Small ways your parents fucked you up

>>35141500
>One of the saddest things for me is when I see a normal family

Same here. I envy guys who are best friends with their dad. Me and my dad barely talk to each other.

It's worse coming back to a shitty family after living away for a while, and you can see the stark contrast.
Like I opened up more, and became friendlier, kinder when away. I come back and try to make conversation and it's just constantly being shut down. I try give my opinions, generally act like a normal member of society and I get nothing back.

I tried bonding with my little brother. He's 17 now, but he's so defensive about everything. I can tell he's trying. Out of the blue he'll just talk about his university choices or something else academic, then be like "ok that's all" and leave.

I hope he'll be OK.

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>>35141500
>I've never played a game with sound on, or anything loud in general, I'm always afraid my dad will come in and yell at me even though we've lived in different cities for a year
>My ears prick up when I hear a door open across a house or building, and when I hear a car parking in a driveway
>I hate myself intensely because I look exactly like my dad I also act exactly like him
>I am afraid to get medical help because my dad yelled at me when I was sick
>I hate getting help from others, or letting them see my work because I feel everything I do is inadequate
>My mum is a feminist whore, self explanatory

I had an easy childhood

Biggest piece of advice to anyone ITT;

It's your parents fault for fucking you up, but it's your fault if you stay fucked up.

Both of my parents were alcoholics, would fight/hit each other in front of me and my siblings, dad later killed himself, mom blamed us for it, was homeless (by choice) at 16, managed to just barely graduate.

I'm 27 now and have a good, fulfilling life. I know it seems impossible but you CAN do it. Life is so much more rewarding when you've had adversity to overcome.

>>35141500
>My dad would sneak into the bathroom and scare me so I always look in the bathroom first.
>My brother scared me so bad after I flused the toilet he scared me with a mask a baseball bat.
>So every time I go to the bathroom I checked it first and I flush the toilet with a knife in my hands

I noticed my parents had a total change in philosophy over the years. I'm one of six so I guess I got to be the guinea pig.

I remember burning yugioh cards and smashed snes games because of some lost commandments type shit and ridiculous punishments for seemingly no reason. I guess if I liked something that must mean it's of the devil. The youngest two pretty much do whatever the hell they want and don't even get so much as a sideways glance. I don't know what happened after I moved out but it would have been nice if it happened when I was still a kid.

>>35141929
>I look exactly like my dad I also act exactly like him
This pretty much. I didn't like him at all as a child because he never seemed to be there for me. My parents pretty much had the 'If you don't make trouble we don't care' attitude towards me so I grew up pretty neglected. (I also was an only child until 12 y/o) The first few years my grandparents basically raised me, they were nice.(And still are although my grandpa has cancer and my grandma has some sort of dementia/alzheimer's) Now I'm 20, moved out and over the past few years I began to at least see my dad in another light because I sometimes remind me of him. And as much as I want to deny it he seems to be a really caring guy and has his heart on the right place, the thing is he doesn't know how to really show it and grew kind of narcissistic/indifferent to it all over the years. The only language he knows is sarcastic remarks and yelling.
When I look at him I see myself in 20 years if I don't do anything to better myself.
My mom is just as enigmatic to me now as she was 10 years ago, though. A typical case of >women I guess

Growing up without a father was probably the worst thing.

>>35142105
This is exactly how my dad described his own childhood. Super strict fundie parents, they hated it and struggled but ultimately became successful. Youngest children had it easy and became degenerates.

>>35141964
Wow, congratulations. Fuck off.

my dad shouted at me when i was puking for trying to overdose suicide
my dad called me psychotic when i came out as transgender

>>35141500
what they did
>somewhat overprotective and controlling parents
>dad became angry easily
>moved often as a baby (although my parents were forced to move so it wasn't really their choice)
>daycare place changed almost all the time in toddlerhood because mom couldn't get a stable job
>as an older kid, mom stayed at home, but I was forced to be in daycare even though I didn't fit in and hated the place
>parents thought too many times I was being rebellious when I simply was unable to do certain things
>laughed at my failures
>couldn't appreciate the internet enough in the 90s and early 00s, that could have been a valuable source of information about how to raise kids who have special needs
>didn't push the doctors to diagnose me properly
>didn't really support my interests/hobbies, more like had a discouraging attitude towards them (especially dad)
how it affected me
>very reserved
>can't really talk about myself except anonymously
>when someone comes to my room, I must hide whatever I'm doing on the computer/phone
>extremely low self-esteem
>don't trust anyone
>don't dare to ask for or get help

>>35142105
>>35142261
My parents were more relaxed with my younger brother and gave him more freedom and privileges, even though he's only 2 years younger. I don't have other siblings.

>>35142235
Growing with distant robot father is even worse. Atleast in your case he was distant and you can blame him.

You know what helps for me OP? Knowing the cause of everything fucked up my dad did, knowing that there were things happening in his life that made him act this way, and that his behavior didn't just come out of nowhere. It's not much consolidation but it's nice to know my dad didn't act this way out of pure malice.

My mom so desperately wanted a daughter but instead got only boys, she acted like not caring but it secretly ate at her her whole life, maybe this is why she babied us. Despite how much she pretends, she doesn't really like my dad she just tolerates him cus he provides $$, no one in my close family really like my dad, in my extended family everyone loves him because he knows how to put on a show.

The reason my dad was an overbearing, condescending, short-tempered dictator was because he needed to still feel in control of his household even though he knew he was losing control. They married as my mom hit 30, gained weight, and their marriage had their speedbumps for sure, she probably cut the sex down a lot (i actually know for a fact she did, my dad let it slip one time they had minor "marriage problems" and he was acting out in weird ways like buying a punching bag and putting it in the basement etc.), and i know how much of a whiny bitch my mom can be, i know she pushed his buttons relentlessly. I honestly don't know where my resentment for my dad first came from, cus i can't for the life of me remember the first time feeling it, i can only remember not really liking him, with small glimpses of good feelings, which gradually grew into full blown hate for him, which lasted through my teen years. This is why i think it came from my mom, the reason i despise him is because she despised him and i took after her, i was a mommas boy and i loved her so much so it makes sense, she babied me and my brothers so much, she turned us into pussies and effectively turned us all against our dad because she deep down despised him and could not hide it.

