Anyone here been to prison? How's the food?

>>35144603

I work in one and the food isn't good. Hope you like potatoes cause that's about 90 percent of every meal.

>>35144603
Did a 2-8 for armed robbery. Got out a few years ago. Food was okay. Depends on who was working. Those canteen day prison cooks, though.. I still make them.

>>35144697
Few months ago, I mean. December 2nd.

>>35144697
Can you give us stories pls m8?
This is now cool and origi

>>35144697
What the fuck are you doing here of all places? You're a criminal which means you're better with women that the rest of r9k.

Depends. I live near one of the worst cities in the country, that jail has bedbugs, lets people have seizures on the floor without helping, your basic nightmarish stuff. Then, in the other direction, the same distance away, is a jail that has movie night for the cleanest block and supposedly good food. But I haven't been to jail, and don't plan to go anytime soon. So I don't do stupid shit like walk around in public with drugs every day.

Was thinking of taking some teaching work in a prison. Is this a bad idea? Will I also have to eat shitty food? Answers especially welcomed from those who have been in prison regarding attitudes to teachers.

>>35144875
No, it's a great idea! Who doesn't love having hundreds of penises jammed in his asshole while getting his face slammed into the concrete floor?

>>35144776
It's true. I have a gf currently and have slept with around 20 other women. I just like r9k and am entertained by some of the stories.

Not prison but jail. Extremely shit. Got a cheese sandwich and the cheese was fucking layered with ice. Dinner was microwaved rice meal that was frozen in the middle.

>>35145039
CHAD PLS LEAVE

this is oilily

>>35144732
Sure. I'm mobile posting so bare with me. I wrapped up my bid at a camp, and spice was super big there. You know, synethic weed. Saw tons of freak outs and violence related to debts. I'm not gonna green text, really. My phone is a pain. The most memorable one was the kid who got his eye socket Smashed with a lock in a sock and then went out and smoked the rest of his spice and started freaking out and trying to finger his own ass.

>>35145039
Leave mr. normo. Or atleast dont post.

File: 1482410672065.jpg (201KB, 470x595px) Image search: [Google]

201KB, 470x595px

>>35145125
I used to be a robot. I went to five differ different high schools and was cripplingly autistic for the first three. Now I'm /fit/ and slay pussy. Maybe more robots should to prison. It's like boot camp.

>>35144603
I went to jail for a night

They gave us yogurt with oats it was good something else and a weird bread cake thing

>>35145190
Surely your prospects and therefore your life is ruined. Recidivism or bottom rung wagecuckery are your only options.

File: 20170220_211120.jpg (1MB, 2576x1932px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2576x1932px

>>35145158
I don't usually post. I just had too, since it was a prison thread. Pic related, current gf in my sweatshirt. I just wanted to share some stories but stay mad, Virgin.

>>35145291
Basically. I'm going to school to become a paralegal, however. Eventually I'd like to work for some sort of prison reform based non-profit. Felon reentry programs, etc.

>>35145323
>stay mad, Virgin.
C'mon buddy I know you can do better than that. Atleast be creative in your insults.

it's basically same as school lunch or free 3 star hotel breakfast

>>35145347
It's great to hear that you have a solid plan. More than most can say, desu. I certainly think if I ended up in prison, assuming I didn't kill myself I'd think 'Well that's in then, it's fucked. Might as well just do whatever crooked shit I can get away with now that a career is off the table'

>>35145323
i would never say this to your face because you're a mean scary criminal but speaking as an anonymous person, your girlfriend looks smelly.

>>35144697
Do you repent what you did? Or at least, would you risk getting caught and ending up in prison again?

>>35145134
>smoked the rest of his spice and started freaking out and trying to finger his own ass.
sounds like you met another robot in there anon

>>35145690
It's possible. I met a few people who would definitely qualify as robots. I played dungeon and Dragons with a few for a month or so until I got sick of them role-playing as girls getting dicked by gnomes, or whatever.
>>35145688
Nope. My main mistake was who I did the job with. Is what it is.
>>35145641
She's a hipster artsy girl. She looks grungier than she is.

>>35145745
>She's a hipster artsy girl.
is this supposed to be evidence that she isn't smelly?

>>35145769
The opposite. She's also into makeup though, so it balances out. I took her virginity a month or so ago. She's a good girl.

