Your Life, Summarized

Seems that not even r9k can empathize with me :'(

File: spoonfed amputation.jpg (23KB, 600x404px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 600x404px

>>35323038
can guarantee it gets worse and worse

>tfw you've pushed everyone and everything away due to hatred, anger, and depression
>you develop delusions to fill the void of social isolation
>you lose your delusions, find yourself emptier than before, but seek aimlessly for something new to distract yourself
>distractions continue to become less attached to the purity, and goodness you believed you still held on to, and would hold on to until you died
>your hope, your faith (that tiny grain inside of you that gave you reason to believe in continuing your life) have been gone for a long time that you have a difficult time remember what hope felt like
>you continue to search for distractions, which become more fleeting and shallow and unfulfilling
>you cry yourself to sleep, knowing that the best days are over, that everyone is gone, that you have no home to return to, and that ultimately you will work as a slave, living in poverty, and it was your decision to do so, once having potential and so many opportunities

File: __fujiwara_no_mokou_touhou_drawn_by_shangguan_feiying__cdd545a3f6be0f77e476a03d77417d4b.jpg (120KB, 462x378px) Image search: [Google]

120KB, 462x378px

>graduate from one of the top party schools in the country
>spend all 4 years beeing myself, going to parties, learning skills, meeting girls at every opportunity
>still somehow end up KV
>can no longer tell myself "if i just do x things will get better"
>motivation for self-improvement is gone, but the later it gets the more successful i'll need to be to balance past failures out
>spend time researching business ideas and coming up with more and more failproof plans
>if i started tomorrow and stuck with them, i could easily be middle class this year and go up from there
>but that'd only make me feel WORSE about kv status and give me one less thing to blame

>>35323038
I'm a sick fuck and it aint my fault, all I ever did was mind to my own and do what I do. I never hurt no one and for some fuckin reason everyones shit has to fall down onto me.

All these fuckers do is god damn push me and I'm soooooo off my shit. I fingered and fucked my dog the other day and I liked it, 3 years ago I would have never done that or even thought of it.
I also never felt the need to light shit up or smash glass because I like how it sounds, or think of myself dead on as an anthropromorpic animal that ought to be skinned.

And I keep recessing further and further into these sick ass thoughts. Whats even crazier though is how ive walked away from some shit,
I crashed my car going 55-60mph THROUH A 16'' CEDAR TREE and I couldent be granted the courtesy to fucking die already, I WALKED AWAY A-OK.
2 years ago I survive a botched heart surgery, not enough sleepy gas so I woke mid way, panicked and hemoreged. it was like my heart exploded and I got the HD FUCKING experience.

i lost my job, have no money, no car, and my tax return is chump change because i have to pay FUCKIN DEBT.
I'm trying to move out of this madhouse I'm livin in before i wind up torchin it, and all i fucking want is to go home. i want to go back to before this shit all started and pretend this never happened.
I want to sleep without the nightmares of hell i keep getting. I'm fuckin atheist, like WTF. my sisters prego bc shes a total fucking ho and idgaf about that either.

I'm so hurt and no one give a shit, no one even sees it, my friends are states away and i got no one to talk to. i don't expect to either, people are only in it for themselves to them I'm just bitchin.
when i relax, my 'chill time' is listening to 90s and 80s through backs while i drink and browse bestgore and ths stupid ass site.. at least if I'm not fuckin my dog RIGHT.

man fuck everything idgaf anymore. all i want is some damn progress. didn't relize it took a miracle.

and yea my spelling sucks

>>35323956
You forget to mention the apathy, life itself is so draining that the cost of existence takes up 90% of your available energy. Every day you feel like you never really slept when you check the clock its been 13 hours. Half of your life is sleep and the other half is pure work.

You should look into stoicism. Taking comfort in nature, despite its cruelty.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is only about 100 pages, but can really help.

File: hnngg_0.jpg (339KB, 853x960px) Image search: [Google]

339KB, 853x960px

Aaaaaaaa I have fallen and I can't get up