>>35142534
Yeah, it could have been worse. What I mean is just that out of everything that was done wrong towards me, that was the thing that I know had the largest negative effect.

>>35142593
Yeah. I also love/hate my mother - i somewhat hate her but i dont find logical reason why. When parents start conflicting, i take father side because i want to protect him from mom.

>be me
>be 11 - 15
>single mother
>often broke down and threatened suicide
>often had to block her from leaving the house
>often had to chase her car down the street when she said she was driving to a suicide hotspot at a beach
>often accused me of being a bully and a terrible son
>other times spoiled me and discouraged me from maturing
>never discussed anything, always "too busy" etc
>reacted to arguments by ignoring me for days
>told me countless times I'd be sorry when she dies

I love my mother and understand why she was so emotionally troubled but that shit scarred me. I've never been in a romantic relationship though I've always wanted to.

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>>35141500
>mum only took me to her friends shitty hair parlour as a child
>as a result i have no idea how to get ta haircut normally
another one
>parents insisted on living in the middle of nowhere
>as a result I had no friend's house i could just go to
another one
>parents smoked in the house, almost everywhere besides my room and the bathroom
>as a result I struggle to breath, Being fat doesnt help
another one
>Parents complained at me for spending "so much" money on magic cards
>whilst they spent a fortune on wine, alcohol ad weed
>didnt fuck me up but i thought i'd bring it up
another one
>parents divorced when i was 13
>dad settled in a town and mother stayed in the middle of nowhere
>dad settles with a nice women that he's still with today
>mother has a new fiancee every few months
>also has a- wait for it- Irish/australian friend who's completely fucking insufferable
>this women is a divorced catholic ginger
>i am not making this up
Its fair to say that I didnt enjoy growing up

>>35142566
(cont.)

This is why i think it came from my mom, because she had bad vibes towards him all the time and kept babying us our whole lives, it entered my subconsciousness so early i didn't even notice it, i grew up never really liking my own dad, in fact, i can only remember being intimidated by him. Either way it doesn't really matter, as i would grow up to hate his fucking guts in my teens anyway.

As me and my brothers entered our teens and started to rebel, my dad being an arrogant self righteous overcontrolling idiot just kept trying harder to remain "in charge" so to speak, he just did things to feel like he was respected and revered, things like monitor our computers and ban violent videogames and install curfew however that was never a big deal as i was still allowed to stay out pretty late. And the times i wasn't allowed i didn't give a fuck anyway.

My brothers wasn't as rebellious as me, i had an all out war with my dad, i wouldn't be controlled. Period. The harder he tried to control me the harder i resisted, because it was bullshit, i admit a few of the things was just childish of me to resist but to this day i still maintain that he was fucking wrong in most of the things he did. Both mom and dad kept telling me that when i grew up i would understand and now i just have to accept that, but here i am 25 and i still feel the same about most those things. And from a really young age i actually made the decision to not forget this bullshit and to keep hating him. I consciously decided to not let my hate for him die down, at an age of not more than 13 or 14 i think, how messed up is that? This shit lasted until my fucking early 20s, and only in recent years have i started to realize how big of an effect this has had on making me the person i am today.

Never thought i would type all this out, it feels good to actually tell someone.

>>35142755
Do you know how grandpa was treating your father in childhood?

told me I was smart when I really wasn't

>>35142755
Sadly i don't know anything about it, but i do know they had their disputes. My dad once said granpda was of the "old school", as in he maintained traditional stuff like "children should be seen and not heard" and my dad was fiercely against that. My dad said they had a dispute about that once because my older brother was running around making noise, granpda said something to my brother, my dad didn't like it and said he "put him in his place" so im guessing they argued or something. This is about the only time i ever heard my dad speak of grandpa i think. But knowing my dad, im guessing he was just as rebellious, if not more than me, i know some of his life story and he's been around the world, never been just a regular dude until he settled down and had kids.

>>35142901
shit this was meant for >>35142775
>original

>>35142901
>never been just a regular dude
What do you mean?

>>35141500
>mother was a slut
>fucked so many men even she isn't sure who my father is
>gave me away at 5 because I was "more like a brother than a son to her"
>later in life I learned she gave me away to avoid 1 night in jail
>also learned that I was taken from her (she still didn't want me) by my aunt because of a car or some shit, the reason she was going to jail for 1 night
>she then proceeds to fuck a nigger and have a child with him, then fuck another nigger and have two more mulattos
>was given to my grandmother who is a gullible Christian (you know those that think the bible is all about love and that you should never judge anyone basically those that believe Jesus was some kind of hippy) and is used by her two children (and the rest of the family) constantly
>currently her son (forty-fucking-six years old) is living with us at our 2 bedroom apartment. she gave up her bedroom to him while she sleeps in a recliner that is falling apart. he has been staying with us for 2 years, spends his money on cigs while eating our food up and never helping. If I say anything about this she calls me heartless, cold-hearted, "what if that was you" "they're family" "they''re my kids" "I'm their mother you wouldn't understand you don't have kids"
>her daughter (my mother) has always tried to (and succeeded) in pushing her kids on to my grandmother so her and her nigger could do whatever the fuck. they also got her in trouble about two cars and she had to file chapter one and few years ago
Maybe one day I will put all my life into an image as there's just too much to type right now.

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>>35142534
Growing with distant robot single father. Literally only got a hug on my birthdays. Needless to say I'm a 24 y/o hugless, kissless virgin.

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>>35142964
>Needless to say I'm a 24 y/o hugless, kissless virgin.
Same here anon. I cannot even imagine doing sexual act with girls, it's too much for me.

>parents always working late and always on business trips
>they hired an au pair to look out for me and my big brother
>>resulted in never getting the affection a kid needs from their parents, not fucking jessica from thailand
>my mother would sometimes hit me and yell at me for no other reason than "being annoying"
>as i got older they just gave me bigger and bigger amounts of money
>>think it was their way of saying sorry and somewhat paying themselves out of their responsibility

I started seeing a child psychiatrist at an early age, but it didn't work out. Got diagnosed with depression later in life at age 13 and started drinking and doing hard drugs at age 14-15. Been diagnosed with BPD and still have a substance abuse. They still proceed to give me money; I think they're somewhat sorry, but have chosen to remain silent about it.