I could never imagine surviving in prison. Im too neutral and seclusive to be able to mingle in such a factionised community. Ill probably get shanked or pushed around by the other inmates. Not too mention i would be too autismo for it

File: 1470532038117.png (888KB, 998x1096px) Image search: [Google]

888KB, 998x1096px

>>35145786
>virgin girls go after dindu criminals
I guess it's not worth trying anymore.

>>35145848
I'm not a dindu. White as fuck.

>>35145868
The rest of statement still holds true.

>>35145896
I'm sorry, anon. Go to the gym and lift til they love you.

>>35145896
you're pretty confident after being dropped to 50% accurate

>>35145930
>Go to the gym and lift til they love you
You still be the very same but with muscles. Take a look at /fit/, it's literally pumped up /r9k/

>>35145039
>have slept with around 20 other women
prison "wives" don't count

>>35144603
Uk prison food ranges from surprisingly good to absolutely shit And bread...lots and lots of bread

File: frechllnge.jpg (4KB, 275x183px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 275x183px

>>35144697
Are you a dindu?

File: 1467418726375.png (359KB, 394x394px) Image search: [Google]

359KB, 394x394px

>>35144603
I work at a prison and handle the inmate canteens (do audits and deliver/order shit for them). Every time I walk by the prison cafeteria it smells awful so I imagine that shit is not good. Niggers love buying flamin hot cheetos and mackerels from the canteens though.

>>35146004
>Uk prison food ranges from surprisingly good to absolutely shit And bread...lots and lots of bread
How do you know that?

>>35145983
That's why I didn't mention the little prison punk I had do my laundry, cook me food and clean my dishes and cell.

>>35146058
I've done a few years inside.

>>35146120
Inside where? Your dad's anus? Yeah right, if that were true you would have run into my penis at least once. Liar.

>>35146120
How is it? I imagine it's full of chavs and chads, routinely quite an outsider and I'm incredibly paranoid and anxious so I don't imagine I would do well.

File: 1488126508483.jpg (57KB, 385x477px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 385x477px

>>35144603
I was in an Iraqi prison(Erbil) last month. The food was good, I guess, I never tried it(Hunger strike) all of the food was fresh because over there they don't have the industry to pump foods with preservatives, so all the food that goes into the prison is from farms outside the city.

The food consisted of fresh bread(everyday)tomatoes, cucumber, beans, rice and the occasional goat and chicken. The goat did look awful however, it had like bone sticking out the meat.

The prison itself was complete shit though. It was one of those 3rd world 1 cell systems with like 50 dudes in it, we got let out 3 times a day. They ate in the same cell too.

>>35144697
What do you do for work? How do you support yourself as someone who has a felony on his criminal record?

Guessing you sell drugs, right?

>>35146088
>tfw the government won't let you buy cute jailbird boys to cuddle
>you will never make him fall in love with you so that he stays with you even after he's free

this police state fucking sucks, I want a refund on my taxes

>>35146088
how is it that straight guys start fucking other guys in prison, and even claim some as their girlfriends. it's so odd.

>>35146164
You can't get a job when you have a record?

>>35146138
I'm probably the only person in the thread who has genuinely done time. But if you're going to be a weird little pussyhole, I wont bother contributing.

>>35146160
Greentext on how did you end up in Erbil.

Peshmerga?

>>35146179
Are you going to take your ball and go home?

Honestly I'm genuinely terrified of you.

>>35146178
I'd imagine it'd be pretty tough to get a job with not only a felony, but a fucking armed robbery one at that.

Every job I've ever had did background checks (from minimum wage tier jobs I had in college to real white collared work).

File: 1337514149751.jpg (92KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 400x400px

>>35146204
>Being terrified of text on a screen

>>35146155
It's not as bad as you think. Adult prison is calm with most people keeping their head down and doing their time. Young offenders (yoi) is a lot worse. Feltham was the worst prison i've ever been to.

There were a few people who just stayed in their cells. Refusing to come out on association./excersise and only leaving when they have to go to work/get their dinner. People think they're nonces when I now know that they just probably had anxiety issues.

>>35146224
That's fucked, in my country that's discrimination and super illegal.

