Need to pretend that I've taken a trip to Paris. What things should I know so I don't get caught out when questioned?
Just say that everything smelt like pee and everyone refused to speak english. Also whine how everything was dubbed in french on TV.
There's dogshit everywhere. The louvre is huge, crowded, and has insufficient toilets. You didn't go up the Eiffel Tower because the queue was too long.
There's your story.