in me recently idk. Its been a rough half a year if not more
He's cool, doing law school near me. Has a great taste in everything I'm into (except weird fets), problem is that hes still hurt over his ex who fucked him up bad and that causes problems. Idk we're too far and he's going away even further soonish so no real point in trying

>>35417482
and fuck now im listening to shoegaze and playing the witness and im even sadder somehow. im actual garbage

>>35416992
Pretty bad skelly. I lost it again tonight and ate around 8,000 calories, and now I hate myself more than ever. I'm not a fatbot by any means, but If I keep this up it won't be long. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and food has always been a comfort for me, even as a kid. Anyway my life has continued to get worse, but I will say that coming to /r9k/ throughout the day has always been a highlight

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>>35417370
>What awful place are you in now?
eh. nothing special. 30yo neet wizard, blew all my chances at having a life or any success, that sort of thing. I wouldn't even begin to know where I could turn it around, even if I were the energetic, motivated kind of person, since I barely know anyone, have no degree, no work experience, no anything experience really.

>Also the show is cute but not really worth watching. Not really a SOL person so take my opinion as you will
Oh I know it isn't, I just also know that I have shit taste. when I do get around to watching anime I see saccharine moeshit like this and just melt.

also thanks for making these threads. I've dropped in very occasionally for years now and it's nice to talk to someone. Well, someone who won't just call me a fag.

>>35417332
well there's still a few million on retail, and enough thousands to make some viable private servers. Probably some years in it yet. I think the days of it being a cultural phenomenon are past for good though.

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sup mein negroids, i've been losing it tonight, wanted to drink so bad, but didn't have alcohol and couldn't leave my room again.

attempted to watch some anime but couldn't make it through more than 10 minutes at a time before getting distracted and needing some kind of numbing agent.

currently blasting some zoviet france and shit posting, trying not to feel or think about anything.

Thanks for makin' the thread brother. Sometimes this board gets too positive for me, or watered down with fucking life-affirming ideologies (which most are oblivious to or do subconsciously) but it brings me down. It's cool that people value their lives and all, or life in general, but take that shit elsewhere.

>>35417593
what shoegaze are you listening to friendo?

>>35417593
>shoegaze
Just googled this and wtf but I like it.
I've been on a vaporwave kick recently

That's a bummer. Are you worried you'll get attached and won't be able to deal with the distance if you continue to see each other?

Actually think im starting to lose it. Got 3 hours of sleep last night, skipped class today because i hadn't finished an essay that was due(Still probably wont get credit) and for some reason up until about 10 minutes ago i thought today was Friday. Am i going mad? Are these early warning signs of dementia?

>>35417602
DOes anything about your life make you sad, or is it just a constant miasma?
Honestly stress eating is a big problem, maybe it would help if you limited what you had in your house? Or if you found a better way to comfort yourself

>>35417612
Any hobbies or interests? Gotten any professional help?
And yeah, I dont call people fags anymore, I used the word to hurt too many people before I fully realised im queer :/

>>35417613
How long have you felt like that anon?
also
>Sometimes this board gets too positive for me
I havent been on R9k recently, has it become positive in the slightest?

>>35417639
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzlc8yXqxSs
Second song makes me sad, its so happy and cute and im so alone haha

>>35417663
I used to listen to a lot of vaporwave, used to be really involved in the community but that kinda fell by the wayside.
I mean I cant deal with the distance now, two hours is too much for me to maintain a relationship, especially when my parents dont approve
Also I dont think he likes me like I like him :(

>>35417678
How much sleep are you getting on average?

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>>35417678
nah, that's just sleep deprivation.

u'll b fine
:^)

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/r9k/ I need help, I dont know who to turn too.

I am an autistic 23y/o living in a family of nine. I was working on a graphic design major but obviously artist never make it and under time constraints I was yoinked out of class. So here I am, no job no progress no future. My mother is unable to help me due to memory loss and two young ones. (Who are undisciplined spoiled brats who make her life hell because she can't say no anymore.)and my Dad and I.T. professional.