>>35145323
something about her forehead. the way it sticks an inch out further than her nose makes her face look scrunched

File: 1488099256741.jpg (1MB, 1920x1712px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1920x1712px

>>35146200
Close, YPG. Well, sort of. I was one in a group of unfortunates to get arrested while trying to get over the border into Syria.

The sleeping arrangements in the cell are awful. Imagine 50 dudes all pressing up against each other because the cell was that packed. Thankfully I was only in there for less than a week and released without charge. No Syrian adventure though.

>>35146262
That sounds pretty bad though: the idea that being anxious could get me shanked or whatever.

But you say people won't just start shit for the sake of it? I imagine I''d keep my head down, work out a bit, maybe support other inmates with their literacy. Just minimise socialising. Pretty much what I do anyway.

>>35146224
It is what it is. I'm working at subway right now. Wagecucking for 10.68 an hour. I'm in college, though. So really this is just for play money. It'll be a harder life, but can't change it now.

>>35146176

It's not considered gay, it's a power thing.

Straight men who hook up with dudes in prison are usually doing it because the other is giving them something for it. Usually its protection from others. Likewise the more powerful one in the relationship will take a weaker inmate and offer protection in exchange for sex and food/hygiene items.

>>35146409
You wont get stabbed in a British prison unless you tick drugs/phone and don't pay it back. A lot of junkies do just that then get themselves put on the numbers (put on the vulnerable prisoners wing which is full of grasses, rapists etc)

The worst that will happen to you is people bullying you to hold their mobile phone or drugs in your cell or someone telling you to order them stuff on your canteen.

>>35146567
Would it be a bad idea to tell them to fuck off unless there was something in it for me? Just seems like the kind of thing that would spiral out unless you work out some kind of equivalent exchange at the outset.

>>35145957
I can confirm this orignsnkfkrk

>>35144776
Sorry to reply to an ancient post but this is not true.

>>35146609

Depends if you can back up it up. Some may be willing to work out a trade with you if you look like the kind of person not to fuck with.

Otherwise if you look weak then other inmates will press you because they know you probably won't fight back.

>>35146666
What does satanic quads mean by this?

>>35146609
No, that is exactly what you should do, if it leads to a fight then at least the others on the wing wont have you down as a pussy. Once they have you down as that it will get worse and worse..i've seen people getting victimised in the worst way.

They call it "g checking" say you smoke, you will get some dickhead come into your cell and see if you will give them burn (tobacco) if you don't tell him to fuck off and give him burn then his mates will come to you for tobacco and soon enough they will start putting pressure on you to do other stuff.

>>35146690
There is a surprising amount of criminals and adults that engage in anti-social behavior that come to /r9k/. I'm one of them, we're just as fringe as you guys desu. If I had a family that took care of me I would have been a NEET rather than doing shit in the street.

File: 1480571463015.jpg (8KB, 248x395px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 248x395px

Thinking about people getting arrested and processed in jail as I post in this thread makes my heart warm. It feels good being a good boy.

Seriously, imagine yourself going through all that. First you get arrested, and you instantly know you lost your job and future jobs. Then you get brought to the police station and manhandled. You then have to get naked and let them search you. You have to lift your balls and show them, then bend over and spread your butt checks and cough so they can see if anything pokes out of your asshole. Then they walk you to the showers while your naked and spray you down with Delouser. Then they make you shower, and you get about 45 seconds to do that.

Becoming state property is a surreal and awful feeling. It makes me enjoy my freedom immensely..

File: shrugs.jpg (4KB, 97x139px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 97x139px

>>35146666
>>35146690
UNIVERSITY OF OREGON FIGHTIN' BEAVERS

>>35146742
yeah but you're only allowed to fuck women over 21 or 30 or whenever their ovaries have shriveled into tiny dead things that crank out retards like the sonic franchise of video games

>>35146736
If you had a loving family, you'd be decent person and not NEET or criminal.

>>35146742
Never been strip searched in prison. Not even the screws want to go through that. Last time i was being processed into a prison (hmp highdown) they had a chair they made you sit on to see if you had a phone/drugs in your arse.

>>35146778
I see the Jennifer Aniston baby at 50 magazines in the grocery store and I can't help but think that kids gonna have flippers and be able to move trains with his mind or some shit.

