How is everybody doing tonight ?

>>35324152

Tired about to go to sleep . Have part 2 of a job interview tomorrow .

Went for a run in the morning. Then to a neetbux seminar. Got a rejection for a job I applied for. Can't really account for the rest of the day.

It's a very low day. All I can think about is death.

>>35324219
good luck anon hope you do well

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>>35324152
Parents are on vacation so I got the whole house to myself, I've spent my entire evening pacing around my house talking to myself in between spending time on the PC and now it's 6:12am and I should really just go to sleep.

>>35324310
you probably should man its good for ya i might go to bed here soon

just tired and bored. i finally went to the dentist and getting all these cavities fixed tomorrow so i can eat tendies without agonizing pain

I'm alone in a bar full of people who all know each other and are having lots of fun. I do this every single night at the same bar. My diet consists entirely of McDonald's, cigarettes and $2 PBRs. my stomach has hurt for months. My work is soul crushing and meaningless and I have to force myself to talk to people all day but at least I have a minimum wage job, even if it's as a scummy salesman. I am attending one 1.5 credit hour class though I am an unregistered 5th year junior who will never graduate college. It's my spring break and I didn't even realize it. My cousin died today. My mom wants me to send a card to my friends grandmother who is sick. I haven't been to my family's home in months. I have the day off tomorrow but I had nothing to do. I haven't done laundry in about a month and have been wearing dirty clothes for a while so I might do that. I like being alone, I like drinking, and I like this bar. So I come here every single night and drink alone.

drank 2L of coffee since 9pm. passed out around 11 and woke up to find out i shit my pants a little. cleaned up and had a sandwhich, now i'm shaking from too much caffeine.

>>35324335
that sucks man i hope everything turns out alright i have these sores in my mouth that wont go away but whatever probably cancer

I actually could not be a virgin and gfless if I had lowered my standards for 5 minutes holy shit

Someone fucking kill me

>>35324413
Shit dawg. I smoke Marlboro blacks too and one time I had really bad blisters in my throat for like a month but they went away eventually

>>35324511
yea it can be a bit scary but whatever people like us never advance its better if we where dead

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Im okay. Cyborg-in-suffering reporting in.

Wife and I went to some friends' house with another couple of people we havent seen in a while on Saturday. Watched a theological documentary, discussed it. Lunch. Dinner. Shitty board games.

I was apprehensive about this the whole week. By the time we got home my fake smile muscles were exhausted and I was well in to the introvert hangover. Wife still doesnt quite understand how this is an ordeal for me. Trying to plan future excuses to avoid this since these are 'work friends'.

Was I engaging? Did I come across as weird? Will they reinvite me and will I go? Is it possible to avoid these situations and yet keep my work friends, basically the only friends ive ever had? I dont know.

Its all so fucking hard.

So here I am in my kitchen. A bottle of cheap bourbon and a couple of seasonal beers. Listening to Mike Doughty and Stan Rogers and feeling sentimental and vulnerable before I go back to work tomorrow. Wife is asleep upstairs. She tolerates my oddities but she still doesnt quite get it. Even in love, even with 'friends', there is still hardship, and a new sort of existential suffering. It really never goes away, brobots. I have to say that while I wouldnt change my situation, there was absolutely some upside in being incel.

Stay strong boys. Theres another week ahead.

>>35324565
I agree. I support, encourage and consider suicide every day. I am nothing and always will be. Doesn't matter. Doing is the same as not doing. I am the same even if I had not done all the things I've done (traveling drugs girl shit etc) and if I had done a lot more. Born robot. I've had people tell me there is something missing inside of me and that I carry a nervous energy. Also been accuse of being an autistic sociopath irl more times than I can count. Last night I tried talking to a girl at this bar who smiled at me a few times but as while we were talking another guy walked by and she literally got up and walked away mid sentence. I wouldn't have felt anything even if she fucked me. It's always better to never

I'm doing alright. Started DAI again, a dwarf female this time. Bitch is c u t e

Later I'm gonna get some wow erp happening and in the meantime I find myself wondering if I should slam the breaks on my diet break now, or if it can survive me going downtown and grabbing some snacks

>>35324413
Try switching to a toothpaste without sodium lauryl sulfate. No shit. I suffered with those until 16 years old when I did some research and figured it out...now im almost totally free of them. One every few months now.

