I just got done playing Gamecube with an escort. AMA

you better wash your controllers in rubbing alcohol because they are probably crawling with aids and gonorrhea

What game did you play? How much did she charge?

why doenst my mother love me?

>>35317671

She washed her hands before we played :^)

>>35317679

We were playing mario kart double dash and and she was charging 160/hr no incalls

why didnt you buttrape her like a true alpha?

>>35317656
When I got out of prison, I kinda went crazy

I got a large chunk of money as 'apology payment' from a Dixie mafia guy who had me kidnapped (100% true) and I spent it all on crazy shit. I was buying people the drugs of their choice, and treating strangers to dinner and even weirder shit than that

I even went through a couple weeks of hiring escorts to come to my hotel room and I'd pay them each $350 to sit topless while I told them each the complete story of Elvis Presley's life and death...

I did NOT want to fuck them.

Around that time, that's when I met kaitlyn.... Kaitlyn is the 15 year old who basically raped me and begged me to marry her.

Dude she was SO HOT

her body was fucking AMAZING

have you given any thought to the likely hood your escort would be actually had sex if you had a more adult mature console ? I mean really... a GAMECUBE ?

a Casio wristwatch would be more adult than a GAMECUBE

Also. Are the transvestite Siamese twins in your pic still conjoined ?

>>35317697

Because you like spreading ketchup all over the fries instead of using it as a dipping sauce

>>35317854

I wanted to use her as a reference for better escorts. Escorts are nitpicky about that shit. I'm still a virgin

>>35317869
Thats pretty based johnny i wish i could be a highwayman and do crazy shit too

>>35317697

Probably because you don't love yourself

You don't even LIKE yourself

So why would your mother ?

Until you accept yourself, and demonstrate the ability to deal with shit, your mother's too busy being scared and disappointed, intermittently

>>35317656
Why didn't you have sex with her?

I had sex with one earlier today

>>35317961

Didn't want to risk getting STDs not to mention she was high demand escort. She was kinda ugly too. 160/hr escorts attract a lot of people.

>>35317671
Are you aware that in the past week, you have made hand contact with basically everyone in your city's feces ?

Not to mention every virus you can think of

And every STD

And even worse

Not to mention, you keep your toothbrush by your sink

So every time you flush your toilet.
You're misting your toothbrush with feces and urine and bacteria and mold

How ya doin', Einstein?

why didnt you spend the same amount of money on a "regular" grill? most dates are cheaper.

>>35318012
>Not to mention, you keep your toothbrush by your sink

no i dont. it's in a closet

YOU DONT KNOW ME MOTHER FUCKER

>>35318010
They're all 'kinda ugly'

But then again

The entire human race is kinda ugly

Including you and me

So who's complaining, right ?

As long as you got to be 'cutting edge' and prove that you're THE ONLY PERSON OVER EIGHT YEARS OLD WITH A GAMECUBE...

speaking of which

Since you BROUGHT THE GAMECUBE with you to her motel room

You never had any intention of losing your virginity

Which is a good sign

>>35318061
Go lick your hand again, pissblanket Hawking

>>35318030

Can't use them as a reference to fuck more hot escorts famlam. The escort I hired was pretty cool though. Lots of laughter and companionship

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>>35317918
>I wanted to use her as a reference for better escorts. Escorts are nitpicky about that shit. I'm still a virgin
Ah okay, so you got an ugly one to use as a reference to get a prettier one to lose your virginity with? I guess that makes sense.

What did she say when you pulled out a GameCube instead of your dick?

how many cheeto's can you fit up your butt?

>>35318131

Well after I gave her the money in an envelope, she told me she needed to use the bathroom quick. During that time, I was setting up the gamecube in my living and put on the game. She came out naked and looked ready to fuck. I had my controller in my hands and another controller for her at her spot. She looked confused.

>Her: "Oh so we're doing to do this instead?"
>Me: "Yeah"
>Her: "Its not often that I do this *laughs * but ok"

She told me she used to play Double Dash with her brother when it came out.

>>35318010

When I was 15 I was still a virgin

On my 16th birthday, my brother and I went to a crap Blue Oyster Cult concert and sold drugs in a bathroom in the amphitheatre

In a maddeningly fast rush of hands and cash, we sold out of the drugs in just a few minutes.

My pockets were FILLED with money. So we're my brothers. It was crazy risky, but insanely fun and thrilling.