>>35144603
It's shit for breakfast you get cerrap with fake milk and if your lucky 2 peices of whole wear bread. Lunch is shitty soup with more whole wheat bread. Supper is some heavily salted meat with more whole wear bread. You will struggle to take a shit the entire time you're there

>>35146889
In the UK you actually get a menu with a choice of 4 meals plus a vegetarian/halal option. You get a choice of 3 desserts too

File: 1415979406771.jpg (229KB, 720x720px) Image search: [Google]

229KB, 720x720px

>>35146262
I hear Pentonville is pretty rough.

An Thameside is the best place to be. Course it's remand only right?

Redpill me, how do feds do inside. That's my great fear. There's literally no chance I would't be recognised, or the screws wouldn't drop me in it.

>>35146957
In the UK you can't buy a butter knife if you're under 18 and you have to pay if you own a TV

>>35146971
Never been to Pentonville, lad. I have been to Brixton and Wandsworth both are Victorian prisons and pretty grim, Brixton especially.

Never seen a gavver in prison lol but I can tell you now that he'd get battered if he wasn't put in with the nonces.
Screws can be petty spiteful cunts, one of them would say something without a doubt

>>35146724
Fair enough. Something like bumming a smoke seems innocuous but it sounds like that's not the case.

>>35146673
I suppose the key would be to fight back regardless of outcome, just so people considered it too much hassle to try and pressure you.

>>35147035
We don't have rapey niggers in our prisons either.

Smug incarcerated British pepe.jpg

>>35147129
So what'd you do to get yourself put away. It's pretty hard to do an actual custodial of any real length outside some proper offending.

>>35147151
If your friends with someone you can ponce a smoke of them, ofc. Strangers coming in your cell and acting friendly before asking for burn is a shit test.
There's also a system in prison called "double bubble" If you need something then you can find someone who will give it to you providing that you give them the item plus another back.

Prison does funny things to your mind. I took offence and got into a fight over someone taking a rizla without asking. Why didn't he ask? Does he think i am a mug? Trivial things you wouldn't think twice about outside become huge issues inside

>>35147269
If I was ever set to spend time inside I would definitely spend a fair bit of time looking up more valuable information like this. In any case, I can be a fairly manipulative, sadistic shithead in my day-to-day so perhaps that would be helpful. It sounds like that transactional relationship attitude is a must so that aspect would be natural at least.

>>35147232
I'm an English/Irish traveller. You might know me from /britfeel/.

I've been inside for intent to supply, GBH and fraud. I am at college now and trying my best to get away from my "community" Crime is a way of life for us and i'm sick of it.

>>35147151

Pretty much. If it comes to it you will probably have to fight them or you lock up for protection but then everyone knows you are a pussy.

Really the easiest thing to do to avoid that shit is to have money to pay what you owe and pay back what you owe, don't gamble in excess, don't steal and don't make waves.

Also never accept handouts or anything someone offers for free, cause there is never anything free in prison.

>>35147325
If you have any other questions ask away, lad.

>>35147378
why do your people have to come to appleby and shit up our county every year.

>>35147475
I suppose I'd be interested to know if sadism would be valuable, or whether it would be better to avoid violence unless confronted. It's just I have found that kind of thing enjoyable in my relationships, and I imagine it would translate. I can equally imagine that rather than getting some kind of respect people would consider you a bit of a sicko or hold a grudge, so then it would end poorly. Ultimately I'm not too bothered about pain but nothing terrifies me like being powerless or humiliated. Bad childhood is responsible for both sides, you see.

>>35147558
Muh tradition

I hate the place. This Pikey will never be going there again.

>>35147580
I should add, I'm curious partly because I'm a chronic worrier and partly because I can imagine getting in trouble over it one day.

>>35147580
If you find someone you think you can bully, do it. Just don't be too sadistic or obvious about it because there are white knights on the wings who like to look after the young/weak guys.

This always the bit that I find hard explaining to people who have not been inside. After being on the same wing as people for a few months you all become tight-knit and there's a real community feel. If you pick someone who is liked you will get yardies, cockneys, travellers Africans all coming after you on the weak lads behalf.

Here in Brazil is if you don't have a college degree.

>>35147644
pro tip: When being processed into prison when they ask you your religion tell them that you're a Mormon. You will get a free extra large tub of hot chcok once a month for free which you can use or trade.