A few ways, really... I don't really blame my parents for my problems. At the end of the day each individual is responsible for themselves, but my parents sure set me back in some ways. There are far, far worse parents out there, though.

Parents were never abusive or anything, at least not outright. Mom is unstable, wracked with insane anxiety and bi-polar so just by her nature she is emotionally draining to live with. Dad was really angry when I was young, now bitter, over suspicious and depressed.

>Have loud demanding, argumentative older brother
>As middle child learn really early on (age 6 or so) to just be quiet and not complicate situations by giving my opinion
>Parents are loving and supportive, but oddly distant. No personal talks.
>Neither of them ever once told me anything about love, sex, relationships or asked me about. It was like it didn't exist.
>As a result there's this gulf where no one in my family speaks on a deeply personal level with anyone, but it feels like this closeness is feigned anyway. Very bizarre.
>Parents divorced when I was 8, raised mostly by mom.
>She is kind of irresponsible and disorganized. Never really have a stable home, responsibilities, or any kind of regular schedule with me and my brothers.
>Mom is unhealthy, diabetic, overweight. Her whole family is like this. Be a fatty myself.
>Looking at old photos. Was a healthy normal looking kid until my parent's divorced. Then literally that same year I became a fat kid and remained so ever since.
>Mom forced her shitty lifestyle choices and unhealthy relationship with food onto me.
>Around age 19 I realize this, educate myself, and get fit. Since then periodically fall into depression and get fat again.
>Feels impossible to break this habit that his been ingrained in me since I was 7 years old. Always come back to struggling with it.

That's it, really. My family made me desire and fear intimacy intensely at the same time and also made me a fatty as a child.

>>35143117
>At the end of the day each individual is responsible for themselves
Sure, 2-6 year old kids are responsible for their personality disorders.

>>35142940
At a glance he's a regular dude, not good looking but not ugly, skinny, it's just his story thats not regular. He's from a very small poor village area, he's told me about the cars he's owned, lived several places worked different jobs. But the big one is he got a job on a big ship and has sailed all around the world, you can bring up any group of islands or tropial places or whatever and he'll just speak of it as if he was there yesterday, know the names etc. I'm exaggerating, his memory isn't that good but he has actually been all over the fucking place. He's been in a car accident and almost killed himself and 2 friends but miraculously got away without a scratch all of them, he once dived off his sailboat while it was moving and almost got himself left at sea, just barely caught up with it (his words of course, i bet the stories got sicker every time he told them). As much as i hate to say it i would have to give it to him, he was "alpha", in his circumstances at least. Now i would never call him alpha though, but what i know of his story is pretty alpha.

Then all of a sudden he gets educated and works as a scientist, (won't specify the profession but let me say it was not a stem subject), he quit his scientist job, starts his own firm, gets a wife and a family. Makes huge money and now lives in a home worth tons of $. Mom is a nurse and would NEVER live in such a house if she hadn't met him.

>>35142950
Both my uncles an both sides of my family got divorced and moved back home with their parents in their 40s and 50s. Your uncle will never leave and your grandmother is destroying your uncle. Her "mercy" trains him into be completely helpless and complacent. My grand parents died and my mom had to have my uncle forcibly removed from the house. A few months later he died because he refused to get insurance or go to doctors to get the medication he needed to manage his many illnesses. He had just been taking my grandmother's meds and it likely contributed to her decline and death.

He of course, also, neglected them and didn't do shit around the house. Of course he had so many health issues he couldn't do much serious work anyway.

>>35143128
I mean as an adult, regardless of your past, you are responsible for making yourself better.

Every person in the world has had to endure some shit from time to time. Some more than others. My parents fucked me up. I was literally in therapy when I was 6 years old for being suicidal (Had panic attacks. Threatened to jump out of moving car into street. Grabbed a knife saying I wanted to die, etc), but it's not an excuse to mire myself in that for the rest of my life.

I'm not telling children in abusive homes to just get over it and fix their shit. I mean that once you come out the other side of that as a dysfunctional adult you have to live with it and fix it yourself.

>>35141500
My mom, who's obsessed with this afro that I hate having and managing, implied that the reason I was falsely accused of stalking 2 years ago was because I didn't have the kind of hair that she liked at the time of being accused.

She all but said that when I have short hair I look like a creepy stalker rapist, all of my life she's been grooming me to have all of this hair when it's a big source of my anxiety even at 22. I have to spend so long just to make it look decent that I almost never bother going outside when I don't have to.

>>35143225
>I mean that once you come out the other side of that as a dysfunctional adult you have to live with it and fix it yourself.
or you can join a cult.

>>35141500
they removed my foreskin lol

>>35143225
>you are responsible for making yourself better
But it doesnt mean that you can overcome the illness by yourself.

>>35141500
>Moving across the country
>Parents decide it's a good idea if Dad stays behind for a few months to get the house sold and take care of his career choices
>Only Dad is an alcoholic
>lo and behold he can't handle being alone and surely enough months turn into years without anything being done
>Mom doesn't give a shit because I suspect she never loved him in the first place and just wanted to enjoy the nice big house we just bought
>Being alone for so long Dad develops severe alcoholism
>Mom acts all shocked when it's revealed he's been trying to meet women when his own wife won't call him
>Mom files for immediate divorce and completely cuts him off from the family
>She also lies to him that I hated him and never wanted to see him again
>He stops trying to contact us out of abject shame
>His mother (my grandmother) tries to help him but he's legitimately turning insane
>His house is a wreck, there's no electricity, no heating because the bills haven't been paid, he lives like a filthy hermit
>Shortly afterword he dies from alcoholism and heartbreak
>Grandma told me during his last days how he fell to his knees and cried out to god to cure him of the damned liquor
>He moped around the house repeating my name over and over again
>I only learned about any of this after being told while standing over his grave
>he died when I was just entering highschool and I've been full /r9k/ since then

>>35143245
Shave it all off and tell her she told you to do it. Fuck that narcissist abusive bitch.

