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I'm a grown man.
I buy my own tendies.
No fuck that,
I never eat tendies like a pleeb,
I only eat Tendies Burgers.
Tendie Burgers are the best,
no odd bumps,
no weird edges,
just a perfectly flat disk of tendie,
evenly cooked,
evenly crispy,
everything the same,
except the center bite which of course I never eat.
Had to work late tonight
gotta make that tendie money.
Head over to the Mexican Market at 10:45pm,
Mexicans make the best Tendie Burgers.
Park my Yaris,
Scurry inside,
Grab a basket cause I'm gonna load up tonight,
Gonna be the Tendie Burger King.
Waddle through the fruit section,
Shuffle past the meat counter,
Ah finally, after a hard day's work,
the pre-packed meats section.
Reach of a disgusting Mexican child in a cart to grab a meat bag,
Strafe over to the chicken section.
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Where
The
Fuck
Are
My
Tendie Burgers!?
I see chicken nuggers, and I see chicken parts, but where THE FUCK are my tendie Burgers!?
My small sausage like fingers move with the dexterity of a pianist, moving meat packages out of the way desperately trying to find tendie Burgers.
After 30 seconds I am out of breath.
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The loud speaker crackles, man says something in Mexican.
The loud speaker crackles again, some Mexican says, "Northgate shoppers, the store will be closing in 5 minutes."
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Nearly have a seizure,
Poop a little in my underwear,
Pull it together,
Grab some nuggers and make a break for the checkout.
Grab a four pack of Kickstarter and make it to the checkout as they are about to close.
Sweat pouring down my face.
Stupid Mexican Checker says, "Looks like a party tonight."
Don't say anything, pay and waddle out at full speed.
Scurry across the parking lot.
Get into my Yaris and drive home.
Waddle up the stairs.
Get to the microwave,
Open my grocery bag,
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I guess we're gonna do this,
Cook 18 nuggers for 50 seconds,
Flip them like a Tendie Burger,
Microwave for 30 more seconds,
>>
Shake out some Bar-b-q sauce,
Crack open a Kickstarter Orange,
The only worthy flavor,
Sit down in front of monitor,
Take one bite
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Tastes like a rotten sponge,
Immediately drop all the rest of the nuggers in my poo bucket.
Not gonna work.
This is a major problem,
Mexican Market is closed,
Walmart is closed,
I have no dinner and worse,
I eat two Tendie Burgers for breakfast every morning,
I bring two Tendie Burgers to work for lunch every day,
I'm not gonna have time to go back to the Mexican Market before work,
I'm so hungy, but no where is open that sells Tendie Burgers.
What do I do?
>>
>>35369041
Do continue on with this gripping tale.
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