Thread replies: 6
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1
File: 21344134314.jpg (368KB, 2036x2928px) Image search:
[Google]
368KB, 2036x2928px
I have put myself in this position by thinking i was able to choose and decide if i were to live a solitary life or one of co-dependence on others but this is quite obviously not true or the only two options yet as always stating the obvious or problem doesnt help provide a solution.
I thought i could live alone due to an unadmitted phobia of dating. I never questioned why am i alone? why dont i have a girlfriend or lots of friends? Because i knew the answer, it was quite obvious...i didnt try, i never put in any effort thinking i could choose not to, but i can't. I am a human; ashamedly, and i need human connection. the pain without it far exceeds any pain that could possibly come from attempts to achieve those goals.
I've known the issue all along but have never been able to face it because i know it means alot of hard work...even so it seems i am physically incapable of taking that first step. My body simply wont allow me at this point, it responds independent of my thoughts; I can be thinking only of all the positive outcomes and yet my heart will race, I'll sweat exceesively for no reason and feel all around weak and disembodied and left completely unable to deal with the situation.
So I am in a dificult spot, one that would seem inescapable without help and i need a catalyst, something, anything that can simply get me past that first step and start trying so i can then begin to ease with the knowledge that once i am at last participating it will only be a matter of time before results can be observed.
>>
I dont just owe it to myself to try and make and effort and change i owe to that girl out there that i will eventually find and form a bond with she needs that too right? Everyone has some intimate relationship throughout life, thats the very point of life isnt it? Yet i cant seem to form that with anyone. I dont or didnt even know how to start...i still dont.
Thats what everyone has ever done, they form a special relationship with someone(s) and make something together whether it be a family, a life, memories. What other point to living is there? So i have no choice. I have to better myself and put in that effort i dont have any other beliefs so thats the only thing left to keep me going. I cant think about failure because with nothing else means to not go on.
>>
So this is me.
a 25 year old robot ready to find my first date and finally start living a life instead of hiding away at every given oportunity out of that irrational fear that i'll have to form an intimate relationship with another human being. signing out on last resorts.
>>
>>35304302
I've grown up to be a loner. I've tried to be social, sometimes even with success, it still wasn't worth the effort. Even getting a girlfriend wasn't worth the effort.
Solitary life is much more rewarding.
>>
>>35305086
But i have to atleast try.
I was ready to end my life a few months ago but ended up in a psych ward and decided to give life one last go and ended up picking up a bunch of new hobbies and a job but have just now been realizing that i still havent been allowing myself to be in positions where theres the opportunities to form those kind of relationships and as a result and still not feeling much worth. So i figure i gotta atleast try and experience that. I mean i NEVER have how can i know? i only dread if i cant find any fulfillment in a relationship...
>>
>>35305206
You indeed have to try. You won't know which life is better for you until you've tried both. You might just happen to realize that your misery doesn't stem from loneliness but from brainwashing by society. You might realize the opposite. You'll never know if you don't try...
Thread posts: 6
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1