I have come to accept that I will never be "normal" or a normie and I feel much better.
>Love will never come easily to me, as I am not super attractive and much suffering in adolescence has robbed of the ability of connecting with women (I don't hate women, I just... can't relate to them easily).
>I am a vain, but not heartless. My own suffering with pornography addiction has made me very passionate about the topic, and I wish to help in the fight against these (((dark forces))) trying to push sex obsession on our society.
>Being involved in my local church has helped me feel connected to something bigger than myself, and it is through this that I have found some peace for the darkness in my heart.
>I have slept with prostitutes as a way of understanding sex but also stopping my mind from obsessing over sex 24/7. It has worked and helped me concentrate in school without obsessing over "lulz Stacy is banging Chad, why am I not having as much sex as Chad?".
>I am not nihilistic, I legitimately believe there is much beauty in this world, but as someone who will never be a normie, beauty will have to be more than "Lulz XD Me and Stacy in the grand Canyon, can I get some normie likes? XD
>I see my damage as a blessing, it has damaged me to the point that I don't see the "Chad" lifestyle as a goal, rather as something to overcome by finding meaning in other meaning in life, like internal-peace, no debt, spirituality, financial independence.
Am I the perfect human being?
>>35178225
If I could wake up as a 9/10 looks Chad with a matching personality and forget everything from my previous life, I'd definitely go for it.
From my current point of view as me, I agree with you, I can't imagine a Chad lifestyle and honestly consider it to be disgusting. Man can be shallow whores too.
>>35179211
I have come to realize that I only envy the Chad lifestyle when I haven't gotten laid in a while and I have spent too much time in "normie land" with all of it's sex-obsession and normie activities (showing off in the gym, wasting money in bars, making people feel "jealous" of you 80k debt on wheels).