post your resumes Pic is what a Chad's resume looks like

>>35336455
>It says here you're most recent experience at Merrill Lynch was 18 years ago.
>Care to explain what you've been doing for all that time?

>>35336455
>general studies

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT

HTF does someone with a general studies degree get an internship with Merrill Lynch

College degree. I actually dropped out of high school but not one ever asked me for any papers to prove I graduated college because they just assume everyone did and then I put some places I "worked" at. I assume most won't care about calling and asking as long as it's reasonable workplaces and sure enough I was right. Currently working as a junior IT technician with a salary of $3027 a month.

>>35336578
College degrees mean a lot more 20 years ago.

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I'm aware that you're supposed to put your "skills" and "relevant experience" first, but that's a bit hard to do when you don't have much of either.

Mine's short so I'll just paste it in here

Education: High School Diploma

Experience: 2005 Volunteer Tree Planter

Skills: People skills
Innovative
Math

Hobbies: Video Games
Internet

>>35336562

>mfw Chaddo hasn't worked in this century

>>35336455
>no contact info for any of those jobs
In the trash it goes

>>35336682

Your skills are what your good at that's related to the job and add in technical skills for skills like computer shit, programs, etc

>>35336455
haha i bet this guy is a total washed-up loser today

That looks like a lot.

I don't know if I'd be happy spending my entire youth in education and building up an impressive resume.

What do you robots think?

>>35336455
>Chad

That's a resume of a tryhard normie. Of course it looks better than that of a kissless virgin NEET like you.

>>35336455
is it that tom brady?

>>35336548

It's Tom Brady's resume so he could just say "winning super bowls"

>>35336548
>>35336562
>>35336783
>>35336822
you retards realize that resume is from Tom Brady right? He's been playing football all those years

>>35336843
>>35336868
>>35336882

>Tom brady has been in the NFL for almost 20 years

Jesus christ how does he do it? He's constantly wiping teams full of guys almost half his age

>>35336882
im actually pretty sure everyone is in on the joke besides you, anon

>>35336882
God damn, lol, I remember the news making a big news about this. He was either gonna work in finance or become a QB in the NFL

>>35336907
I'll be honest. I'm not a normie so I've never heard of him.

>>35336799

>I'm pretty good at Python
>Oh, that's cool. How many years work experience?
>Well, I haven't had to use Python in industry yet.
>That's fine. Any open source projects?
>No.
>Well. Anything?
>I entered a programming competition once.
>Did you win?
>No.

>>35336455
>tfw my resume actually looks better and I'm currently living the NEET life

Not sure what I have on mind desu, just wrote some fake shit down and put it out of my mind. Works fine for the kind of work I do.

>>35336455
God that is so fucking gay and pretentious

>>35336706
What job do you plan on getting that makes you have an experienced background in tree planting? If this is bait, you got me.

>High School Education
20XX-20XX

>Experience
Volunteer for "Tree planting" in "Lets save the world and hug trees" foundation from blah to blah and educated children from various schools in district area the importance on trees and how they impact our earth

>Skills
This one is alright, but not great. Just don't word it as people skills. Come up with at least 3 more skill sets

>Hobbies
Who the fuck puts hobbies on their resume!?

who the fuck needs a resume just be Chad and go into sales

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>>35336455
>business degree graduating next year
>experience: two shitty wagecuck jobs, first for two years, current for 3
>skills: literally none
I'm killing myself when I run out of money so it doesn't matter anyway

>>35337104
desu employers only really care about your education and your work history. Nothing else on the resume really matters and if it did they'd just ask you in the interview to break the ice.

>>35337131

>Chad
>Sales

Lol, no, maybe Pharmaceutical sales, but most sales reps I work with aren't chads. They work management jobs or finance, or owners of trade companies

>>35337104
>What job do you plan on getting that makes you have an experienced background in tree planting?

It's the only experience I have. I didn't want to leave it blank. Thanks for the recommendations though.