>>35141500
>wmaf
>all kids are elliots

DO NOT RACEMIX

>>35143277
It does, actually. I argue you can ONLY overcome illness by yourself. When it comes to trauma and mental illness no one can really do anything for you. If you are really in a bad place and can't see reason, then an outside perspective might help you to be able to see what you need to do, but if you understand what your issues are then they can't be resolved by anyone but you.

There is essentially nothing someone else can do to "fix" you. I suppose someone can offer you "support" or something, but it's kind of meaningless. Having other people around changes your environment, but it won't change yourself.

If you rely on other people or anything really in the outside world to control how you feel then you will ALWAYS become the victim of circumstance and environment. The real goal should be scouring your inner world clean and building a mental and emotional foundation for yourself that is based on yourself.

>divorced when i was 13 but everything sucked as long as i can remember, no affection, lots of arguments
>lived mostly with mom because dad was broke
>good grades were mandatory, family affection was withheld upon condition of good grades
>must be in every extra-curricular activity, non-negotiable
>when i succeeded, it was met with casual validation "good for you", when i failed (i.e. scored below 80% on a test), it was met with yelling, grounding, "you know god damn well better than this", etc.
>older brothers constantly criticized me for everything i did, as though i had no right to make a mistake in my youth
>wanted to be a video game level designer (i know, i know, but i actually did get pretty good with valve hammer editor and even made a functioning TF2 map, it never went official but we played it a bit on a /v/ offshoot community), but of course that's not a "real career" and i needed to be "more realistic" to get a "good job" (never really elaborated on what they meant)
>was actually upset that i had sex with my girlfriend for the first time when i was 20 and away at uni, like i was going off the rails or something
>packed all my shit into boxes and put them in the basement to turn my bedroom into a recreation room for herself and was insulted when i said i didn't even feel like i was welcome home anymore

i try not to bitch too much because i know that a lot of other kids had it way worse with druggy moms, abusive parents, etc. but i feel like i missed out on my youth becoming this trained seal that must churn out success after success over and over. i feel like i am very emotionally distant and i find it extremely difficult to accept gifts or help from other people, like it's "cheating" and i have to rely only on myself. i feel like this also makes me seem very cold and unfriendly to people and makes it very difficult to form and maintain meaningful relationships

>>35141500
My mom doesn't want me to grow up so when she sees me doing things that send me in that direction, she finds a way to ruin it. The only tool she still has is my financial dependency on her.

>>35143367
>The real goal should be scouring your inner world clean and building a mental and emotional foundation for yourself that is based on yourself.
I cant do this. I have no identity of my own because i always mimic others. It was probably because of my mother lack of parenting when she left me "independent" to do anything i want. However i thought of that "independence" as apathy from her because she didnt actually care d whenever i do things one way or another. What i'm trying to say that rationally i somewhat understand where my problems might be but that doesnt mean in slight that i can penetrate my subconsciousness and fix the actual problem there.

>>35143333
>>wmaf
>>all kids are elliots
RACEMIX

The maternal instincts on my mothers side are worse than that of turtles. Her, her sister and mother all were cold and subtly abusive as shit with their kids. She knows it too, she talks about her sister saying shit like my cousin is ugly to her face. But she has said way worse things to me, if she ever loved me she did a poor job of expressing it before and absolutely does not now. None of them are capable of handling a normal relationship. I think my aunt and uncle are only together for civility's sake and because they don't demand much of each other emotionally.

My mom hates my dad and me and probably wishes she never met him. It makes me sick when he tells me "this isn't what we wanted for you" as if they planned anything about it at all except the pregnancy itself. All they did was fight. He is really not so bright, either, and he will go on and on about how much he loves me, but when push comes to shove it's because he wants our attention, specifically hers. And since she wants nothing to do with him, I'm supposed to be there for him while he does nothing but talk shit on her.

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I was raised by a single mother. She never made any attempt at helping me socialize with other people, never mentioned anything about sex or relationships other than "it's bad". Up until the age of 14 I genuinely believed sex was evil. We weren't even religious, she just had a lot of hangups.

I realized recently that she truly didn't understand men at all. I think she had always seen men in her life be big, strong, and driven. So I don't think she thought she actually needed to nurture any sort of masculine qualities with me. She always encouraged me to do antisocial, beta hobbies like reading and crafts.

It made me realize how badly someone can be fucked up if they don't have two healthy parent figures, a strong masculine and a strong feminine. Sadly our society is at the point where divorce is eventual for everyone anyway, so I really think our civilization is in the process of irreparably collapsing.

They were so scared of me having bad experiences that they didn't let me have any experiences at all and now I'm retarded.

>>35143520
>a strong masculine and a strong feminine
Strong masculine is much more important than feminine.

3000% sure my mom has narcissistic personality disorder. Dad is an alcoholic. Woo boy was growing up a whole bunch of fun. Glad I'm living on my own now. Too bad I'm so emotionally/mentally damaged I can't enjoy life anymore.

>>35142521
how it affected me
>very reserved
>can't really talk about myself except anonymously
>when someone comes to my room, I must hide whatever I'm doing on the computer/phone
>extremely low self-esteem
>don't trust anyone
>don't dare to ask for or get help

I'm the exact same, I'm a relaly private person. I could be doing something competely innocent but if someone comes in I'll hide it like it's cp. I'm really guarded about things other people will talk about fine, like what music I like and things i'm really passionate about. In turn I feel it makes me less human, because unless I open up abotu that stuff it's hard to relate.

>>35143552
I think for men it is. But I think a strong and sane mother is extremely important as well since most men base their opinions and views on women from their early experiences with their mothers.

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Yeah just throw it on your parents. That'll solve your problems.

>>35143117
Sounds like me minus the divorce. It feels like my parents just stay together out of obligation rather than love.

>>35143569
>But I think a strong and sane mother is extremely important as well since most men base their opinions and views on women from their early experiences with their mothers.
That's true.
t. anon who hates all women but loves hates/loves mother.

>>35143569
You'd have to be dense to think this isn't true. 3/4 of our entire generation are completely fucked up because their mothers have narcissistic personalities or are just generally rotten, selfish people and their fathers got cucked into having families with them for fear of being lonely. When I read >tfw no gf threads I fear that the same mistakes will be repeated. It's not worth being with someone who is too wrapped up in their own egos to care about the consequences of their actions.