I asked to try and overcome my autism and get a job, so I can move out and have peace of mind. (I still can't drive, been asking but only have a permit.) My dad however said no and refuses to let me, instead demanding I take art classes which I know will never go anywhere. So now I can't even get a shit job at Dollar General and just sit in my room all day staring at an empty canvas. If I cant get a job, take a collage class or learn a life skill or even TRY to function as a normal fucking human what am I supposed to fucking do?

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>>35417724
Sorry Skelly, that's a bummer. Why don't your parents approve?
If you don't mind (just for context), are you a guy or grill skelly?

Wageslaved the past six days. Have days off now. Fought off urge to buy alcohol. Failed and purchased alcohol. Going to get drunk and shitpost on 4chan, wake up and feel like shit the next day and obsess over how I need to stop drinking. I'll get through my wageslavery again most likely and repeat this process without any of the joy normies get from it. Or maybe they don't enjoy it but are decent at hiding it.

>>35417749
You need to convince your father that this is the wrong path for you, and you need the life experience a job would bring you. And who says you cant do both?

>>35417760
I'm a guy, thats why. I think I might have been happier as a girl but i;m intrinsically a sad person so i'd just be a pretty but sad person

>>35417769
Maybe drink less? Instead of getting hungover drunk just get slightly drunk?

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>>35417724
>>35417613
fuck i couldn't make it through that second song without almost bawling. i had to stop it half way through. lately all i've been able to listen to is microsound, or like drone or ritual ambient because it doesn't make me feel one way or another, it's a purely aesthetic appreciation.

I guess I was diagnosed bipolar + major depressive in 2014 by a psychiatrist, but I didn't trust his judgement. I've felt this way for a long time it seems, but probably only like 5 years. I'm seeing a therapist now as a legal obligation, but for the most part i'm still in denial that there's a real problem, I just think I'm a piece of shit who hates everything and has little will to live. Guess i'm the eternal teenage angst, it's just a bit darker, and less emotionally driven.

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>>35417809
That's a bummer. I hope one day your parents will be able to accept you for who you are/who you love. Sometimes I think about life as a girl, but I can't really change my circumstances.

>>35416992
like shit skelly bro

>>35417809
I tried once, he's hard headed but I'll try again. I hope you also feel better Skelebro, thank you.

>>35417845
Accepting that there is an actual problem can help wonders. Let yourself be helped, be it meds or therapy or something.
And yeah, songs sad when you're alone
Do you have a fav album of noise/drone/ambient?

>>35417855
Me too. They said I can do whatever when im out of the house, but that doesnt really make me feel loved or welcome :(
I'm hoping in my next reincarnation I'll be a girl.

>>35417858
Whats up my dude

>>35417875
Be firm, stand your ground and explain your points. I hope it goes well <3

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>>35417724
>>Any hobbies or interests? Gotten any professional help?
Sometimes. But they die within a few months like most everything else I've ever been interested in. I saw at least a dozen therapists and was on several different meds at various points. It all did approximately three-fifths of fuck all.

Well, except when my friend gave me some of the benzos she had a script for. Those are the only drugs I've ever taken that had a noticeable positive effect, and a quick one at that. Shame you a.) can't ask for them without being labeled a drug-seeker, and b.) can't take them routinely without getting a tolerance and fucking yourself up even worse. And they only kill anxiety, they don't generate motivation. shikata ga nai.

Here's an image I found for you.

>>35417893
Do you have other friends/family that support you?

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>>35417769
theez feelings nigger, this is me every day now. wagie-ing and then fighting to stave off the alcohol addiction. so fucked up.
i don't really get any joy from it anymore, maybe i'll have a couple of positive thoughts somewhere between the first 4 drinks, but then it just becomes a marathon to drink as much as i can before i pass out.

fuck this life. i know how tough it is. when was the last time you tried a sobriety break?