>Who the fuck puts hobbies on their resume!?

this guy did >>35336682

>>35337179
many get started in sales and a lot of front-end finance jobs are basically sales. Even the coveted $100,000+ starting investment banker jobs involve pitching shit to pension funds etc.

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Seeing a resume gives me anxiety

>>35336882
And if football didn't exist he'd be a roofer or moving furniture somewhere and nobody would have ever heard of him.

>>35336455
>speaker at elementary school
>as undergraduate with no achievements other than throwing a handegg around
boy those must have been incredibly interesting and valuable talks.

>>35337277
Same. I had to write a resume to get my neetbux once and I stressed over it and delayed it for weeks because of anxiety. When the deadline came up I shat one out in like 30 minutes which wasn't hard as I only had one job.

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>Mfw 90% if my cv is fake as fuck but I've covered all bases

I've made transcripts, certificates, references and even have little shit phone with about 7 different SIM cards should my various references need called.

I dossed on the dole for about 4-5 years and realised I was fucked but then i realised I was great with Photoshop and learned all about forgery and shit and made myself a lovely diploma as a test. It looked great, I even used Lemin juice to Create a believable water mark on the bond paper I use for the diploma.

I never had I actually show the real diploma though, it's amazing how employers will accept a damned photo of your background checks or certificates if the quality is good.

I work a few months a year, save all the money then quit and live off that. I don't care about the money, I just live doing this kinda thing ever since I managed to convince a teacher I was allowed to get outside the school premises for lunch - I merely used a luminous green highlighter marker to paint my plain white pass that colour and carefully wrote "HOME PASS" on it with red permanent pen. I realised how easy people will believe something if it looks official, be it a document or even a person.

It's a bit of an addiction.

>>35337381
>and even have little shit phone with about 7 different SIM cards should my various references need called.

Wait how does that work? Do you put on a fake voice and pretend you were a boss or coworker?

>>35337426
Yes

I've always been good with voices. My as perfect friend is too an has done it before.

I know a tonne of accents.

Team fortress 2 matches back in the day I used to fake accents and people always belived I was multiple people in the same lobby until they checked.

And you'd be surprised how little references are even checked up on.

>>35337426
The fact he's posting on /r9k/ mid day should tell you how well that's working for him

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>>35336682

you used cvmkr

>>35337493
It's 9am here in the uk...

Why are YOU here at midday?

>>35336455
Tom brady is literally from another planet

Not even chad has all the energy to do all this shit

>>35337381
This is by far your best bet if you're a recovering NEET. I did the same thing but not to the same extent. I'd also recommend getting a friend or relative to be your fake reference, if you have any friends (I didn't but I worked something out).

You really have nothing to lose doing this, and when you think about it, it's your life you're wasting. You just need to get shit done and this is the only reasonable way to do it.

>>35336578
There is no upper bounds to the limits of a real Chad's capabilities

>>35337528

Its almost 9pm you mean

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>>35337513

No? I scratched it up in Latex.

>>35337585

looks exactly like a cvmkr generator template

>>35337611

Well, obviously the guy behind cvmkr has good aesthetic taste.

>>35336682
>TWO original pages

Into the trash

>>35336682
>D Phil Graduate
>Philosopher of the D
nice way of explaining you're a faggot and spend your days on 4chan

>tfw NEET
>dropped out of high school
>only experience I have is stacking shelves for 10 weeks
>9 year employment gap
>have a level 1 BTEC in "work skills"
>the paper my CV is printed on is worth more than my marketable skills

eyy life is good.

>>35336682
Social Skills: None

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>>35336455
holy shit that resume is a really fancy way to describe "i know nothing, i don't have any practical skills or trades"

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>>35338419
> i don't have any practical skills or trades"

Yeah the manager will hire you instead of a young chad like Tom Brady because you can code in COBOL

How deluded can you get

>>35338419
He has connections you likely don't. Nobody gives a fuck if you invented a new product or advanced your field. They give a fuck about your social life and connections and how you would operate in their company.