>give sister everything
>give unto me nothing
>sister wanted my room? Came home one day and found all my shit in boxes, had to move all my stuff to a different room before I could sleep that night
>sent off to summer camp which involved dropping me off at an airport and then driving away. I was 10 years old.
>sister wanted horseback riding lessons and rather than let me stay home I had to spend hours of every day sitting by myself in the car, wasnt even let outside.
>ditto several years later when she needed tutoring for things
>sister got paid $10 for every B she got and $20 for every A
>If I got lower than an A I was punished
>sister grew up to be a gigantic entitled cunt
>I grew up emotionally abandoned

I think the scary thing is my friends never even knew. I spoke with one of them recently and ended up discussing this with him. He and a lot of my friends actually spent most of their time thinking I was an asshole because I never invited them to my birthday parties, or over to my house. He didn't realize it was because I was never allowed to have a birthday party or have friends round ever.

>>35143585
I don't think most people here are outright blaming their parents for all of their issues. But they aren't gods just because they had kids, they make mistakes and those mistakes affect their kids in negative ways. They cause massive setbacks in emotional development in children, which people STILL place little to no value on, mostly because of logic like "hurr my parents were terrible to me and I turned out just fine xD"

>>35143608
>3/4 of our entire generation are completely fucked up because their mothers have narcissistic personalities or are just generally rotten, selfish people and their fathers got cucked into having families with them for fear of being lonely
My father actually hastened the wedding with mom when he was 24.

>>35143608
I honestly think that to a certain extent, human civilization has only been successful up until this point because everyone had to toil and never had time to think about their life and their problems.

Everyone's expectations are way off now. Everyone's told they should be spoiled, and they deserve the world. Our society is truly rotten to the core.

>>35143678
What do you think he was worried about?

>>35143700
Probably losing a good catch.

>>35141500
My parents were overbearing, especially my mother, and they'd pretty much never let me outside of the house until I was like, 20. They'd always demand that they meet whoever I wanted to hang with, which doesn't sound so bad, but knowing my parents, they'd probably be super invasive, want to know every detail about this person, and make them uncomfortable as shit.

They also would constantly compare me to my brother, inadvertently and I genuinely think that's what created my inferiority complex.

They also never really raised me to have a backbone. My mom and dad had 5 kids and three of us grew up not having one, whilst the other two were never really like that.

>>35143694
I wouldn't call anything that happened in the past as successful. Marriage being a means of controlling inheritance, people having children only to work in the field, none of those things are "good" just because they're different from what's happening now. People aren't spoiled because they don't live and die in fear of sickness or eternal damnation. I do not romanticize the past. However, it's true that evolution isn't a planned process and we aren't mentally programmed to handle first world life. We as living things have mental faculties in place to cope with extreme hardship. When that hardship is removed, and we have access to all kinds of things like opiates or fake cheese or porn or whatever, we have to employ discipline to keep ourselves from letting those creature comforts control us. But more importantly, these people, each and every one of them, is expected to have a role in society. Even if all the good parts are taken and all there is left to do is basic shit like having kids or flipping burgers. There's no draw anymore, because there's nothing challenging our survival. And because there are so many of us that need feeding and we have shit like India filling the ganges with antibiotics, there WILL be an outbreak and we will be laughably far from prepared.

Dad used to laug at me/impersonate me when he caught me stimming in private.

Mum told me about all the interpersonal problems she had with my paternal grandmother as a kid, even telling me not to hug her, leading to a lot of paranoia and awkwardness.

>>35143751
Was there something threatening the relationship? I'm just not following whatever point you were trying to make.

My mom's manic periods and gambling addiction made us poor. Her depressive periods and suicide attempts made me a nervous wreck.

My dad's ever-increasing alcoholism and substance abuse grated his humanity a little by little over the years until trust, love and respect were irredeemably damaged and then gone entirely.

>>35143859
Also this is why you hear shit about European nobles bathing in children's blood or having weird orgies/acting with impunity because they not only lived in luxury, but were explicitly told that it was their place in life to "rule" however they please and that the only reason to be a benevolent ruler was to keep the working class from dying or revolting so they can keep working and paying taxes.

>>35142641
This, I do exactly the same, I don't know why I can't love my mother, but I definitely connect better with my father even though I try to hate him.

>>35144040
I can guess why i hate my mother. It's probably because i feel that if she changed anything in my early life differently, I wouldnt turned out such an alien. My father was a distant one - we never had a talk about love, life or sex ever. I guess that he wanted to start but never knew how to start because his parents were the same clueless people (he also had a very strict mother and distant alcoholic father). It kinda seems that i had very bad experience with women since early childhood that it imprinted hatred toward them.

>>35143859
>I wouldn't call anything that happened in the past as successful.

From an evolutionary perspective it was very successful. After all success means passing on your genes to another generation. Even the filthy peasants were able to do that.

Now compare that to modern robots and cat ladies who willingly removed themselves from the gene pool.

Women should not be allowed around children.

>>35143520
>reading
>beta
No.

>>35141550
This, kind of.

My dad wasn't the greatest and we butted heads alot, but he never kicked me out, even when he should've.

We're civil with one another now, but we'll never have that buddy buddy father/son relationship.

>>35144277
>After all success means passing on your genes to another generation.

From an evolutionary perspective. Not an existentialist one. I'm not a naturalist, nor would I feel content with my life if it were all the same except a child was present.

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>>35144277
>modern robots
>willingly removed

>>35141500

I wasn't allowed leave the house to play with anyone until the age of 10. Coudn't even build a snowman or anything. Turns out that makes you a bit of an introvert. Dont get on with anyone and dont know how to have conversations.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._D._Laing

That guys whole schtick is that all mental illness stems from parents.