>>35417910
Ever tried ketamine? Apparently ketamine clinics do amazing things for depression.
Also thanks for the image, that made me smile :)

>>35417925
One of my sisters knows, and she was cool with it. No other family. I'm out to my friends and they're fine with it.
I would just love to bring home a boy to meet to my parents but I doubt that will ever happen :(
Maybe I'll meet a nice girl one day who knows

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>>35417975
Are you positive that you're gay? Have you ever been with a grill? If you're totes gay then you shouldn't hope to find a grill just so you feel like to fit into what you think you should. Hope to find some cute boy (or handsome bear, I don't know how you roll) that you're proud to bring home to your parents. If they can't accept you for who you are then it's their issue

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>>35417893
the therapist i'm seeing currently focuses in drug/alcohol abuse (i'm an alcoholic) but i don't know, he wants to try CBT and it just seems so stupid to me, he wants me to fill out these worksheets that just remind me of middle school-tier homework. I do need to get over myself, for sure.

hmm, best album in that category? Well, on the skeleton theme, i'll recommend this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCI8CVcJJ2M&t=1s

for a while this was my most played album in my itunes library....but the primary percussive instruments are human bones, not kidding you. It's a really good listen late at night, with the lights off and a few taper candles on the desk.

>>35417809

True. I purchased less alcohol than I normally do for a drinking evening. Drinking, but setting a hard limit would probably be the best policy but it feels like I'm surrendering to my irrational side to not entirely end this useless habit.

What's on my mind beyond that is the idea I have all the privacy and material goods, modest as they are, that 17-22 year old me wanted and it seems absolutely empty by 28. Would be nice if I could just function as a machine, or get a sense of fulfillment.

>>35418034
I've dated girls, I like girls but recently I've felt less attraction towards them or even pursuing them. Maybe I'll change in a few years idk. I just want a cute boyfriend right now though :(

>>35418041
Thanks for sharing my dude.
CBT is actually helpful, and it may seem beneath you but please at least try it, it could help.
Thanks for sharing that, I'll check it out in a bit

>>35418053
Cant buy happiness, money helps but it doesnt get you all the way there. Can you think of anything that would help you feel fufilled?

--
Thanks for listening to me talk friends, I've been having more and more problems bringing up my issues to family and friends recently. I'm afraid of looking like im attention seeking or that im depressing to be around, which logic me knows wont happen but bad brains me thinks will

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>>35417975
>>Ever tried ketamine? Apparently ketamine clinics do amazing things for depression.
I've heard that too, but I'm too much of a pussy to order drugs off the darknet. like, wouldn't I have to give them my real name and address to have it shipped to me?

Here's another picture of a skeleton for you. idk if you can use these anywhere, but I hope you can.

>>35416992
I've done absolutely nothing for over two weeks now. I rarely get out of bed and don't even have the motivation to buy booze to get drunk

>>35418127
I adore that picture, thanks for showing it to me. It gives off a sense of wonder and mystery that's hard to do right
And they have places where you can legally try it

>>35418139
What do you do when you're out of bed? Did anything lead to this?

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>>35416992
I've completely lost interest in life itself. all I do is smoke weed, lay in bed, fap and shitpost. it hurts to show anything even remotely resembeling effort anymore. I'm just waiting to die.

>>35418188
Mostly basic stuff like hygiene and eating. I've been depressed for a long, long time but this recent low point is due to a girl leaving me and because I'm a dumb failure

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I am drunk and not sure why I decided yo try drswing sm andpainting when imam drunk

I'm at like rock bottom emotionally and fuck man lol

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>>35418225
The struggle is real, tovarish.

>>35418225
How long have you felt like that?

>>35418268
Tried getting any help? Your depression seems super serious right now

>>35418299
Wanna talk about it my dude?

>>35418316
Funnily enough I tried to get help about 2 years ago. Those fuckers never called back.

>>35418316
I think a good cry session will help me. I cried legit likr life 2 times. The last time was after my parents divorced, bring dunked by my gf after 4 years and blowing out a tire and being late to work

It's like Jesus Wants me to fail. It's s lot man but I'm so tired of putting up a nice guy facade, I just want to be alone forever and die in peace

>>35418339
Call someone else, and I know its hard but make sure they call you back. Call them everyday on the hour if you have to.

