Fuck my anxiety. Every year is getting worse, 3 years counting,

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Fuck my anxiety. Every year is getting worse, 3 years counting, i had tried almost any ssri and snri and now becouse nothing works i am going to take MAOis that are mostly harmfully to liver and heart.
I mean sometimes at year i am good, had a job, finished sem uni. Other times 16 hours of sleep.

And now after shity work i had gathered enough funds to go to neurologist and make some research.
I am fucking desperated, i mean i am still curious about taking drugs like lsd, Metylofenidat, adderal (your), ketamine, modafinil. This is my order list.
Becouse why the fuck not, the only thing is that i have panic attacks and schizotypical personality.
But i don't know what the fuck i should do, i am going spend half of my fucking salary that i earned 2 months ago when i was feeling fine. I have to know get my thyroid, mri scans and hormones. I have spend a lot of time and money on psychiatris. I that thasn't work i will order this few drugs, becouse fuck this i am living about 3-4 months a year, in those months i can work, have social interactions, can concentrate, have any motivation. In other i fucking watch the ceiling and don't go out for 3-4 moths, not meet any friends. Even if i tried to force myself, i get panic attacks and sweat like pig. I have sucial thoughts a lot of this past 3 years.
Well sorry for my blog,