>>35141929
are you me
o r i g i n a l c o m m e n t o

>you are amazing the way you are
>we are getting a divorce and will act like children throughout the entire custody negotiation
>anon talks with a girl? tease him about it

There was also that time dad hired a child "recovery" guy to take me from my mom. the guy catfished me on Facebook pretending to be a girl my age to get my info. i was just starting middle school when that all happened so the whole roller-coaster of someone liking you, finding out that person never existed, and then almost getting kidnapped really fucked me up. i spent the first year of middle school avoiding people because i was paranoid about my dad

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>stomach lurches and heart rate goes up when I hear the front door open because, when I was at home, this meant it was time for the daily shouting match
>being around people really tires me out, vastly prefer being by myself
>don't like going outside and doing anything because that stuff costs money, and we didn't have much
>hate it when people do favours for me because I was always told that it was awful to ask others for help
>don't trust people at all because i was always told that they would let me down (except your family, you can tell us anything!)
(Incidentally I haven't had much reason to trust people because they do tend to let me down, especially my family).
>don't like emotional closeness with anyone because my mother uses my feelings for her to manipulate me and make me feel terrible so she can get her way.

I'll be honest I haven't had it too bad. I got hit a few times as a kid but apart from the emotional and verbal abuse I've been OK.

>>35141500

>robot
>has roommates

normalfags


True NEETS are on autismbux or they threaten to kill themselves if their parents force them out

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>Never hugged me
>Constantly pointed out my flaws; speech impedement and my bad posture/physique
>Gave me horrible life-advice: contradictions like "stand up to yourself" "BUT don't"
>Also they're both extremely neurotic about certain minute things
>Oh and both are also very good at playing the victim "U makin a me so saaaad by doing a that :("

Oh well now I'm an adult, and having endured their horseshit I'm "stronger".

Stonewalling them brings me enjoyment.

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>parents got divorced when I was 6
>dad quickly remarried a woman who was the classic evil stepmother trope, almost comically so if it wasn't my life
>she never hit me but if my dad wasn't around she'd be the most passive aggressive cunt imaginable
>dad either wouldn't believe me or didn't care

>mom starts dating and bringing around a series of shitty men at least one of whom abused her
>afraid to come out of my room at night because they'd always be screaming at each other
>go hungry without dinner half the time because they're down there shouting and yelling about suicide
>on the occasions they were in a good mood I would have to sit at the dinner table and make 'polite conversation' with them both like I don't notice the fresh hole in the wall from the other night

Despite all this I started de-robofying once I moved to college. I'll probably never be a normie but I have a career now and don't contemplate suicide/murder anymore

my parents are the only normal ones out of their siblings so I feel bad complaining about them. but simultaneously I lived a kind of weird life:

>raised vegetarian
>raised with no religion
>we didn't have TV until I was 8, but after that there were no rules about it
>went to a private school with no grades until I was 7
>my room when I was growing up was in the basement and i grew apart from family as a result

I don't know. At some point in my life I lost the ability to connect with anyone at any level, and that includes my family. I'd like to be able to find a specific event to be able to blame it all on, but I think a lot of it was my fault

>>35141929
I know this feel bro. It took me YEARS of living away from home before I felt okay with turning up my music or game sound somewhat loudly. I still don't use the sound on porn videos though, maybe in another 5 years

not letting me transition when I came out at 12

>>35146565
>bad life advice
>"defend yourself, but don't go looking for trouble!"
>"never back down, but don't be a bully!"
haha, thanks mom& dad, it's no wonder I lost the only fight I was ever involved in

>>35147208
>came out at 12
Yeah, no.

>>35141500
> Mom takes me to meet the man she is cheating on my dad with when I am 5
> We eat dinner at his house
> See ketchup and say my dad doesn't really like ketchup
> Get screamed at in the car on the hour drive home for brining up my dad and she says what an embarrassment I am

> Every BBQ we go to growing up if I speak I am told that I am too loud
> Go sit inside and never speak to anyone

> Get hit for playing in the play room at a restaurant in front of everyone because you " come to a restaurant to eat and not play. Even though other kids are playing in the play area

> Hit for not finishing my food.
> parents always force feed me
> fat until age 12
> children make fun of me

As a result, I never leart to make friends, have a low self esteeme and I am afraid to talk in public because I'm scared I'm loud and embarrassing

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>>35141500
One thing I was thinking about lately when coming to terms with and getting to the root of my learned helplessness and avoidance of confrontation was how my parents treated me as a kid. For example:
>be young adolescent
>dad is working outside
>mom tells me to get off my ass and go help him (while sitting on her ass like always)
>go outside and walk up to dad while he's yelling curses and dropping shit and acting like a maniac
>ask him if I can help him, says he doesn't need help
>go back inside, mom screams at me for being lazy and not helping
>tell her that dad said he doesn't want help
>she tells me to force him to let me help
>go back outside...
>tell dad that mom really wants me to help him
>he gets really pissed off and screams at me to go tell mom to leave him alone
>go back inside, mom throws shit at me
>eventually learn to just go hide somewhere for a few hours
>later realize they both just wanted me out of their hair for a while and were trying to dump me off on each other

Common theme in my growing up. I basically I got screamed at and told to bring angry messages between my parents who didn't like each other and clearly neither wanted me to be around them either. Found out later in life that I was a mistake from casual sex and they had a shotgun marriage and resented each other due to that.

They can both go fuck themselves. My parents are why I support abortion.

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>>35147409
>mom tells me to get off my ass and go help him (while sitting on her ass like always)
>ask him if I can help him, says he doesn't need help
>go back inside, mom screams at me for being lazy and not helping
>tell her that dad said he doesn't want help
>she tells me to force him to let me help
>go back outside...
And i thought that that i was only my family bullshit.

>>35147208
But that's good parenting. Shame you still ended up a fuck-up.

>>35141929
>tfw you're noticing yourself taking more and more your dads mannerisms

When I was 14 my parents put a monitoring device on my phone and computer (this was in 2012), and I started becoming increasingly paranoid. To this day I still feel like I'm being watched. In addition to this, my parents put in place extremely harsh punishments for small transgressions, suspected me of doing illegal shit constantly, and would never let me explain my side of the story and just silenced me instead.

>>35147501
One time when I was 16 or 17 my dad comes in and starts yelling at me about a private facebook conversation I had that day. And that's how I found out all my communications were compromised.

They got divorced. That's literally it.

>>35141929
>>35147196
Yep same dudes except it was mostly my mother.
Any video game noise at all would drive my mom up the wall, didn't matter how quiet it was.

For me and my sister, any music we listened to would be relentlessly criticized. Dad would laugh at our music tastes and mom would mock us and tell us it was shitty. Didn't matter what artist or genre, if it wasn't what they were used to they just pissed on us.