>>35147923
what is hot chcok??

>>35148095
My bad. Hot chocolate.

>>35148180
really lol? why does being mormon get you that

>>35148262
They're not allowed to drink alcohol, coffee, or tea.

>>35148479
oh thats odd lol
what if you claim Mormon and drink them anyway do they care??

>>35147602
You're alright by me pikey. I'd buy you a pint.

>>35145323
Nice bulbous egg tier forehead she has there.

>>35148556
No, I'm a Catholic and occasionally went to church. The screws joked about me supposedly being a Mormon but they didn't stop my free monthly hot Chock. Most of them really couldn't care less, as long as you don't behave like an animal, they will leave you alone. They want to do as little as possible then go home. But you do occasionally get a jobsworth who does everything by the book but they are rare.

>>35148625
I'll have a Stella, please lad. The next round is on me.

>>35147786
Doesn't this contradict the 'nothing for free' advice? It sounds like people look after one another without charge.

>>35147378
Next time you pikeys come round Worcester can you keep an eye on your half dressed children, clean up after yourselves and stop stealing pets to use to train dogfighting.

Cheers.

The Nazis were justified with you lot I swear.

I went to prison for my 4th DUI for a year. I know, I'm retarded. The food was awful. Id give it away half the time, so everyone loved me.

>>35144603
>there will never a SoL about cute prisoners doing cute things

File: 28345269.jpg (26KB, 500x375px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 500x375px

I'm a swede. The prisons here are comfy and the food is pretty decent.

>>35145868
>I'm not a dindu. White as fuck.
okay then white dindu

Mexican Air Force, but we used to eat like if we were in some sort of prison. Spicy beans, chicken-looking meat with pork taste, a nearly rotten banana and some jelly. Sugar-less coffee or sock-water (tea)

Mexican Army, never again.

>>35149272
what's the purpose of prison, again?

>>35146358
>claims to be on Reddit:the armed forces
>posts fake ass story
>weebposter

Checks out

>>35149384
Rehabilitation, not an extended life of torment in the name of punishment.

>>35149272
>prison
wtf I want to commit a crime in Sweden now

>>35149005
It all depends on who you're banged up with. Most people will step in but others wont. My experience is that the wings become a community and everyone gets along for the most part. Young offenders however is a zoo and bullying is rampant. It's all about gangs in there

>>35149113
We both know that isn't going to happen. All I can do is commiserate. Imagine being a self aware Pikey? At least I'm working towards leaving them all far, far behind.

>>35144956
There are probably people on this board who would enjoy that.

File: two smert for azathoth.png (46KB, 1113x163px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 1113x163px

>>35149384
E

always E

>>35149272
English prison has a bunk bed and a toilet in the corner. You literally have to shit in front of your cell mate. If you haven't got air freshener or orange peel to put on the heating pipes you're in for a bad time.

>>35149417
Shame the same can't be said for the victim of crime.

Rape a girl? That's fine you're clearly the victim here, have a nice stay!

Swim to an island and shoot up hundreds of teens for having a different political opinion than you? That's fine, you're also a victim too, so have fun with your PS4 games.

This type of prison system is almost as bad as the American one in how much of a sham it is

>>35147180
>We don't have rapey niggers in our prisons either.
you have rapey sandniggers

My dad's been to jail for 2 years for trying to defect from the People's Republic of Bulgaria to Greece and hopefully catch a plane somewhere the Western powers would give him refuge. I don't know if it makes a difference, but he was in a military prison rather than a civilian one. He says the food was what you'd expect. Not terribly stale, but not freshly cooked either. Meat was a rarity. The mostly fed him beans, potatoes and white bread.

>>35149597
Pakis and Muslims in general keep to themselves in prison here. Nobody likes them or tolerates them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V82he6CM_YM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axizRwVqaLU

>>35149423
Raping a qt3,14 Sweden chick

>>35149254
>there will never a SoL about cute prisoners doing cute things
There already is you faggot, it's called Nanbaka

>>35149441
Interesting. I looked into teaching in them, and prisons they said getting an education cost a lot of good boy points and prisoners would kep their heads down to improve their prospects afterward. They also said avoid YOI where there was a very real possibility of being injured.