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i dont know how else to cope after mutally agreeing to never

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i dont know how else to cope after mutally agreeing to never speak or interact with each other again. it's for the best but it hurts so much and it isnt the first time. i cant scream because im a pathetic neet living with my family. i cant kill myself because the household would fall apart with me. i have no one to talk to and even if i did i couldnt possibly construct my thoughts into something someone else could understand or tolerate. i'm so alone now. i just keep sobbing quietly and hitting myself. i don't think i can go on again this time. i'm only alive for other people
>>
someone please do something, call me pathetic or even worse. help me feel anything.
>>
pelase
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