As a result my sister sat in her room by herself with headphones when she wanted to listen to music and became antisocial. For me, I just embraced the silence to avoid ridicule. Even now, as an adult living in my own place, I rarely listen to music and everyone thinks I'm weird. I sit in complete silence. Only recently have I begun to try to listen to music again and it's very uncomfortable and I'm afraid someone will hear it and criticize and belittle me for my tastes. Even in my own home with no one around. I'm afraid of my neighbors hearing it through the walls. I'm 25 and just realizing the type of damage they did to me.

>>35147522
I experienced the same thing my man. It sucks when parents don't give their kids privacy.

>>35141964
It is, but for many of us the adversity never ends. I can't remember the last time I was at peace. My mind is a fucking torture chamber.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

come on man just let me post

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My parents would never just say 'we're grounding you'.
My dad got off on being an totalitarian 'heh, u don lige it? den gets de fug outta my houz :DDD' asshole.
He used to call it 'Restriction', and he loved using that word and reminding me whenever possible.
>"Don't forget, I want you home after school, you're on restriction."
>'HEE HEE, OK DADDY DOO, I'LL BE HOME AFTUW SCHOOLS.'
>"..Why are you like this, Anonymous."
>mfw

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>>35147501
My dad put a monitoring device on my computer that blocked out bad words and redirected me when I tried going to porn sites or any website possibly unsafe. It also logged all my activity and keystrokes and sent them to him while he was at work.

I became aware of it when I was 14 and it continued until I was 16 and I forcibly removed it through the registry editor. The next day he threw a huge tantrum and banned me from using the computer. So I had to buy my own laptop. Then my mom busted it and broke my video game CDs because I had 1 late assignment.

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mom, dad, i'm dumb and burnt out please don't send me to study engineering
>shut up you're the new einstein, you're the best in your highschool and you're gonna graduate in time with the best grades
ok but i have social anxiety, you can easily afford to, please let me live alone
>shut up, we'll send you to live with your high school bully and his friend, they'll know how to fix you and your social anciety.


My social anxiety got worse and my academic career was destroyed. My grades were all i had...

>>35147758
I'm sorry bro, my parents were the same way. I got rid of the monitoring software on my phone accidentally and my mom flipped shit and accused me of doing it intentionally. I always felt like they were accomplishing nothing by keeping me under watch except for making me a sneakier person.

how my parents treat and raise their dog is a good insight into how horrible they are as people

all they do is give it water and food. they don't play with it, they don't take it for walks, they don't train it, it just does whatever it wants, shits and pisses all over the house, destroys things, and then they yell at it for doing this even though they never house trained it or did any type of training at all

how they treat the dog is pretty close to how they treated me growing up, nothing but the absolute bare essentials like food and water. they are neglectful pieces of shit who destroy and ruin everything they come in contact with.

The worst thing they've done is turned me into a compulsive liar. I've for the most part fixed it now for everyone else in my life, but it fucked up a lot of friendships.

My dad would constantly move the goalposts as to what was acceptable, and the standards were always on the unacceptable side. Like when I got my first relationship, I'd say I was going to his house, and my dad would say "be back for...5", I mean never mind that I'd usually be away until 8 or something, he just wanted me to know he could restrict me.

So I'd just say I was going to the library, or going to do group work or something just to stay out a few more hours. Before long, I would just make up the names of people that I was going to hang out with, and small backstories that I could refer back to if I needed to be out more.

My little brother's experienced the same thing. He asked to go to the city with 2 friends. My dad said no, that's too few. Then some kid was going to have a party, a day out in the city with 10 or so friends, and still, he wasn't allowed to go. Why? "You'll get into trouble, it would be OK for you to go if there was an adult going too". This is at 16, and the city is a 40 minute train ride away.
I mean, I was going there at 14 after making up some elaborate lie, I wouldn't even try to reason with them, and seeing my brother take the honest route and just being deprived of those experiences breaks my heart.

>>35148213
Well, at least they don't treat the dog better than you.

>mother wants me to grow up
>sister moves and she's held grudge with her ever since
>don't know how I'm supposed to grow up if I don't move out


AHHHHHHH SHE ALWAYS DOES THIS AHHH

>abusive father would hit my mum/ break things important to the family (dvd player, microwave, mirrors)
>left when i was 3
>live with fat piece of shit jobless stoner mum
>constantly shouted at by my mum for things i dont even do
>gets me to do everything for her
>has hit me, thrown plates at me, grabbed me by the neck once
>says "you're just like your dad" when i do something she doesnt like
>told her i'm depressed multiple times and each time she's called me an idiot and to grow up
>i've cried in front of her a few times and she's either hit me or told me to stop being stupid

i dont know how much longer i can do it

>>35148045
if dubs i kill myself, here's a string to make my comment original akgdauysvfdhavsf

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>tfw narcissistic mother

>>35143046
So you are a junkie who never runs out of money? Sounds like a perfect deal to me.

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>mom never really made me pick my shit up as a kid
>my apartment can get to fucking pigsty levels if I dont constantly think about cleaning up

>>35142222
those quads doe

>overbearing parents
>as a child kept me close by
>scolded me for wandering off
>also scolded me for talking out of place
As a result I feel uncomfortable in unfamiliar places, like I shouldn't be there
>>father is extremely stubborn
>very short tempered, especially after drinking
>constantly heard him shouting at my mother from downstairs
>usually about me or her being too quiet
>will have been trying to make conversation and gotten grunts in return
I think this knocked my self esteem quite a bit and I can't help but listen if I hear raised voices
>Have a few hobbies when I was younger
>swimming, guitar, cricket, kickboxing
>swimming stops because he didn't want to pay the new charges at the sports centre
>guitar stops because he constantly put pressure on me and acted like the only reason to do it was to perform in front of huge crowds, killing my motivation
>cricket stops because he fell out with the people running it
>kickboxing stops because I ended up being the only person my age there
All perfectly valid reasons for stopping, yet somehow I'm a lazy fuck for stopping

I know he means well, but he does all this shit, plus being a technophobe, means we just can't see eye to eye, and I constantly feel guilty about my hobbies

>>35143585
Fuck off you inconsiderate twat.