We walked through the arena only to hear the one song DONT FEAR THE REAPER (crap) and we left immediately afterwards. In the car, we counted the money. I had almost $4,000 and Greg had almost $6,000...

It was my birthday

Greg treated me to a surprise. we went to a legit whorehouse, and Greg picked a girl and as he disappeared with her, he paid another girl for me...

Oh my god

OH MY GOD

SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL
I'll never forget her

She was SO HOT

But I did NOT want to lose my virginity to a hooker

No matter how pretty she was

So when she asked me "what do you wanna do" I told her the truth

I explained the entire virgin thing and the birthday and the desire not to lose my virginity with her, but I explained how hot she was and well....

Well....

I asked her to simply Jack me off

She giggled

She said I was sweet

She gave me AN AMAZING hand job while I played with her PERFECT PERFECT TINY TITS

P E R F E C T
T I N Y
T I T S

and she pulled me two nuts

two

It was ecstacy

And I was still intact, integrity wise

>>35318012
hahahaha I knew a girl at work who didn't brush her teeth because of that bullshit. her teeth were disgusting.

>>35318315
When she went to the bathroom, she texted her pimp and injected drugs into her arm

In YOUR place ?

Bad move

Now you will have your place broken into

No shit

Youll see

Never do it in your place

NEVER

wake up

>>35318315
This sounds quite comfy.

D-did you hold hands?

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>>35318330
You might be retarded. Get that checked out senpai.

>>35318344

Lol

If I knew her, it wouldn't matter

I'd make her suck her own shit off my dick

And I'm NOT joking

>>35318409
I might be, indeed

But enough with the hypotheticals...
Let's discuss FACTS

like the fact that you ARE a proglottid

>>35318315
haha that's actually a really cute story. thanks for the good feel, anon

>>35317724

>160/hr

WEW lad, I'd rather wait til 40 to lose my virginity than pay some roastie that much just for cuddling

>>35318315
Is there any escort in particular you want to use for your v card?

I'm nervous to even order one to play GameCube.

>>35318378

>D-did you hold hands?

No haha. We were to busy playing the game but she did offer me a CBJ but I declined. Play vidya with a naked girl can be comfy and I recommend all robots to do this once.

>>35318561
Why did you decline?

>>35318561
on a scale of 1-10, 1 being absolutely disgusting and 10 being your waifu, how did this girl rank? I mean she must have been disgusting for you to turn down a condom BJ even if you just wanted to use her as a reference.

>>35318588
>>35318630

The escort was I'd say was a 6/10. She wasn't THAT ugly. I wasn't really in mood at that time.

>>35317869
Who do you think you are ??

You think it's funny to post with my name !!?

>>35318825
Are you wealthy?

>>35318825
Blowjobs are overrated, anon

>>35319022

Nah. I'm a wageslave.

>>35319061
And with a condom on, what is even the point

I'd much prefer a raw handy. I don't think a girl could get me to cum from a blowjob with a condom.

>>35319076
Where did you find the girl? Where will you find the one that you'll eventually sleep with?

>>35317656
What console did you play on?

>>35318081
not him, but 23 with a working gamecube

will you try to befriend her OP, was she incredibly bored, wlll you pay her again to play vidya with you

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>Sees the word gamecube in post
>immediately rushes into thread hoping that he just got done playing melee
>hell yeah this boy gonna be my nigga, i'd choose melee over having sex ANY DAY

see this
>What game did you play?
>We were playing mario kart double dash

Melee is like the only reason people still play gamecube...

>>35319287

Oh somewhere :^) *cough* eccie *cough*

>>35317918
>I wanted to use her as a reference
You're on your way, bud.

>>35319379

Not really. I paid her to basically play vidya with me. We got along but not really interested in friendship. Will I hire her in the future to play vidya? Maybe

>>35319406

Fuck you double dash is great

>>35319493
well im not saying mario is bad, I like mario games--especially mario kart.
But Melee is pretty popular these days

>>35319410
So what's step one? I mean you have to fuck around with getting references?

I think it'd be pretty fun to hit up an escort to just play vidya lol it'd be awkward as hell but money would be money and she'd HAVE to do it right

I'd make her play superman 64

>>35317869
Big fan of JN here and this is NOT a genuine Neptune post

GTFO of here and kys kindly

>>35317656
this is pathetic bro

>>35318012
>he keeps his toothbrush in the bathroom
How plebeian

>>35317869
unfunny people ruin anything. this is why girls won't fuck you.

>didn't even play Melee
smdh OP
you fucked up