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Nothing I do is enjoyable anymore. I have lost interest in everything. I don't even feel bad. I want to die but can't be bothered to kill myself, so I just go to sleep and hope I won't awake. It's been like this for a while. I mostly just sleep in my free time. I've been sleeping for over 15 hours almost every day I don't have to work. Why were we put on this planet to endure this?

>>35418350
Sometimes it feels like fate is against us, but its really just shit genes and shit happens. It might help, I always feel more miserable after crying though

>>35418354
We were put here due to random chance. No real purpose.
Is a while several months or years? Your depression sounds pretty serious

>>35418353
I'll make a last effort to get up and do something today. But yeah it's pretty bad right now.

>>35416992
>I will never un-see the dog from the bottom of that cup

>>35418414
Get help before you cant anymore, I know you can do it <3

>>35418421
I ran it thru the google deepimage thing when that was popular, and now I just use it as the default. People dont usually notice, or if they do they dont say anything

>>35418421
By you fucking new fag thar picture is old and it is done effect bro the original had no dog

>>35418301
h-how did you know I'm a slav?

>>35416992

Alright. Woke up today and started thinking about her. So I started making myself vodka 7's then went out and got more alcohol to nip that shit right in the bud.

Listening to an audio book and I'd say that feeling of utter loss and anguish is about75% melted away rn.

>>35418458
Yeah I probably will. It's funny how fast my mood can come crashing down after being fine for a while

>>35418316
>how long have you felt like that?
pretty much always since I became a teenager, but recently it's gotten worse. I don't even play vidya anymore. too much effort required.

>>35418496
What book have you been listening to?

>>35418506
Sounds pretty normal, unfortunately :(

>>35418521
You think you could be passionate about any subject or hobby?

can't feel a solitary positive feeling about anything, thoughts are disjointed, never connect or go anywhere. i need out

>>35418590
Out as in suicide or out as in away from your location?

>>35418533

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Journey_to_the_End_of_the_Night

Rly gud book bots would enjoy

>>35418613
Interesting, but I usually read as escape so i read fantasy or sci fi ect

>>35418476
We share an intrinsic bond, brother.

>>35418633

I read as an escape as well buy for some raisin I can't escape unless it's non fiction or philosophy. Camus' "The Fall" is a great short novel about a couple guys talking about how shitty everyone is inside a bar in Amsterdam. It's another great nihilistic misanthropic book, much shorter and more immediately accessible than Journey To The End of the Night.

>>35418412
It's been years. I think it is serious, but I doubt it will ever improve at this point.

>>35418533
>you think you could be passionate about any hobby?
prolly not. I'm too used to instant satisfaction and gratification and I'm sad all the time which is a pretty bad combo desu

been on a liquor binge for the past week, first day sober now cuz no money left. got these pains around my abdomen, kind of on my back. not sure if dying, muscle cramps from immobility (lay in bed 24/7) or constipation.

i suppose i could scrounge twenty bux for some cheap vodka, but it might be time to get clean again. idk.

Power went out and my only means of distracting myself in technology were gone. How pathetic does someone have to be to have no other hobbies except drawing, playing videogames, and youtube. I just ended up sitting for five hours thinking about every fuck up I've ever done socially, and punching myself in the face for them in turn. I want to die so bad it's hilarious, but I'm such a coward I can't kill myself. Has therapy or medication worked for anyone here at all? I'm seeing a therapist but it's not working for shit and she ends up talking to me about her dead family more than about any of my problems. It's like I'm the therapist. I also took medication my whole life, but it never really worked very well, and when I hit 21 I became very suicidal anyway. I'm scared if I take pills I won't be able to think again. Everything from when I was on meds is just a fuzzy blur, so that's effectively my entire life. I don't want to kill myself, I want to be happy. Or at least passable. At least not want to die every day. I wish I was dead.