Stop nullifying things that are important to people so that you can shoehorn in some pseudo-profundity that makes you feel smarter than everyone

>dad working in the garden
>go out and ask if I can help
>"If I need help I'll ask"
>next weekend
>dad working in garden
>don't go out, but stay within earshot
>"WHAT THE FUCK ANON YOU LAZY FUCKING SHUT IN?"

>dad works nights
>have to be quiet in the morning
>no problemo, I'll just use headphones
>"WHAT ARE YOU BANGING ABOUT AT?"
>I-I'm not doing anything dad
>"yeah, whatever"
>bad mood for the rest of the day

>later in life
>start working
>want fibre optic broadband
>"No anon, why do you need that? What we've got's fine."
>Why won't this video load?"
>No, fibre optic is too expensive"
>I offer to pay
>"not the point"

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>overstay visa when I was 5
>"just get married lol"

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>>35141500
My parents aren't abusive. They're solid parents, but extremely enabling. My therapist also described them as "stifling"
>Dad is a nazi in the kitchen and doesn't let me eat healthy so I become the fat kid who becomes the fat man
>slightly psychotic brother who destroys things is the favorite
>Both parents are very fake and and condescending and treat everyone like children using the same phrase for everything "wow...that's crazy" but in a plastic voice
>wanted me to learn commit when I was younger by making me do things I didn't like and then convincing me I have commitment issues
>growing up could not watch movies, play games, or listen to music so I became the social retard; meanwhile brother plays COD at 8 and cusses all the time

I could go on. They weren't abusive but I swear my family is made of sociopaths. They also pushed the college meme so now I'm in debt with a degree I don't care for and surprise, surprise they have no advice for me. Hoping some of you had similar experiences. Not abusive but fucking mental under a fake surface.

Oh and here's a weird one. We let a friend stay over and he never left but now they love him and interact with him more than they do me. Meanwhile he probably doubles our utilities and food bills and blows his money on video games. Then there's the fact that my deprrssion made me increasingly withdrawn and I recently learned the rest of the family thinks I have a superiority cimplex and think I'm better than them.

I just wanted to be happy together. I'm sorry I can't even be miserable right.

>>35141964
>It's your parents fault for fucking you up, but it's your fault if you stay fucked up.
That's a great piece of advice right there. Thank you for making it clear for me.

My mom used to say she didn't want any "fat, ugly kids" when I was younger and that's probably why I felt like killing myself, and hated myself, when I gained 30 pounds last year

>>35141964
These lazy cunts don't want to hear that senpai, they want people to echo their problems so they don't feel bad because they are wasting their lives.

Didn't buy me enough video games when I was younger so I took to MMOs. I might've taken to them anyways though, I dunno. Still a fuckup regardless.

Had plans for me to become a wagie. Thank fuck it never really happened.

Not my problem but as far as I remember I wasn't really stopped from bullying my little brother. It makes me sad now but that's about it.

That's all I can think of faulting them for. Besides the fact that their genes might not be up to snuff, or they didn't live somewhere better for me to be born in. I dunno though, whether or not I'm grateful to this existence despite all their fuckups. If I am then they didn't really fuck up now did they, so nothing to be sad about.

>>35150586
>genes
It's literally in genes. If you have good genes, you wont be traumatized by normal things. However if you're sensitive person then even slightest thing might cause personality disorder. For example - me and my brother had a difficult birth and same parents. He's turbonormie while i'm 24 khv neet.

>>35150370
Man I left out so much. It's kind of weird how much I overlook things that happened.

They're probably why I'm so quiet and passive.

I see functional happy families and all I can think is "Is it really that hard to pull off?" I know no family is happy 100% of the time, but fuck just treat your kid like a human and with some respect. Maybe take an interest in the shit they share with you.

>>35142780
Fucking this

Told me "oh you're so smart and gifted", when in reality I was slightly above average. I only appeared to be super smart to them because they're so fucking dumb. I lasted less than a semester in college because I never learned to study and though I could just wing it like I'd always done.

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>Breastfed me until I was 5
>Now I have a mommy/lactation fetish

>>35141500
>Parents divorced.
>Dad literally disappeared.
>About 10 years later, he came back.
>My mother forced me to visit him from time to time.

>>35151315
>Breastfed me until I was 2 months
>Hate women

>>35148213
That's really apt actually.
My dad commands the dog around for fun/the power trip, yells at him and calls him stupid because he doesn't listen (our dog's literally almost entirely deaf), and on more than one occasion yells at him like he were a person who can reply. But then he loves the dog a lot, and pets it, walks it every day etc.
Mum remains distant to the dog in case he'd jump on the couch and dad would yell or something. But she's pleasant to it.

That's exactly, exactly the dynamic we have.

>>35142747
>>parents insisted on living in the middle of nowhere
>>as a result I had no friend's house i could just go to
IKTF. My parents are insisting that I stay at home while I work, even though it would be an hour away and I hate living at home. They say I need money to move out for down payments and when I bring up gorging my savings or taking a loan, they try to discourage me. Muh money lol. I strongly dislike the fact that A. they chose to raise kids in the middle of nowhere and B. they didn't have any money in reserve to help said kids move out when it's time.

>>35148722
If you're underage, child protective services. If you're an adult, move out and completely cut her out of your life.

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>lesbian mom
i never had a chance

My dad killed my dog and made me watch it.

>>35142235
This.
>Mom dates dad for years
>She refuses to leave her shitty, loveless marriage to be with him because she didn't want to move out from 3BR house into his 1 room appt
>He marries someone else and she guilt trips him into getting her pregnant with me
>She's afraid of his wife so mom avoids dad until he gets cancer
>First memory of my dad is him saying goodbye to me because he's dying
>He dies and literally everyone in my family has more memories of him than I, his own child, do
>Cousin who was adopted into family has memories of going on fucking family trips with my dad
>She still calls me spoiled because she had to do chores in a clean house while I had to futilely live with junk in a hoarding house
>Mom goes batshit when he dies
>She stops cleaning, doesn't want to deal with 7 year old me anymore unless she absolutely has to
>Pretty much beated and teased by everyone in my family because of what happened
>Everyone did it knowing I had no dad to defend me and mom didn't care
>Mom literally remembers none of this now
>She says that she had it the worse and I, at 7, should have understood this