Girly farts

File: Girl_fart____by_DidaAC1.jpg (30KB, 400x267px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 400x267px

Sup /r9k/, i have a problem. Usually when i fart, no sound at all comes out, even though the stench is pretty strong. But the problem is not the smell, but the sound. Sometimes it makes a sound, and its not like your typical comedy-movie sound, but a softer soprano-like sound. that is not really a problem, because i don't fart that often and when i fart only a small percentage of that actually makes a sound.
the problem is when i poop. because when you poop your fart sound is always loud enough for people to hear. and i have to poop at work, i do an eight hour shift, so pooping at work is inevitable. but when i poop the fart sounds are girly fart sounds, and it is a large bathroom in a large company, so there is always atleast another person in the bathroom and i worry they are listening to my girly fart sounds.
right now i'm pooping in a coffe-shop with a single person bathroom around the corner, but it's a hassle to buy and drink a coffe just so i can use the bathroom. I thought of getting a 6 hour shift so i can do my pooping at home, but no one on the company has a 6 hour shift, so i would need some excuse. I need help. do you guys have that problem? how can I get manly farts when i poop, or, better yet, no sounds at all when i poop.
thanks