Look for Rembrandt Intense Stain and Crest 3D White Luxe for starters. A couple types of Sensodyne are also SLS free. Its a foaming agent that you are probably sensitive to. Worth a try.

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>>35324609
>cyborg
>wife
>still full of existential suffering
Should I just kill myself then? Is there literally no way to escape from this hell?

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>>35324152
Legitimately thinking of offing myself tonight. It's been a long time coming. The only thing that's kept me here is the fear of ceasing to exist but it's better than this

>>35324680
When you're a robot you're a robot. No way out of it. Life is such a useless chore for people like us. Desire is a waste of time. No matter how far you get you're still going to feel the same way

wow im pretty suprised so many people answered back thank you !
>>35324708
nah dude do it slowly like the rest of us

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>>35324680
Only one. Learn to accept and embrace the fact that everything is meaningless. Suffering is the minds way of giving you purpose, if you can learn to let that go you will be at least content. Maybe not happy, but you'll stop worrying and live for whatever distraction of pleasure you find

>>35324708
if you want to die then do it anon. Oblivion is frightening to consider but that's because you're trying to imagine something you can't. The absence of life, you can't imagine death and so you imagine something frightening.

>>35324609
Its people like you who give me the courage to keep going

Thanks anon

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Got a long one here but here's some feelzy normie shit

>have gf
>absofuckinglutely in love, spend literally every day with each other for 2 years
>we have an apartment together
>go 'on break' in early November for very personal reasons (her family's going through some extremely serious shit)
>she moves out to be with her parents and deal with inner demons
>do that for a few months, still talk almost daily but don't see each other often
>didn't talk much for the month of February
>find out from her she's seeing someone else
>hurt but understanding since we technically broke up months ago and I've honestly fooled around since
>come home tonight, she's in the apartment and shitfaced
>talk for a while, she's horny as shit
>tell her it's an awful idea, she's beyond reasoning
>Miss her a ton so we fuck
>she's really weird and aggressive
>tells me she's going to go to the other guys place to tell him what happened then she'll be back to stay at our place indefinitely
>obviously don't believe her but what am I going to do
>she left 3 hours ago
>even though I anticipated this it burns
>been chugging vodka since
I truly welcome death now

>>35324785
If you take her back you're a cuck so it's fine

>>35324785
Gotta quit the 3d my man. Fuck em when they come around but stop caring about them. It's impossible to genuinely care about or pursue a woman even casually without being a literal cuckold. Trust me. Never had a real gf but had enough garbage with cunts bouncing between me and other guys without giving a single fuck. Women are genuinely incapable of caring about other people. They're literal subhuman garbage. Fuck them but do nothing else. And even then don't try too hard because sex is boring and just a way to pass the time

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>>35324152
Feel like shit, was too lazy to go the liquor store today to get some more rum. Been drinking everyday for the last 2 months. I'll just pick some up on the way to work tomorrow. I hate being a wagecuck, fuck being a programmer, worst job ever. Also I'm fat, hopefully the alcohol kills me soon.

I have an engineering exam in a few days I haven't studied a single bit for. I was supposed to spend all day studying but I haven't done shit and I wasted all day on 4chan like I usually do. Anxiety is wrecking me and I can't take it anymore. My life is already shitty enough as it is and I simply don't have any motivation to succeed. This is one of those times I simply want to stop existing for a while.

Fell off a roof and bulged a disf in my back. Right now reading kon manga

>>35324898
This hits way too close to home
Replace rum with whiskey and programmer with server and we're actually the same person
Also I guess I'm not fat yet but what does that matter.

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>>35324680
No. Dont give up.

You need to do two things:

1. Accept introversion and social anxiety if you suffer from them. Stop trying to be an extrovert; you arent one. It doesnt make you inferior. When I learned this, I rose to a management position at work.