>>35418688
Strange. I'll check it out, thanks

>>35418697
Ever gotten professional help? Or tried to

>>35418741
I got you my dude, i'm kind of the same way

>>35418741
If you're feeling shitty its probably time to go sober for a while.

>>35418744
See a different therapist, switch meds, theres usually something for everyone but its different for everyone.
I have memory problems too, but its from depression.
My meds work great, but they keep me out of the pit, but they dont do all the work for me.

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Went away from my parents' house for like 9 months and then went on an alcohol and drug binge and I wasn't planning on coming back home to my parents' house but then I met an angel on the street who told me to.
So I went home to mom and dad, slept for like 30 hours, now I'm going through the whole, "oh i'm such a piece of shit, no one likes me, i'll never get my shit together, i'm 25 and i'm a piece of shit" phase.
I've been through this before though. Any longer on the streets and I would've just died probably, either by some random hobo attacking me or by just too much drugs and alcohol and lack of sleep.

Things will sort of get back to normal. I'll get a shit job that I hate, save up some money, get a shitty car, then find a shitty place that costs half my monthly income and I'll probably end up meeting a girl and she'll leave me for Chad and I'll wind up going on another bender.

>>35417975
>ketamine

It's stops working after a while... like most things... first time is pretty cool, pretty much shuts down depression for a week or two after initial dose...byou dont get depressed, you're not necessarily happy, but at the momentz when you would feel depressed, you go sideways if that makes any sense, like you can almost feel your brain not letting you go there.

Unique experience if nothing else

>>35418796

Thanks for responding. I'll try switching therapists. It's so difficult because I really don't want to be rude because she's a nice lady. Just has too many problems of her own to help me with mine. I really want to fix my life. I don't even have a clear idea of what being happy would be for me. It's flying in the dark at this point. I know it's stupid, but considering this is the first social interaction I've had in about a week, thanks, man.

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Forced myself to leave bed, now waiting for work to start. Then I'll come home and drink myself unconscious.

>>35418810
That sounds pretty miserable to be honest :( Has this happened before?

>>35418855
Well the idea is like you keep going, which would help

>>35418874
Good luck man, like you cant be expected to work out her problems when you have your own. I hope it goes well

>>35418894
Does this happen every day?

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>>35418929
Only on days off.

>>35418941
Do you do anything else? Hobbies or anything?

>>35418974
Video games and hiking/camping, can't really think of anything else at the top of my mind.

>>35418983
How often do you do those compared to work and all that?

bedtime for me friends. I'll try to do this more often, i'm tired as heck

>>35419142
Thanks for the thread skeletonman, didn't post but it was a nice read.

>>35418929
>That sounds pretty miserable to be honest :( Has this happened before?
Kind of.
I just had this plan set and it was supposed to work and everything was going according to plan but then God fucked it all up and sent me back to square one.

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>>35419142
good night skelly

here's some extra text

>>35419014
Video games in combination with drinking on days off, camping a couple of times per year.

>>35418611
suicide, brother.

Just got home from a small vacation with my friend who I rarely see. I hate my life so much I am nearly ready to off myself.
Any tips others than alcohol or marijuana?

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>>35418678
suicide is the only truth the human mind can conceive of.

>>35416992
I think I've become jaded from being depressed. Is that a thing? Can I stop it?

I've been on Venlafaxine (Effexor XR) for ~4 months. I've stopped being a NEET after 7 years. It's all pretty easy now.

>>35419260
Take a walk. At night. Early morning. Whenever you're comfortable being outside. Shit sucks, then you get used to it, then it seems better.

>>35419923
i think it is a thing. maybe a defence mechanism. if it's truly jaded it's sort of bad because then you dont relate to suffering...buddhism kinda teaches you not to do that

>>35420000
I guess quads can't be wrong. But I mean, like for a while it was my depression defined who I was. It was that bad. Now I don't even have that. I'm bored of being depressed. It doesn't even do anything anymore, like. All the shit that was keeping me shut-in just, stopped affecting me.

>>35416992
really fucking badly

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmCMgJIjhys

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