2. Decide what you _want_ in life. I know this sounds like 'be yourself', but its not; decide what trade offs you are willing to make. Realize that having a girlfriend or wife means you will have to:

A. Learn certain behaviors to interact, and portray normal habits of life, like washing your clothes...which I still struggle with immensely.
B. You WILL be trading time. My little reprieve to listen to music and have a drink (or a pipe of tobacco) is rare. About once every two weeks. Girls want attention. Backrubs, family occasions, cuddling. Its great until the novelty wears off, and you realize what youve traded: time for vidya, anime, and simple silence.

Thats where you have to establish the balance. Pick whats important and make it clear to whoever is in your life that you need that time now and then.

My struggle socially is that in my position as a manager people look to me to lead. I honestly have no clue how I managed to get here. But they talk to me and want to hang out. If I ostracize them I destroy my team. If I overindulge, I slowly chip away at myself. Its a balancing act.

Theres a great life for you out there. But you have to accept some realities and play them as strengths. And frankly, you do have to learn to wear the 'flesh suit'; immitate the normie. Build up your tolerance for their disgusting habits and proclivities slowly. Have a strong inner sanctuary that lets you reflect what they need to see without driving yourself to madness. Basically, you need to be a bit of a sociopath, but dont be malevolent and crazy about it.

Then, when you have a private moment, enjoy some music and fast food in your car, or lay on your floor and beat off to ecchi before going to bed and starting all over.

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>>35325223
It's gonna be a long road anon.

I respect you and I respect this post, i'll see you in valhalla where we will be eternally rewarded for putting up with watercooler conversations and normies chewing food like horses.

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>forced to go to a party Saturday night against my will
>wasn't in the mood, so the alcohol I was forced to drink by my "friends" made me sad instead of happy
>alcohol made it to wear I couldn't hold in the tears like I normally can
>one of them had to call someone to come get me
fast forward
>currently 1:26 AM
>have a zoology lab at 8:30 AM that lasts until 11:20 AM
>have an English class at 11:30 AM
>was supposed to have a conference with English prof last week about my rough draft
>never went and haven't even written the rough draft
>final draft due Friday this week (I think)
>have a French test a 12:30 PM that I haven't studied for
>passing literally only one out of my five classes
Honest question, should I kill myself?

I got some homework to do, but that shouldn't be too bad. I got an exam tomorrow, but it's take home and in the form of an essay, so I need to get that done. I also have an exam on Tuesday and Wednesday, so fuck.
Overall I want to fucking die.

>>35325281
Thanks man. That means a lot. And I damn well hope so.

>normies eating like horses

Its so damn true...

>>35325486
Nah man. You do need to refocus though and reevaluate.

1. Should you keep hanging out with those 'friends' or do they take more than they add to your life?
2. Are you serious about what youre doing in college?
3. Are there alternatives you would rather pursue?

I only have an A.S. and its in Sociology. I literally earned it by accident working towards something else but I did a degree audit and just did one more class and got it. I was fucking done with school and the expense for now. Ive done arguably better career wise since leaving school. But I work in more of a trade than a prfoessional field.

>>35325721
>1. Should you keep hanging out with those 'friends' or do they take more than they add to your life?
As an introvert, I can argue both. I enjoy hanging out with some of them, but it's mentally exhausting and I have to have some alone time afterwards. The ones I don't like are going to be there as long as I keep hanging out with the ones I do like.
>2. Are you serious about what youre doing in college?
I have absolutely no motivation whatsoever to do work in my general education courses. I feel like it'll get better once I start taking classes related to my major (microbiology), which I'm actually interested in and like. I've convinced myself that I want to be a pharmacist, though, whether I'll enjoy it or not.
>3. Are there alternatives you would rather pursue
I like the idea of becoming an English teacher in another country, but I don't have it in me to become fluent in a foreign language. The other route is just going to professional school and becoming a microbiologist instead of a pharmacist, even though it wouldn't pay as much. The only thing is that since I come from a family that isn't very wealthy, there's a lot of pressure for me to be successful.